UGH!!! this is long a huge VENT and my DD is upset

[Granny Smith]

cher - I read your whole update and it is sad & depressing. From what you said, you can clearly see that the coaches have given up on your child. I think you are making the right move by looking elsewhere. The good thing though is that your dd knows she has options.

I can not believe that another gym won't take her if she is willing to work hard and wants to be there (what more could you want out of a gymnast!)

Good luck and tell her to enjoy the process...

 

[cher062]

It sounds like they don't just want her on the team for whatever reason. So I think your judgement is correct that they are not planning on moving her back because moving to prep op for one month does not make sense. It would be distracting to all the coaches to move kids in and out of a program like that. Personally I think prep op is a great program, especially for kids with fear issues to be ABLE to progress and compete on their other events what they can without being so constrained by other requirements. I feel some of the comments in this thread are inaccurate about the spirit of the program in that regard. We have looked into the program (it's newish in our state) specifically for that reason, because we feel we have kids who have the ability to progress in competitive gymnastics, just not through the traditional path on all four events.

However moving a kid in and out of a program for a month is obviously not helpful or the way it should be used, in my opinion. That is a more of a distraction than anything.

Realistically you aren't even asking for your child to be moved to a new level. I think once she sees another gym she won't be so scared about the possibility. I don't think any little mistakes are going to make the new gyms evaluate her differently, they will just look at overall ability and strength, etc. To be honest, and I'd rarely make a statement like this, but a kid has straight leg and relatively straight body giants, virtually any gym will put them on L7. I can't really see a reason, as a strictly JO gym, to keep a middle schooler with giants out of L7. Even if she has problems with the other events those should be workable in most cases. My main concern with fear issues is when a kid will never do something, not when they take 5 more minutes to warm up or complete an assignment. That could cause a problem in meet warm up but there are several months to improve that.

The fear is never a performance problem at a meet. When she is at a meet she will do it sometimes a bit more cautiously but she does it. that was part of the discussion too. Owner suggested at one point to go out to the gym and ask DD to do the skill so we could see the fear or what ever. the coaches then said Oh well if we ask her to do the move she will do it so we can't show you that.

I know when she has had a fall or injury it does take her a little longer than the average gymnast to get back to full potential. Every gymnast has those issues at some point. I don't care what gym your at or what gymnast you are talking about every gymnast has those moments where they have to take that deep breath to do that move etc that might cause fear or what ever you want to call it.

 

[Mag_7_Fan96]

I hope you find another gym. This one seems crazy. They said that she works hard, she has the skills, and she had the typical fears a gymnast can have on certain skills, and yet they still want her in prep op? Another gym will be very happy to have your daughter as a level 7.

 

[cher062]

I hope you find another gym. This one seems crazy. They said that she works hard, she has the skills, and she had the typical fears a gymnast can have on certain skills, and yet they still want her in prep op? Another gym will be very happy to have your daughter as a level 7.

Well I hope she will be welcome at another gym. We will see

 

[cher062]

Just a BIG THANK YOU to everyone here for your suggestions, words of wisdom and support. It's good to know there is a place where we can vent and share ideas.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Well I hope she will be welcome at another gym. We will see

I am confused as to why she would NOT be welcome at another gym??? Is there something that we are missing from this whole scenario? Just because she has some fear issues on skills doesn't necessarily mean that she wouldn't be welcome at another gym. Level 7, IMHO, seems to be a stage where many gymnasts develop fear issues with one skill or another.

By your parent meeting with the owner/coaches, it seems like they already have their mind made up about your dd with regards to continuing on Level 7. I mean, what is doing one month of Pre-Op going to solve or show them?? If that is the case, why not let her do Level 7 now and see how she does come the end of August and then have them make the decision. It's not like she is a Level 6 moving up to Level 7--she has already competed Level 7. This is why I think this whole thing is very shady on the owners/coaches part. It doesn't seem like a very stable or comfortable environment, to be honest.

I am sure she will find another gym/program to go into. Just stay positive and good things will come! Good luck!

 

[MeetDirector]

Cher -

First I wish you and your family the best of wishes as you switch gyms. Yes, you should switch gyms; in fact I would be running so fast to another gym that the current owner's head would be spinning. It is clear to me from your recap of the meeting that 1) the owner doesn't have a clue what is going on with the optional team and 2) the optional coaches have no interest in having your DD on their team (yes, their team - see #1).

If this gym owner wants to run off a loyal family (and maybe lose other families when they get wind of your situation), then so be it. If the owner had any back-bone he would realize what a stupid business decision he is making. Club gymnastics is a business and you just don't go running off paying customers. The people leaving in this situation should be those coaches; unless of course they are doing the owner's bidding and the owner isn't really big enough to tell you.

Look for the positive in this situation - maybe this was meant to be and you and your DD will come to see in a year or so that this switch was the best thing ever. Kind of a karma thing.

Good luck and hang in there.

 

[ZJsMom]

cher-- I feel for you and your dd. That story made me angry and it's not even my dd they're talking about. There are a lot of confusing and ridiculous statements in there. Accusing one girl of holding the team back is outrageous. IN the optional programs I've seen everyone needs to be working at their own pace. In my dd's gym if they get an assignment like 10 beam series, each girl moves on when she's finished her own assignment, they're not sitting around waiting for someone else to finish.

I couldn't agree more with gym dad in abq. I would get her out of there ASAP. I really have no respect for those coaches or the program. It's clear from the owners reaction, that he thought you would never consider leaving and was willing to go with whatever the coaches said on that basis. I'm sure any other gym would be happy to take her. I hope this doesn't get her discouraged. Good luck!

 

[coachmolly]

Add me to the list of people totally outraged by this situation. Prep op is a great program, one I am happy to see rise in popularity. It has it's place and some gymnasts do exceptionally well in the program. But it all depends on the individual gym, their goals for the program, and how they choose to utilize it. At your particular gym, it does not seem like the best option for your daughter and her goals. I know from first hand experience what it is like to be forced into a training group with goals that are not in accordance with your own and it is not fun, it really can break your spirit incredibly quickly. You know what your DD wants and needs and I really hope she can find that at another gym. She was placed on the level 7 team last year, she deserves to be there, no questions asked. Certainly there are times when prep op would be a better option or when being held back at the current level is also the best choice, but neither of these is the case with your DD. All of the "reasons" they came up with (and then contradicted) for her to move to the prep op team are ridiculous.
Unfortunately, with children who are emotional or perfectionists, sometimes coaches misinterpret their actions. I certainly had a problem with this as a very intense young gymnast and it took the perfect coaching to work well with these attributes. Hopefully your DD can find a great connection with an understanding coach at another gym.
It sounds like this gym has a lot of personal progress they need to make if they want to remain a respected program in your area. What they are doing is utter nonsense and, ultimately, a very cruel action towards a child which could make her feel unwanted and inadequate. This kind of behavior by coaches and gym owners makes me so angry, unfortunately there really is nothing to do about it but leave and hope they don't act so negatively towards another child.
I am so sorry you and your DD are experiencing this and I wish you all the best as you try out other gyms over the next few weeks.

 

[gymdog]

I am confused as to why she would NOT be welcome at another gym??? Is there something that we are missing from this whole scenario?

I touched on this earlier but I do think even most fairly competitive gyms will put a kid who already competed L7 and has decent giants in L7. I wasn't allowed to compete L7 without giants, and it was a mess of a year, but I was still in L7 (and only did one year...managed to compete the giants a few times then wanted to move into another group and did them). By the next year in L8 I had a double back flyaway easy (this was before "no Cs" ) and didn't have any problems with giants or flyaways since. Even my old gym would put a kid with BHS on beam and giants into L7. There are probably a few exceptions of extremely competitive gyms/NTCs where this wouldn't be the case, but for your average gym, yeah.

 

[cathiann]

the coach did call me and its not second hand news she wouldn't go into details over the phone other than they always planned to do a re evaluation in June (was news to me) on her and they want her to go to Prep op. I have a meeting with owner and coach on Monday but I think its more for them to say they made their decision. The more I think about this the more I think it really would be a better situation all around if we look at other gyms.

Not having talked to the coach myself, it still sounds to me like the coach intended all along that your DD would go to prep-op, but only said level 7 for the summer because you and your daughter clearly wanted that at the first meeting.

Obviously dropping to 8 hrs a week is NOT going to be conducive to continuing to get level 7 skills--when working with a prep-op team. If she wants to go level 7, then you're going to have to move gyms. Heck, I'd be looking elsewhere just because I don't feel the coach was being honest with you! And even if she did make level 7, you know your daughter wouldn't have the strong support of the coach.

 

[mariposa]

I agree with everyone that after that meeting, I would be heading elsewhere as well. Seems like no one knows what is going on or cares to know. They weren't even on the same page. I hope she finds somewhere she loves with coaches that will help her through her fears and let her shine where she already does!

 

[gym monkeys mom]

I am sure you will find another program that will fit your DD with 4 to look at.

I am hoping th owner of your current club will wake up (too late for you but for the sake of others)and pay attention to what there coaches are doing. As it seems they are ripe for angry parents once it gets out what they did to your DD. The gym work d is small and this treatment of gymnasts will get out and not look good for the club over all.

There are all sorts of clubs out there and a fit for every gymnast I have always said this.

DD's club is not a 1st place club team wise but, we have girls on team who are dedicated and love it. Some of these girls would not get a chance anywhere else to be on team. This philosphy is not for everyone. I am however glad for it as my DD struggled a long long time with giants and i am sure others would have given up but in the end she got it!!! This last season she went to regionals as a Level 8 and placed 10th on vault!! I am sure another club would have given up on her.

Sorry for the long windyness all I really want to say is keep looking you will find the right fit i jusy know it. Some other club will appreciatae your DD for who she is and her skills and treat her and you the way you deserve!!

She may even grow more as a gymnast for the move who knows.

best wishes to you all my prayeres are with you!

 

[bogwoppit]

Aw sweetie that sucks!But it sounds to me that it is time to find a new gym and move on knowing your DD wants something and is more than capable of acheiving it with the right coaches.

I do not see any way for her to be able to make it work at her current gym.

I am appalled by their double talk and callous attitude.

The new gyms would be lucky to get her in their team, they also would be getting some great gym parents!

 

[Linsul]

I read the update, I was disgusted and confused. To say one kid is holding back the whole team is a cop-out plain and simple. The only person with the prolonged power to hold back an entire team is the coach, not a single gymnast. Even if that was the case, I'd guess the problem would be attitude which there are plenty of ways to address. In regard to skill or ability, that can be worked out as well with patience, honesty, and communication. I think sometimes double talk is perceived as 'kind' when the reality is it limits options and creates stress. This double talk wasn't even kind! It was shifty and contradictory, not solution based and a waste of time. I would have had some choice words at that meeting.

Level 7 is huge, being 13 is huge, and fear issues happen. Luckily there are gyms that can cope with teens and the transition between compulsory and optionals with grace. I sincerely hope you find one.

 

[LizzieLac]

Cher, those coaches need to tell you specifically what they think they will achieve by having your DD do a month or Prep Opt. What do they expect to achieve and how will it benefit her as a gymnast and even the team overall? I read your post, and I just didn't really see that they articulated that.

Frankly, at our gym they would never do that. First, Prep Opt is coached by different people, different styles, different focus. I am not telling you anything you don't know, but it is not like you can just switch back and forth - there is no consistency for the gymnast, the coaches, or the team.

That being said, I do believe, and have read other members say on this site, that Prep Opt can be a very valuable program for some gymnasts dealing with fear issues, coming back from injuries, or who simply need a year with a little less pressure. But most folks were talking about doing a year of Prep Opt and then going back to Lvl 7, not one month.

Looking at another gym is a logical conclusion, in my opinion.

 

[gymcoach34]

The coaches were afraid to tell you this: they are no longer want to work with your daughters fears. They do feel she is slowing down the others, and to be honest, an 2nd year L7 afraid to do a back walkover or a back layout is very draining and hard on everyone. They are afraid the fear will spread. The layout is a required skill and theres nothing they can change it to. (They could change the bwo, but they don't want to.) That is the reason for the double talk. (I think those are the skills she has issues with, but not 100% sure, so excuse me if I'm wrong.)

Instead of working on a solution to make it so she doesn't slow the others down, or make the fear spread, they want to pass her off to prep opt. Find another gym, but be realistic, Level 7 is going to be a challenge no matter what gym she is at. But, if she's willing to try, and works hard, I think she should be given the opportunity.

 

[gymjourneymom]

The coaches were afraid to tell you this: they are no longer want to work with your daughters fears. They do feel she is slowing down the others, and to be honest, an 2nd year L7 afraid to do a back walkover or a back layout is very draining and hard on everyone. They are afraid the fear will spread. The layout is a required skill and theres nothing they can change it to. (They could change the bwo, but they don't want to.) That is the reason for the double talk. (I think those are the skills she has issues with, but not 100% sure, so excuse me if I'm wrong.)

Instead of working on a solution to make it so she doesn't slow the others down, or make the fear spread, they want to pass her off to prep opt. Find another gym, but be realistic, Level 7 is going to be a challenge no matter what gym she is at. But, if she's willing to try, and works hard, I think she should be given the opportunity.

I want to thank you for your honest assessment of this difficult situation. This is exactly what I feel is going on too, sadly. I believe you have hit the nail on the head. It is always a difficult situation when a gymnast has fears on some events, but is also very strong & talented on others. It's a difficult & stressful situation for all involved. Her coaches have given up on her progressing in the JO program. They don't want to deal with her fear issues. It's time to leave this gym, before they do any further damage to her psyche. The WORST thing for a gymnast with fear issues, is a coach who doesn't believe the child CAN over come them. If the coaches don't believe it, how is your DD suppose too??? You need to find her a gym with coaches that will be VERY supportive & encouraging to help her work thru her fears, whether she repeats L7 or does Prep-op. ((((Hugs)))) & good luck!

 

[nevertooold]

Are there any gyms near you that do not separate out the prep op girls from the other optionals? If you can find a program like that it might be a good solution, still allowing your daughter to train longer hours, in a challenging group, but compete in a division where she can be comfortable with all the skills, and work through the fear in her own time.

I think the number of hours they have offered your daughter in prep op is ridiculous. If she has struggled with fear and bar skills with 16 or 20 hours a week, how will she be MORE successful with LESS hours?

I personally wouldn't be too concerned if a new gym offered her level 7 or prep op, IF the prep op program worked out a comparable number of hours and was interested in and committed to helping dd progress. She may want to go in with a list of skills she would like to work on and see if those would be something the new gym felt they could accommodate in either program.

You could also ask the current gym if they would be willing to have her work out with the level 7's but compete as a prep op.

 

[cher062]

The coaches were afraid to tell you this: they are no longer want to work with your daughters fears. They do feel she is slowing down the others, and to be honest, an 2nd year L7 afraid to do a back walkover or a back layout is very draining and hard on everyone. They are afraid the fear will spread. The layout is a required skill and theres nothing they can change it to. (They could change the bwo, but they don't want to.) That is the reason for the double talk. (I think those are the skills she has issues with, but not 100% sure, so excuse me if I'm wrong.)

Instead of working on a solution to make it so she doesn't slow the others down, or make the fear spread, they want to pass her off to prep opt. Find another gym, but be realistic, Level 7 is going to be a challenge no matter what gym she is at. But, if she's willing to try, and works hard, I think she should be given the opportunity.

Thanks so much for your opinion

I agree with your assements and I came out of that meeting thinking the same thing. The coaches I don't feel want to make any changes or adjustments to their plan for any reason.

DD's "fear" issue on those 2 moves really are not paralizing her and really no greater than any other girl would have coming back from an injury or whatever. She DOES do the moves and what is asked of her (not always beautifully) and it may take her a few extra moments to prepare before she does it or a few extra warmup moves which i really don't see any coach not allowing. The practices I stayed to watch I really didn't see any noticable signs of anyone slowing down because of her.

I do feel the coaches have a more cookie cutter approach and any gymnast that doesn't fit into that I fear will end up in the same situation as my DD. I know 2 other girls on the team that have greater fear issues than my DD has and I fear they may be next once my DD is gone and they see it really isn't my DD holding a whole team from advancing. DD is gaining skills everyday so it isn't like she is standing still with her skills.

Over the next 2 1/2 weeks we are going to try other gyms and see what develops. I'm sure she would be happily welcomed just about any where we try. We are going to finish out this session (takes us through the 25th) as we have paid big bucks for it and hopefully have something in place for the summer training session.

As time is passing I think that this really will be a great opportunity for DD and I think she will continue to improve.