Parents Talk to Coach?

[txgymfan]

I think at 9 and with a good existing relationship, this might be a great time to teach your daughter to advocate for herself. When she sees her coach tomorrow, maybe right before practice, she can say something like "I was really hoping you would be excited that I had gotten X skill. I was really proud to be able to show you yesterday." That way you aren't the CGM but your daughter gives the coach a second chance. I'm guessing that after some sleep, real food and re-centering, the coach will react differently if his/her response was truly out of character.

That is a great response. It's important that OP's daughter can say them with the right tone of voice.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Yes you should say something to the coach, like "thank you so much for helping my daughter get her skill, thank you, thank you, thank you". Get it?

 

[Deleted member 18037]

So I don't think it's silly to offer a token if it's a really big skill.

It's the coaches job to teach skills, big or small, as in they get paid to do that.

I think the Christmas and end of season gift is enough extra.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Makes me thankful our gym is low key. No videos on social media for skills.

They do video for corrections.

Skills they have a checklist in the gym they get to sign off on. And at the end of practice they do a present and get a round of applause (from coaches on that day and other gymmies) for any new skill done during practice. After that it's over and done.

 

[T-bean]

Yes you should say something to the coach, like "thank you so much for helping my daughter get her skill, thank you, thank you, thank you". Get it?

I think appreciation on both sides in needed. Maybe the daughter can thank the coach for helping her get the skill next time they're working on it, and perhaps then the coach will return the praise.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I tend to think with interactions between a grown up and child. Its the grown up who should be one. The child is just a child. JMO

 

[ProudDad]

Do I wish that everyone loved my kids as much as me, sure... Do I get all their teachers and coaches Christmas and end of year gifts, yep. Do we all hate to see or children hurting from the actions or in actions of others - like nothing else.

First, let me say how sorry I am that your daughter had her spirits crushed by this experience. From your posts it doesn't sound intentional. I would probably have DD politely mention how it made her feel, but only because I wouldn't want the coach/athlete relationship to sour and the coach to have no reason why. It sounds like he is usually a very good coach and has a good relationship with your daughter and there were extenuating circumstances that made this interaction possible.

Your post mentioned that when kids get a new skill the gym celebrates it. As much as a coach may want to celebrate every child's accomplishments, it's still not their kid. Maybe coach figured the celebration already happened the day dd got the skill and he had just spent the most exhausting weekend of the season beaming with pride for a couple dozen other kids, so his response was unintentionally underwhelming. I know there are times where my excitement doesn't match one of my kid's expectations, because of any number of factors and they sulk for a day or so, they realize how much I love them, and we all move on.

 

[gymisforeveryone]

I wonder if maybe the skill wasn't to the regular coach's expectations or the coach felt she wasn't ready to throw it by herself or something and therefore it was awkward because the regular coach knew DD would still be working on the progressions and didn't know what to say. I myself would say honesty is the best policy so upon being shown would have been excited but just honestly pointed out the issue and said we won't be doing that anymore for xyz reason but now we know once you're ready it will be great! But it's possible that in an awkward moment being surprised maybe the coach just didn't know what to say. If the coach hasn't had her work on this again fully then I would say this is a good possibility. Just because this situation can happen with substitute coaches. I would imagine that there was a reason maybe the regular coach hasn't let her attempt it by herself yet.

This is a good guess! This might be the case. This has happened to me and it sucks. Different coaches have different philosophies and some skills even have alternative techniques to use and things like this can happen when two or more coaches coach same kids separately. Some coaches are more like "chuck the skill first and perfect it later" and some think that techniques need to be learned perfectly from the very first progression. A little while ago I posted here when one of my gymnasts was at a camp and her mom posted me a video of her DD doing a RO BHS on the floor at the camp. They were both so happy and so proud and I cringed when I saw her doing it with bent arms and hands turned outward - accident waiting to happen. The worst thing was that she was allowed to do the skill unspotted at the camp even if we had JUST started working back handsprings at our regular practices and the emphasis was on perfect technique. She was only allowed to do a BHS on soft mats and to the push up position. I have to say that I bit my tongue and sent her mother a message that I was happy she was having fun and learning new skills but I reminded her that she needs to listen the coaches at the camp carefully and make sure she follows their corrections about turned out hands. I wasn't even sure if they were actually correcting her but I hoped so very much! When she came back to practice she wanted to show her skill to everyone... I congratulated her for her new skill but reminded her that at our practices she had to meet our criteria at every progression to move from one drill to another. She wasn't too happy and I noticed that she was a little upset about my reaction at first but in the end it wasn't that big deal.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Thanks all. DD is fine. The skill is still with her and looks great. She was very close to having it when coach left. She and the coach were happy interacting with each other at practice today, so the relationship seems fine. There is no way she in a million years she would tell this coach her feelings were hurt. She didn't even let her hurt show until she got in the car. In her mind, the coaches are the boss, and if coach is unimpressed then that is the way it is. The coach is thanked by us when I talk to her and we thanked with a nice Christmas gift, but I honestly have very little interaction with the coach. Do I think she intentionally hurt DD's feelings? No. Will DD get over it? Yes. But it sure did hurt at the time.

 

[Ali'sMom]

I think the mentions of token or "thank you thank you thank you" might have been more to impress upon the coach just how important this skills was in the house/family.... enough so that maybe the coach may say "a little more" to the gymmie...

 

[T-bean]

I tend to think with interactions between a grown up and child. Its the grown up who should be one. The child is just a child. JMO

Yes, I agree. But, I don't feel there is a minimum age for showing appreciation. My children have always been encouraged to say thank you to everyone. Including those who do things as part of their job.