Parents Ugh, bratty little child..

[agymmom]

GymMom - I think part of the reason your post went south is because not only did you refer to the 4 year old as "bratty" and "rotten," but you also declared that your daughter was better than said rotten child. Honestly, it just doesn't come off well....even as a vent. I don't think you would have gotten the same replies had you left out the part about your kid being better.

When I read your post, I personally didn't really mind your choice of words, but I do have to admit that what I thought was "she's complaining that her superstar gymmie is being bothered by the bratty 4 year old who sucks and doesn't know what to do about it." You are free to come back at me and say that's not what you said, but that's how it came across TO ME.

These are public forums and people get replies on here that they don't like all the time, but there are also tons of fabulous posters and lots of valuable information to be had.

 

[krisnkids]

Just be your kid's biggest fan

I used to coach so I have a very hard time doing this, but I wish every gym in the world would have this in bold above the parent's seating

 

[GymMom22107]

anyway I'm done defending myself to people who clearly don't understand what it's like to be frustrated! I think i'm done with this board. If you seriously never thought to yourself that a child other than your own was acting bratty, than you are down right lying to yourself and you know it!

 

[GymMom22107]

I was going to respond but you know what, I'm just not. I was venting and I'm not apologizing for it!

 

[cbifoja]

Venting doesn't mean that no one will reply to you with words you disagree with. You can vent all you want. Some people will agree with you and some people will disagree. I've been shot down plenty of times here when I've vented and someone disagreed with me. Venting does not make you immune to people being able to disagree with you.

It doesn't matter to me what you called the child. The fact remains that you are sitting here calling some small child names and since you are an expert on what is rude, you should realize that this is pretty rude! And big deal that you didn't say it out loud to people. You put it on the internet. In this day and age, that's pretty "out loud".

I'll be honest, for me my biggest yuck moment in your post is when you were talking about how the other child shouldn't even be in the class, like it was your call to make!

I agree that no child should be endangered by another but there are better ways to handle it than to making mean comments about a small child. And you can be as offended as you want and call me whatever names you want. I still stand by my words no matter if you want to dismiss them.

And no, my child has never endangered another child at the gym. She keeps her hands and feet to herself. The snideness has come from my child skipping a level, a decision that neither she nor I had any hand in making. A child from another level informed her that she only was allowed to skip because her "mother is the _____________." Now I could have come here and started calling that child names (and she's a lot older than 4), but I realize that the kid is probably just repeating what she heard her mother say and that isn't her fault.

I bring (and brought up) her skill and challenges to make a point: that just because the "parents" don't see potential or promise in a gymnast, doesn't mean that the coaches don't. I assure you that I see the same weaknesses in her gymnastics that some parents want to focus on: her artistry....yikes! Still needs work in leg flexibility. But what's more important than what the parents see is whatever it is that her coach sees in her. I don't pretend to know enough about coaching to say who should or should not be in a class or in a certain level. So when her coach wanted to skip her up, I said "cool" and if she wants Bella to repeat L5 then again, I'll say "cool". And I won't worry about what one of her other teammates may or may not be allowed to do.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I think everyone has a right to an opinion (as long as stated respectfully). IMHO, I would be careful with using the word rotten to describe a FOUR year old child.
From a coaches perspective, If a parent approached me with safety concerns as some of you posted about, this would absolutely be dealt with immediately. Safety is my first priority. On the other hand, if I overheard an ADULT calling any child (team child, rec preschooler, or sibling in the waiting area) a rotten child I'd probably begin to wonder about them.
I've seen plenty of parents who are upset that there is a younger child in their kids class. What these people often don't consider is that, ok while the child may be the worst in the group at the moment, the young child may be bored out of her mind in the younger class and is at the top of that class. I don't believe kids should be stuck at a certain level in gymnastics just because of age. If they are hurting another child or being that big of a distraction, then this is obviously not okay, but if they are acting their age I don't see a problem with it.

but don't you remember Chucky? i've come across a couple of them over the years. lol.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

And good lord I only called the kid a brat It's not like I called her an a-hole or something! My own child can be "bratty" sometimes I think ALL kids have "bratty" moments! I think some of you took the word brat and got a little bit too offended by it!

hey there GymMom, not me. relax, i understood what you meant. i see it consistently in my own program. although, so far, it hasn't been one of the coach's children. i can see where that would be a problem based on my experience with other coaches and their children. coach's will be the first to tell you that their own kids are brats when they're brats. and the women coaches use much stronger language. lol.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Venting doesn't mean that no one will reply to you with words you disagree with. You can vent all you want. Some people will agree with you and some people will disagree. I've been shot down plenty of times here when I've vented and someone disagreed with me. Venting does not make you immune to people being able to disagree with you.

It doesn't matter to me what you called the child. The fact remains that you are sitting here calling some small child names and since you are an expert on what is rude, you should realize that this is pretty rude! And big deal that you didn't say it out loud to people. You put it on the internet. In this day and age, that's pretty "out loud".

I'll be honest, for me my biggest yuck moment in your post is when you were talking about how the other child shouldn't even be in the class, like it was your call to make!

I agree that no child should be endangered by another but there are better ways to handle it than to making mean comments about a small child. And you can be as offended as you want and call me whatever names you want. I still stand by my words no matter if you want to dismiss them.

And no, my child has never endangered another child at the gym. She keeps her hands and feet to herself. The snideness has come from my child skipping a level, a decision that neither she nor I had any hand in making. A child from another level informed her that she only was allowed to skip because her "mother is the _____________." Now I could have come here and started calling that child names (and she's a lot older than 4), but I realize that the kid is probably just repeating what she heard her mother say and that isn't her fault.

I bring (and brought up) her skill and challenges to make a point: that just because the "parents" don't see potential or promise in a gymnast, doesn't mean that the coaches don't. I assure you that I see the same weaknesses in her gymnastics that some parents want to focus on: her artistry....yikes! Still needs work in leg flexibility. But what's more important than what the parents see is whatever it is that her coach sees in her. I don't pretend to know enough about coaching to say who should or should not be in a class or in a certain level. So when her coach wanted to skip her up, I said "cool" and if she wants Bella to repeat L5 then again, I'll say "cool". And I won't worry about what one of her other teammates may or may not be allowed to do.

just to be fair, i once had a 4 year old call me an m'efer. it's one of the funniest things that have EVER happened to me as a teacher.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I used to coach so I have a very hard time doing this, but I wish every gym in the world would have this in bold above the parent's seating

and...keep your mouth shut and no mime/sign language. just sayin.

 

[cbifoja]

I expect such things from my high school kids but not a 4YO!!!! Someone should wash his/her parents' mouths out with soap!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

it was the uncles (3) fault. lol.

 

[cbifoja]

Now this kid wouldn't have been your nephew, would he?

 

[GymMom22107]

Thanks Dunno, I'm glad someone is down to earth. Anyway there is more to life than getting all upset about whether someone thinks their kid is great and honestly who doesn't think their kid is great? Maybe I could of worded things more kindly but again I was irritated and after watching the same situation over and over I just kind of popped. I also just kind of blurted my words out on the computer because I was steaming on the bleachers and felt like I was going to bust! My daughter has wanted to quit gymnastics because of this girl before so yeah I was a tad frustrated with her and she is definitely not a child I would want my daughter hanging around with outside of the gym. Also my opinion on whether this girl is in this class because her mom works there is that maybe she is in there because of her mother or maybe she does have something I just cannot see. I'm not saying it's not possible but also I'm sure it does happen that kids get into higher levels because their family is working there. The coaches daughter is also in the same class as my daughter, lol, imagine that and my daughter loves her. She is a great kid and she is also much younger, I believe she just turned 4 recently. She actually listens and behaves though. I just hope this kid learns to keep her hands to herself and pays more attention to the coach than bugging other kids. Luckily my daughter is pretty good at staying away from her but it's too bad she and all the other kids have to avoid her and try to get away from her. They shouldn't have to be focused on her!

 

[GymMom22107]

Also to give you some background info, the kids in the class range from 4-6 but the only 4 year old is the "brat" child (kidding, I just had to say it) and the coaches daughter, who actually just turned 4 recently and was even in the same class last year as a 3 year old but really who cares if her parents (both coaches) think she is ready, that is their decision. Most of the girls are 5-6 though and my daughter is 5. So the child I was talking about isn't like some poor lonely soul who is the only young child there. Most of the girls are very close to the same age group as her, so that is why I am not quick to excuse her behavior just because of her age. My daughter was 4 about 6 months ago and she didn't do that, neither did the other girls, being 4 isn't a very good excuse in this situation!

 

[eme777]

First of all, I don't think "brat" is a derogatory term. I think all kids have their bratty moments, it's just that some seem to have these moments much more frequently than others.

I think some people are misguided in saying or implying that this is a phase that these kids will grow out of or that ADHD is an excuse for this kind of behavior. Kids whose poor behavior goes uncheck will NOT grow out of it. I can think of a girl who showed similar behaviors in gym (at the age of 4, then 5, and so on). She became a 9 year old who broke her foot having a screaming, kicking temper tantrum on the floor. This is a result of poor parenting, not a phase and not ADHD.

Also, this is not only a safety issue, but a case of a child interfering with the right to learn of the other children. This is never ok, be it in the gym, classroom or any other sport or activity. All children have the right to learn, no exceptions!

By the way, I'm the mom of 3 kids, all with very different personalities, & one with ADHD, but all 3 of my kiddos know that there would be H*** to pay if the ever behaved that way in the gym (or any where else).

 

[gym law mom]

Ok, so it would be awkward to talk to a coach about little one's behavior since both parents coach there. My guess is since the parents spend the majority of their day in the gym, the gym is used somewhat as daycare---put the dd in a class that mom/dad teach to keep an eye on her. The 4yo is probably too young for the group and may not even want to be there so the lousy behavoir may be her showing boredom and wanting out. You are paying for the class to be done in a sane manner so your child can learn. Is there a similar class she can move to?
How does your dd feel about this girl bothering her? Sometimes the kids are much less affected than the adults.

 

[GymMom22107]

Also I think people think of words differently too and it's hard to tell exactly what someone means over the computer. Like when I said she was rotten, that is nothing I wouldn't say about my own child if her behavior was bad. When my child is misbehaving I say her behavior is rotten or she is acting like a brat. I don't see anything wrong with that but I suppose some people feel differently about those words, I guess it just depends on the person. And as I reread my original post I can see where people may have thought I was thinking my child was so great, I think I wrote it in the wrong way and in the wrong place when I wrote about her doing well, I wrote it because I was trying to point out that maybe that was the reason the other child was acting that way, but I can see how it was taken in a different way. I was angry and was writing feverishly so I think it just came across the wrong way.

 

[GymMom22107]

Ok, so it would be awkward to talk to a coach about little one's behavior since both parents coach there. My guess is since the parents spend the majority of their day in the gym, the gym is used somewhat as daycare---put the dd in a class that mom/dad teach to keep an eye on her. The 4yo is probably too young for the group and may not even want to be there so the lousy behavoir may be her showing boredom and wanting out. You are paying for the class to be done in a sane manner so your child can learn. Is there a similar class she can move to?
How does your dd feel about this girl bothering her? Sometimes the kids are much less affected than the adults.

My daughter just tries to stay away from her and I think my daughter sometimes does try to be nice to her and be her friend but it always back fires on her because she ends up bothering my daughter in some way. One time my daughter was doing a cartwheel and the girl ran up to her really close, not sure what she was doing, and my daughter ended up kicking her because she was so close and the other girl dropped to the floor like my daughter had shot her. lol, it was quite dramatic. I try to just not watch practice but my daughter really likes me watching so I will sometimes but it can be frustrating. In a way I kind of feel bad for the kid though because her mom is sort of over bearing and she is always in dance or gymnastics, like right before their 2 hour class she has a private dance class and then after gymnastics class they have ballet and the kid is only 4. She does competitive dance as well. So perhaps she is acting out because she is overtired, I'm not sure exactly.

 

[NewtoGym]

Wow, well apparently I can't vent in this place!!!

You can vent all you want. Just know that this is a public forum and when you are very aggressive and angry with
posts you will hear responses from your "vents" that you may not appreciate! You are putting yourself out there so take your lumps, ignore the one's that elicit a response you don't appreciate and maybe practice what you preach to your
daughter - ignore the ones you don't like!

You will find if you stick around that there is a wealth of experienced parents, coaches, gymnasts on here.
However, there is always a newbie that comes on and makes the typical comments "my dd is so great. She is the best 5-year-old, etc" or "everyone hates my DD because she is so talented and everyone is jealous". We have heard it all. Don't
be defensive (and no i am not saying you posted those above comments, just examples of things that you will inevitably hear if you stick around. Be open to suggestions and relax a bit.

 

[littlegirlsdream]

Believe me I understand. I have a 9 year old who was the recipient of this type of behavior. It went on for years and my daughter couldn't take it so we had to move on Sadly our concerns fell on deaf ears the labels that were given to this kid were like a license to misbehave and be hurtful to others. That isn't ok! My youngest is 4 and a challenge to say the least but her behavior is never excused but we do try and help her learn and practice better self control ie hands to herself. I will say I hope there IS a big difference between a barely 4yo and a barely 5yo. if there isn't my hopes for her are grim:/ Hopefully they handle the situation quickly and your daughter can get back to enjoying what she loves.