Slightly Abusive Coach?

[my4buffaloes]

I would tell your parents that you really need to talk to them about something important and schedule a time. This way they will take you seriously and realize that it is a big deal for you. Then tell them that you don't like some of your coaches behavior and are worried that you will get hurt and why. Give specific examples of what happened and why it endangers you when the coach does things like this. Brainstorm with them some things you could do to address the problem. I am sure your parents will take you seriously and address your concerns. Good luck, stay strong and stand up for yourself.

 

[Kiwi]

I am wondering whether you would feel okay about showing this thread to your parents? It would show them your concerns without you having to explain all over again, plus they will see from the replies that other parents and coaches are taking the issue seriously, so it isn't just you being silly and overreacting.

 

[CreateMagic]

One more angle--have you ever told the coach to stop? Just a simple, "please don't do that, it doesn't motivate me, it upsets me." I'm not defending your coach, not at all, but she may think she's joking around and that you agree with it. I'm NOT saying its right. But by saying something when it happens, you may be able to bring to her attention that you don't find it acceptable. It may be enough. I would say something to your parents too, but it is also good to learn to speak up for yourself.

 

[LiveLoveTumble]

I know this is going to sound like I am just trying to think of reasons to put off telling, but I have another concern. I was going over kind of a timeline in my head of when this has been happening, and realized that I don't recall her throwing things lately. (This doesn't mean she hasn't, as I don't have the best memory.) I don't know if maybe she has stopped, and I don't want to get her in trouble if she has stopped doing it. Then again, maybe she has, and I just don't remember or I wasn't there. If you think I should still tell, it won't be possible to mention specific dates, because I have not been keeping track, and I have absolutely no clue even an approximate date. She still makes fun of us though, but I don't know if this counts as "abuse."

Gosh, this is terrible. I am up at night now thinking about what I should do and trying to think about how to tell my mom (it is just hard to start that kind of conversation). I guess it's my fault for not telling sooner.

 

[LiveLoveTumble]

Another question:
I go to practice on Fridays. I am skipping this week because of a school event, but I am going next week. I am wondering if maybe I should wait to tell until after next practice and see how it goes? Or should I go ahead and tell now?

Please don't judge and think I am trying everything possible to put off telling. And sorry if I'm annoying you with all these questions. It is just that I am OCD-ish and I have to work out every single little concern I have before going through with something like this.

 

[Kiwi]

Please don't think we are judging you! You sound very worried and I understand how issues like this can eat away at you. It is difficult to know what you mean by the coach 'making fun of you'. It may be that she thinks she is just joking, and doesn't realise it is making you feel uncomfortable. Have you talked to your teammates to see if any of them feel uncomfortable with her behaviour as well? If there are specific incidents in future, it would be good to write them down with the date, but not having that already should not prevent you from talking to your parents about your concerns. I'm sure your mum would rather you talked to her than bottled up all your worries.

 

[LiveLoveTumble]

It is difficult to know what you mean by the coach 'making fun of you'.

Well, there are a few different things she does. If you don't make a skill, or if you do something wrong, she makes sure everyone knows. Like, one time I was working on my kip (which I still haven't made ), and everyone was watching. She made me try it without a spot, and of course I didn't make it. Instead of telling me to try again or giving me a spot, she goes, "Come on! Why can't you make it? I've given you all the corrections!" And everyone was just staring at me, and it was so embarrassing!

There was another time where we were on bars, and we were doing stations. She was spotting one bar, while another coach was doing another bar. At the other coach's bar, we had the option of working on cut-backs or baskets. I hate doing baskets because they hurt, so I asked if I could work on my cut-back once before I did baskets, since I hadn't made my cut-back in a while. The coach said yes, so I did one. Right then, my coach looked over and started yelling at me. She said, "What??? You already know how to do those! You should be doing baskets! Geez, you're so lazy!"

Finally, there are a lot of little kids at our gym, and the coaches make an obstacle course for them out of mats and stuff. Since we are the last class of the day, we always end up cleaning it up. One time, there were a bunch of different mats that they used, and we didn't know where they went. We kept on going up and asking where to put them, or putting them in the wrong place (on accident). My coach kept saying, "Come on! I thought you girls were smart! This isn't rocket science!" Then, when another coach walked by, she said (while we were all standing right there), "Gosh, these girls can't do anything right!"
I know everyone else heard that, but I don't know if they remember.

 

[emorymom]

Not every authority figure you might benefit from having is going to be diplomatic. Some people who have things to teach us can be, at times, jerks. I think young people with no ability to tolerate ... These moments that many people have are at a disadvantage. I am not suggesting the op not seek any change. I do think in many desirable careers, one is required to take authority corrections without diplomacy.

Sent from my SCH-I400 using Tapatalk

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I know this is going to sound like I am just trying to think of reasons to put off telling, but I have another concern. I was going over kind of a timeline in my head of when this has been happening, and realized that I don't recall her throwing things lately. (This doesn't mean she hasn't, as I don't have the best memory.) I don't know if maybe she has stopped, and I don't want to get her in trouble if she has stopped doing it. Then again, maybe she has, and I just don't remember or I wasn't there. If you think I should still tell, it won't be possible to mention specific dates, because I have not been keeping track, and I have absolutely no clue even an approximate date. She still makes fun of us though, but I don't know if this counts as "abuse."

Gosh, this is terrible. I am up at night now thinking about what I should do and trying to think about how to tell my mom (it is just hard to start that kind of conversation). I guess it's my fault for not telling sooner.

i have to ask...how old are you?

 

[LiveLoveTumble]

i have to ask...how old are you?

Um, I just turned 13. Why?

 

[iwannacoach]

You're getting to the age, maybe not yet, where your skills as an adult are starting to emerge. Your original post is a good example of the pre-teen years evolving you from just doing "whatever", to working toward remedies of pretty complicated (for you) problems. It may seem that we adults have all the answers, maybe...maybe not. What we have is experience that we've collected over our lifetimes. With out those experiences, we'd be the OP asking you for advice because you may know as much about life's situations as we do.


So this is a part of growing up, coming to the point where you have a problem, and can't see your parents as your "helpers" in working out a solution. Your posts are sounding a little like you don't want to rock their boat by asking them to help, but guess what?, they've been helping for years, and will help for many years to come. They sent you to gym class, and in the past they would have stood off to the side and watched the class to know you were safe. They have passed the responsibilty of knowing you're safe to you, and I hope you feel honored by that. I don't think their trust in you extends to the point that they expect you to do more than just alert them to problems like these at the gym, and I'm sure they'll understand you need their help when you ask for it.

So do just a little bit of what your age group is famous for, grow up!.... and show you're smarter than the adults around you by including them as solutions to the problems you need help with.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Um, I just turned 13. Why?

iwannacoach answered perfectly.

 

[iwannacoach]

iwannacoach answered perfectly.

Thanks dunno. I have some pretty stong opinions about the kids we work with in the sport, and it's nice to have another "older" coach around to appreciate the point of view.