Parents Thinking of Pulling my daughter out

[Jmandawg]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Great suggestions. Unfortunately this is a fundamental school in FL, they are really good schools, but there is alot more homework than a normal public and they are very strict, and to make things worse, she is in a switch class this year, so i would have to get 2 teachers to approve giving HW early or turning in HW late. My daughter says a lot of the HW they assign on WED is from stuff they learned on Mon and Tues. And they have to use some weird strategies in math that aren't explained in the book. It's nothing like the math we did when i went to school. Still it never hurts to ask so i will shoot her teachers an email and see what they say. Her mom wants to pull her out and says it's too much stress for everyone.

If i do end up pulling her out, i'm going to at least sign her up for a recreational class so she can keeps some of her skills, and maybe re-visit team when she gets a little more mature.

Thanks again for the suggestions everyone.

 

[tooootsie]

When does meet season start?

 

[Iwannabemargo]

I say again, your HW loads are ridiculous !

Your 4th grade is equivalent to our year 5, at Year 5 Pink was getting 1 maths assignment ( usually a worksheet ) 1 writing assignment (usually 1/2 page of A4 but she would chuck out 2 pages) and 12 spellings A WEEK, given on Thursday, due in on Tuesday.

And I think that half the time is was pointless.

Even now as a year 7 and at secondary (high school) she only gets homework for maths, English and science, once a week.

 

[cbifoja]

I want to start out by saying that I am a teacher. I tell you that so you understand that I am coming from a place that values education.

One year my daughter had a teacher who I felt gave an unreasonable amount of homework. So even though grades in school are important to me, I basically told her that if she ended up with a C in the classit was fine by me and there would be no consequences.

Elementary school doesn't go on your transcript and while it is good to start those habits early. I felt I was making a fair decision based on my daughter's individual needs.

She is now in middle school and attending gym 20 hours a week. She gets almost all of her homework done either at school, in the car, or in early-morning study hall. She brings home only A's and B's. So I don't feel I harmed her education by giving her a pass due to unreasonable expectations. In addition her gymnastics has progressed at a nice rate.

 

[skschlag]

I have a 13 yo, 7th grade, level 9 ds, so I feel your pain. His dad and I both work full time. He gets on the bus at 7am, gets home from school at 3:30, does his homework and eats. I get home at 4:30, and take him to gym. HE has gym from 5-8:30, home around 9, and then finish homework, shower, and eat.

Gym has taught him some good skills for managing time and setting goals. He works hard to keep his grades up so he can compete.

IS there a reason why your dd isn't getting her work done during after school care? Maybe you can talk with them and they can encourage her to work more there! Otherwise, I 2nd the car idea, homework in the morning, etc.

 

[Gymmom826]

Hi all,

My daughter who is 9-1/2 years old and in 4th Grade, just started level 4 competitive team this september, but the team classes are 3.5 hours long - 3 times a week (MWF). I'm a single parent and work full time and so on the days i have her, I rush to pick her up and if she does not get her homework done at the after school care, then there is no time to do it. What's been happening is she gets a bunch of homework on Wed that's due Friday, and since we have team on Wed from 5:00-8:30pm there's no time to do the homework that day, and we try to get it all done Thurs after i pick her up from school. The thing is, she is a perfectionist and she's really slow at doing her homework and was up late at night yesterday working on it and then still had more to work on in the morning before school. And this year the there is much more homework than last year and it's a lot more difficult.

This is really getting stressful for me and her. She really loves being on team, but i think i'm going to have to pull her out and maybe put her in a recreational class and hope she doesn't lose her skills. I just know pulling her out is going to break her heart, it makes me sad. I want to see her succeed at what she loves, but we also have to find a good balance.

How do you all do it? Are you all stay at home parents? Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks.

-J

My dd is in third grade. She gets about an hour of homework. She either doe it on the way to the gym or when she gets home or in the morning. She's in the gym 16hrs a week and we have an hour drive. So far, so good, but if homework increases, it could be a problem. Not enough for me to pull her out though; she loves it too much.

 

[skschlag]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Great suggestions. Unfortunately this is a fundamental school in FL, they are really good schools, but there is alot more homework than a normal public and they are very strict, and to make things worse, she is in a switch class this year, so i would h.

What is a fundamental school?

 

[UnoMas]

Don't pull her out! Rec classes are just not the same and she won't be able to keep/progress with skills. I have 3 girls in gymnastics. I also work full time. We do a LOT of homework in the car, and they also do it at the gym if and when they get a minute. It is VERY stressful, but we have been doing it with my oldest for 7 years now. If she loves gym, it will fall into place. Sometimes letting teachers know about the long practices on certain days really helps and they will give you the work early, or sometimes maybe even let them have an extra day if they really are having trouble getting something done.
Good luck, I hope something can be worked out and you both can get some deep breaths in!

 

[B.Gold]

I say again, your HW loads are ridiculous !
And I think that half the time is was pointless.

I couldn't agree more with you and cbifoja...

I don't value homework. I want control of my children's after school enrichment. (My degree is in middle school education/science. I learned in my college course work how really ineffective homework is prior to high school and I stand by that.)

Our philosophy with my gym-dd is this.... If it doesn't get done in one half hour, in the morning when she's fresh.... It doesn't get done.

Homework is one of those hot button issues with me. I simply believe that the school has my kid for 7 hours, if time is managed well, she shouldn't be stuck doing hours more when she gets home.

Op that doesn't really help you, since it's likely you won't share my opinion. But I agree with what others have posted, this is a great opportunity to help teach your dd to prioritize and learn how to manage her time. I feel certain you'll get this figured out.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

I can only agree with what has already been said. This is a great time to teach personal time management and efficiency, and I love the analogy of adding stuff for no reason vs simply doing the assignment..!
Yes, getting homework done can be daunting when you have a very time consuming activity.
My girls both have to get ready for their activity immediately following school and we don't return home until after 9pm every night. My younger DD (11) gets a 2 hr timeframe on two of those days to get some homework done but honestly she gets most of it done in school by staying in at her lunch break. Older DD (14) does the same, tries to get most of it done in school but lots of times she is up until 11pm if she has more involved assignments due. We have requested study hall instead of PE for my younger one and really crossing my fingers she gets that as it would take a load off her in the evening!
I do agree that it does seem as if your homework load is a bit excessive but it also appears that your Dd is partially responsible for it taking so long and she needs to learn how to manage her time better.
Kids with organized sports/activities do tend to have better self discipline and work ethic, I believe in huge part because they are made/taught to have to make it all work!! Don't take away something that can be very valuable to her in the long run because it's a little stressful now.

 

[kayjaybe]

It is hard to tell if she is getting too much homework or if she is taking too much time to do it. An hour to write 4 sentences does not demonstrate too much homework, it shows too much time spent on it.

I suggest you and her teachers work with her on how to better use her time. Doing way more than is needed or introducing elements into lessons that overly-complicate them is not going to serve her well as she moves up in grades. She will end up spending 10+ hours to write a 1-page paper.

If you pull gymnastics, she will have no reason to try to adjust that behavior. But keeping gymnastics with the caveat that she needs to work more efficiently might be the thing that drives her to develop some balance.

 

[munchkin3]

I hate HW.....I didn't have much when I was in E. School.....it shows the flaw in the school system I think.....
I must say, every year a run into a parent who wants their kid in gifted/advanced classes, on A honor roll, taking extra hard math AND getting first place in optional gymnastics?????
Cmon people.....what are we really teaching??? That they are never quite good enough?

My DD was offered gifted in 4 th grade.....(she is kid #3 so I know by now that by 9th grade, gifted does not exist....only honors and AP......anyone who wants to take these can.)
I said thanks but no thanks.....she is in regular class, getting excellent grades, a model student, regular homework and training 7.....she is a Happy kid, feeling SUCCESSFUL! She is a perfectionist too....

The decision is easy, if fundamental school is where she is, and that is the expected workload, then quit gymnastics now. It only gets harder.

 

[munchkin3]

I couldn't agree more with you and cbifoja...

I don't value homework. I want control of my children's after school enrichment. (My degree is in middle school education/science. I learned in my college course work how really ineffective homework is prior to high school and I stand by that.)

Our philosophy with my gym-dd is this.... If it doesn't get done in one half hour, in the morning when she's fresh.... It doesn't get done.

Homework is one of those hot button issues with me. I simply believe that the school has my kid for 7 hours, if time is managed well, she shouldn't be stuck doing hours more when she gets home.

Op that doesn't really help you, since it's likely you won't share my opinion. But I agree with what others have posted, this is a great opportunity to help teach your dd to prioritize and learn how to manage her time. I feel certain you'll get this figured out.

I agree with you on this one.......they get MUCH more value from learning gymnastics day in and day out than doing homework.....it is a waste of time, and teachers give it out to feel like they are doing their job.......in High school it's different....

I have major issues in general with the school system in this country. (I did not go to school in the U.S.)
It sets kids up to fail.....my kids understand my take on it, yet they also understand that this is the system we have, and we must work within it and STILL succeed DESPITE the system......
There is MUCH more to life than classrooms and homework.....family time, cooking, being outside, sports, travel, movies, time with friends, this is ALL so important for a human being.......BALANCE.....

 

[duyetanh]

First to the OP: I commend you for trying to get more out of your dd's education by getting her into a special school. As an educator I know there are many pathetic schools across the country, and that the school system as a whole in the U.S. of A is er, shall we say, at times some what challenged.
Second, where there is a will there is a way. I would sit down with your daughter and have a heart to heart. If this is something she REALLY wants, she WILL make the changes...but they won't happen overnight. Just like it takes time to change a bad habit, it also takes time to change study habits. For ex, the teacher is asking for one sentence. Well, that's all she gets to write. If she wants to write stories about the sentences, fine....make a copy of her sentences, and she can extrapolate on them for fun over the weekend. If she needs more time, and you have used all her free minutes, she can use the library during lunch two days a week for example.
I was in a very competitive sport. From age 9 onwards I had double workouts. And there was homework. But my sport meant too much to me, so I made sacrifices. I did schoolwork during lunch several days a week; it was hard at first, but after getting used to it, I found I could get a lot done. The trick was to prioritize what I was going to do, and try for that ONE thing during those minutes....had I pulled everything out of my backpack I would have cried in frustration. I also did work in the car.

Yes school and gym will only get harder. But as a former athlete I can tell you I was way more organized than my friends, and so organized in terms of budgeting my time. I also had no free time to get into trouble. As an educator, I can tell you that the ones who are in sports still to this day seem to understand deadlines, contributions, and requirements. And if they don't get things done, both they and their parents understand the consequences. The students who seem to procrastinate are often the ones who have too much time on their hands, and thus don't know how to manage it.

I actually see this as a great life lesson for your child, and if I was in your situation I would embrace it. The sentence example you have given alone speaks volumes. She needs to be more concise, and realize this can be transferred to all areas in life. Good luck to you. If you do decide to pull her out, I would definitely have the heart to heart, as this will make her own part of the decision, so that she doesn't resent you for it later.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

As a mom who has had to deal with some of these issues as well, I would (very gently) suggest that the problem isn't actually gymnastics. Even taking your comments about amount of homework as a given and the school's expectations, it still seems as if your daughter's issue is actually "how to do homework" rather than how to fit in gymnastics. I am reasonably certain that her teachers have an amount of time in mind when they assign homework. And I would be heavily that she is taking WAY more time than expected. As others have suggested, I would start with a meeting with you, teachers, and daughter. Rather than asking for extensions/different schedule, I would start with having each teacher delineate what homework should take. Looking at spelling as an example, I'm guessing the teacher expects 5 min. per sentence. So then it is a matter of helping your daughter work within the expected time and putting aside the "has to be perfect" thing. It will take practice, coaching, and encouragement from you and teachers to get there. It may even be worth investigating a tutoring service to teach these skills. She doesn't need help with the material, but rather with the method. If her teachers know this is an issue, they should be willing to help her with it. If they aren't, shame on them. But if they aren't, find out if there are other resources at the school that can help.

Car homework helps, car meals help, but really, she needs the homework management skills more than anything. I would bet that she would have trouble getting it done even without gymnastics, so stopping that isn't going to help her. Also, make sure you have checked the obvious -- does she also take forever in class? If so, have you checked for vision problems or a hidden learning disability? It would be a shame to stop a sport over something that isn't related to that at all. Is she overly-perfectionistic in other parts of her life and could that indicate an entirely different emotional / mental health issue?

 

[NMNorskie]

Fourth grade is a good time to start building good habits. One of those good habits is spending an appropriate (not excessive) amount of time on tasks. Dragging things out is a form of self-sabotage, and it's not a habit that will serve her well in life. If she does that at work when she's 25, she'll get fired.

My fifth-grade gymmie does her homework in the morning, before school (she's an early bird and they don't start school until 9am, so it's not as bad as it sounds). This is her first year on team, so we're working on having the self-discipline to sit down and knock that work out instead of goofing around, but we're getting there.

(Don't even get me started on this whole homework in elementary school thing. Studies show that it actually does more harm than good at this age level, but many parents demand it, thinking it shows that the school is more rigorous. And on top of that, we expect kids to be involved in sports and other activities to a far greater degree than we did 30 years ago...it's just a mess. Kids need downtime.)

 

[blueredzone]

We have talked with our Daughters teachers about gymnastics. We have asked for the weekend for homework. They have complied with our requests.

I would not recommend an email. I would recommend a conference.

If you had an issue with something at gym would you email or talk to them directly?

An email is impersonal a conference is direct and shows you care.

Im not a huge fan of homework either. When I went through school I did what I had to do and that was about it. If I paid attention in class and did what the teacher asked I passed. I also played every team sport pretty much so I was extremely busy.

 

[profmom]

Actually I generally email first to lay out the agenda for anything and then talk, because I view it as more respectful of people's time and possible need for preparation before talking.

 

[blueredzone]

Actually I generally email first to lay out the agenda for anything and then talk, because I view it as more respectful of people's time and possible need for preparation before talking.

Thats a great way to go about it.

 

[gymmutti]

Both my girls attend a magnet school that is known for its large amount of homework. Older DD was doing 12-16 hours when in 4th grade and is a perfectionist who struggles with anything less than perfect. Gymnastics has been the BEST thing for her. She has learned that when you don't get it the first time, you pick yourself up and do it again. She doesn't go into hysterics when she doesn't get an A on an assignment. Thank you gymnastics!!!

By 5th grade she was taking homework to recess and working on it. She had two friends (a dancer and a swimmer) who did the same. In middle school (now at 20 hrs a week) she works on HW every spare minute. She is up late and I drive her to school in the morning as it allows her to sleep an extra 30 minutes.

Younger DD is in 4th grade now and doing 20hrs of gymnastics. She is not a perfectionist. She spends a lot less time on HW but still manages to get mostly A's.

Perfectionists are tough. Gymnastics has helped my DD a great deal in dealing with life when things can't be perfect. I recommend keeping her in gym. Elementary transcripts are not sent to colleges for decisioning. This is a great time for her to learn that sometimes good enough is okay.