Parents Teaching your gymnast to control nerves/anxiety

[Fliptwisttumble]

Has anyone ever asked their child if they'd prefer them not to come and watch?

We've had that discussion - yes. She is okay with us going, but doesn't want an entourage. At her big meet last year, there was just that. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, even a couple of teachers from her school. And they all called down to her and waved before she started. I could see the look on her face change. WORST thing ever. She did okay, but not great, and totally attributed it to the spectators. Never again. They can watch it on video.

 

[B&M's mom]

Yes, my daughter is heading to a qualifier today. I will arrive on Friday after its over to pick her up. She doesn't want me there even if she doesn't know where I am because I'm a distraction. Since this is her thing, I'm fine with that. Anything I can do to reduce her stress level is good!

 

[gracyomalley]

DD actually told me not to come into the gym some this summer/fall and at her first meet this season was fine with me watching her compete - but NOT warm up beam....despite always trying to be supportive of all her decisions, I am the parent who wants to "give them whatever they will take and run with" as far as opportunity, and even after numerous discussions with coach about how "gym is for fun, you won't be doing it when you are 40 (in comparison with her talented violinist brother), move up if you want, stay back if you want, etc..." she felt pressure....mostly from herself, but some from me and her coach.

Things are better now that comp season is really ON. We have our usual routine, we go to travel meets with fun in mind, not winning. She is setting her own goals. Her overall anxiety is better (but not gone - likely never will be). I wish she still was in it for the post-meet dinner at Olive Garden, but they do have to grow up!

Some kids cruise into optionals then realize the skills are harder and scarier - and get scared even when they are ALREADY doing the skills! 9 is plenty young, give it time...

I only ask if she had fun at practice, not what they did. I offer her the option of privates, but never give her the sense that she "needs them". Last year (first year level 7 at age 10) I got very excited as the 9+ scores piled up - this year I keep my mouth shut, although her polished routines are lovely to watch and I never imagined her getting such high scores....

In the end, its hard to not be able to "fix"them....to see talent and want to "help" as much as we can....we did do some counseling with a local therapist who happens to be a former elite gymnast...helped DD a bunch. She has some Doc Allie materials, but I don't think has used them. We made sure she was doing things "outside" of gym (playdates with non-gym friends, orchestra, down time with art supplies....). I won't know how it went until she's back to working on her level 8+ skills after March States...hoping its fun this round instead of stressful like last summer!

 

[cbifoja]

I guess she's just made of stronger stuff than I am. I just don't see how you can find joy in something that causes that much anxiety. That's why I wanted to make sure she knew she could walk away if she wanted. Kids....

 

[ladybird]

I had a similar conversation with my daughter just a month ago. She got to the point where she just hated run, had so much anxiety about it that she talked a lot about skipping practice. After weeks of this I finally said, "you really don't have to do this" in the most caring and understanding way I could. In my mind I was thinking the same thing you were, how is all this worth it to you? At least I was trying to give her an "out." Well, after I asked the question, there were huge tears and a look of utter grief on her face. This just spoke volumes. This kid IS a gymnast and can't even fathom not being one.

We'll just deal with the anxieties best we can as they rear their ugly heads. Oh, and her first meet ever, she had a panic attack. Now, she can't wait to get out there and compete

 

[cbifoja]

I'm a bit hesitant to raise this, but I'm going to anyway. Please don't anyone take this the wrong way, but does anyone not go to see their child compete?

Has anyone ever asked their child if they'd prefer them not to come and watch?

We have some girls in our gym who have told their fathers that they aren't allowed to come for various reasons. But none of our girls attend with no parents present.

I've asked DD before if she'd rather just go it solo but that didn't go over well. She said her dad could stay home but I had to be there to help her with her leo and hair.

I accidentally missed beam once. Best meet experience ever!!!! I'd be more than happy to just get the highlights without putting in all the bleacher time!

 

[Natalia]

I guess she's just made of stronger stuff than I am. I just don't see how you can find joy in something that causes that much anxiety. That's why I wanted to make sure she knew she could walk away if she wanted. Kids....

I wish I could keep it together like my kids.LOL!
I asked her once if she woud prefer I not watch at meets ,she answered :"I love looking up at you ,all those silly faces you make give me the giggles"

Now before anyone thinks how cute that is,or what a wonderful fun cool mom I must be...I never realized that my face was so contorted by my FEAR .

My older DD told me :"Mom,do you remember when we did that emergency landing with that little plane ...well you have the same look on your face when you watching us compete!!"

In all fairness my older DD does showjumping...Yeah so,I hope my kids never count on me to help them get over their anxiety.