Parents Unsupervised Teen Sleepovers?

[skschlag]

it takes a village.......

I think you totally did the right thing and as a parent, I would want any adult to let me know of something like this happening.

 

[Natasha]

As a parent I would thank you for letting me know. I trust my dd's coach to be a 3rd parent as she spends more time with him than with us!

 

[wgagym]

You absolutely did the right thing! I would want to know if my kiddo was making plans where maybe I was not told the whole truth. And I would have done the same thing if I heard girls in my gym planning something like that

 

[wallinbl]

While I trust these girls...they are all teenagers.

No matter how much you trust them, you can't trust teenage boys when they catch wind of a house full of girls with no adults. It's practically all they dream about.

 

[raenndrops]

I agree you did the right thing.
As a teen, I did attend many sleepovers with no parents at home, but I am RESPONSIBLE. I told my dad that there wouldn't be an adult present... and he would say "OK, then you make sure that YOU act like the adult. Keep them in line, and if there is any trouble, call me." It worked for my group of friends.

Nowadays, many parents are smart and install nanny cams, especially if they are going out of town. They may or may not tell their children. (I would tell them the nanny cams are all over the house, but not exactly WHERE they were). I would tell them to use their best judgement... and that we will be calling all of the parents of children who visit while we are gone to "thank them for trusting their daughter to spend time at our house unsupervised" and give a brief recap of some of the activities they participated in. THIS would be enough to get most visitors to 1) be honest with their parents about the lack of physical supervision and 2) make good choices while unsupervised.

 

[bogwoppit]

As a coach, and a dad, you did the right thing. No way could that be on your conscience if something went wrong, good for you for doing the right thing.

I agree, it takes a village.....

 

[wnl256]

No. Absolutely not. I won't even let my daughter go over to a friend's house during the day if there are no responsible adults around. Especially if there's an older teen boy in the house.

 

[SignHere]

I find it utterly baffling what people find acceptable today.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

JBS you did the right thing, and I would have done the same.

Recently, my oldest (17) and group of friends (16-17) were planning a weekend trip away. Most parents had been lied to and were told that there would be adult supervision. My DD initially thought same and I had originally said yes, but after things changed and she knew they would be alone, she was honest with me. The others continued to lie and my DD and one other were made the scapegoats for ruining the plans.

Would I leave DD and her BFF alone for a night, yes, because I know I can absolutely trust them both. BFF's mom feels the same. Any other kid/kids, no way. And my 13 yr olds, not ok for them either.

 

[raenndrops]

JBS you did the right thing, and I would have done the same.

Recently, my oldest (17) and group of friends (16-17) were planning a weekend trip away. Most parents had been lied to and were told that there would be adult supervision. My DD initially thought same and I had originally said yes, but after things changed and she knew they would be alone, she was honest with me. The others continued to lie and my DD and one other were made the scapegoats for ruining the plans.

Would I leave DD and her BFF alone for a night, yes, because I know I can absolutely trust them both. BFF's mom feels the same. Any other kid/kids, no way. And my 13 yr olds, not ok for them either.

Your 17 yo sounds like me as a kid.
I was always honest with my father (and would have been no matter what because it is a matter of integrity)... of course, in our small town, everybody knows everybody's business (and lies would have gotten back to him)... in the next town over, I had much older cousins, and an aunt, and an uncle, and most of my church congregation- so no getting away with anything there either... and in the town the other way, my stepmom had family and friends- so it was a no-go.

 

[MaryA]

When it comes to teens, more of them means more opportunity for trouble. Would I let my 16 year old sleepover over at her 16 year old friends house to keep her friend company while the friends parents are out of town for the night? Sure. Big group sleepover of teens with no parents...no. And like Iwwannabemargo said, the addition of older teenage boys is NOT a reassurance.

This is how I feel too. I can imagine a situation where I would let an older teen daughter sleep over at a friends house when parents are out of town (maybe there are pets that need to be cared for or something on a tv channel that we don't get) but the older brother (and potentially his own friends) would make it a no-go, as would a group of friends.

And as for you stepping in, I think you'll be hard-pressed to find any post on CB asking for LESS communication from a coach. You let them know what was going on. What they do with that info is up to them.

 

[iwannacoach]

You want to what!

"Ratting them out" was the right thing to do.

 

[profmom]

I let 15 year old DS sleep at home alone once because he had soccer practice the next morning at 7:30 AM and was getting a ride from next door neighbor -- if he had been two years older, there's no way I'd have said yes even to his sleeping at home alone! (DS has trouble getting a good night's sleep out of his own bed, and I knew next door neighbor would be on the phone to me pronto if anything had looked interesting at our house . . .)

Kudos to you, JSB. You're a great coach.

 

[Becauseisaid]

@JBS - What sort of response you get from the parents? I'd be interested to hear how bad the death - glares are during your next practice too.

NEVER apologize for keeping those girls safe. NEVER.

 

[wallinbl]

@JBS - What sort of response you get from the parents? I'd be interested to hear how bad the death - glares are during your next practice too.

NEVER apologize for keeping those girls safe. NEVER.

I'd hope the parents didn't give up the fact that he was the informant. I certainly wouldn't, as an adult in position to hear these kinds of things is useful!

 

[Iwannabemargo]

agreed @wallinbl I always keep my sources confidential

 

[bogwoppit]

I have a number of spies too. They work both ways. Why give away your sources when you might need them again?

 

[shelovestoflip]

My kids are 8...7...and 3. They are not sleeping over anywhere unsupervised.

The real question is...did I overstep my limits as Head Coach? I sent an email out to the parents in question to let them know what was being planned...some where aware...some had been lied to.

When I hear something in the gym that is potentially dangerous...I let the parents know. If they still choose to let all of their kids do it...that is their choice. I cannot choose parenting styles for people...of course...I can set the standard for our team. I can suspend / remove gymnasts from the team also if bad decisions are made during the event.

While I trust these girls...they are all teenagers.

I think it's GREAT that you as a coach took the time to let the parents know what was going on!

My daughter is at the gym 24 hours a week. I trust the coaches with her life! I also really respect the parents. We've spent so much time togethter....our girls have grown up together...that I highly doubt this would ever happen.

Nevertheless, I would hope the coaches would intervene with both the team girls and parents if they heard of something going on!!

 

[kandkfunk]

Kudos JBS!

Unfortunately, this scenario is not surprising at all. Especially that some parents knew there would be no supervision and still agreed (at least that's how read the thread). With two teenagers, I am known as a "stalker" mom. I closely monitor my kid's social media accounts and keep up on what they and their friends and school mates are up to. It really takes a lot to shock me anymore based on the things I've seen. Parents knowing that their 15 year olds are out drinking and coming home drunk and just laughing about it. Parents smoking Hookah with their kids. Large sleepovers with boys and girls present. Not only do the parents allow these things to happen, they don't pay any attention when the kids are posting this stuff to social media.

I don't like to trivialize what previous generations of parents went through to raise their kids. Each generation has it's own challenges and I don't necessarily think current parents have a tougher time than our parents. It's just different and parents have to be willing to adapt and still do their job. The parents in my examples above are not doing their job. I would be very appreciative to have a coach like JBS on my side.

 

[Amusibus]

My eldest is only 10. I only allow sleepovers at my own home, period. I was once a kid and I know what happens at these things. Teenagers are far from responsible. Remember, from a physiological standpoint, the neocortex of the brain (which is responsible for higher thinking and judgement among other things) is not fully myelinated until the mid-twenties. Thus they are not physically capable of the kind of maturity required for such an event. Just sayin.