Parents Was a little blown away. Okay..maybe alot.

[trapar]

We have a beloved coach who has given quarters or a dollar to a kid when they get a new skill or do exceptionally well on a new skill (like getting 25 circles on the pommel horse as a level 5). The kids never expect it because he does this maybe two or three times a year, but it seems to motivate them all for a while, wondering if he'll do it again.
My ds did tell me once that one of his teammates was promised an ipad for a certain score at regionals, but that kid actually ended up refusing to compete at regionals and then quit gymnastics all together. Sad :-(

 

[Bajanswife]

I will never bribe my DD to obtain a certain result at a meet - I feel that's just setting her up for failure. But in gym the HC occasionally bribes girls to get certain skills, but she only does that when she sees the girls are being lazy and aren't putting enough effort in. And she's always right, because as soon as the bribe is on the table, suddenly all the girls are doing brilliantly! This works well for the younger set who are in dreamland half the time. lol

I have bribed my DS to get certain grades in his weekly tests at school, because I felt he wasn't trying and that he didn't believe in himself. I knew he was capable, and I wanted to give him a reason to care about what he was doing, as no amount of talking about it had helped so far. And wouldn't you know it, he did end up earning some money - he was thrilled! In our case the tests were leading up to an important placement exam, it wasn't just ordinary school tests - I wouldn't bribe for those.

To me, bribery can be an important motivator in certain circumstances. It can only work if the desired results are truly achievable, and they work best if you know that the previous lack of results was caused by lack of effort that can be easily remedied. It also works best when not used too often - you don't want to create an expectation. There are 2 reasons I wouldn't ever bribe DD in a gym competition: first of all, it's just not that important in the grand scheme of things. And secondly, it's not achievable enough - there are too many variables in competition, there are nerves to contend with, mistakes that take off a good chunk of your mark are common. It just isn't one of the situations where bribes can work well.

 

[lhmom]

I have also done the pins for when she met the 9.0 mark on the different events. DD has had the inner drive to improve and actually set her own goals for the season. I've only been there to say, "go have fun" when she starts a meet. When she's had a really good meet, we've gone out and celebrated. No money was involved. I am also one of those parents who refuses to give the monetary incentive for grades. My inlaws however did give them money for making first honor roll (all A's). But being the mean parents, we said that the money they got from that was required to go into their savings account. With the sometimes funky judging that we encountered this past season, I think giving money for scores is not a good idea. Your kid could go clean the whole meet and score lower than a previous meet with mistakes. Ugh!

 

[lhmom]

We have a beloved coach who has given quarters or a dollar to a kid when they get a new skill or do exceptionally well on a new skill (like getting 25 circles on the pommel horse as a level 5). The kids never expect it because he does this maybe two or three times a year, but it seems to motivate them all for a while, wondering if he'll do it again.

One of my daughter's coaches did this at their state meet. He told my daughter and 2 of the other girls who had not hit a 9 in bars yet that if they did it there, he would give them a dollar. Needless to say, DD went for it and scored her 1st 9. She had the biggest grin on her face as he was handing her the dollar. I admit that made me LOL.

 

[3rd_time_around]

We had a girl who claimed to get $100 for every 9, and a bonus for winning. I'm pretty sure she wasn't lying. And she loved to talk about it.

 

[Bella's Mom]

I don't pay my daughter TO DOgymnastics. I pay so she can take gymnastics.
I don't pay my daughter TO MAKE good grades. I expect them given her intelligence.
I don't pay my daughter TO HELP around the house. It is her responsibility to help keep our house tidy.

Of course, I don't feel my child is less than if she doesn't win nor is she entitled to all she wants. I am not the housekeeper/cook of the house and she needs to learn to keep a house eventually. She's my princess but not a princess.

 

[gym law mom]

Between figure skating and gymnastics, I heard of "rewards" of: new cell phone, puppy, new leo, new skating dress and money. I'm sure there are some things I've missed. These were normally for finishing 1st AA/placing 1st. I've also seen the really ugly reverse side of this. Mom and dd walking through the lobby on the way out and dd stops to look at a leo/skating dress---whatever and Mom says in a nasty/loud tone---"You didn't win, so you won't be getting any of those so stop looking." Yup, mommy dearests!

 

[Azgymmiemom]

There is one newer family at our gym. (Been here since Nov) Their dd was level 4 with my dd this past season(spring). At our last meet, the mom told the dd if she made 37 AA they would go out for pedicures. Her dd did not score the 37. Mom could be heard saying, "If you'd only done so and so on the beam, you'd have scored your 37, so no pedicure for you." shameful!

what makes it worse is, this same family, at 1st meet of season (happened to be our own hosted meet) the dad is sitting right next to me and starts to camcord his dd on her bars routine...she falls out of her middle circle...he swears and slams the camera shut and walks away....I'm horrified!!! This girl came with a history from another gym-she went to one of those really strict, really stern...you-stay-in-level-4-till-you-make-38aa-gyms and competed with them two years as a l4(at age 6 and age 7) they stressed her out so bad she quit and her mom says she wouldn't even do a cartwheel for almost 2 years!! Then, this little girl says she wants to do gym again, but refuses to go back to the power gym, so they bring her to ours. Now, after hearing and seeing the character and attitude of her parents, I'm wondering if it was the old gym coaches that freaked this little girl out or her parents!!

My dd has made good friends with this girl, and she seems a sweet girl, but you can tell she focuses on scores and winning. I have a feeling she may not be long for this sport...sad...

IMHO- If you want to reward...catch your kid behaving in a way you are proud of...and make a point to tell them! Give the little treat AFTER the accomplishment, don't promise it beforehand, let it be a surprise!
Bribing can totally backfire...
I'm betting the kid who needs to be paid $20 per 9 isn't going to remain in this sport long, either.

 

[Deanna]

And it really is so sad. For the kids sake.
Bella's Mom...I DO NOT pay my children for anything either. My kids are babies still really (son turned 4 in march, Kadee will be 6 in aug). I was raised very poor (money wise). We were doing good to have food on the table. I can remember many nights my mom only eating a couple slices of bread and some water, because she wanted to make sure we had enough to eat.
My situation now..is much better. But we are rich by no means. We have to struggle and sacrifice for the kids to do the things they want to do. For Kadee to take on the extra hours she needed when moving up levels we sat down as a family to figure out where this extra money would come from. We decided that no more eating out on gym nights. (used to be one night a week..but now would be two). The money we save for those 4 nights a week we would take a family of 4 out..more than pays for her extra hours. The whole family sacrificed in a round about way. The kids gave up going out to eat..which they think is so much fun. (those 4 times a month were the only 4 times we went out to eat a month). I have to try and work dinner around practice. Dad has to make sure he is home before Kadee gets out of practice (or is able to swing by the gym to get her) so he can either keep an eye on dinner or cook it while i go get her. Other wise we are eating too late if it doesnt get started until she is already home. In my mind thats how we "pay" her persay. We make the sacrifices so she can do something she loves (thats what parents do..thats part of our job)..and return all I ask is each day she is in that gym or at a comp. that she does the best she can do that day.
I have often thought about getting her one of those little charms or buttons/pins for 1st place even/AA. Or 9 on each event. But then I balk only because I wonder..okay, do i do this for every level? By time she reaches level 10 (if she even stays with it) will it be a bit much for her to have up to 9 of each of these? I just dont know. I was going to buy t-shirts from each meet. For her to put in her hope chest. Then I thought that seems so silly. To buy all these shirts she will never wear, at least 6 a year for lord knows how many years...yadda yadda yadda. I think WAAAAY to much into things. So I bought her a t-shirt at the very first meet she went to. (which happen to be hosted by our gym) and that was it. But now, im like..well..do I buy her another one this coming year? Baaahh!!! LOL. I dont know where that line is for sure..between the normal and the over the top (except in the org story on this post). I could very easy slip over that crazy cliff and buy her all kinds of stuff. But after so much..what does it really mean anymore. Maybe i will have her set attainable goals for herself..something she can do, but will take time to get.
I see nothing wrong at allo of people giving their kids little trinkets or tokens for over coming fears..or finally nailing something htey have been struggling with. I can even see the money for grades thing (within reason) if NOTHING else is working.
But I just stick to my org post..if you have to bribe your child to do their best, then its time to sit down and talk to them about whether they want to be in the sport anymore or not.

 

[MaryA]

There is one newer family at our gym. (Been here since Nov) Their dd was level 4 with my dd this past season(spring). At our last meet, the mom told the dd if she made 37 AA they would go out for pedicures. Her dd did not score the 37. Mom could be heard saying, "If you'd only done so and so on the beam, you'd have scored your 37, so no pedicure for you." shameful!

.

I heard this at a meet too this year... a mother really laying into her daughter saying, "If you hadn't fallen off the beam, you would have qualified for Sectionals!" and going on and on about it. Geeze Louise! Don't we put our kids in sports like these to BOLSTER their self-confidence?

 

[Bajanswife]

There is one newer family at our gym. (Been here since Nov) Their dd was level 4 with my dd this past season(spring). At our last meet, the mom told the dd if she made 37 AA they would go out for pedicures. Her dd did not score the 37. Mom could be heard saying, "If you'd only done so and so on the beam, you'd have scored your 37, so no pedicure for you." shameful!

what makes it worse is, this same family, at 1st meet of season (happened to be our own hosted meet) the dad is sitting right next to me and starts to camcord his dd on her bars routine...she falls out of her middle circle...he swears and slams the camera shut and walks away....I'm horrified!!! This girl came with a history from another gym-she went to one of those really strict, really stern...you-stay-in-level-4-till-you-make-38aa-gyms and competed with them two years as a l4(at age 6 and age 7) they stressed her out so bad she quit and her mom says she wouldn't even do a cartwheel for almost 2 years!! Then, this little girl says she wants to do gym again, but refuses to go back to the power gym, so they bring her to ours. Now, after hearing and seeing the character and attitude of her parents, I'm wondering if it was the old gym coaches that freaked this little girl out or her parents!!

My dd has made good friends with this girl, and she seems a sweet girl, but you can tell she focuses on scores and winning. I have a feeling she may not be long for this sport...sad...

IMHO- If you want to reward...catch your kid behaving in a way you are proud of...and make a point to tell them! Give the little treat AFTER the accomplishment, don't promise it beforehand, let it be a surprise!
Bribing can totally backfire...
I'm betting the kid who needs to be paid $20 per 9 isn't going to remain in this sport long, either.

That's an awful lot of pressure for a little girl.

I agree about rewarding afterwards without promising it beforehand - that really is a great motivator, and I try to do that more than I bribe beforehand. It's just that sometimes you can't get that accomplishment at all without the bribe i.e. you wait and wait for a chance to praise/reward the right/good thing and it just isn't happening. Occasionally a bribe helps to kickstart an action, which then you try to get the momentum to continue without bribery. It's a really balance I think.

 

[ejgymmom]

I bribe my kid sometimes for various reasons and I'm not afraid to admit it, but I would never bribe her for scores. She can't control those and that would lead to a sure disappointment.

Her very first meet she was terrified and I was afraid that she wouldn't get out there at all. I told her that if she went out there and did her best, no matter what happenned, she could get a toy of her choosing afterwards. It wasn't performance related in any way. It was just something to give her some courage to actually go out there and try, which she didn't want to do. That was for the first meet only and I never had to do it again because she loved competing after that. I had to bribe her for her first dance recital too after she stood on the stage and cried during the dress rehearsal. She's often afraid to try new things and it gives her something to focus on. Usually once she tries something, she's fine.

And I will occasionally bribe her at practice for something she's having trouble with. Her coach had been working hard with her to really get her legs straighter on her BHS so I told her she could have her snack from the snack machine instead of eating the snack she brought that day if she kept her legs straight. It worked.

I don't think these are really big deals though some parents might disagree. And they are used very infrequently.

A parent at our gym told her DD she coud have a puppy if she got all 9's. That was a disaster. The girl went first on bars and got an 8.8 which was like a point higher than any score she'd ever had on bars. The girl was crying though because she had already lost her puppy. Then she went and fell on beam because she was already upset. I told her mom at the start of the meet that those kinds of bribes are bad. You can't control scores. Some meets score really tight, others really loose. You can't even rely on scores to say they did better or worse.

My daughter sounds a little like yours. She gets afraid sometimes to try new things or things that she thinks are too hard. I have bribed for a couple of things that I KNOW she can do. She had a pretty nice handstand on low beam but would get up on high beam, put her hands on the beam and hop her feet *maybe* an inch off of the beam. I can totally, TOTALLY understand the fear of being up high but this went on for months and months and I know that in her mind she wasn't thinking about it at all anymore because she had gotten so used to doing it the wrong way. There came a point where I knew she could do it with a little incentive. I offered her a small toy for the first time she did one up on high beam and BAM! The next class she did a beautiful one (well, beautiful in my eyes...it's not close to vertical but she kicks up and gets her feet together and that's what I knew she could do) and has ever since.

I know my daughter and can tell when a little incentive would help and don't mind using it for skills. I would never ever use it to bribe her to get good scores at meets. Right now it wouldn't work at all since she doesn't care the least bit about scores and really doesn't even know a good score from a bad score. She just wants that medal (which all the girls get at her little meets)...she doesn't care if she comes in first or last and I don't either. As long as she has fun and does her best I'm proud of her...and then we go out for dinner or ice cream or something after.

 

[Sarah'sMom]

My guess is that those who bribe with really expensive things probably started out small and then as the thrill of the reward started to diminish they had to increase it. I can't say I've never given a bribe but when I had some good behavior charts it seemed like my daughter was always trying to bargain me up - such as, if I am really, really extra good, can I get 3 stickers, when I was then given 1 sticker for good behavior and 2 stickers for extra good behavior and the sheet had to be filled for a trip to the dollar store, which went from 1 item there to 3 or 4. Not big money, but still you get the point. I canned the sheet once the bargaining up started to feel like I was going to get the behavior I expected only from bribing. So, I can see how that might happen with rewards to get a skill or get certain scores. I am not tossing away bribing though, because I think there is a time and a place, and a reasonable amount.

 

[NGL780309]

That's an awful lot of pressure for a little girl.

I agree about rewarding afterwards without promising it beforehand - that really is a great motivator, and I try to do that more than I bribe beforehand. It's just that sometimes you can't get that accomplishment at all without the bribe i.e. you wait and wait for a chance to praise/reward the right/good thing and it just isn't happening. Occasionally a bribe helps to kickstart an action, which then you try to get the momentum to continue without bribery. It's a really balance I think.

I'm with you on how a bribe can help kickstart an action. My DD is a perfect example. She totally did not want to compete. She was afraid and she kept saying, "What if I fall?" She was also very afraid to have the judge say her name and have to salute. It was embarrassing for her. I was certain that once she did it, she would have fun being their with all her friends etc. I was correct and now she can't wait for her next meet. I think in that instant offering her some incentive to just try was a good thing. Kids are not grown-ups. If the promise of a treat will help her overcome a fear of trying something new, I don't see the harm. That't totally different than offering $20 for every 9 in my opinion.

I do have to say that my DD will try to bribe me sometimes! Just the other day the gym had new leos displayed and she began eyeing one. She asked me if she could get a new one if she made it over the vault table by herself. I said sure honey, knowing full well that they don't even let her try yet. She's a smart little thing because she then thought for a moment and told me I should go ahead a buy it so it would be waiting for her after gym. I guess she figured if I bought it and she didn't make it over, I might still give it to her for her effort. Mommy was not fooled this time.

 

[lilgymmie7]

I am not sure if I believe in bribing as a whole. But I have been known to 'use' my own kids words against them. If I have been struggling with making DS understand the importance of doing well in school and he has asked for something, I will give in ONLY if he ups his grade in that class. He gets that 'desired' item if the grade goes up. DS could seriously do without school. I will do whatever possible to help him progress. I can tell when he is capable and when that 'bribe' is needed.
Bribing little DD for gym has never crossed my mind. I came to this realization after I did bribe older DD with a doll IF she did her pullover. Kid did it asap. I told her, just to save face, "Okay, you get your doll, but Mom will never bribe you again!" That did it. I would be broke for sure. Gym already sets us back $300+/month.

 

[mariposa]

In my opinion, bribes and rewards are really one in the same. Over time, whatever you are bribing or rewarding for loses it's intrinsic value. Used very sparingly they can be effective, but usually it is a slippery slope to more and more. You end up with people that can't do anything without expecting something in return. Yuck. I can't say I have never rewarded my kid with something, but it has been very infrequent and never discussed beforehand. Surprise rewards are good. And if you do it every time, it is no longer a surprise.

My kid gets a lot from gymnastics and she needs to learn to be happy with that. She is also very lucky to get to DO gymnastics so I make sure she realizes that, too.

 

[thefellowsmom]

This discussion has gotten me thinking about all this bribe and reward stuff. I do have to say there have been moments that I have been overwhelmed by how amazing she is and have spontaneously rewarded her. When she walked right into school the first day of kindergarten with her head held high, such grace and bravery -- I bought her a small jewelry box she had been eying. The day her coaches recognized how hard she was working and the progress she was making and moved her up mid season -- I got her a new leo. In these moments I just couldn't help myself. But, was that to make her feel good or for myself? I think if I really examine it, it was more for me than her -- somewhere to put the overwhelming emotions I was feeling.

If I truly had her best interests in mind, I would have left the gift out and just had the conversation that we did have but was overshadowed by the gift -- helping her to see how her actions and attitude went above and beyond and were something that I was proud of and that she should be proud of too.

I feel part of my job as a parent is to help her find value in the things she does well, to have confidence and overcome her fears. When she is struggling, I try to help her understand her feelings and find ways for her to experience overcoming them as well as understand that things are not always going to be easy. Life is scary and hard sometimes and I want her to grow up to be able to deal with those feelings and conquer them. Being afraid or struggling is in no way bad, just a part of life. What counts is how you handle those situations.

In this sport there is a lot of fear, pain and disappointment to go along with all the moments of accomplishment, fun and victory (whether in competition or simply for getting over a hurdle). If those positive moments aren't enough to get her through the tough ones then it is going to be a long hard road ,or a very short and abrupt one. That motivation and sense of accomplishment must come from inside her, I can't give it to her.

What I can do is be there to support her, hold her in my arms and help her identify and understand her feelings when she is afraid or struggling and to lift her up and cheer her on when she is flying high on her own accomplishments. But most importantly, I can step out of the way so that she can shine like the star she is.

 

[cathiann]

Yeah, I don't get that either! But one (former) gymnast at our gym was offered an iPod by her parents if she made it to State. Seriously??
If they're paying for getting 9s at meets, then exactly who is she in gymnastics for? Certainly not because she wants to compete and do her best!

 

[UnoMas]

I know more than a few kids who are paid for gym performances...not just at meets, but doing certain things at practice. It makes me ill and like many of you have said, they should be doing the sport because they love it and pushing themselves to do better because they WANT to do better. I have bought the girls new leos for new skills, like the kip, etc., but I have bought them for them on my own, not held them over their heads because I want them to do it.

 

[mom2kazkids]

I have gotten my DD the 9.0 pins for her first 9 on each event in a new level. For level 4 she has all 4 events, for level 5 on beam and floor, so far for level 6 none. She then puts the pin on the ribbon of the medal for that event. Also I do get her a bear for each of her new levels, so she currently has level 3,4, 5, and 6.