UGH!!! this is long a huge VENT and my DD is upset

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C

cher062

hello all

I may be rambling here but I guess I need to get this off my chest as I think I'm going to explode if I don't.

Ok about a month or so ago my DD and I had a meeting with the gym owner and the team coach regarding my DD staying on L7 team or going to Prep Op (not something my DD wants). At that time she was given 2 weeks to show improvement and a decision was supposed to be made. At the end of 2 weeks I was told she was showing signs of improvement (she got her giant which was a big skill to get) along with some smaller skills and when I asked the coach what the decision was I was told she would be a L7 through the Summer and they would make a decision. I now hear from my son who is a boys team coach that they decided she would be moved to Prep Op for the summer. Ok they only practice about 6 - 8 hours a week instead of 15 - 20 hours a week. They are saying if she shows she has l7 skills she can come back - fat chance with hardly any time at the gym. Now I think she has her skills just a well as any other at her gym infact there are a few that don't even have what she has so I don't really know what they are talking about. The coach says we discussed this at that meeting we had and I told her I don't remember any such conversation beyond the 2 weeks. Needless to say my DD is in tears at this point we have been with this gym since she was 2yo and now she is 13yo so she doesn't know any other environment. I had to push here to get some answers but first to stay at this gym she said she would "settle" for prepop but really wanted to be L7 so after some discssion with her we decided she is going to look at other gyms over the next few weeks ( she doesn't really want that but she wants to stay L7) and see if she could be happy at another gym and if another gym would let her be a L7 at their gym we do have 4 or 5 other gyms within a drive I'd be willing to do. It is really hard because I do love her current gym and really don't understand what is going on. I do know the new coach wants to promote the new elite team and seems to have changed the philosophy of the gym with regard to team. She seems to be looking only for the cream of the crop (not a catagory my DD is in but she isn't the worst either). Our gym has also seemed to become a more competitive gym then in the past and have their eyes on placing 1st everytime.

DD wants to stay a L7 at our current gym and I am hoping after our meeting with the coach and the owner on Monday that we can do that but I think the coach has already made up her mind and I worry she wont' give DD the attention she really needs over the summer. My Hubby has point blank said that he thinks its time to change gyms.

We really are looking to go for one more year with a club then hopefully she can make a High School team when she goes to High School. My son who is a boys team coach says my DD is as good as any of the girls at the high school (he is graduating in 2 weeks from High school) and he can't see why she wouldn't make a high school team.

Ok if you made it this far god bless you. But I guess now that I've vented I guess I am looking for some suggestion here. Should I just look for a new gym no matter what. Should I take a chance if they let her continue for the summer as a L7 that at the end of the summer they say sorry PrepOp (again DD doesn't want to do prep op but doesnt want to quit competitive gymnastics either). UGH it was such a surprise for me even though the coach seems to thing we covered this already

Thought everyone.
 
Oh cher062, sorry you & DD are having to deal with this situation:(. You know you can always vent here at CB, we understand your frustration. I have mixed feelings regarding the events you have described.

I think Prep Op can be a wonderful option when handled properly. The problem being, progams vary so greatly. Sometimes a less pressured track can be just the thing to help girls gain self confidence & over come issues they may be struggling with. But the amount of hours your gym is offering preps may not be enough for someone(like your DD) who wants to continue to improve & gain new skills & hopefully move to L7.

Then there is the unspoken 'stigma' that some some gyms place on Prep-op programs(treating the Prep girls as if they aren't serious about the sport). From what you have descibed this gym my have that type of philosophy regarding Prep Op.

So I guess my point is Prep Op may be a good fit IF it is the right type of Prep Op program. One that is encouraging & training in hopes of moving the girls back to "regular" levels(if that is the gymnasts goal). Doesn't sound to me like that is how Prep Op is handled at your current gym. Can you talk to some of the Prep parents & see what they have to say regarding the program at your gym?

From what you have said, I think it maybe time to check out other gyms. I'm afraid once this gym has 'labled' your DD as 'only Prep-Op' material, she may never be able to get them to look at her as 'team' material again, no matter what she does. Sad to say, but this is how some gyms run Prep-op.

But I would not totally rule out Prep-op, if you could find a program that fit your DD's needs & goals. Prep-Op can be a wonderful option, when the program fits the gymnast's needs.

I think I'd check out both L7 & Prep-Op options at other gyms, so at least you know all the options available for your DD. She deserves to have the practice hours & quality coaching she'll need to reach her goals.

Good luck!
 
Oh cher062, sorry you & DD are having to deal with this situation:(. You know you can always vent here at CB, we understand your frustration. I have mixed feelings regarding the events you have described.

I think Prep Op can be a wonderful option when handled properly. The problem being, progams vary so greatly. Sometimes a less pressured track can be just the thing to help girls gain self confidence & over come issues they may be struggling with. But the amount of hours your gym is offering preps may not be enough for someone(like your DD) who wants to continue to improve & gain new skills & hopefully move to L7.


Thanks

My DD has been a L7 since last summer. With a few privates this spring she was able to get her giant. They moved her up but only competed 3 events not 4 because she didn't have her giant on bars and our gym wants the L7 to do giants even thought there is another move they could do. On the 3 events she did compete in Yes she could have straighter legs etc but it was her first time doing that level but she did score in the 8's most of the time in the 3 events. (usually 8.3 - 8.6). She only needed a 6.0 on bars to qualify for sectional and not much more to qualify for states. If they had let her do a bar routine and she was falling all over the place or didnt do the giant I think she would have had a 6.0. I just feel if they didn't think she was ready to be a L7 they should have left her at L6. Now that she has competed at L7 she can't go back a level.

I think she has been trying and giving effort. I think too my DD's comments she has told me that her coach says she is improving are also somthing she isn't making up. The prep op program has always been seen as where you go if you can't hack the regular JO program or your not exactly good enough for the "real Team" So to be asked to "step down" to that has her very upset. But one of the real problems is she loves the gym and is having a hard time considering moving to another gym to continue at L7. She wants me to make it so she can stay at this gym as a L7 but I really think that they had already decided at the last meeting they were going to move her and instead of being honest about it they strung her and me along believing.

I truely don't see a difference in her skills from the other average L7 girls and I don't see them putting any more effort into the practice than my girl. The hardest part is between my son and daughter at this gym we have been with them for over 14 years (since the gym opened) and have a some deep roots with this gym so choosing to move is very hard. I know she knows other girls at some of the other gyms and she will make friends very easily but I know too she will feel uncomfortable when they have a meet and the other team (the team she wants to stay with) is her opposition.

It's just so hard at this point. I am so stressed now with the meeting with the owner and the coach. I'm almost at a point of saying why bother if you have your mind made up already.
 
Wow, it doesn't sound like a very pleasant situation. I get the impression that your gym must be fairly large, because a smaller gym would be unlikely to throw a girl off the team who is prepared to do 20 hours a week and put her down to 8 hours, especially when she has already competed a year of level 7.

They may be worried that she isn't going to improve significantly in her second year of level 7. Sometimes a gym does this to protect the girls self esteem. Sometimes a girl who repeats a level and doesn't do much better the second time round feels its all a waste and chooses to quit. maybe they feel she could win in prep optionals and want her to go an experience winning to keep her in the sport. This probably wouldn't be the case with your daughter, but coaches often make these assumptions.

I would strongly recommend you try another gym, it seems your gym is interested in winning medals and training elites. perhaps at another gym she would get more individual care. If you can get your daughter to do a trial class she will probably love it.

It doesn't need to be secretive, nor does it need to be made into a big deal. There is no reason not to tell the gym owner at the meeting "look we really appreciate all you have done for us over the years, but my daughter has decided she wants to do level 7, so if she can't do it here obviously she'll have to go to another gym". Don't say it in a way that it sounds like a challenge just a statement. The way they react to such a statement would tell you if you should stay or leave.
 
don't involve your son.

We aren't but my 18 yo son is very protective of his little sister and he will chime in with his opinion. He would never say anything at the gym but at home he does give his opinion which I do value as he is in the Coaching position and knows what the gym is looking for etc. At home I will ask what is going on at the gym what does he see etc to see if she is putting effort etc into her gymnastics.
 
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Wow, it doesn't sound like a very pleasant situation. I get the impression that your gym must be fairly large, because a smaller gym would be unlikely to throw a girl off the team who is prepared to do 20 hours a week and put her down to 8 hours, especially when she has already competed a year of level 7.

They may be worried that she isn't going to improve significantly in her second year of level 7. Sometimes a gym does this to protect the girls self esteem. Sometimes a girl who repeats a level and doesn't do much better the second time round feels its all a waste and chooses to quit. maybe they feel she could win in prep optionals and want her to go an experience winning to keep her in the sport. This probably wouldn't be the case with your daughter, but coaches often make these assumptions.

I would strongly recommend you try another gym, it seems your gym is interested in winning medals and training elites. perhaps at another gym she would get more individual care. If you can get your daughter to do a trial class she will probably love it.

It doesn't need to be secretive, nor does it need to be made into a big deal. There is no reason not to tell the gym owner at the meeting "look we really appreciate all you have done for us over the years, but my daughter has decided she wants to do level 7, so if she can't do it here obviously she'll have to go to another gym". Don't say it in a way that it sounds like a challenge just a statement. The way they react to such a statement would tell you if you should stay or leave.

yes the gym is one of the larger gyms in the state. My daughter is fairly level headed and it doesn't bother her to repeat a level. Yes in the past year with the new coach they are looking for #1 spot at meets and winning. I'm sure every gym has that in the back of their head but at the same time. My own opinion is if she has the summer to work on her 7 skills she will be outstanding. In the past at L4-6 she has always placed in the top group at states I think she was 15th at L4, 10th at L5 and 9th at level 6 with only a few tenths seperating her from first. It is such a close field for those in the top 20. So she isn't awful or lacking in skill or confidence. This season she didn't get the chance to compete states because they wouldn't let her compete bars until she had her giant. In Feb they finally was going to let her compete all events which I know she would have had a qualifying score for but the meet was snowed out and not rescheduled so she wasn't given an opportunity.

Its just so hard. I am calling other gyms today to make appointments for her to go and meet with the coaches and have them see if she will fit in their L7 program. There are 2 gyms that we definitly know other girls on the teams that are friends of hers outside of the gym so I am hoping she would be accepted at one of those gyms for their program so she has someone she knows and won't feel so much like the new kid on the block and there will be something familure there for her.
 
I am so sorry for both you and your DD, both of you have every right to be upset. I have heard of gyms doing prep-op as an intermediary level between 6 and 7 if they successfully competed level 6 but were missing some level 7 skills, but pushing her backwards when she is more than willing to commit to a more competitive track is ridiculous! She was good enough to compete 3 events last year, and has since gained the skill needed to compete on bars, there is just no reason to push her back. I can see this path being taken if attitude or motivation problems have been prevalent in practices, but it seems as though she has continued to progress. I would suggest checking out other gyms to see what they have to offer.
As a gymnast, the HC placed me in a more laid back training group purely because I was already 11 and only a level 5 and did not have the ideal body type he was looking for. I spent over 3 years at that gym being pushed into the background, not being given as many opportunities, and placing decently at meets, even higher than some of his "chosen" gymnasts as a 2nd year level 5. He then pushed me and some other onto to the USAIGC track which was like play gymnastics to me. We didn't get the hours in the gym, the competitive experience, or the opportunities to progress in the USAG system as I would have liked. I was written off by the HC before he saw me do a single skill and there was no changing that no matter how many meetings we had with him explaining my desire to improve. When I finally left the gym I was so far behind girls who had stayed in the USAG system all along that making up for all of that missed time would have taken forever. Ultimately, it led me to lose my love for gymnastics because I felt so betrayed by coaching professionals, like I did not matter and had no chance at success anyway. I would hate for your daughter to feel the same way as she certainly is a great gymnast with lots of potential.
I'm hoping for all the best as you attempt to speak with your DD's current gym and explore other options. She deserves to be able to continue on her current path and be offered the same opportunities as the other team members.
 
Wait. First you need to speak to the coaches again before you make decisions about this. I understand your son is coaching and may have heard something, but especially in big gyms these coaching staffs tend to be separate and he may have heard from someone who is not a decision-maker or doesn't really know. The head coach (or whoever is in charge of mobility) has the final say. Now there may be a problem where one of the coaches is not as big on her progress or is talking about moving her to prep-op. That would be a second problem and you'd have to evaluate it as it fits...if it's a coach whose group she would be moving out of, or moving into, those would be things to keep in mind when deciding whether to stay.

Age is a factor at some gyms but 7th grade and level 7 is not that old so it's hard to say. It really depends on the gym/area. Here very few gyms would balk at the idea of that but from what I've heard in other states it may be different.

Ultimately it can be hard to measure progress/potential in the optional levels by saying "she has X skills." If they are looking to have girls at the top of L8, 9, 10 meets they are probably looking for a lot of amplitude and technique in order to be able to do the bigger skills, and less injury prone. I agree with Aussie Coach about bigger gyms, many may have limited space to move girls into certain groups and if they think a girl is not progressing through their requirements they may not think it is the best place any more. If they perceive a girl to not have the potential to move into the subsequent groups they may suggest an alternate track. I think you'll have to either look at other gyms who can assure her a spot in L7, and ask your gym again about a plan. There may be additional days she could go with the prep op team to maintain her skills and of course it all depends on the coaching in that group and that coach's attitude towards her.
 
I am so sorry this is happening... :( That really stinks!! I am sure your DD is very unhappy (same with you)

Try talking with the head coach/owner again and see if this is really true. It seems a little bit like second hand news. I watched some of the video's of your DD, she is a pretty solid level 7. Not 1st place scores, but she is getting decent one's.

I hope everything is settled quickly!! Good luck.
 
I am so sorry this is happening. Yes, you need to discuss the issue w/her coach and find out what's really going on.

One thing really jumped out at me from your original post that no one except GymDog has mentioned (or maybe I just didn't catch it). You said that your gym has decided to become much more competitive and seems to be focusing on the "stars" of the team. That is truly so hurtful to the girls who aren't the stars but who solidly plug away at this sport because they just love it. I know my DD was shoved to the background in favor of those stars, who eventually quit altogether! At any rate, my DD DID do a year of prep op. at another gym where she DID gain back skills she had lost due to lack of coaching and fear issues. She has since decided to give Level 7 another try at a different gym and so far she is doing just great.

I think that if the philosophy of your DD's current gym is truly that they only want the high scorers on their team, then it's best to move on. The damage to your daughter's psyche may have already been done. It surely doesn't hurt to take a peek at some other local gyms.

.... at my DD's new gym, there have been about 5 girls who have joined in the last week who had just come by for a quick "look" and they loved the philosophy of this coach and now they're all really motivated and excited about gymnastics again.... switching is sometimes a GREAT thing to think about.
 
First, I just wanted to say that I am so sorry that your DD is going through this. I have to go to bed soon, but I just wanted to say that she is an amazing gymnast to watch! I really hope this works out for her, and that she is treated fairly as she ought to be. Good luck!
 
I am so sorry this is happening... :( That really stinks!! I am sure your DD is very unhappy (same with you)

Try talking with the head coach/owner again and see if this is really true. It seems a little bit like second hand news. I watched some of the video's of your DD, she is a pretty solid level 7. Not 1st place scores, but she is getting decent one's.

I hope everything is settled quickly!! Good luck.

the coach did call me and its not second hand news she wouldn't go into details over the phone other than they always planned to do a re evaluation in June (was news to me) on her and they want her to go to Prep op. I have a meeting with owner and coach on Monday but I think its more for them to say they made their decision. The more I think about this the more I think it really would be a better situation all around if we look at other gyms.
 
From a coaching perspective, its STRANGE that that they are telling you she has to switch to prep opt. I sometimes encourage athletes to switch, but I would never MAKE anyone do that.

I think you need to let them know you are ok w/ her doing another year of 7, and find out WHY they want her to switch? Is she coachable on the things she is struggling with? The coach might only want the stars, but the owner should be thinking about the business and if your daughter is willing to work hard and repeat Level 7 she should be allowed. I think you have been with that gym a long time and its not right what is happening!

If they say she has to switch I would head out the door immediately!
 
From a coaching perspective, its STRANGE that that they are telling you she has to switch to prep opt. I sometimes encourage athletes to switch, but I would never MAKE anyone do that.

I think you need to let them know you are ok w/ her doing another year of 7, and find out WHY they want her to switch? Is she coachable on the things she is struggling with? The coach might only want the stars, but the owner should be thinking about the business and if your daughter is willing to work hard and repeat Level 7 she should be allowed. I think you have been with that gym a long time and its not right what is happening!

If they say she has to switch I would head out the door immediately!
I agree. Talk to the coaches & see what they have to say. Listen closely & watch their body language also. See if they really WANT to coach your DD to reach HER goals. I would not have her remain at this gym if they have pigeon holed her already as "only a prep level gymnast". It sounds like at this gym Preps aren't given enough hours(& possible lack of respect & coaching to do much progressing:(). I'm afraid even repeating L7 there would be a waste of her time & your money, if they have her "label" already. It may break her spirit to be pushed aside & not the get attention she deserves just because she is not a "star":(. I'm sure not competeing all events last season was already stressful on her. She needs lots of encouragement & good quality coaching to help her. If they aren't willing to give her that(which is doesn't sound like they are interested in doing), it is time to move on. All in all, my advice, have a meeting & listen to all they have to say, as well as what they DON'T say(non-verbal ques) as to how they REALLY feel about your DD's future there. Do they seem sincere? Like they really CARE about your DD as an individual, with goals that she wants to reach?

Also, I don't know how Prep-op is done in your state. But in some states it is taken very seriously & the girls are given respect & GREAT coaching. I've seen some wonderful Prep-op's doing L8-L9 skills. That is why I say not to discount Prep-op if other gyms in you area have a different philosophy about it. One that would coach her in a positive way, with hours she is used to handling. Doing Prep she would be able to compete all events with whatever skills she has(some events could be more advanced than others, ie. a L8 vault, floor & beam but L7 bars if needed). It puts the emphasis on what she CAN do instead of what she can't. With good coaching she could continue to progress in areas she is able, instead of just repeating ALL L7 skills/events again. She could continue to improve in a positive atomosphere & have a sense of success. Possibly moving back to JO levels when ready(as Tumblequeen's DD is doing:D!). Sometimes that can be the boost they need to improve their areas/skills that they struggle with. Just wanted to put out there that Prep-op can be a great option when the program is run well:D JMHO. Good luck with your meeting. You have all of CB standing behind you & your talented determine DD:D!
 
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I've never heard of a gym insisting a girl leave the USAG team and go to prep op or rec league. Repeat a level--yes. Not sure where this coach and her new philosophy are coming from. The attrition rate at the optional levels is high and I would think coaches would welcome girls who are hard workers and want to stay in the sport.

Certainly listen to the words they use when talking about dd at your meeting and ask why this is the new plan when it seemed a month or so ago you were under the impression that she would train her L7 skills and uptrain some L8 this summer. That whole business of giving her 2 weeks to improve skills I think was their way of setting her up to fail in their eyes. 2 weeks is almost no time for a gymnast and I'm sure they knew they could easily come back to you and say she didn't improve enough and she should go to Prep Op.

If you can't get any satisfaction or they grudgingly allow her to repeat L7, I would start looking at other gyms. She deserves decent coaching and if she wants to stay in the USAG system then that is her choice and the gym should support her.

GL and keep us updated.
 
I would start looking at other gyms. I understand she is hesistant but I don't think she should "settle" for prep op just to stay at this gym. She will be happier in the long run if she finds a program that is more what she wants.

I think it is a bit strange to have a gymnast move to prep op if they have already compete at L7 and have giants. Personally I would not understand that. Now if I saw an athlete that did not have the ability to compete at the optional level, then I might strongly recommend we try prep op rather than continue in compulsories.

One thing that stuck out to me though, is that you mentioned she might want to only do it one more year and then do high school (I am guessing in your state it's not allowed to do HS and club). Could they have picked up on that? Personally I would continue to support an athlete in this and try to work with them with that goal in mind, but I could see some coaches just think "well we don't want to spend time on this."

I would suggest she at least do a tryout at another gym or two.
 
From a coaching perspective, its STRANGE that that they are telling you she has to switch to prep opt. I sometimes encourage athletes to switch, but I would never MAKE anyone do that.

I think you need to let them know you are ok w/ her doing another year of 7, and find out WHY they want her to switch? Is she coachable on the things she is struggling with? The coach might only want the stars, but the owner should be thinking about the business and if your daughter is willing to work hard and repeat Level 7 she should be allowed. I think you have been with that gym a long time and its not right what is happening!

If they say she has to switch I would head out the door immediately!

Repeating the level was a given since they didn't let her compete all events and our gym's rule is you have to qualify for states and get a certain score (different for every level and definitly higher then USAG) to move up. Also 99% of the L7 do at least 2 years at that level. There are girls this year that will be there this will be their 3rd year. They are hoping to get L8 skills over the summer but some of them don't even have their giants yet. That is why I am confused with the gyms recommendations for my DD this was only her 1st year and she has skills that even the 2 - 3 year girls don't have yet.

She is also a very coachable kid. You ask her to try anything and she will try it. She listens well, trys to make all corrections the coach wants but because she is more of a visual learner may need to see a teammate do what ever first in order to get it (the gym always has girls showing each other) That's why I'm finding it confusing.

The more I think in this the more I think moving regardless of what is said on monday is the right move.
 
I've never heard of a gym insisting a girl leave the USAG team and go to prep op or rec league. Repeat a level--yes. Not sure where this coach and her new philosophy are coming from. The attrition rate at the optional levels is high and I would think coaches would welcome girls who are hard workers and want to stay in the sport.

Certainly listen to the words they use when talking about dd at your meeting and ask why this is the new plan when it seemed a month or so ago you were under the impression that she would train her L7 skills and uptrain some L8 this summer. That whole business of giving her 2 weeks to improve skills I think was their way of setting her up to fail in their eyes. 2 weeks is almost no time for a gymnast and I'm sure they knew they could easily come back to you and say she didn't improve enough and she should go to Prep Op.

If you can't get any satisfaction or they grudgingly allow her to repeat L7, I would start looking at other gyms. She deserves decent coaching and if she wants to stay in the USAG system then that is her choice and the gym should support her.

GL and keep us updated.

Thats the thing in that 2 week period they orignally gave her she got her giant (going around 2x's later going around as many times as asked). Went from a doing a sometype of tuck release on the bars to doing a flyaway layout type thing. consistantly connected her BWO - BWO compination on the beam and although not the best has started to over come her fear of the layout on the floor to something that actuall woul get points. So she really worked hard in those 2 weeks had a few privates to boot (she asked for them) to improve those skills.

Those were all areas they wanted her to improve and she did.
She really is a gym nut like most gymnasts who are dedicated are. If you ask her she would spend every moment she has free doing this.

This Saturday I called several of the gyms in the area and we have 2 appointments in the coming 3 weeks to be seen by their optional coaches with 3 other gyms going to call me back on monday as their optional coaches were out. the 2 that we have appt with actually know DD through the gym camp she goes to in the summer (some of their coaches are on staff at the camp so they actually have seen her do her stuff) and what she can do and sound very positive about here coming to check things out. So hopefully things will work out for the best.
One of the gyms said that it sounds from the skills she has that she has been uptraining for L8 and may not be too far away from that, I'm not sure agree with that as I think she would do better to be a strong L7. We will see

The more I read here and hear from the other gyms we have called my Hubby and I both think regardless of what happens at the meeting monday it may be time to move. Even DD who has had a few days to think on this is starting to think that moving might be a choice she could be comfortable with if it means L7 for the upcoming year.
 
I would start looking at other gyms. I understand she is hesistant but I don't think she should "settle" for prep op just to stay at this gym. She will be happier in the long run if she finds a program that is more what she wants.

I think it is a bit strange to have a gymnast move to prep op if they have already compete at L7 and have giants. Personally I would not understand that. Now if I saw an athlete that did not have the ability to compete at the optional level, then I might strongly recommend we try prep op rather than continue in compulsories.

One thing that stuck out to me though, is that you mentioned she might want to only do it one more year and then do high school (I am guessing in your state it's not allowed to do HS and club). Could they have picked up on that? Personally I would continue to support an athlete in this and try to work with them with that goal in mind, but I could see some coaches just think "well we don't want to spend time on this."

I would suggest she at least do a tryout at another gym or two.

With regard to HS - I don't know if they can do both or not I just assumed that they coudn't do both due to time constraints. I personally would not see a need to do both and the HS team would save me tons of money. maybe they have picked up on that but we really haven't said anything one way or the other and DD I know hasn't said anything on that either as she is just finishing 7th grade and really schoolwise HS is eons away for her.

Definitly trying other gyms now and DD has been told not to say anything for now. I think we will know in the next 2 - 3 weeks before the summer sessions start what we are going to do but I think we are tending towards moving somewhere else.
 

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