Parents Tell Me Your Changing Gyms Story

[lilmisssunshine]

Good, bad...I want to hear it.

I haven't made a decision yet, but I've been seriously considering a different program for my kid. Parents at the current place would probably see this move as a "step down," but I believe it's a less stressful and more nurturing environment.

I worry about the great friendships that we have at the current gym -- both kids *and* parents.

I also worry about future run-ins with the current coaches and teammates. There are things like the state clinic, where he'd have to work with current coaches.

What have been your experiences?

 

[skschlag]

So, our situation is nothing like what you are talking about, but I have to say, when we finally were able to get D to move gyms, it was the best thing for him. He will even admit that he wishes he had done it 2 years earlier, but that he didn't want to leave his friends. And the coach said that it might not have worked as well 2 years ago. But we were leaving sub-par coaching and going to a place with actual coaching. (well, and his program was cut from the gym so we had no choice).

I think you have to decide what is best for your kid, and not worry about what others will think. Unfortunately, friendships could be lost, just from them being upset that you left but also from the fact that you will not see them as regularly. And while I always hope coaches would be nice, sometimes they are not. And the fact is they could be "not nice" to your son. That is one thing that you do have to consider.

I will say that it is easier to move while they are younger, and then when they are older. D moved when he was 6, and that was cake. Then at 14 it was harder, but he could intellectualize the move. In between, he was irrational and unable to see anything beyond his team and his friends. Not all kiddos will be this way; it is just something I noticed wtih D.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[Mrs. Puma]

move as a "step down," but I believe it's a less stressful and more nurturing environment.

I just did this 3 weeks ago. I'll pm you

 

[Faith]

We did it.

It is and it isn't a "step down". She's on half the hours, progress has slowed, but they have produced national team members, where old club never did.

I was having serious doubts about the treatment of the kids at the old club. I am glad we are out.

So far the old club have been fine. We've seen old coach and he's been lovely. Owners less so, but they've been civil enough. We did couch it as a purely financial decision though, as training fees were more than our mortgage.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

We did it almost 6 years ago, Best. Decision. Ever.

Friends - my DD was only 10, she has moved on from most of the friendships though now with social media, she keeps up with former teammates. None of them are still in the gym. I also have kept up with a handful, those closest to me, we text regularly and occasionally meet for lunch or dinner. At new gym, we both made friends immediately and now, they are family. (sorry to sound sappy).

Former coaches - unfortunately owner/HC and office manager were very immature when we parted ways. DD's coach and a couple of others are still friendly and always have kind words for DD when we run to them at meets.

You have to do what's right for your gymnast and your family. Everything else will work themselves out.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

There is no step down. There is the best step for your child and family.

We left when they wanted to add hours. We thought she was too young and the extra hours were not necessary. And they wanted it to be on Saturday, we had prior commitments. Especially since they had a lot of down time during practice.

When I questioned it I was spoken to as if I was a moron. Coach ranting that this is just way competitive gymnastics is and if my daughter was going to compete she would just have to deal with it. Or maybe she was just not cut out for competitive gymnasts and Xcel with lower expectations and hours was where she belonged.

I remained quiet (which is never a good thing). Had a colorful conversation in my head ), got in my car and drove to the gym further down the road.

Where I was told they prefer to offer lower hours so the kids can have a life and do other things. Saturday's are available and recommended but not required. And it's not quantity but quality that matters.

Daughter went to a trial practice. I knew inside of 10 mins they were going to bump her back to Level 2, she was 3 at old gym. You could just see they trained so much better. They did way more in 2 hours of practice, then our old gym did in 4. And sure enough, coach said, well she certainly has talent, but she really hasn't been trained, so back to 2 she went.

It was hard. She had been with one of her coaches (not the snippy one) since she was 3. But after a week of tears, another couple reluctantly mopey. To a it's Ok. At about a 6-8 weeks in, she knew she was getting better and making new friends.

My daughter has always finished ahead of them at meets. Which makes me lmao, when I remember how nasty the coach was. I'm sure it bugs her. yes I know it's petty but I love beating them. The old gyms owner has been nothing but lovely, when she has seen us at meets. And always wishes my daughter well, same with her first coach. Miss Snippy pretends we don't exist. It's fine.

That was almost 5 yrs ago. Currently L6, likely L7 come fall depending on how summer goes. And things have finally shifted to where she can make Sat practices. She is now 11, and she knows the extra hours will help her. So she decided to add more to her already busy weekends. So she had gone from 9 hrs, to 12 2-3 times a month.

Could she have been further along had she done more hours? Likely. But it's more likely she would of been miserable and quit.

Best decision ever. Have never looked back.

 

[Sasha]

Every situation is unique of course, but here are some trends...

You're likely to have a smooth switch and maintain friendships with coaches and staff when you switch because....
- you're moving far away (obviously)
- your kid is wanting to switch to a program that current gym does not have, or does not offer your child (like Xcel vs JO for girls)
- current gym doesn't have high enough coaching level (like only teaches compulsories) and recognizes your kid has outgrown them

You'll have mixed success, but probably ok when...
- you need a gym significantly closer to home (personal commute issues)
- your personal life cannot fit the specific schedule due to other commitments (like Saturdays, or starts before school lets out, etc)

You're on thin ice, and are at the mercy of individual personalities when...
- you want fewer hours / less intense training (some will gladly accommodate, some will insult you)
- current gym has talked with you about issues with/lost belief in your kid (citing lack of focus, progress, doesn't fit a mold, etc), doesn't seem interested in working with him/her, and perhaps they won't mind the 'loss' from their program, especially if you switch to a 'less prestigious' gym.

Prepare to have current gym deeply insulted and owners/some coaches potentially mean to you and your kid when...
- it's clear you're leaving because you think another gym is 'better' in terms of coaching competence/fit
- you leave for a 'more prestigious' gym for almost any reason (other than the smooth reasons cited above)
- you cite (or previously cited) issues with the coaching "Style" (like yelling, or whatnot)
- you follow a favorite coach who is switching to another gym
- you don't tell them why you're leaving (they will assume you think another gym is just 'better' and be insulted in your lack of loyalty)
(note some people will still be lovely, or at least polite, in the above situations - but unfortunately many will not)

I'm sure I missed some, but this is what I have learned from CB and personal experience over the last 4 years.

And I've said it before: Leaving a gym is like firing a Nanny - there is often just no way to avoid hurt feelings.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

You have to do what's right for your gymnast and your family. Everything else will work themselves out.

^^^this. Though I was very lucky that both our moves went exceedingly well, even if they hadn't, at the end of the day my kid is number one. I absolutely understand how it can be upsetting to a gym owner or HC because for one reason or another you're telling them that you are choosing someone else's product over their own. They put a lot of time and effort into a kid and let's be honest, it's also money walking out the door. But again, what is best for your child and your family has to come first. Good luck!

 

[twinmomma]

So we had one that was forced due to a gym implosion. It was ugly, but mostly because the owner stole money from the gymnasts and kicked out the higher level optionals and it was all just a cluster. We were lucky that DD landed in an L4 group at another gym that accepted her like family and they all are still very close. When we switched again it was because DD was changing to T&T and no other gym, including the one she was at, had T&T but the one she moved to. Also a very positive experience, although the friendship building took a LOT more time for her this time. I think she was gunshy from having only been at the other place a year and switching again. The benefit this time was that she was beyond thrilled to be in T&T and was focused on learning her skills - the friendships just eventually came.

When she switched just before L4, things with her coaches were positive, in large part because they left before the kids finally did. It definitely was a unique situation. And both her L3 coaches judged her at various points and it was so much more about how happy they were to see their former students than anything. Her L4 coach was extremely supportive of her switch to T&T, acknowledging that it played to her strengths and that she was excited to see her excel at it.

The reality is, you can't worry about anyone but your kid and your family. As long as you treat everyone at the gym professionally and respectfully, then you know you can walk out with your integrity intact. Whatever they do with it says only who they are.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Prepare to have current gym deeply insulted and owners/some coaches potentially mean to you and your kid when...
- it's clear you're leaving because you think another gym is 'better' in terms of coaching competence/fit
- you leave for a 'more prestigious' gym for almost any reason (other than the smooth reasons cited above)
- you cite (or previously cited) issues with the coaching "Style" (like yelling, or whatnot)
- you follow a favorite coach who is switching to another gym
- you don't tell them why you're leaving (they will assume you think another gym is just 'better' and be insulted in your lack of loyalty)
(note some people will still be lovely, or at least polite, in the above situations - but unfortunately many will not)

I'm sure I missed some, but this is what I have learned from CB and personal experience over the last 4 years.

And I've said it before: Leaving a gym is like firing a Nanny - there is often just no way to avoid hurt feelings.

What helps is to have a plan in place. Approach from an its not you its me place...... Along the lines of.

Thank you for the opportunity but we had to make a change based on what works for our family.

In other words, no lengthy long explanations. It really is no ones business. They were not doing your child a favor. They were paid for their time. You time with them is done.
You don't even have to go in person, that is entirely up to you................... Just honor the terms of whatever you may have agreed to when you joined.

 

[twinmomma]

I would also add that unless you see a safety or other issue where you are worried kids are at risk in one way or another, there's no need for an explanation. Put in your notice as required by whatever contract you signed (we had to give 30 days - which was just basically about the finances) and move on.

 

[Mommyo2az]

Every situation is unique of course, but here are some trends...

You're likely to have a smooth switch and maintain friendships with coaches and staff when you switch because....
- you're moving far away (obviously)
- your kid is wanting to switch to a program that current gym does not have, or does not offer your child (like Xcel vs JO for girls)
- current gym doesn't have high enough coaching level (like only teaches compulsories) and recognizes your kid has outgrown them

You'll have mixed success, but probably ok when...
- you need a gym significantly closer to home (personal commute issues)
- your personal life cannot fit the specific schedule due to other commitments (like Saturdays, or starts before school lets out, etc)

You're on thin ice, and are at the mercy of individual personalities when...
- you want fewer hours / less intense training (some will gladly accommodate, some will insult you)
- current gym has talked with you about issues with/lost belief in your kid (citing lack of focus, progress, doesn't fit a mold, etc), doesn't seem interested in working with him/her, and perhaps they won't mind the 'loss' from their program, especially if you switch to a 'less prestigious' gym.

Prepare to have current gym deeply insulted and owners/some coaches potentially mean to you and your kid when...
- it's clear you're leaving because you think another gym is 'better' in terms of coaching competence/fit
- you leave for a 'more prestigious' gym for almost any reason (other than the smooth reasons cited above)
- you cite (or previously cited) issues with the coaching "Style" (like yelling, or whatnot)
- you follow a favorite coach who is switching to another gym
- you don't tell them why you're leaving (they will assume you think another gym is just 'better' and be insulted in your lack of loyalty)
(note some people will still be lovely, or at least polite, in the above situations - but unfortunately many will not)

I'm sure I missed some, but this is what I have learned from CB and personal experience over the last 4 years.

And I've said it before: Leaving a gym is like firing a Nanny - there is often just no way to avoid hurt feelings.

Yep, this about sums it up.

We left old gym almost exactly a year ago for reasons under the "deeply insulted" category. DD wanted a good optional program, and old gym had optionals but rarely had girls past level 6. We left, others followed, drama ensued. Most of it was directed toward me - so that I could handle. Strangely enough I didn't need to keep in contact with anyone from the old gym because all friends (mine and hers) came to the new gym too - we were lucky and the transition was easy.

A year later, I am kicking myself for not making the change sooner.

 

[Gymmommy71]

Gyms w/ powerful booster groups that require a lot of parent involvement usually will mean more drama for exiting families from my experience. The gym not only lost a gymnast, but also a person who did work for them, and now they will need to make up that slack - and some of them aren't happy about it. I've seen gyms who could care less about the gymnast leaving, but get very angry about a parent who played an important role in the booster going elsewhere.

The most awkward thing is having to be at a meet where you know the old gym is going to be. No matter how well your kid does or doesn't do, what level she/he is, etc. it's impossible to not think about the other gym being there. This part truly sucks.

 

[profmom]

Some of it will depend on how often your gym experiences people leaving. If a gym understands itself as a "top dog" and kids sometimes opt go to less intense environments, that can ease the tensions. In states that have clinics, the coaches have to put in some extra effort to maintain good relations. I have not seen any bad behavior at clinics. Figure there may be some tension at the first few meets, but it will pass. I think it is different on the boys' side because there is a bit more of an all-in-this-together ethos.

 

[Gymmom0403]

We switched gyms almost a year ago and haven't looked back. Dd was at old gym for 5 years and just grew out of if. They had no gymnasts last level 8 and coach didn't seem interested in learning more about higher levels. The split was handled very poorly by the owner/HC. At that point we knew it was right decision.
New gym has been great. Now a part of a team of more than 3 kids. She is getting the proper coaching for her level and gets support and a push from her teammates to work hard
Ran into old coach for first time at state last weekend. I really didn't know how it would go based on how he handled the switch. He seemed ok. And apologized in his own weird way.
Anyway no matter what your reasons are you have to make the move that is best for your family. Good luck!!

 

[beachgirl]

Daughter was miserable, but we stayed at old gym because it was close to home and we didn't want to leave all of the friends that we made. Head coach left and mostly everyone followed her and since we were going to have to do a long commute to stay with group and follow the coach, we decided my daughter should try other gyms. Another family and ours separated from the group. I'm sure my daughter would have quit gymnastics by now if she had stayed at old gym with the way things were going. After 2 years she has never been happier about gymnastics. She has new friends ( and some of the old too) and the coaching style has helped her to feel confident and successful. The only downside is the long commute, but it's well worth it. She still sees her old coaches at meets and they are happy to see her and tell me there's room if she wants to change gyms.

 

[sleeping judy]

We made a switch last year after being at old gym for 8 years. Should have left before that. I forced her to leave and there was a lot of crying. It was an adjustment and a bummer meet season with some injuries, but she is in a much better place emotionally and has made some new great friends. It was hard, but we are very satisfied.

 

[Texasmomof3]

We had a miserable switch experience. We tried a new gym at the end of level 4 because the compulsory coaches switched every few months with no consistency. My dd never seemed to improve on where she was weak -- it was very much an issue of "If you get something naturally, good for you, but if you need corrections, you are SOL." I told the owner/HC that we were going to try a different gym as a trial, since dd thought maybe working with a different coach would help. We didn't know if we would move gyms or not, but North Texas is a small world for gymnastics, and I didn't want them to hear dd had tried elsewhere while she was still enrolled, so I decided to be upfront that we were looking and why.

He lost his sh*t on us, insulting dd, saying she just doesn't have what it takes, is weak, and that no other gym would want her. He said this in front of her. Of course we never went back. After that, the coaches told all of her old friends that they could no longer be friends with her, as she had betrayed them all. It was horrible. And one by one, all of her friends abandoned her.

We ran into her old HC at state the first year after we left, when dd had just won first place on an event and still had her gold medal on. She was saying hello to some former teammates from the old gym when he walked up to them. He looked straight at us, I said hello to him by name, and he turned and walked away as if he didn't know who we were, leaving his girls behind. None of the girls have remained dd's friend. They even cropped her out of group photos taken at our house on their social media accounts. It was awful. It sill is.

 

[Gymmommy71]

We had a miserable switch experience. We tried a new gym at the end of level 4 because the compulsory coaches switched every few months with no consistency. My dd never seemed to improve on where she was weak -- it was very much an issue of "If you get something naturally, good for you, but if you need corrections, you are SOL." I told the owner/HC that we were going to try a different gym as a trial, since dd thought maybe working with a different coach would help. We didn't know if we would move gyms or not, but North Texas is a small world for gymnastics, and I didn't want them to hear dd had tried elsewhere while she was still enrolled, so I decided to be upfront that we were looking and why.

He lost his sh*t on us, insulting dd, saying she just doesn't have what it takes, is weak, and that no other gym would want her. He said this in front of her. Of course we never went back. After that, the coaches told all of her old friends that they could no longer be friends with her, as she had betrayed them all. It was horrible. And one by one, all of her friends abandoned her.

We ran into her old HC at state the first year after we left, when dd had just won first place on an event and still had her gold medal on. She was saying hello to some former teammates from the old gym when he walked up to them. He looked straight at us, I said hello to him by name, and he turned and walked away as if he didn't know who we were, leaving his girls behind. None of the girls have remained dd's friend. They even cropped her out of group photos taken at our house on their social media accounts. It was awful. It sill is.

Wow - that has to be one of the worst gym switch stories I've ever heard. What an class A jerk that guy is, and I can't believe none of the other parents or girls weren't appauled over his behavior and him telling them not to be friends w/ you anymore and refused to listen. Goes to show that most of the time people will do whatever makes their life easier even if they know it's not the right thing to do when it comes to these competitive activities. I'm glad your daughter is at a better gym now. Saying stuff like "no other gym will take her" in front of a child! Do other gyms in the area know what a jerk this guy is?

 

[Sasha]

We had a miserable switch experience. We tried a new gym at the end of level 4 because the compulsory coaches switched every few months with no consistency. My dd never seemed to improve on where she was weak -- it was very much an issue of "If you get something naturally, good for you, but if you need corrections, you are SOL." I told the owner/HC that we were going to try a different gym as a trial, since dd thought maybe working with a different coach would help. We didn't know if we would move gyms or not, but North Texas is a small world for gymnastics, and I didn't want them to hear dd had tried elsewhere while she was still enrolled, so I decided to be upfront that we were looking and why.

He lost his sh*t on us, insulting dd, saying she just doesn't have what it takes, is weak, and that no other gym would want her. He said this in front of her. Of course we never went back. After that, the coaches told all of her old friends that they could no longer be friends with her, as she had betrayed them all. It was horrible. And one by one, all of her friends abandoned her.

We ran into her old HC at state the first year after we left, when dd had just won first place on an event and still had her gold medal on. She was saying hello to some former teammates from the old gym when he walked up to them. He looked straight at us, I said hello to him by name, and he turned and walked away as if he didn't know who we were, leaving his girls behind. None of the girls have remained dd's friend. They even cropped her out of group photos taken at our house on their social media accounts. It was awful. It sill is.

I'm not surprised the owner was a jerk (so many of those stories - a lot of fragile egos with this crowd ), but to have the girls all turn on your DD just breaks my heart.

I've seen some ugly gym switches in person. The 'stories' owners and coaches will tell remaining teammates about you, your family, your DD or DS... just twisted and sad. You could have been the most polite, careful, supportive parent who tried everything to work with coaches and resolve any issues. It won't matter if you volunteered 4 extra shifts at the home meet, spent your own money above and beyond to donate extra cases of gatorade, drove through a snowstorm to pick up the pizzas for the team party, and baked each coach homemade cookies attached to a generous gift card each winter. In the end, you will be talked about as 'crazy' and 'unreasonable' and your child lazy, untalented, and unappreciative. Yes, it happens. Not always, but it can come out of nowhere from people you thought until that point were rational and caring human beings.

It's all about ego, and leaving a gym insults the egos.