Parents Tell Me Your Changing Gyms Story

[duyetanh]

I'm not surprised the owner was a jerk (so many of those stories - a lot of fragile egos with this crowd ), but to have the girls all turn on your DD just breaks my heart.

I've seen some ugly gym switches in person. The 'stories' owners and coaches will tell remaining teammates about you, your family, your DD or DS... just twisted and sad. You could have been the most polite, careful, supportive parent who tried everything to work with coaches and resolve any issues. It won't matter if you volunteered 4 extra shifts at the home meet, spent your own money above and beyond to donate extra cases of gatorade, drove through a snowstorm to pick up the pizzas for the team party, and baked each coach homemade cookies attached to a generous gift card each winter. In the end, you will be talked about as 'crazy' and 'unreasonable' and your child lazy, untalented, and unappreciative. Yes, it happens. Not always, but it can come out of nowhere from people you thought until that point were rational and caring human beings.

It's all about ego, and leaving a gym insults the egos.

Yep

 

[MickeyDGym]

The move has been great. Communication and training at the previous gym was not consistent. As in training on form was lacking. Switching coaches...coaches having drama with other coaches, coaches with substance problems, etc. I thought the previous gym would be good because they went up to L10 and they have been around for many years but I was wrong. Checked out a few gyms and didn't formally tell them I was leaving. After the gym visits they knew, so the front desk clerk started the ignoring game and defrending on social media. After states cancelled my debit card on file and didn't look back. I did have my DD thank her coach to be nice though.

At our first meet the old gym was hosting, so it was awkward. They were civil. Her new gym won second team and DD placed on all events and 2nd AA. The old gym team didn't place at all for any levels. I was glad in a way because the old gym tries to give the impression that they are the best in the area and other gyms are sub par so it reinforced the fact that bigger isn't better. Even though I'm in Texas!

Her new gym is smaller but much better with form and presentation. No regrets.

 

[samsmama]

DS moved gyms around this time last year and it has worked out very well. Previous coach is a great guy and very talented, but he and DS just weren't clicking and it was causing DS a lot of stress and anxiety. The transition to the new gym was pretty smooth -- easier for DS than for me, I think, as I had stronger friendships at the old gym than he did and it took some time to gel with the parents at the new gym.

Now, a full year in, I feel completely at home with the parents and DS has thrived under his new coach. I'm still close with my old gym friend. We don't see each other as much, but we check in throughout the season and hang out when we're at the same meets. Both our sons made the state team this year, and we're so excited they'll be on the same team again at least once!

Both DS and I have a friendly relationship with his former coach. I genuinely love and respect him, and while I suspect he may have had some hard feelings at first, he has been nothing but kind and supportive of DS. DS had an awesome season this year, and I have made sure to thank him for the strong foundation he gave him.

When I was questioning what to do last year, several people gave me the advice that if you're considering a gym switch, it was probably time to leave awhile ago. That was good advice. Also, I really think it's easier for boys. At least around here, I haven't seen the kind of drama when boys switch that I have when girls move. I've even seen boys leave, then go back to the first gym a year later.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[MickeyDGym]

We had a miserable switch experience. We tried a new gym at the end of level 4 because the compulsory coaches switched every few months with no consistency. My dd never seemed to improve on where she was weak -- it was very much an issue of "If you get something naturally, good for you, but if you need corrections, you are SOL." I told the owner/HC that we were going to try a different gym as a trial, since dd thought maybe working with a different coach would help. We didn't know if we would move gyms or not, but North Texas is a small world for gymnastics, and I didn't want them to hear dd had tried elsewhere while she was still enrolled, so I decided to be upfront that we were looking and why.

He lost his sh*t on us, insulting dd, saying she just doesn't have what it takes, is weak, and that no other gym would want her. He said this in front of her. Of course we never went back. After that, the coaches told all of her old friends that they could no longer be friends with her, as she had betrayed them all. It was horrible. And one by one, all of her friends abandoned her.

We ran into her old HC at state the first year after we left, when dd had just won first place on an event and still had her gold medal on. She was saying hello to some former teammates from the old gym when he walked up to them. He looked straight at us, I said hello to him by name, and he turned and walked away as if he didn't know who we were, leaving his girls behind. None of the girls have remained dd's friend. They even cropped her out of group photos taken at our house on their social media accounts. It was awful. It sill is.

Your old gym sounds like my old gym

 

[profmom]

Our former gym owner was horrible when it came to people switching or leaving. Often felt the need to say something nasty on the way out.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

The process of leaving the gym sucked for DD. Her coach was not gracious about her giving notice or the last couple of weeks when she had to attend practice but he knew she was leaving. He was no unhappy for us to leave, truth be told. He had pretty much told DD she needed to start winning or leave. However, he has been gracious when we have run into him at meets this season. Because DD switched from JO to XCEL when she switched gyms, she won't ever actually compete against her old teammates, so that probably helps. After about 2 weeks at the new gym we both realized just how unpleasant practice had become and how much stress and anxiety went away with the switch. A year later I would say this was an unqualified good thing for everyone involved. She now enjoys gym again, which is as it should be. Especially for a child who isn't ever going to be competitive outside of local meets.

 

[jesseb2]

Every situation is unique of course, but here are some trends...

You're likely to have a smooth switch and maintain friendships with coaches and staff when you switch because....
- you're moving far away (obviously)
- your kid is wanting to switch to a program that current gym does not have, or does not offer your child (like Xcel vs JO for girls)
- current gym doesn't have high enough coaching level (like only teaches compulsories) and recognizes your kid has outgrown them

You'll have mixed success, but probably ok when...
- you need a gym significantly closer to home (personal commute issues)
- your personal life cannot fit the specific schedule due to other commitments (like Saturdays, or starts before school lets out, etc)

You're on thin ice, and are at the mercy of individual personalities when...
- you want fewer hours / less intense training (some will gladly accommodate, some will insult you)
- current gym has talked with you about issues with/lost belief in your kid (citing lack of focus, progress, doesn't fit a mold, etc), doesn't seem interested in working with him/her, and perhaps they won't mind the 'loss' from their program, especially if you switch to a 'less prestigious' gym.

Prepare to have current gym deeply insulted and owners/some coaches potentially mean to you and your kid when...
- it's clear you're leaving because you think another gym is 'better' in terms of coaching competence/fit
- you leave for a 'more prestigious' gym for almost any reason (other than the smooth reasons cited above)
- you cite (or previously cited) issues with the coaching "Style" (like yelling, or whatnot)
- you follow a favorite coach who is switching to another gym
- you don't tell them why you're leaving (they will assume you think another gym is just 'better' and be insulted in your lack of loyalty)
(note some people will still be lovely, or at least polite, in the above situations - but unfortunately many will not)

I'm sure I missed some, but this is what I have learned from CB and personal experience over the last 4 years.

And I've said it before: Leaving a gym is like firing a Nanny - there is often just no way to avoid hurt feelings.

This really sums it up

 

[thefellowsmom]

We unfortunately have had two gym switches in the last year. I know I know. It was aweful and stressful and traumatic and ultimately worth it.

Both moves fell squarely in the deeply insulting category.

First move we followed her coach. Staying really wasn't an option.

Second move is because first move wasn't anything we thought or were told it would be and the new program was a terrible fit for my dd. Ultimately nothing wrong with the program, just not at all what my daughter was looking for.

Late last year she threw her hands up and said she had had enough and wanted to move. We committed the ultimate sin and moved mid season.

She could not be happier. She misses her old coach and friends so much, but this new gym and their coaches are a great fit for her and she is thriving.

It has been a rough year. There have been several minor injuries, a loss of strength and skill development due to the time spent in the wrong gym and lots of frustration and tears and stress. I am so happy to see her happy again I can't even tell you. She bounces out of gym again and is once again on a path toward reaching all her goals. I tear up regularly.

DD has maintained friendships with all the girls involved and the coaches have been gracious and professional when interacting with my daughter. We are still very close with many families and her original coach who we followed.

All the animosity along the way has been directed at me and I am happy to take it as I was only doing what was best for my kid and I will always stand by that. We were honest and gracious in our interactions and simply made the best decisions we could given the circumstances.

We are very lucky in that the coaches and owner at the new gym have been very protective and supportive. We are so grateful to them and to the girls and families that have welcomed us with open arms into their family.

 

[Really]

How would you categorize leaving a gym because of a sibling's needs? For example, the gym has only a girl's team , and your DD is thriving and happy on their team, with kid brother in rec but expressing desire to try team. Would drama ensue if both kids were taken out of the gym and placed in a neighboring gym (20 minutes further away) with both WAG and MAG teams? What if DS turned out not to be cut out for team gymnastics and quit, would DD be welcomed back to the old gym? Common sense would tell me that this should be permissible, but I am learning more and more how very dramatic the gym world can be, so I was wondering what everyone thought.

Every situation is unique of course, but here are some trends...

You're likely to have a smooth switch and maintain friendships with coaches and staff when you switch because....
- you're moving far away (obviously)
- your kid is wanting to switch to a program that current gym does not have, or does not offer your child (like Xcel vs JO for girls)
- current gym doesn't have high enough coaching level (like only teaches compulsories) and recognizes your kid has outgrown them

You'll have mixed success, but probably ok when...
- you need a gym significantly closer to home (personal commute issues)
- your personal life cannot fit the specific schedule due to other commitments (like Saturdays, or starts before school lets out, etc)

You're on thin ice, and are at the mercy of individual personalities when...
- you want fewer hours / less intense training (some will gladly accommodate, some will insult you)
- current gym has talked with you about issues with/lost belief in your kid (citing lack of focus, progress, doesn't fit a mold, etc), doesn't seem interested in working with him/her, and perhaps they won't mind the 'loss' from their program, especially if you switch to a 'less prestigious' gym.

Prepare to have current gym deeply insulted and owners/some coaches potentially mean to you and your kid when...
- it's clear you're leaving because you think another gym is 'better' in terms of coaching competence/fit
- you leave for a 'more prestigious' gym for almost any reason (other than the smooth reasons cited above)
- you cite (or previously cited) issues with the coaching "Style" (like yelling, or whatnot)
- you follow a favorite coach who is switching to another gym
- you don't tell them why you're leaving (they will assume you think another gym is just 'better' and be insulted in your lack of loyalty)
(note some people will still be lovely, or at least polite, in the above situations - but unfortunately many will not)

I'm sure I missed some, but this is what I have learned from CB and personal experience over the last 4 years.

And I've said it before: Leaving a gym is like firing a Nanny - there is often just no way to avoid hurt feelings.

 

[karenity]

How would you categorize leaving a gym because of a sibling's needs? For example, the gym has only a girl's team , and your DD is thriving and happy on their team, with kid brother in rec but expressing desire to try team.

We did this. It was a better move for my son than my daughter. Unfortunately my daughter's coach was better at the old gym, but after about six months she got a better coach. There is just no way I was going to drive in opposite directions.

It was many years ago, kids were both preteam at the time. It turned out my daughter decided to quit after one year of competition but my son is still doing gymnastics so it was a good decision for him. There was no drama for the change at all. The gym understood because of their lack of a men's team. My son just ran into the coach he had when he was a six-year-old and he is now 15 at another gym. But I think generally boys programs there is less drama with gym changes.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

she threw her hands up and said she had had enough and wanted to move. We committed the ultimate sin and moved mid season

This was us 3&1/2 weeks ago. I really wanted to wait until the end of the season, but when your kid who finally qualified for States seven meets later says on the way home from said meet that she wants out, you have to at least consider it. Glad it worked out for you too! (And kind of glad to know I'm not the only one....)

 

[Mrs. Puma]

This was us 3&1/2 weeks ago. I really wanted to wait until the end of the season, but when your kid who finally qualified for States seven meets later says on the way home from said meet that she wants out, you have to at least consider it. Glad it worked out for you too! (And kind of glad to know I'm not the only one....)

And this....

She could not be happier. She misses her old coach and friends so much, but this new gym and their coaches are a great fit for her and she is thriving.

 

[Sasha]

How would you categorize leaving a gym because of a sibling's needs? For example, the gym has only a girl's team , and your DD is thriving and happy on their team, with kid brother in rec but expressing desire to try team. Would drama ensue if both kids were taken out of the gym and placed in a neighboring gym (20 minutes further away) with both WAG and MAG teams? What if DS turned out not to be cut out for team gymnastics and quit, would DD be welcomed back to the old gym? Common sense would tell me that this should be permissible, but I am learning more and more how very dramatic the gym world can be, so I was wondering what everyone thought.

I would put that in the "You're on thin ice at at the mercy of individual personalities." If the current gym has invested all this time in your DD preparing her for, and welcoming her onto team, it can definitely be a blow to pull her out because you can't be troubled to drive your son 20 minutes further. (I'm phrasing it how they might interpret it).

Some gyms would take her back happily; some absolutely will not. Especially risky if the neighboring gym is considered a 'rival' gym. And if your DD is a high performer/high potential athlete.

There is sooooo much incestuous drama in gym world between different owners. I have to admit I was VERY surprised (shocked?) at how many cases of "If you walk out that door you can never return" there are in gym world. One would logically think welcoming back athletes who defected for some reason would be great for business - but, again, it's the bruised egos. It's like a betrayal. Messed up! But humans are flawed. What can you do.

 

[lilmisssunshine]

Thanks everyone. I still don't know what we're going to do, but I appreciate the input. I think I might end up trying to be more diplomatic if asked for a reason, resorting to saying something like "We need a less stressful environment" rather than, oh, say....compiling a video that compares coaches' meet reactions after doing well vs. doing merely OK.

 

[gymyahoo]

Good, bad...I want to hear it.

I haven't made a decision yet, but I've been seriously considering a different program for my kid. Parents at the current place would probably see this move as a "step down," but I believe it's a less stressful and more nurturing environment.

I worry about the great friendships that we have at the current gym -- both kids *and* parents.

I also worry about future run-ins with the current coaches and teammates. There are things like the state clinic, where he'd have to work with current coaches.

What have been your experiences?

We moved 3 times after level 4. Most of the families and gymnasts that we met along the way are no longer in the sport. We were very professional and up front about moving and still are very social with former HC and gym friends. It's your money and family's sanity that should matter in the end. We made the best decision for her training and how she was progressing in the gym.

Last fall our DD made her verbal commitment to a D1 school. A big goal that we set together as a family worked out. We made tough decisions to leave but it was what was best for her training. Former HC and gym friends congratulated her through social media. As a family we still cheer former teammates and offer any advice that we can to help our gym friends. It won't ever be perfect and cordial with everyone but do everything you can to be friendly. You'll be fine in the end.

 

[duyetanh]

We moved 3 times after level 4. Most of the families and gymnasts that we met along the way are no longer in the sport. We were very professional and up front about moving and still are very social with former HC and gym friends. It's your money and family's sanity that should matter in the end. We made the best decision for her training and how she was progressing in the gym.

Last fall our DD made her verbal commitment to a D1 school. A big goal that we set together as a family worked out. We made tough decisions to leave but it was what was best for her training. Former HC and gym friends congratulated her through social media. As a family we still cheer former teammates and offer any advice that we can to help our gym friends. It won't ever be perfect and cordial with everyone but do everything you can to be friendly. You'll be fine in the end.

Wow, congrats! What school?

 

[VanessaJV]

We had an interesting yet relatively positive gym switch. We chose to switch gyms to one that was much closer to our home. I had just had a new baby and the distance was becoming difficult for the family.

I was very honest with the coaches about why we were leaving. My daughter stayed friends with her closest friends at the gym and I stayed friends with a few of the mothers. My daughter did struggle to fit in at the new gym because she was quite a bit younger than the majority of girls.

We were at the new gym seven months when the head coach decided to leave. This changed everything. Ultimately it lead us to return to our old gym. Many people are surprised when I say we returned. I think what helped us a lot was that I did not burn any bridges. My reason for leaving was not because of the gym and had nothing bad to say about them when we left.

Overall, I would say the switch was good for our family. We got to experience a different way of doing things and we now have a greater appreciation for our gym.