Parents Thinking of Pulling my daughter out

[Jmandawg]

Hi all,

My daughter who is 9-1/2 years old and in 4th Grade, just started level 4 competitive team this september, but the team classes are 3.5 hours long - 3 times a week (MWF). I'm a single parent and work full time and so on the days i have her, I rush to pick her up and if she does not get her homework done at the after school care, then there is no time to do it. What's been happening is she gets a bunch of homework on Wed that's due Friday, and since we have team on Wed from 5:00-8:30pm there's no time to do the homework that day, and we try to get it all done Thurs after i pick her up from school. The thing is, she is a perfectionist and she's really slow at doing her homework and was up late at night yesterday working on it and then still had more to work on in the morning before school. And this year the there is much more homework than last year and it's a lot more difficult.

This is really getting stressful for me and her. She really loves being on team, but i think i'm going to have to pull her out and maybe put her in a recreational class and hope she doesn't lose her skills. I just know pulling her out is going to break her heart, it makes me sad. I want to see her succeed at what she loves, but we also have to find a good balance.

How do you all do it? Are you all stay at home parents? Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks.

-J

 

[auswi]

First up I would schedule a meeting with her class teacher -I would also ask for the principal to be involved. ..seems to be alot of HW without the gymnastics as well, for a child taking time for whatever reason to complete tasks.

FWIW OD took forever (perfectionist ) to do HW as a littley -turns out she was uberbright-got put up a grade etc etc. These uberbright kids need extension in some way -& the gym could be filling that need.

 

[1canadiangymmom]

H and I both work full time, plus I have a second job in the evenings, we also live about 45 minutes out of the city where we both work, dd's school is and the gym is. She does 4 days a week, 4.5 hours a day. Team gymnastics is honestly a sacrifice for the whole family. Some things I have done, to be able to simplify are:I have been able to find a carpool arrangement to get her straight from school to gym, 1 day a week she takes city transit. At the beginning of each school year, I speak with her teachers, and let them know our time constraint situation for homework and projects (so far so good, all involved have always been ok with her handing in assignments and projects on Mondays if she needs a little extra time) And, most importantly a light in the car. She does a lot of homework on the way home from gym.

 

[Jmandawg]

Thanks everyone, I will try to talk to her teacher, maybe they will give us homework extensions, but it's doubtful because this is a fundamental school, they are very strict. But it's worth a shot. I'm in the same boat as 1canadiangymmom, my daughters school is 45minute drive from our house. Hopefully we can get this worked out.

 

[1canadiangymmom]

Thanks everyone, I will try to talk to her teacher, maybe they will give us homework extensions, but it's doubtful because this is a fundamental school, they are very strict. But it's worth a shot. I'm in the same boat as 1canadiangymmom, my daughters school is 45minute drive from our house. Hopefully we can get this worked out.

2 words - car homework!

 

[OwlGalLiz]

My son's school is 30 min from our house, with his gym 30 min the opposite way. With 3 practices (4 hours) a week that start an hour after school ends, I understand. We chatted with the teachers, and he gets homework on Monday that is due on Friday. He also does reading and I quiz him on spelling and math problems on our drives. This allows for him to get to bed by 930 ish and up at 7. Occasionally, if he needs some extra homework time, we get up at 630. It's a tight schedule, but totally doable.

 

[Jmandawg]

2 words - car homework!

Ha ha, we do that too, she's just too much of a perfectionist, for example she has to write 10 sentences with her vocabulary words, but the sentences end up being miniature stories, that take her around 15 minutes each to think of and write. And then if there is a worksheet with small lines and there is not enough room for her to write sometimes all hell breaks loose. I try to tell her it doesn't have to be perfect but she won't listen...

For example see attached

 

[profmom]

Can you get the homework that's due Friday any earlier in the week? Extensions are more problematic sometimes than getting things early so there's more time to work on them. DH and I both work full time, so I get you! If your DD can figure out how to make this work, it is an excellent lesson in balancing things. DS overthinks EVERYTHING, but has been forced to get a lot better about this since his hours were upped to 20 a week. I don't doubt we will have our share of late nights and early mornings, but my gymnasts understand and accept that it's part of the cost of doing business in this crazy sport.

 

[Seeker]

Use this as an opportunity to help her manage her perfectionism (learning to write one good sentence is a valuable skill -- much harder than writing several lesser quality sentences) and manage her time. Yes, it is hard. I am a single parent and work full time too and have quite a hike to the gym (~1hr)...it's hard, but it is also good for her. Also talk to her teacher and see if there is any leeway there (either by getting the homework earlier or potentially turning in Fri work on Mon). Good luck to you both!!

 

[MeetDirector]

Totally agree with @Seeker. Start now to teach her how to choose the right time to be super detailed and when to do just what is asked. 1 sentence is 1 sentence, that's it. And frankly, use gymnastics as the tool to teach this; follow the instructions and get your homework done (as tasked) and gym happens; take too much time to do your homework and no gym.

My dd went to the toughest college-prep high school and never, ever failed to get her homework done and was in the top 10% of her class and a level 10 gymnast. It can be done.

Good luck.

 

[LuckyMommy]

I hear you! My husband and I each work full time, and commute 45 min's to 1 hour a day. We have a college girl who picks up from school. We have 2 girls in gymnastics -- a 3rd grader doing 12 hours a week (3 nights a week, 4:30 to 8:30 pm) and a 7th grader (same, plus Saturdays for 4 hours). A couple of things that we have done -- (1) work with school district to have child excused from gym class (for our girls, this is 1 period each day) and remain in the classroom to do schoolwork instead, and (2) asked the teachers (privately) to provide some homework assignments the previous Friday or at least on Monday so that some work can be done ahead of time. This was only possible in elementary school, however. We also anticipated and did some recurring homework over the weekend. For example, work ahead in the math book, write a book reporr that is a weekly item.

I would give it more time before you pull your daughter out of gym. Like most of the children whose parents are on ChalkBucket, I assume that gymnastics is a huge part of your daughter's sense of self. They work SO incredibly hard at this sport, it is amazing, and for our girls, to have her make team and pull her out would be devastating. This sport teaches so many wonderful life lessons -- and time management is a huge one. Work with your daughter to ask her what she can streamline. Is she able to do more in the after school care -- is she geting distracted by friends? Can she work more efficiently? I wouldn't take away her gym until you have tried all other options. Elementary school is a good time to figure out how to handle these demands on her time. I bet that she can do it!
LuckyMommy

 

[gymgal]

Is this a private school? Public Charter? traditional Public? If it is the first two, you can ask the teachers and principal for accommodations but you can't really force it because "signed up" for their program (which could include more homework than typical) when you placed her in the school. Still, often times teachers are a lot more flexible than we would expect, especially when they know that the student is doing something productive with her time. If it is a traditional public, you have more play room, explaining that you don't believe in excessive homework (there is a lot of research out there supporting this) and that she should be able to learn everything in the 7 hours in school, plus maybe 1 hr of homework.

As for the perfectionism - that's part of being a gymnast, but you can teach her about priorities. Talk to her about how it is important for her to learn the meanings of the vocabulary words but not important for her to make the perfect sentence every time, particularly when it cuts into her time for other activities like gymnastics, sleep, and family time. It is not going to be 1 talk. You will have to discuss this with her often. Give her timelines and don't let her do homework past a certain time frame at night. You can time her on the weekends doing certain homework activities to give her a sense of how long it takes and how long she will have during the week so if she wants to finish her work (which she will want to do) she needs to work faster - writing less neat, shorter sentences, etc)

One thing that hasn't been mentioned yet, and I know you are thinking of it if you have higher level gymnasts at her gym, is that it only gets worse from here. Hours will increase and she will get more complex homework. If you really feel you, as a family will not be able to handle this moving forward, it is better to pull her sooner rather than later. That doesn't mean it has to be right now but something to think about and to plan for, trying to get her involved in another activity that doesn't take as much time.

 

[gymgal]

My dd went to the toughest college-prep high school and never, ever failed to get her homework done and was in the top 10% of her class and a level 10 gymnast. It can be done.

Good luck.

do they actually rank college prep academies? Just curious and would love to see the list. We had a few really good private schools near us when we were living in the northeast just wondering where they would be.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

I have a fourth grader also who is doing 16 hours of Level 6. One thing about our school was that they don't like to give out homework over the weekend in K-4, and assign all of the homework during the week. Well, that is the exact opposite of what we need! We have time on most weekends to get work done.I have been able to work with teachers to allow her to complete some of the next week's predicatable work ahead of time (for example vocabulary and spelling assignments, certain math assignments, workbook reviews that they do every day etc. Normally they are not supposed to work ahead, and she has been allowed to. It seems fair to me since there are other kids pulled from school for various theater pursuits, etc. The gym also has the option of a chance for quiet study time during practice in an emergency. You tell the coach at the beginning of practice, and they pick the rotation that you need the least amount of work on, and you go in a quiet room to do your work.

Of course, whether she continues with gymnastics or not, she will need to learn to manage her time better and not overdo assignments. It only gets worse the older you get. Maybe the school assigns an excessive amount of homework ( I truly believe that there can be too much, and much of it unnecessary and even harmful to learning), and you should consider other schools with good academics. She really should not have that much homework in 4th grade. Rule of thumb is 10 minutes per grade. Beyond that, it becomes too much.

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

 

[beachgirl]

I have a 5th grader with 25 hours and 30 minute commute each way. Meals are eaten in the car on the way home and homework is done in the car on the way there. This frees up more time for homework when she returns home. She also anticipates (sometimes with help from the teacher) what may be coming due and completes this ahead of time on weekends or her 1 weekday off. Time management is very important, you can squeeze things in like spelling words while she's eating and flashcards for tests while brushing teeth, doing hair, etc. It would also help to talk with her teacher. The only problem with all of this is that her hours are bound to increase and you have to look ahead to see if this is something you both will be able to handle in the future.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Mom to a new L4, new hours and more hours, though not single, I work and husband works 60 miles from home

First deep breathes

Next new school year new schedule, you are not in your groove yet.

Talk to teacher, really what saves us is we have teachers who have lives and get we do. Really there should be some flexibility in schedules. And there should be reasonable expectations. Why wait until Wed to assign homework. Also look at your district policy regarding homework. Ours trys to stick to the 10 mins per grade. When I chat with her teacher it is never with the intent to not do the work but with the intent we need to adapt when things get done, but we will get them done. So far all her teachers get it. Get a head start on homework. My girl has gym, viola, Chinese school, religion. I work over nights, husband out of the house at 7 am not home until 7pm. We need to get creative. So reading log 4 nights a week, we do some on the weekend. 3 writing assignments a week. Those get done on non gym nights. Easier rote work, lap desk in the car. Spelling drills, math facts in the car.

Mornings, perhaps squeezing out some time in the AM.

Weekends, love gym perhaps you need to do more school stuff on weekends. If she loves gym, some extra school work on the weekend should be OK.

I consider this a huge lesson for my girl in time management. And we are fortunate we have had teachers who get this.

 

[momnipotent]

I am a teacher and would totally work with you on the homework thing. I would also sit your dd down and lay it on the line that if she continues to take so long to do her homework she will have to give up team gymnastics-(and I would then show her how to make the work complete but easier/less time consuming) that might get her to back off on the homework perfectionism a bit.

 

[OzZee]

I'm horrified that a 4th grader gets more homework than they can do before 5pm. And if given on a wed , due on a Friday not done with all of thurs afternoon free.
If she can't get it done you need to see the school as its excessive.

Also 1 hr to write 4 sentences isn't a good use of time. The school would be expecting 5 mins max per sentence. I think you need to go through her homework (ask the teacher for time guidelines if not sure) and work out a time management plan for her.

There is no way she should have to give up gym at 3 x 3.5 hrs for school work in grade 4!!!
Interests and sport and being healthy are just as important (imo more important).

 

[flippingtogether]

Agreed with all this will be excellent time management skills learned by your DD, and creativity learned on your part. It will be hard to do, but YES you can figure it out and keep you DD on team. There is so much inspiration here on CB for sure.

An idea for the homework sentences .... Longer is not necessarily better or more perfect. It truly isn't. Think of a coach saying to do a tumbling pass of a BHS - BHS as an example. If the gymnast first does a leap series, then does the tumbling she was asked to do, but then finishes up with a straddle jump and dramatic pose - the coach won't be too happy as that was not the task assigned. You can maybe use this type of analogy when explaining it is better to do what is assigned and practice writing concisely yet descriptively enough to get the job done well.

Good luck, you can both do this!! And I really do love your DD's creativity and desire to go the extra mile..... She will go far in life!!

 

[tooootsie]

Not a SAHM here... I do have some friends and family to help out with getting my girls to practice after school m-w-f. Homework is a struggle. I also have an almost 9 year old 4th grader and a 7 year old 2nd grader repeating level 3. They train 12 hours a week. I make them do their hw on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have discussed with the teachers and they are flexible.