Parents Ugh, frustration.

[MILgymFAM]

This is about my younger DD, who is in rec gym. She really, really wants to be invited to team. She works hard, and begged to add a third class for more practice. She also begged to do the Sunday conditioning class to get stronger. She keeps plugging away, but she is just not strong enough for bars. At her request, I have asked two seperate coaches at the gym to give her a couple of private lessons- either on the bars or even just specific conditioning that she could carry to home. Both declined saying private lessons would be of no benefit to her. I am so frustrated because at our gym, you pay for privates, you get them. DD is ten, but she knows this and is hurt that they refused. She now feels she can't possibly improve or ever make team, and is heartbroken. I told her it doesn't mean that, but damn couldn't they just take the money and help her best they could? It's not like lessons come with any guarantees. Sigh. Rant over.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Well,,,,,, it's tough, but they sound like they are being very honest with you, which is a good thing right?

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

buy her an over the door conditioning bar for home. It's not expensive, I believe I got dd's from WalMart. Have her start doing pull ups on the bar at home. You or your husband may have to help her at first. I held my dd's legs while she pushed up until she could do one or two on her own. I also heard coach telling another mother the other day "lots of push ups and lots of handstand holds." Now, dd will start doing l ups and v ups at home and other conditioning when she doesn't have practice on Saturdays.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I appreciate their honesty, I do. But.. But- I would rather them be honest that they didn't expect great gains from lessons, but still do them if I understood and still wanted to pay. Her coaches have said her greatest roadblock isn't her strength, it's her lack of self confidence. This seems counterproductive to that.

 

[MILgymFAM]

buy her an over the door conditioning bar for home. It's not expensive, I believe I got dd's from WalMart. Have her start doing pull ups on the bar at home. You or your husband may have to help her at first. I held my dd's legs while she pushed up until she could do one or two on her own. I also heard coach telling another mother the other day "lots of push ups and lots of handstand holds." Now, dd will start doing l ups and v ups at home and other conditioning when she doesn't have practice on Saturdays.

Girls do condition at home- lots of push ups, v-ups, and handstand holds. We own a pull up bar (hubby is a Marine, after all, lol), but younger DD cannot do them and I can't help her. Quite honestly, lifting her is an issue for me. We will have access to an assisted pull up machine once we move this summer.

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

It's a catch 22, if you don't push or encourage, children don't know how far they themselves can go. You have to tell them they can do it!!! It is intrinsic, they already know they have weaknesses. My dd is 11 and was once told that she was "weak". LOL After the pull up bar, she has improved greatly.

 

[Midwestmommy]

Get a 3 step stool for her to get on chin up bar. Start with hangs. There are gyms in our area that wouldn't give her the time of day because she is 10. You might want to check in with some other gyms in the area. Maybe an excel program that gives those girls some decent hours (8 or more a week). Also a low beam and mat at home for handstands, cartwheels. She can do some good very simple basic stuff at home. you might be surprised. She won't get enough strength stuff in a rec class.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Get a 3 step stool for her to get on chin up bar. Start with hangs. There are gyms in our area that wouldn't give her the time of day because she is 10. You might want to check in with some other gyms in the area. Maybe an excel program that gives those girls some decent hours (8 or more a week). Also a low beam and mat at home for handstands, cartwheels. She can do some good very simple basic stuff at home. you might be surprised. She won't get enough strength stuff in a rec class.

The step stool is a great idea! The xcel team is what she is aiming for, actually. My older DD is 12, just started doing gymnastics, and moved to team. I know it's not common, but it is possible here. Younger DD is in rec classes, but over 5.5 hrs a week, and the coaches are the same as team and run classes the same. According to the HC she is team ready on floor and beam, nearly there on vault. The only holdout is consistent pull overs. We have a beam and mat at home, both girls love to practice on them.

 

[Sasha]

That is frustrating - I feel for your DD. I am guessing the coaches said a bar private wouldn't be useful because she lacks the strength right now to make it worthwhile(?) Maybe not to get her hopes up that a couple privates would get her close to ready or team? I don't know. It's weird they wouldn't do something with her, even if they know it's a longer road to the success she is aiming for than a few privates. There are girls at our gym a long ways away from their goals, but they take privates. And our XCEL team takes every single girl who shows enthusiasm and work ethic (though they do have them officially 'try out' to make it feel like a big accomplishment, which is cool as it really boosts their spirits).

Since you are moving soon, is she interested in an XCEL route? I'm sure you could find a gym more than happy to work with an enthusiastic girls who loves gym.

Hope she doesn't give up on gym! 10 is young and strength will come!
Best,
s

Edit: I just read your update that she is interested in XCEL - that's great. And I'm sure she will get that pullover with some more pullups at home. She is only 10 and has lots of time to compete on XCEL.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Yes, they both said it would be a waste of my money. I kinda already knew that a few lessons wouldn't get her there, but I know my kid and it would help get her there mentally, if that makes any sense. She is holed up in her room right now, upset. She told me, in her own words, that she feels like she is getting mixed messages. Last weekend the HC was selling extra comp leos and dd was eyeing them. HC told her I wasn't gonna buy her one because she was gonna earn one next year. Yup, seems like mixed messages to me too. I am upset for her because I dont know how to help her confidence, and as a parent I am at a loss. That is a sucky feeling. Here, xcel is a full on part of team. You have to actually try out or be invited by the HC (like older DD was). Now DD feels she doesn't stand a chance and the past year and a half of trying will get her nowhere. Hopefully when we move (in July) we can find a gym that treats xcel like yours does. Oddly enough, older DD wants to move on from xcel after our move, as she wants more training hours. Ha. These kids are gonna make me completely gray soon enough!

That is frustrating - I feel for your DD. I am guessing the coaches said a bar private wouldn't be useful because she lacks the strength right now to make it worthwhile(?) Maybe not to get her hopes up that a couple privates would get her close to ready or team? I don't know. It's weird they wouldn't do something with her, even if they know it's a longer road to the success she is aiming for than a few privates. There are girls at our gym a long ways away from their goals, but they take privates. And our XCEL team takes every single girl who shows enthusiasm and work ethic (though they do have them officially 'try out' to make it feel like a big accomplishment, which is cool as it really boosts their spirits).

Since you are moving soon, is she interested in an XCEL route? I'm sure you could find a gym more than happy to work with an enthusiastic girls who loves gym.

Hope she doesn't give up on gym! 10 is young and strength will come!
Best,
s

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

MILgymFAM, how do you feel about your dd gymnastics? Do you feel confident in her? Do you like to watch her and think, yeah, she looks good out there? Is she really driven and determined? Believe in her and her confidence will soar. Sometimes, the gym just has a different policy altogether. Some gyms make you linger in pre-team for a couple of years. Some gyms make compulsaries very difficult to go up(37-38 AA scores). Some have a policy when to start girls(really young), some don't like tall gymnast. Look it up on chalkbucket and you will find all kinds of topics on this problem. Console her and tell her that if you are moving, you will find her a gym that will accept her. Start working on conditioning at home, make sure she takes a good diet(lots of different kinds of protein and fresh fruits and vegetables.) and good enough sleep.

 

[Quadqueen]

Sorry you're so frustrated. I don't know when you're moving, but when you do, look around and ask questions about XCel teams. The gyms around here pretty much take anyone on XCel who is willing and wants to learn. Good luck!

 

[MILgymFAM]

MILgymFAM, how do you feel about your dd gymnastics? Do you feel confident in her? Do you like to watch her and think, yeah, she looks good out there? Is she really driven and determined? Believe in her and her confidence will soar. Sometimes, the gym just has a different policy altogether. Some gyms make you linger in pre-team for a couple of years. Some gyms make compulsaries very difficult to go up(37-38 AA scores). Some have a policy when to start girls(really young), some don't like tall gymnast. Look it up on chalkbucket and you will find all kinds of topics on this problem. Console her and tell her that if you are moving, you will find her a gym that will accept her. Start working on conditioning at home, make sure she takes a good diet(lots of different kinds of protein and fresh fruits and vegetables.) and good enough sleep.

I feel very confident in her, everywhere but bars, which I think fairly reflects her abilities. She is beautiful on floor and better on beam than some team girls. Vault, well, every handstand flat back looks the same to me. Ha ha. She knows that her father and I, and her sister, have lots of confidence in her. She just thinks we are biased. She looks to her coaches for validation, and does get it, but then stuff like this confuses her. Both my girls condition daily, plus dance, plus karate. I am paleo, and the girls have a very fresh and entirely homemade diet.

 

[iwannacoach]

Buy two firm theraband and attatch them however you can to the chin up bar. Put her on a step stool tall enough to allow her to grab the bar. While holding on to the bar, with one hand, she'll grab and stretch a theraband, pass one foot through, and slide the theraband to the top of her inner thigh. Repeat the process with the other tharaband and leg, lower herself off the stool, and go crazy on chin ups with the theraband lifting the weight she can't. If the theraband provides too much lift the can do higher numbers and/or increase the speed of her pull upward and decrease the speed of the descent..... or go but another pair that stretch more easily.

One note of caution is the bands will slip and get "stuck" behind her knees if she bends her hips and knees past a certain point. That shouldn't be a problem if one of her siblings can be trusted to stand by and help her guide the bands back to where they need to be while she helps by getting her knees straight and below her hips.

 

[Aussie_coach]

Could you tell us which skills she is missing on bars, and what she needs to get. We would be able to give you more specific exercises to help.

 

[Dr Maleficent]

I know how you feel! My 6 yr old dd is desperate to compete like her big brother (she did get to do one 'rec' competition and loved it). She wants to do more training (particularly as she is at the gym most days anyway hanging around waiting for her brother) - currently she does 1.5h per week, but the coach won't let her as she apparently isn't strong enough or flexible enough. Sure it would be nice if she were naturally very strong and flexible (though she is fairly flexible), if we were expecting her to make it to the advanced track team, but just for the normal teams, wouldn't she get strength and flexibility sooner if she were allowed to practice more? I am not under the illusion that she will become some phenomenal gymnast, but she is really keen and it seems a shame not to let her do a bit more. We have now got a pull-up bar and I will try the theraband thing as it seems a brilliant idea (have been holding her up so far and this is not easy). I would love to know of simple safe strength and flexibility exercises that she could work on in case it helps her to be allowed to train a bit more next year.

 

[profmom]

At the beginning of the fall, the boys' coach was very annoyed at how few of his L5s could do a good muscle up. He decreed that at the beginning of practice, every boy had to do five, and if he couldn't do five on his own, they were to assist each other. It only took them a few minutes to do this simple task at every single practice. Fast forward to now -- and almost all of them have it. Technique has to be taught, but strength can be built with patience and repetition. Assisted pull ups every few days will do wonders if she can stick with it!

 

[Ex member]

I know how you feel! My 6 yr old dd is desperate to compete like her big brother (she did get to do one 'rec' competition and loved it). She wants to do more training (particularly as she is at the gym most days anyway hanging around waiting for her brother) - currently she does 1.5h per week, but the coach won't let her as she apparently isn't strong enough or flexible enough. Sure it would be nice if she were naturally very strong and flexible (though she is fairly flexible), if we were expecting her to make it to the advanced track team, but just for the normal teams, wouldn't she get strength and flexibility sooner if she were allowed to practice more? I am not under the illusion that she will become some phenomenal gymnast, but she is really keen and it seems a shame not to let her do a bit more. We have now got a pull-up bar and I will try the theraband thing as it seems a brilliant idea (have been holding her up so far and this is not easy). I would love to know of simple safe strength and flexibility exercises that she could work on in case it helps her to be allowed to train a bit more next year.

It was the same for my youngest dd, she wanted more then the one hour a week rec class. My dd seemed quite flexibile and was quite graceful but didn't have a huge amount of strength and couldn't do chin ups (they didn't practice them in rec eccept during testing). My dd moved up from Rec just after her 7th birthday to a once a week 2 1/2 hour class, they do loads of conditioning and mainly work on beam and bars.

Since dd joined that group just over 3 months ago dd has improved her flexibility and can now do her left leg splits and is improving in the right leg splits and box splits, she can do a pike fold a lot better and can get her pancake stretch flat to the ground.

On the bars dd can now do a pullover and pullups (not from long hang yet, she can do them when the bar is just above her head and she can reach it with stretched arms).

I did get dd a chin up bar just after Christmas as she needed to work on her strength and dd practices her splits nearly every day as well.

 

[gymmomtoo]

I think it's great the coaches were so honest with you--many would just take your money and run. And I also don't think their refusing privates is an indication they don't think your daughter will make team--clearly comments made to her show they believe she can do it. But a private is really only useful if she's working on technique or trying to overcome a fear or something. Her issue appears to be strength and more privates isn't going to help that unless they spend the whole time conditioning--she can do that at home.

If I were you, I would talk to the coach and tell him what her goals are and ask him if she can achieve it and what she needs to do to get there.

And even if she can't do a pull-up now, if she keeps trying and working at it everyday, she WILL get there.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Could you tell us which skills she is missing on bars, and what she needs to get. We would be able to give you more specific exercises to help.

She is missing her pullover. Once she is up on the bar she can do the hip circle and shooting star, but she just can't seem to do the pullover. She got it a few times but promptly lost it.