Slightly Abusive Coach?

[LiveLoveTumble]

I have been having some problems with my coach. It is a bit hard to explain, because it is hard to judge unless you are actually there. I will try my best to describe it though.

My coach is sometimes really nice. When she is in a good mood, she is very helpful, caring, and supportive. However, when she is in a bad mood, well, you don't want to be around her. She gets frustrated with us pretty easily. She will yell a lot and make fun of us, and be very sarcastic. I know this much doesn't sound too bad. Sometimes though, she will throw things at us. It sounds worse than it really is, though. It is usually just soft bouncy balls, and you can tell she is just joking and playing around. No one has gotten hurt; however, once I almost did, as she did it while I was doing a flip and it hit me in mid-air. I know she didn't mean to, though. One time, she got impatient with a girl who hadn't been paying attention to the instructions and threw a shoe at her. She dodged it and didn't get hit.
Another time, she had a french fry in her hand. (no, not the food) It is a skinny, really squishy mat about the width of a beam and about 1 and 1/2 feet long. We were doing a drill where she would stand on a really tall block next to a mat. We would punch off a springboard, smack the french fry, and land on the mat. It was to teach us to set really high for front tucks. We did that a few times, and then she started doing something else. When we would jump, instead of holding up the french fry for us to hit, she would hit us in the back with it. I don't know if this even counts though, because it was a really really soft hit (almost a tap) and it didn't hurt at all. It was really obvious she was just joking around, and nobody got hurt at all. Who knows, maybe it was just to make us jump farther.

I really don't know if this stuff is normal for a coach, or if this is unacceptable behavior. I know she is just joking around with all this, but maybe she doesn't know it's wrong... Please give me your opinions on this.

 

[GymGran]

NO NO NO NO! IT IS DEFINITELY NOT NORMAL ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR
GET OUT BEFORE YOU OR SOMEONE ELSE CONVINCES YOU IT IS.
PROTECT YOURSELF
NEVER! NEVER! ALLOW ANOTHER TO BE PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE.

You asked for my opinion, so there it is.

 

[elite123456]

yeah tell your head coach because if people dont dodge they will get hit and maybe hurt

 

[Kiwi]

For what its worth, here is my opinion:

Making fun of people - wrong.
Sarcasm - wrong.
Throwing things at people - wrong.

I am very against things such as balls being thrown in the gym. The reason being, when our brain perceives fast-moving objects it triggers certain reflexes (such as dodging, ducking, throwing up arms for protection, etc.) which is distracting, and I believe is extremely dangerous in a gymnastics situation when you are trying to focus on the precise movements of a gymnastics skill.

 

[marie83]

Not acceptable at all. Is she a young coach? Sounds like something one of our less mature teenagers might do and it needs to be nipped in the bud!
She might feel like she is trying to make the session 'fun' (the french fry situation) but really there is no point to it!

As coaches we are responsible for your health and safety whilst in the gym. We are supposed to treat you gymnasts how we would treat our own children (even if we don't have any of our own, its not too difficult to work out what that entails!)

Definitely raise your issues with HC and your parents!

 

[JessLW]

If you're uncomfortable with what she's doing, then it isn't ok, bottom line. You need to trust your coach, not be worried about her pelting you with random objects! I would talk to your parents and the head coach (or the gym owner, if this is the head coach -- I'd hope not though), hopefully they'll get her under control or find a new coach.

 

[gymgurl]

Okay, My coach is similar in that when she is grumpy she is sarcastic, yells and will tell you everything bluntly but it stops there. Throwing things at anyone is not okay (except for maybe in dodgeball), especially in the gym where the smallest things can be a distraction.

 

[my4buffaloes]

What she is dong could very easily lead to someone getting hurt and is completely unacceptable. Obviously you aren't comfortable with it or you wouldn't be posing about it and questioning it. Time to have a talk with your parents and ultimately the coach and gym owners. If nothing changes then it is time to leave.

 

[bogwoppit]

Tell your parents.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

yikes!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[gym law mom]

childish behavior--you need to tell someone.

 

[LiveLoveTumble]

Not acceptable at all. Is she a young coach? Sounds like something one of our less mature teenagers might do and it needs to be nipped in the bud!
She might feel like she is trying to make the session 'fun' (the french fry situation) but really there is no point to it!

As coaches we are responsible for your health and safety whilst in the gym. We are supposed to treat you gymnasts how we would treat our own children (even if we don't have any of our own, its not too difficult to work out what that entails!)

Definitely raise your issues with HC and your parents!

No, she is one of the older and more experienced coaches there. She is in her mid-thirties. I would feel slightly uncomfortable talking to the manager, just because I really don't know her and she can be really strict. Also, she is usually not there/available while I am at the gym, but I will see if I can manage to get an email or number. Thanks for all the advice and support!

 

[marie83]

No, she is one of the older and more experienced coaches there. She is in her mid-thirties. I would feel slightly uncomfortable talking to the manager, just because I really don't know her and she can be really strict. Also, she is usually not there/available while I am at the gym, but I will see if I can manage to get an email or number. Thanks for all the advice and support!

I'd definitely speak to your parents, and ask them to speak to the manager! She needs to know what this coach is doing as she may not be aware if she isn't always there or available.

 

[coachmolly]

If it bothers you, it's cause for concern. Talk it over with your parents and work with them to set up a time to meet with the gym owner or head coach. Even if it is "all in good fun", it stops being fun when it makes someone uncomfortable or afraid. Being hit with a flying object while tumbling is a scary thought and I'm glad you made it out of that situation okay.
There is a time and a place to be silly and joke around in the gym, but I'm not exactly sure that is what this particular coach is going for.

 

[Wanona]

I am so sorry this is happing to you and your teammates. It is not your fault. You are very brave for bringing this topic up. I strongly recommend that you talk with your parents about this so that they can help you. The problem needs to be addressed and stopped.

Some tips for addressing the problem may include the following:

1) Together with your parents, write down specific concerns you have regarding your coach. Try and cite specific instances, including dates and situations in question.

2) Your parents may want to talk with other parents to see if they share the same concerns. Your parents can keep this in mind when talking with the coach.

3) A meeting should be arranged with the coach and/or the coach’s supervisor. Your parents should tell the coach that the way he or she is treating the gymnasts is unacceptable.

As a side note: I read an article in Sports Psychology about coaching abuse being a dirty, not-so-little secret in sports. The article talked about how young athletes will experience many negative emotions when playing sports that have nothing to do with a coach being abusing. However, what has been described here clearly falls into the realm of abuse and can be extremely damaging to young athletes’ physical and psychological wellbeing. Abusive coaching can also negatively shape a child’s future performance and can haunt him or her into adulthood. The article ends with a shout-out to reasonable adults (i.e., parents, other coaches, etc.) to step up and put an end to abusive coaching. This young athlete is very brave for spotlighting this problem.

 

[LiveLoveTumble]

Okay, here is my issue. First of all, I don't even know how to tell my parents (they don't know yet). I am afraid they will think it is silly and that I need to be less sensitive because she is just joking (I know, it probably sounds bad that I am afraid to even tell my parents). Then, I don't know to get a hold of the manager. I don't know where I could get an email or number, and she is almost never there or available. I am also afraid that my coach will find out that it was me who told and she will get mad at me. What do you guys think I should do? And, are these fears natural? Or do I just have to suck it up and tell?

 

[Wanona]

Sometimes parents can be pretty hard for their kids to talk with. I think this is because kids fear that their parents won’t be supportive, or maybe get angry with them if they tell something that is personal. Parents sometimes are afraid that they will overstep their bounds with respect to their child’s growing independence and in this case the athlete/coach relationship. However, 99.9 % of parents really really love their kids and prefer open communication and want their kids to come and talk with them about issues that are bothering them, including their relationship with the coach.

Here are some possible tips you might try:

1) Create an outline in your head of what you want to tell your parents. You might consider sharing with them your original post. I thought you did a wonderful job talking about what’s going on and how it makes you feel.

2) Choose a good time and place to talk about this issue. You know your parents best. If you think your parents might get angry and make a scene, ask them to go out for a soda or ice cream. A public setting may keep emotions in check.

3) Pick a parent that you feel most comfortable discussing this issue with. It may be telling both parents at the same time is best. Use your best judgment.

4) Now that you have their attention, talk to them. Unload what’s going on with your parents. Share your concerns, including being afraid the coach will find out. Be prepared that they may not respond in the way you wish they would…but then again, they just might!

Good luck!

 

[marie83]

Wanona gave you some good tips above, and I am still of the opinion that your first port of call should be to your parents, however, If you really want to remain anonymous... Does your club have a website? Do you know how new people get to join? Do you get letters home very often? There should be something on a website or letter informing people of the club's telephone number, address, email address etc.
Perhaps you could write a letter, similar to your first post, stating exactly how you feel and post it to the gym club? You don't need to mention names at all, you don't need to even write it from your perspective - you could just say you have noticed it happening and have concerns, and even if this coach is joking, you are feeling nervous about what could potentially happen.
Bottom line is, someone needs to know!

 

[mommyof1]

Okay, here is my issue. First of all, I don't even know how to tell my parents (they don't know yet). I am afraid they will think it is silly and that I need to be less sensitive because she is just joking (I know, it probably sounds bad that I am afraid to even tell my parents). Then, I don't know to get a hold of the manager. I don't know where I could get an email or number, and she is almost never there or available. I am also afraid that my coach will find out that it was me who told and she will get mad at me. What do you guys think I should do? And, are these fears natural? Or do I just have to suck it up and tell?

An important part of growing up is learning to stand up for yourself and for what you believe is right. If you were my teenaged daughter, I would want you to tell me what is going on, and I would be very disappointed if you didn't tell me and I found out about the situation on my own. I would also ask you to propose a solution you felt comfortable with, which might be talking with the coach yourself or having a parent do it for you. Depending on the situation and personalities involved, I might ask you to let me talk with the coach myself to allow myself to gain more firsthand knowledge of the situation, or to insulate you from reprisal.

And it is totally not okay for your coach to be throwing things at you. Years ago, I had a professor who used to throw chalk and erasers at us when we gave the wrong answer. Everyone in the class thought he was a loose cannon and a weirdo. He did not last long at that institution.

 

[LiveLoveTumble]

Okay, I went on our gym's website and found the main phone number for the gym. I guess after I tell my parents I can ask my mom to call and ask for the manager, and if she is not there ask to have her call us back so I can talk to her. I would rather not talk to the coach, as she will most likely not remember doing this stuff/deny it/say I am exaggerating and it is not really that bad. Now I just need to wait until my mom is in a good mood for me to tell her. She has been kind of stressed/grumpy lately...