Too harsh?

[momocay]

I had an incident in the gym the other night with my dd. She was tired and frustrated and began to cry. One of her coaches called her over and began a tirade about what a baby she is and asked the other girls to look at the cry baby. Then asked her if she was happy she was now the center of attention. This went on for a few minutes, but thats the general idea. I am incredibly angry, and about ready to find another facility. I do not encourage crying, but am disgusted that the coach would belittle my daughter. Sadly it is not the first time. When a team mate asked her if she was ok, the girl was told to get away from my daughter so she didnt "catch it". There is no talking to the coach, because the coach also owns the gym. Do I run now?

 

[B Gymnast]

That's horrible.. If I was in that situation I would definately find a new gym. I hope it all gets better.

 

[Coacharella]

What is the viewing area like? This all happened within earshot of you hearing it? It's gutsy of the coach to do that knowing the parent can hear...it sounds harsh right off the bat, do you happen to know the reason your daughter was crying?

Belittling to me is disgusting and counter productive...I am sorry this has happened to your daughter.

Your post does say your daughter was tired and frustrated, did the coach pick up on this? Or did she think she was crying because of some other reason? Like it was "too hard", or something of that nature..?

 

[2012_olympics]

I would deffenly run and find a new gym right away !!!!!!!!!!

 

[momocay]

The coach was at the other end of the gym. I saw a conversation and my dd crying harder, but didnt know the details until we were driving home. She was working on a new skill and couldnt hit it. That coupled with being exhausted set her off. The coach she works well with wasnt there and unfortunately, my daughter felt too uncomfortable to go to this coach/owner and tell her what was going on.

 

[bogwoppit]

I would leave if I had other choices of gym.

If I didn't have other choices then I would confront the owner. Simply said he/she can be frustrated with your child, but he cannot name call, belittle and isolate. That is bullying, not acceptable in a child, cruel and creepy in an adult. If he refuse sto apologise to you and DD, leave and try another sport. Gymnastics is not worth having your kids bullied over.

 

[nettyinpa]

Run away!!! Fast!

Can you say 'inappropriate behaviour by the coach'? No way would I tolerate that. Totally uncalled for. Instead of making a specticle of her she could've pulled her aside to find out what was wrong. How old is your dd??

 

[drivingmom]

RUN NOW. I would never even take my dd back!!! I would also have so choice words for that coach/owner in private. I will not allow my dd to be subjected to that treatment.

Good luck~

 

[gymjoy]

You know, there is yelling when a coach is frustrated or angry or even concerned (hey, we all show our emotion differently). However, I feel this coach stepped over the line into personal attack - (bullying the child). It is absolutely inappropriate, and if it were me, I'd be in there asap to let them know how I felt about it. I'd really want to hear what he had to say for himself. That would tell me whether i need to run away or not.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I had an incident in the gym the other night with my dd. She was tired and frustrated and began to cry. One of her coaches called her over and began a tirade about what a baby she is and asked the other girls to look at the cry baby. Then asked her if she was happy she was now the center of attention. This went on for a few minutes, but thats the general idea. I am incredibly angry, and about ready to find another facility. I do not encourage crying, but am disgusted that the coach would belittle my daughter. Sadly it is not the first time. When a team mate asked her if she was ok, the girl was told to get away from my daughter so she didnt "catch it". There is no talking to the coach, because the coach also owns the gym. Do I run now?

run baby run

 

[hakunamatata]

That's completely unacceptable. I'm honestly appalled. Is this the first time something like this has happened, or have you had problems with this coach before? I would be in that coach/owner's face immediately. If he doesn't offer a HUGE apology and promise to change the way he handles those types of situations, I'd yank your dd out of there right away. It's not worth her feeling threatened and belittled.

 

[Bella's Mom]

Nothing more to add to the substance of the replies you've already received but I did want to offer hugs to you and your daughter for such an awful experience. Some people should not be working with children and it sounds like your daughter's coach is one of them.

I would never say something like that to a student in my classroom and they are all high school kids! Not sure how old your daughter is but I'm assuming she isn't a teen yet so that just makes it even worse.

Coach is a bully and needs to pick on someone his own size.

 

[gym law mom]

Leave and don't look back. If you want to send a letter to the owner/coach explaining the reason you left that's your decision, but I would not let dd back in that gym.

 

[coachmolly]

Yikes! Behavior like that is NEVER acceptable. Get out of there as fast as you can, but I do think you should let the owner know what is going on with this coach so it doesn't happen to another unsuspecting child.
Give your dd lots of love and hugs and let her know that it's not her fault. We all have bad days and it doesn't mean that we are a bad person or bad at what we do, it's unfair she was made to think that is the case.
Sending lots of good thoughts your way that things work out!

 

[momocay]

Thank you for all that have responded. The answers to some of your questions are that she is 11, and hormones are a changing. She is not really young, but to me it doesnt matter. She has always been one of the kids in the gym who is hard working, never giving the coaches a problem. The coach in question is also one of the owners of the gym. This is not the first time there has been a problem. In the past when it is addressed the parents have generally been told that the kids are lying. All in all, I know that the answer is to go elsewhere. I just wasnt sure if this was more prevelant in competitive sports than I had known. I will be making those calls today!

 

[lilgymmie7]

Thank you for all that have responded. The answers to some of your questions are that she is 11, and hormones are a changing. She is not really young, but to me it doesnt matter. She has always been one of the kids in the gym who is hard working, never giving the coaches a problem. The coach in question is also one of the owners of the gym. This is not the first time there has been a problem. In the past when it is addressed the parents have generally been told that the kids are lying. All in all, I know that the answer is to go elsewhere. I just wasnt sure if this was more prevelant in competitive sports than I had known. I will be making those calls today!

I am glad that you are so level headed and understand what is best for your DD. It is so shameful that an adult can not see the true harm they place on a child. I feel like such a broken record when I speak about the adult's role in a child's life as serving as the child's advocate. I have so much experience at home and school where adult's are so hell bent on allowing their own needs supercede that of a child's needs.
A coach who belittles a child at the gym truly sees no value in a child's right. As a teacher, I am always assessing how my interactions with a child impacts that child. No, competitive gymnastics is not about belittling or punishing a child. I have been a gymnast and have two DD's, the oldest is no longer a gymnast ( Impart because of what you have experienced) and little DD is currently involved. If any coach spoke to my little DD in that manner, I would certainly confront that person and believe me when I tell you that individual would be left with a gaping mouth. I would matter of factly and without insult let them know how much in the wrong they were for speaking to my child or any child in that manner.

 

[gym_vamp96]

wow

RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!! my coach used to be like that but not as bad she wouldnt single one of us out but talk to us as a group. that is just plain old horrible that someone would do that to another person!!

 

[jenniffir]

Hmm this sounds like a situation one of the girls at my gym is at, my coach is constantly teasting us and calling us names (like tard head i see no tard upon my head!) but when a girl is fritenghed by a skill because she has gotten hurt due to his improper coach he makes her climb rope for the rest of the event and wont coach her for the rest of practice. He openly humilates her as you have mentioned also. I feel sorry for her and have advised her that if she doesn't like the coach that much (she expressed feeling to quite gym saying that all coaches would be like him) she should talk to her mom or change gym. Sometimes thats best.

 

[gymgramma]

Grab your DD and RUN!!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Hmm this sounds like a situation one of the girls at my gym is at, my coach is constantly teasting us and calling us names (like tard head i see no tard upon my head!) but when a girl is fritenghed by a skill because she has gotten hurt due to his improper coach he makes her climb rope for the rest of the event and wont coach her for the rest of practice. He openly humilates her as you have mentioned also. I feel sorry for her and have advised her that if she doesn't like the coach that much (she expressed feeling to quite gym saying that all coaches would be like him) she should talk to her mom or change gym. Sometimes thats best.

seriously...tard head?? c'mon, how old is the coach? 9??