Unhealthy Rivalry of Parents

[NGL780309]

Sadly, these types of parents are everywhere. I actually have stopped going in to watch my daughter because of one mom in particular, but even just sitting near this mom and the moms that always stay, too, is just too much to bear. The negativity towards the coaching, the constant criticizing of their own girls, is just too much. I have slowly become pretty unsocial. I drop my DD off outside. When I come to pick her up, I walk by every, say "hi" and go somewhere else. Sometimes in the leos, sometimes just far away from all the drama. If I have to stay for some reason, I bring my laptop and sit far away from everyone. Makes things much more pleasant.

We have one mom that seems to like to cause drama everywhere she goes (I know her outside of the gym, too) and she will tell parents that their kid got in trouble, was giving coach attitude, etc, but then when that was checked with the coach, it wasn't true. Same thing with what group kid was in, she likes to make parents doubt how their kid is doing. "Is XX competing? Really? I wonder why she wasn't with the competing level 5s then?" I just ignore her (and anyone sitting near her when I get to practice, so I look like the anti-social one, oh well). And she is one of those moms that stares at her kid the whole practice, coaching through the window with her facial expressions, etc. She will call her out of practice to discipline her, too. My daughter thinks she is scary, very sad for her daughter.

I used to think that having team practice closed to parents was a bad idea, but I don't anymore.

I've actually done that! I hope I don't look crazy! We have a very open gym and it's not frowned upon. The kids frequently talk to us and I will let her know if she's not behaving properly. Her coaches have always said they appreciate it.

 

[optionalmom]

So sad. I actually have video of a rival doing an "air pump" when my daughter fell off the beam. Needless to say I have not spoken to the girl or her parents since then. This is truly your daughters sport and when it gets to the point your daughter is harmed in any way, even with verbal "I hope you don't fall of the beam" or "I don't fall on vault" by her teammates, go to the coaches and bring it to their attention.

 

[mariposa]

I've actually done that! I hope I don't look crazy! We have a very open gym and it's not frowned upon. The kids frequently talk to us and I will let her know if she's not behaving properly. Her coaches have always said they appreciate it.

If that was the only thing she did, I wouldn't think she was crazy. It is that and a million other things. BUT, I do think that the coaches should coach and discipline. There have been times where I thought my daughter was playing around (when she was little) and it turns out she was supposed to be. I figure if the coach has an issue with my daughter's behavior, they will tell me!

And this mom doesn't just do it when her daughter is misbehaving, she will also do it to say stuff like "Why aren't you doing your xx skill??? You know how to do it!" Things like that. I think her daughter would do so much better if she didn't stay and stare at her all practice. I remember the mom saying that coach had said she does better when you aren't here, but she doesn't get it. She will be burning the love of gym out of her really talented kid before she knows it.

 

[AGM78910]

Gymnasts do this also

There was a girl on my daughters compulsory gymnastics team who was very critical of the other girls. She would constantly tell them what she thought they were doing wrong. It upset my daughter a lot because she was struggling with some skills. We talked to the coaches and nothing was ever said. I told her to smile sweetly at her and say "Thanks, Nicole, for helping me with my gymnastics skills." Then just walk away.

It totally worked. And all the other girls on the team said pretty much the same thing to her. It works on moms as well. Just politely say thanks and walk away.

These people are bullies and they can make life miserable for other parents and gymnasts.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

So sad. I actually have video of a rival doing an "air pump" when my daughter fell off the beam. Needless to say I have not spoken to the girl or her parents since then. This is truly your daughters sport and when it gets to the point your daughter is harmed in any way, even with verbal "I hope you don't fall of the beam" or "I don't fall on vault" by her teammates, go to the coaches and bring it to their attention.

video? omg...moutza!

 

[bogwoppit]

So sad. I actually have video of a rival doing an "air pump" when my daughter fell off the beam.

That is disgusting. I would put it on youtube and send the link to everyone in the club, oh and put the link here too.

 

[bpatient]

FWIW, it seems that overinvolved and hypercompetitive parents aren't around for very long. Your best option might be to remain distant but polite, and simply outlast her.

 

[Linsul]

If I saw a parent fist pump at a team mates misfortune I would walk them out of that meet and tell them to come back for awards. Unacceptable, even for another teams girl. Competitive gymnastics takes so much time that it's not just a hobby, it's a lifestyle. As a competitive parent I would view the other girls and parents as extended family and treat them as such. How you represent yourself and your gym in public says a lot about who you are as a person, not just a sport parent. I can't speak for all gyms, but at ours, any parent who can't hang with a either a neutral or positive disposition would hear from the owner in a very big way.

 

[NGL780309]

It's really sad to hear about all the hateful parents. I can honestly say that I love all of our team and want them to do well. I'm a competitive person by nature and it actually surprises me that I don't feel competitive towards the others. I'm proud of them and proud of my kids. I don't understand why any parent thinks putting down another kid will help your kid. Gymnastics is such an individual sport. It's not like there is defense. It's not like I've never felt a little jealous when another girl on DD's team got a skill that she doesn't have. Or I sometimes look at girls with really pretty form and wish it was as effortless for DD. We all want our kids to do well and be the best they can be, but I just don't get the nastiness. Being nasty doesn't help your own child get better. Maybe you should kill her with kindness. Go out of your way to compliment her child.

So many people have given the advice to just ignore, but the older I get the more I just like to speak up. If someone was saying something mean about my kid I think I might be inclined to speak up. I'm certainly never going to let some jerk of a mom make me stop watching my DD practice. I love to watch her. I look forward to it.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

That is disgusting. I would put it on youtube and send the link to everyone in the club, oh and put the link here too.

Agreed completely

 

[mariposa]

If I saw a parent fist pump at a team mates misfortune I would walk them out of that meet and tell them to come back for awards. Unacceptable, even for another teams girl. Competitive gymnastics takes so much time that it's not just a hobby, it's a lifestyle. As a competitive parent I would view the other girls and parents as extended family and treat them as such. How you represent yourself and your gym in public says a lot about who you are as a person, not just a sport parent. I can't speak for all gyms, but at ours, any parent who can't hang with a either a neutral or positive disposition would hear from the owner in a very big way.

Well said. I have actually cried at meets for girls from other teams when they messed up or fell. All these girls work so hard and it breaks my heart when anyone has a bad moment. It makes me so sad and angry that there are people hoping that other girls will fall, mess up, etc. Just disgusting. How sad to be that awful of a person.

 

[UnoMas]

I know it is very hard for you, but know that there are crazies in every gym, we have so many threads here about this. One Mom even posted about how she would hide in the leo racks at the gym to avoid their crazy.

That was me a couple years ago! Still here, but now I just go outside and watch from the other window or go home and have a glass of wine!And I now have 2 DD's on the team, L4 and L5. I've learned that wine is better than listening to the whine!

 

[bogwoppit]

. I've learned that wine is better than listening to the whine!

That is the truth sister!!! I see you have learned many useful things from the CB.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

What I don't get is how does someone else's mistake make my DD a better gymnast? I would hate for her to think the only way she can win is for others to mess up! What kind of message does that send? Oh well, there are crazy parents in any sport I guess.

 

[kristilyn73]

I've learned that wine is better than listening to the whine!

Love this!

 

[dancengym]

I don't mean to sound harsh here but really what do you care if she brings her DD in at unscheduled times thats between her and the gym if they allow it and it seems like they are then really there isn't alot you can do.

You are right. I should not care but the reason it even matters is, we've (my dd and I) had the good fortune of being moved up and away from this parent (and her dd actually is not very pleasant to be around--and quite "dangerous". Her DD is always being sent to sit out a few minutes by the coaches because of the "mean" things she does. She has on a few occasions pulled out mats from underneath another teammate, causing the teammate a sprained wrist or ankle because of the distraction and the mat was not there to break her fall. She shakes the beam when my daughter is doing a routine. She has her other younger level 4 teammates afraid of using a certain bar because she has told them it has a red mark and is jinx. When one girl used the bar and fell, everyone now believes her and now they are all afraid of using the bar, etc., etc.,) and I just truly want to stir as far away as possible. But since the mother keeps pushing her daughter to accelerate to a higher level, the daughter (and mother) keeps popping up in our level.

 

[dancengym]

T Someone posted on CB an article about how the compulsory levels don't really impact the optional levels (it's a good read) but a lot of parents in the compulsory levels (which 4 is) think if their kid doesn't win states then they won't be a good gymnast ...and they can only win states if they beat your kid so the craziness begins early on.

"well when your daughter's feet were smaller two years ago, how many handspring layouts was she landing?" She was flabbergasted and she never made another remark to me...

Bookworm, do you know how I can get a hold of that post?

 

[cathiann]

What I don't get is how does someone else's mistake make my DD a better gymnast? I would hate for her to think the only way she can win is for others to mess up! What kind of message does that send? Oh well, there are crazy parents in any sport I guess.

That's what I think too! If you can only win when someone else messes up, then really, does the win mean anything? And those parents are putting far too much importance on winning, imho.

 

[cathiann]

You are right. I should not care but the reason it even matters is, we've (my dd and I) had the good fortune of being moved up and away from this parent (and her dd actually is not very pleasant to be around--and quite "dangerous". Her DD is always being sent to sit out a few minutes by the coaches because of the "mean" things she does. She has on a few occasions pulled out mats from underneath another teammate, causing the teammate a sprained wrist or ankle because of the distraction and the mat was not there to break her fall. She shakes the beam when my daughter is doing a routine. She has her other younger level 4 teammates afraid of using a certain bar because she has told them it has a red mark and is jinx. When one girl used the bar and fell, everyone now believes her and now they are all afraid of using the bar, etc., etc.,) and I just truly want to stir as far away as possible. But since the mother keeps pushing her daughter to accelerate to a higher level, the daughter (and mother) keeps popping up in our level.

Wow--are the coaches aware of all she does? I can't imagine our coaches allowing her to stay on team with behavior like that!

 

[bookworm]

Bookworm, do you know how I can get a hold of that post?

It's in this same section (Question and Answer) under "Thought Provoking Article" , posted by Mariainlv.