Parents So disappointing...

[MILgymFAM]

Sometimes stuff flies under the radar too. My daughter’s gym is very diverse, probably the most diverse of all the many she’s been with, and she always loved that. She made a post about how gymnastics has to work to become more diverse and anti-racist, and cited the few examples that aren’t ok that she’s encountered over the years, and was surprised at the outpouring she received from fellow coaches and teammates about their experiences. It’s been an ongoing dialogue that is almost sort of therapy-ish. They’re getting together (with some parents as well) to present a letter to the gym’s board to explain how they can do better if they want to become a truly diverse place.

 

[NutterButter]

I asked my daughter today (7th grade) if she had ever heard any racist terms or seen any racism in school, gym, or anywhere else. She said no. My experience is the same as hers, I don't see or hear it. I know it exists, but we are blessed that in the area we live, it is not blatant.

The subtle digs or microaggressions can be difficult to spot if you aren’t attuned to looking for them. Microaggressions have been the hardest for me to ‘get’, despite personally hearing them during my life for being culturally Jewish and a woman. Assuming I even recognized the comment as a dig (sometimes I did not), I would have just shrugged it off as the person being well-meaning but ‘ignorant’ when really they were anti-Semitic or misogynistic. In terms of racism, I have many times asked someone “where they are from” thinking I was being friendly and interested not realizing that really I was just pointing out their ‘otherness’ in a time or place where it was not appropriate to do so. My asking the question was just further perpetuating white supremacy. I have also many times in my life said the words “I don’t see color” as a way to demonstrate my lack of racism. Sure, I meant it in a way to show my open-mindedness but in reality the comment marginalized and perpetuated white privilege. I currently live in a very open-minded and accepting community and in my daily life I am surrounded by like-minded people but I also live in one of the most racially segregated cities in the country. Last week entire city blocks were looted and set on fire close to my house.

Writing all of this of this does not make me proud and I cringe a bit putting all this out there on a public forum but I’m doing so to show how prevalent and ingrained white privilege is in my life. Even if you or your DD don’t hear the more overtly racist words, it’s there.

 

[RTT2]

The subtle digs or microaggressions can be difficult to spot if you aren’t attuned to looking for them. Microaggressions have been the hardest for me to ‘get’, despite personally hearing them during my life for being culturally Jewish and a woman. Assuming I even recognized the comment as a dig (sometimes I did not), I would have just shrugged it off as the person being well-meaning but ‘ignorant’ when really they were anti-Semitic or misogynistic. In terms of racism, I have many times asked someone “where they are from” thinking I was being friendly and interested not realizing that really I was just pointing out their ‘otherness’ in a time or place where it was not appropriate to do so. My asking the question was just further perpetuating white supremacy. I have also many times in my life said the words “I don’t see color” as a way to demonstrate my lack of racism. Sure, I meant it in a way to show my open-mindedness but in reality the comment marginalized and perpetuated white privilege. I currently live in a very open-minded and accepting community and in my daily life I am surrounded by like-minded people but I also live in one of the most racially segregated cities in the country. Last week entire city blocks were looted and set on fire close to my house.

Writing all of this of this does not make me proud and I cringe a bit putting all this out there on a public forum but I’m doing so to show how prevalent and ingrained white privilege is in my life. Even if you or your DD don’t hear the more overtly racist words, it’s there.

I think if everyone had this same capacity for self-examination and the willingness to change then the world would be a better place.

 

[aerials]

The racial crap started in our world in around 5th grade. The school bus is one of Dante’s rings of he&&

Yep it started with my daughter on the bus in Kindergarten. She is a minority and I am not. I have talked with her about race since she was a baby but I'll never really know what it's like. We have tried to give her many ways to connect to her ethnicity throughout the years.

I asked my daughter today (7th grade) if she had ever heard any racist terms or seen any racism in school, gym, or anywhere else. She said no. My experience is the same as hers, I don't see or hear it. I know it exists, but we are blessed that in the area we live, it is not blatant.

I would say that some of my daughters closest friends don't even know it happens to her. She doesn't like to talk about it outside of POC.

 

[RNH]

I don't know where to put this so i'll start here.... I am reading the accounts of racism on NCAA teams by teammates and coaches and , maybe I'm naive, but I am shocked , that in 2020, people actually talk and behave like this....from Kennedy Baker and Kytra Hunter on Florida to Ashley Lambert on Nebraska and Tia Kiaku on Alabama recounting how their teammates and some coaches"called them the N word repeatedly" , "back of the bus "comments by more than one coach ; SEMO assistant coach Chris Licamelli's account of his 3 years with that team and numerous accounts of blatant racism that he tried to lobby against only to be told "don't be so sensitive, it must be because you're a Yankee", and the teammates reverted to using the N word again because "(head) Coach says it" .... stunned doesn't begin to cover how I felt reading that...

I'm 60 years old and I can tell you that I've never uttered the N word nor have I have thought to or thought it was ever appropriate in all my years alive so how are gymnasts and coaches who are way younger than me thinking this is ok? I am so sad for these gymnasts who have had to put up with this type of treatment for their time on their college team (and in life , but you'd think NCAA coaches would know better) . I knew NCAA coaches can make it awful and horrible for many reasons but I didn't think hurling racial slurs on a regular basis was one of them ....

If gymnasts of the calibre of Baker and Hunter have been treated like this , I'm sure it happened to many others that just aren't speaking out...and I get that people can have different experiences at the same school but I'm sorry, excusing systemic racism should never be even entertained ....

Thank you for raising the issue! Agreed. No place for it!

 

[M2Abi]

Yep it started with my daughter on the bus in Kindergarten. She is a minority and I am not. I have talked with her about race since she was a baby but I'll never really know what it's like. We have tried to give her many ways to connect to her ethnicity throughout the years.



I would say that some of my daughters closest friends don't even know it happens to her. She doesn't like to talk about it outside of POC.

My daughter is not white either.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

My oldest daughter just started experiencing racism once she got into gymnastics. Girls told her “did you know you got your muscles because the slave masters got the two biggest slaves together to make a super slave. So their probably your great great great great gandparents” also telling her she couldn’t be Elsa for Halloween because she’s black so pick a black thing to be. Always trying to touching her hair, or asking what her parents do for a living to afford stuff. I always wished we worked our asses off to not have our kids go through the same things we went through. But it seems like history always repeats itself

But Thank you to everyone for seeing certain things that we go through and trying to do better or change. I Really Appreciate it

 

[Ty’s Dad]

You all have to understand what a lot of us go through on a daily basis, that’s like on the last post where a lot of you guys was saying I was sexist I was on protective mode. A coach is bullying my Kid and now wife, naw I’m going up there

 

[RTT2]

My oldest daughter just started experiencing racism once she got into gymnastics. Girls told her “did you know you got your muscles because the slave masters got the two biggest slaves together to make a super slave. So their probably your great great great great gandparents” also telling her she couldn’t be Elsa for Halloween because she’s black so pick a black thing to be. Always trying to touching her hair, or asking what her parents do for a living to afford stuff. I always wished we worked our asses off to not have our kids go through the same things we went through. But it seems like history always repeats itself

But Thank you to everyone for seeing certain things that we go through and trying to do better or change. I Really Appreciate it

I am so very sorry to hear she’s been put through this.

 

[duyetanh]

My oldest daughter just started experiencing racism once she got into gymnastics. Girls told her “did you know you got your muscles because the slave masters got the two biggest slaves together to make a super slave. So their probably your great great great great gandparents” also telling her she couldn’t be Elsa for Halloween because she’s black so pick a black thing to be. Always trying to touching her hair, or asking what her parents do for a living to afford stuff. I always wished we worked our asses off to not have our kids go through the same things we went through. But it seems like history always repeats itself

But Thank you to everyone for seeing certain things that we go through and trying to do better or change. I Really Appreciate it

Ooh mine got nice comments like this also. She went to the school I worked at, and the teacher did nothing, so I gave the principal and teacher a head’s up that my kid had had enough and was going to defend herself. She did. Had to do it twice before he left her alone. Yes. He. And when the complaint from the other parent came? The parents were given a nice fat file of every incident that had ever happened. When they asked in the meeting that I attended with the other teacher and principal why they hadn’t been notified, I said that was not my job, because I wasn’t their son’s teacher. Did I lose a teacher friend, so to speak? Yes. Did I care? No.

 

[bookworm]

1. Girls told her “did you know you got your muscles because the slave masters got the two biggest slaves together to make a super slave. So their probably your great great great great gandparents”
2. also telling her she couldn’t be Elsa for Halloween because she’s black so pick a black thing to be.
3. Always trying to touching her hair
4. asking what her parents do for a living to afford stuff.

Again, call me flabbergasted but I'm reading this post and thinking, this is 2020 and people, even young kids, still talk like this?
1. "Slave masters", I can't even imagine how one has a discussion with a. Kids who talk like this and b. their parents who must have fed them that drivel. Did your head coach speak to these racist teammates and families? And were they allowed to remain at your gym?

2. And now we have the Halloween police ? So if you don't look like the character you can't pretend to be him/her? That's the point of Halloween, dressing up ...a lot of little gymnasts in our area put on their Simone leos and pretended to be her and they don't look like her ...

3. No, just no....personal space , leave her alone...have we learned nothing from the Nassar debacle about respecting gymnasts' bodies?

4. Well this one takes balls ....because God forbid anyone else be able to afford this sport. I've seen folks start Go Fund Mes to support their kids gymnastics, heard parents solicit support from grandparents/family and no one asks them what they did. Talk about tacky

Ty's Dad ..I'm sorry you have to put up with this on a regular basis it seems ...I just can't imagine people in this day and age behaving/talking like this but my eyes are WIDE open to that fact. It's actually quite sad .

 

[Ty’s Dad]

@bookworm yes we had a huge argument with the parents coaches and the gym manager. The mother went on to say how we’re taking it wrong, and her kid was trying to start a convo and be my daughters friend, and how she has a Mexican husband so her family can’t be racist. Yes they’re still at that that gym but we was removed from that gym when the season was over. Because of the argument with the parents and wife found out the gym was doing some messed up stuff.

 

[bookworm]

Ty's Dad, good for you for leaving that toxic environment and hopefully you're in a better place. I don't know what area of the country you're in but if you need a gym in the future, our last gym was run by the most kind and caring coaches around and the girls do well to boot!

 

[Ty’s Dad]

I’m in California

 

[mommyof1]

how she has a Mexican husband so her family can’t be racist.

Now that is a winning argument. Reminds me of the time the biggest sexist in my office told me he couldn’t possibly be a sexist because his wife was a sociologist. I don’t know how people say this stuff with a straight face.

 

[Sk8ermaiden]

My friend just realized how full of racists club baseball here is. And then a local club owner did this www.facebook.com/tduroncelay/posts/10206960980059372
and the team parents jumped in to defend him because "he can't be racist, he's hispanic." I mean, anyone who has lived in this city knows that that's not true, and it's even been studied that the hispanic population is on the whole as prejudiced toward African Americans as white people are, but you can't let facts get in the way of excusing racism, so...

 

[LJL07]

Again, call me flabbergasted but I'm reading this post and thinking, this is 2020 and people, even young kids, still talk like this?

1. "Slave masters", I can't even imagine how one has a discussion with a. Kids who talk like this and b. their parents who must have fed them that drivel. Did your head coach speak to these racist teammates and families? And were they allowed to remain at your gym?

2. And now we have the Halloween police ? So if you don't look like the character you can't pretend to be him/her? That's the point of Halloween, dressing up ...a lot of little gymnasts in our area put on their Simone leos and pretended to be her and they don't look like her ...

Ty's Dad ..I'm sorry you have to put up with this on a regular basis it seems ...I just can't imagine people in this day and age behaving/talking like this but my eyes are WIDE open to that fact. It's actually quite sad .

Making my way through all of these posts, I am also extremely stunned that children/adults/ANYONE talks like this in 2020. And I know Ty’s Dad is in California, so I guess this is even more mind blowing to me. The vault coach with the “back of the bus” comment is just outrageous. We are by no means perfect in this household, but I sure have been naive thinking things are so much more progressive now than they were in 1992. The default where we live seems to be to avoid the subject of race, which really isn’t a solution either. I think this is why my and my kids’ awareness has been so limited.

 

[cmg]

We need to hear all these stories as difficult as they may be. So thank you Ty's Dad for spreading the truth. There are a lot of things everyone can do to educate themselves. If you have NetFlix I highly recommend watching the Documentary called "13th" by Ava DuVernay. There are also many other movies, documentaries, and programs to educate yourselves as to what has been going on for centuries.

 

[Flicfliclay]

You all have to understand what a lot of us go through on a daily basis, that’s like on the last post where a lot of you guys was saying I was sexist I was on protective mode. A coach is bullying my Kid and now wife, naw I’m going up there

What the heck? Bullying your kid? get the heck outta there! Sorry you are having to deal with this. That can't be fun. I guess I didn't see the thread where you were called a sexist? You should start a thread about this story as i am interested to see how it plays out. Its so important that parents see and learn from stories like yours. Bullying by a coach isn't okay!

 

[Ty’s Dad]

What the heck? Bullying your kid? get the heck outta there! Sorry you are having to deal with this. That can't be fun. I guess I didn't see the thread where you were called a sexist? You should start a thread about this story as i am interested to see how it plays out. Its so important that parents see and learn from stories like yours. Bullying by a coach isn't okay!

noooo my kid wasn’t bullied. The post where I was called sexist that kid was being bullied, and the coach didn’t seem to care what the mom had to say