Parents Weight issues - advice needed!

[mommyof1]

Why bribe her to eat healthier? I mean, is she just not going to eat dinner? She’s not a baby that you have to worry about being malnourished.

As the mother of a picky eater, I feel the need to push back against this statement whenever I see it. For most kids this is true, but an extremely picky kid will absolutely starve herself if she is only offered food she doesn’t like, and will eat a restrictive enough diet that nutrition can become a concern. The whole Ellyn Satter “parents decide what to serve, kids decide whether and how much to eat” philosophy can lead to disaster with picky kids.

 

[ReluctantGymMom]

As the mother of a picky eater, I feel the need to push back against this statement whenever I see it. For most kids this is true, but an extremely picky kid will absolutely starve herself if she is only offered food she doesn’t like, and will eat a restrictive enough diet that nutrition can become a concern. The whole Ellyn Satter “parents decide what to serve, kids decide whether and how much to eat” philosophy can lead to disaster with picky kids.

I’m personally a picky eater with texture issues -Are there picky kids who would rather starve than eat, yes (my niece has a very rare chromosomal disorder and no one is going to fight her on what to eat. If the only things she eats are white rice and chocolate, it is what it is, because she legit would rather starve). But if her daughter can be bribed to eat a healthy meal, it means she doesn’t refuse to eat it, she just doesn’t want to.

there are certain foods I will flat out not eat. There is no food bribe you can give me to try to eat them. My daughter used to be the same way about mushrooms (she recently outgrew it), and those are things I feel you don’t fight, you just try to offer up in different forms and hope one day they’ll find something they like. I wouldn’t make a meal consisting of food I know a child 100% in no way, shape or form would eat. But if you can be bribed into eating it, then you just don’t like it, and if you’re hungry enough, you’ll eat it.

 

[rlm's mom]

Sorry for the confusion I think picky eater is totally the wrong adjective to describe DD. She has no problem eating any foods but just has a clear preference to junk food over real food. Sorry I should have been clearer!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

And yes I have the power to choose what I buy but I can't change what she buys with her allowance when out with friends etc.

We loosely foll the 80/20 thing around here. eat healthy good nut choices 80 percent of the time. Indulgent treats, empty calorie type food 20% of the time….

Shes 13 exactly how much time does she spend away from you and food at home? At 13 she should be spending most of her time where you have some control. There is only so much you can blame on choices you can’t control

 

[Deleted member 18037]

-Are there picky kids who would rather starve than eat, yes (my niece has a very rare chromosomal disorder and no one is going to fight her on what to eat. If the only things she eats are white rice and chocolate, it is what it is, because she legit would rather starve). But if her daughter can be bribed to eat a healthy meal, it means she doesn’t refuse to eat it, she just doesn’t want to.

this, my godson eats 5 things he will legit starve then eat other thing. The psychologist says you could push it and he will just move his issues to something even worse……

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Sorry for the confusion I think picky eater is totally the wrong adjective to describe DD. She has no problem eating any foods but just has a clear preference to junk food over real food. Sorry I should have been clearer!

She is playing you not picky.

 

[Eleven sol]

I have a daughter who is very slim and another who is a much sturdier build. My husband and I have very different body types. My slimmer daughter has food allergies. When she was younger she used to sneak or accept food that would cause her to feel ill before games, with some disastrous results at times, like the time she accepted a giant ice cream cone from a family friend right before a game. Yikes! The way I approached it was to talk about my daughter’s personal goals. At this point my daughter is at a high level in her sport (not gymnastics) and has D1 college goals. I ended up having to tell her that I wasn’t going to follow her around and monitor every food choice, but that high level athletes fuel their body for the absolute best performance. They make sure they are eating sufficient protein and vitamins and eat all four food groups and food that their body can tolerate well.

My daughter who is built sturdier was in the car when I talked to my YD and though the discussion was not intended for her, it helped her too. She came to me later and asked how she could get more protein into her diet because she realized it was lacking. Unbeknownst to me she was already feeling pressure from peers to be skinnier and was not eating enough. She’s a vegetarian so it’s also tricky for her. She said she had been feeling lightheaded at practice. I started stocking the refrigerator with three bean salads she could pull out anytime.

Be careful and tread lightly. There is SO much pressure and it comes from sources outside the family as well. I had no idea that my older daughter was feeling pressured by friends.

 

[rlm's mom]

Shes 13 exactly how much time does she spend away from you and food at home? At 13 she should be spending most of her time where you have some control. There is only so much you can blame on choices you can’t control

I guess that would depend on the kid; OD is more a home-girl whilst MD is a crazy social butterfly. And I'm happy she has the opportunity of a social circle outside of the gym so not going to cut down on the time she spends with them out. Just want her to be in control of herself when she's out.

She is playing you not picky.

Yup could be.

 

[rlm's mom]

I have a daughter who is very slim and another who is a much sturdier build. My husband and I have very different body types. My slimmer daughter has food allergies. When she was younger she used to sneak or accept food that would cause her to feel ill before games, with some disastrous results at times, like the time she accepted a giant ice cream cone from a family friend right before a game. Yikes! The way I approached it was to talk about my daughter’s personal goals. At this point my daughter is at a high level in her sport (not gymnastics) and has D1 college goals. I ended up having to tell her that I wasn’t going to follow her around and monitor every food choice, but that high level athletes fuel their body for the absolute best performance. They make sure they are eating sufficient protein and vitamins and eat all four food groups and food that their body can tolerate well.

My daughter who is built sturdier was in the car when I talked to my YD and though the discussion was not intended for her, it helped her too. She came to me later and asked how she could get more protein into her diet because she realized it was lacking. Unbeknownst to me she was already feeling pressure from peers to be skinnier and was not eating enough. She’s a vegetarian so it’s also tricky for her. She said she had been feeling lightheaded at practice. I started stocking the refrigerator with three bean salads she could pull out anytime.

Be careful and tread lightly. There is SO much pressure and it comes from sources outside the family as well. I had no idea that my older daughter was feeling pressured by friends.

This. You're lucky it went easily for you! This is what I want my daughter to understand but I'm petrified of pressures and sparking eating disorders.
Hubby and I are both slim, as are our other kids (fingers crossed).

 

[RTT2]

This. You're lucky it went easily for you! This is what I want my daughter to understand but I'm petrified of pressures and sparking eating disorders.
Hubby and I are both slim, as are our other kids (fingers crossed).

Fingers crossed? What will happen if your other kids aren't as slim as you and your husband? I'm having a really hard time with the attitude that seems to be coming across here where you tie the value of your children to their weight. I really hope for your daughters' sake they don't pick up on this.

By age 13 your daughter has reached the highest level of her sport, but you're displeased with her body?

 

[rlm's mom]

Sorry that sounded bad. I'm not saying my expectation of my daughters is to be slim I want them to have heathy eating habits and if that affects their body that is a bonus.
And of course my daughter's gymnastics are amazing no matter her body. This post wasn't to run down my daughter's bodies I just wanted some advice and I think I have received it so thanks!

 

[mom2newgymnast]

Sorry that sounded bad. I'm not saying my expectation of my daughters is to be slim I want them to have heathy eating habits and if that affects their body that is a bonus.
And of course my daughter's gymnastics are amazing no matter her body. This post wasn't to run down my daughter's bodies I just wanted some advice and I think I have received it so thanks!

I just wanted to say that I have the same concerns about my daughter and, like you, have been unsure what to do or say. She's also 13 and her body has changed a lot since going through puberty and just growing older. She's about 5'3-5'4, 130lbs and training level 10. Honestly, I definitely believe it has affected her skills and progress a little and I think it is making things harder for her. But I would never say anything to her about it or want her to feel bad about herself. I know she's already self-conscious about her body (she will not practice without shorts for example). I do think she could be making better food choices too and that is something I am working on with her. She eats a normal lunch and a small snack and then doesn't get home from practice until 9. But from 9 to bedtime she is so hungry from the day and she just eats a lot. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I get it and that you aren't alone in your concerns.

 

[mommyof1]

I just wanted to say that I have the same concerns about my daughter and, like you, have been unsure what to do or say. She's also 13 and her body has changed a lot since going through puberty and just growing older. She's about 5'3-5'4, 130lbs and training level 10. Honestly, I definitely believe it has affected her skills and progress a little and I think it is making things harder for her. But I would never say anything to her about it or want her to feel bad about herself. I know she's already self-conscious about her body (she will not practice without shorts for example). I do think she could be making better food choices too and that is something I am working on with her. She eats a normal lunch and a small snack and then doesn't get home from practice until 9. But from 9 to bedtime she is so hungry from the day and she just eats a lot. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I get it and that you aren't alone in your concerns.

It seems normal and healthy to be very hungry after doing a Level 10 gymnastics practice on "a normal lunch and a small snack."

 

[mom2newgymnast]

It seems normal and healthy to be very hungry after doing a Level 10 gymnastics practice on "a normal lunch and a small snack."

Oh I definitely see why she is hungry (she does have breakfast too). And she can have more snacks during practice if she wants, she just don’t like to eat much during practice. I just meant that she is consuming a lot of calories very late in the day and they aren’t necessarily healthy or nutritious calories. I’d like to see her eat healthier and I know that a lot of that falls on me. I’m no sure why some of y’all seem to assume the worse of people.

 

[mommyof1]

Oh I definitely see why she is hungry (she does have breakfast too). And she can have more snacks during practice if she wants, she just don’t like to eat much during practice. I just meant that she is consuming a lot of calories very late in the day and they aren’t necessarily healthy or nutritious calories. I’d like to see her eat healthier and I know that a lot of that falls on me. I’m no sure why some of y’all seem to assume the worse of people.

What does she get for dinner? We have a full, normal family dinner when my kid gets home from practice. Yes, it's late. She fills up on real food for dinner and then there is no need to snack afterwards.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I just wanted to say that I have the same concerns about my daughter and, like you, have been unsure what to do or say. She's also 13 and her body has changed a lot since going through puberty and just growing older. She's about 5'3-5'4, 130lbs and training level 10. Honestly, I definitely believe it has affected her skills and progress a little and I think it is making things harder for her. .

The quick change of puberty certainly affects things.

I am not sure what exactly your concerns are though. It certainly can’t be her weight. If she is 5’ 3” or even closer to 5’4” 130 is a very healthy weight By any reasonable measure.

if it’s her food choices, that is something that you still have control over by what is available in your home.

 

[rlm's mom]

She's about 5'3-5'4, 130lbs and training level 10.

My DD is 5' and approx 130 so that is definitely not overweight.

I just meant that she is consuming a lot of calories very late in the day and they aren’t necessarily healthy or nutritious calories

Yup that's what I see my DD doing and wish she ate half of that before practice instead.
If you want to know meal times schedule in our home on school days my girls have dinner #1 about 3 after school and then dinner #2 when they get home at 8. I would assume after a good meal at 8 she wouldn't have to snack that much.
On non-school days they have breakfast at 8, have practice 9-12, go out to lunch with team-mates till 1 and then practice till 4. They have dinner at 6. Of course then I would expect them to have a snack during the evening.

 

[gymgal]

Regarding late meals - one thing that worked really well for dd was to have a full meal about 1.5 hr before practice (give time to digest) and then on the ride home, she had a second smaller meal. Having her eat on the ride home gave her body more time to digest before bedtime. Once she started driving on her own, she took sandwiches to eat before she drove home.

 

[3cats]

I want to add that a "healthy" diet can be a very loaded word. I think it is better to say balanced diet. I think saying make balanced food choices. I love my treats I also love the way I feel after a workout when I've had good proteins and fats to help nourish my body and let it recover after exercise. I'm an adult woman. I'm not going to look like a super model, or a pre teen. But my body is amazing and does amazing things for me and I'm proud of what I do. And I only do regular exercise. I hope what anyone is praising of their gymnasts is the amazing things their body does as an athlete, not what it looks like compared to a swimsuit model.

 

[Eleven sol]

I think you are getting some good advice here. I don’t think people are trying to be snarky; they are just trying to make you aware that the most innocent of comments can have dire consequences.

Just make it about healthy choices and not about weight. My “skinny” kid who has a crazy sweet tooth honestly concerns me the most of any of my children. At this point she has no visible consequences from her poor choices and in the long run I needed her to understand that it’s gonna bite her in the butt.

People have different optimal weights depending on genetics, muscle mass etc. but everyone needs to eat foods that fuel the body well.