Parents What do you consider to be a good score?

[Ty’s Dad]

That's right about the details. And Ty's Dad pointed out that his daughter did get lower skills WHILE skipping three levels in one year. Well, that probably explains at least in good part why her scores weren't higher. No way can a young kid attend closely to the tiny details of compulsories while skipping three levels in a short amount of time. And if the goal is to get her to optionals as quickly as possible, the scores on compulsories probably don't matter that much to the gym for that specific kid. Different goals, different path.

As for the skipping levels, we didn’t know anything about this sport, and skill really don’t. My daughter first gym to us they will correct her form and figure things out once they move her to level 10. We just went along with things because we didn’t have anyone to talk to. We switched gyms and the whole thing switched from moving her up to making sure her form is great and winning. 2020 season was my daughters third year competing forth in this sport. People don’t know the whole story or what goes on inside my household to say I’m pressuring or my kid will be burnt out

 

[TumbleTimes4]

also on that same post a lot of people say if they paid money and their child wants to quit she has to keep going because they paid for the season. What’s the difference?

There is a big difference between finishing out a season and making them continue for years until they get to college. I was one of the parents on that thread that said I would not allow her to quit in the middle of the season, that she had to finish out her commitment. I am asking my daughter to continue for a couple of months, not years. And those of us that said that also said that they could walk away at the end of that season. You were the only one that said you would not allow your daughter to quit after a certain age. Your requirements were far more extensive than anyone else’s on that board. You can’t compare your requirements to the rest of ours. They are not the same.

 

[MILgymFAM]

There is a big difference between finishing out a season and making them continue for years until they get to college. I was one of the parents on that thread that said I would not allow her to quit in the middle of the season, that she had to finish out her commitment. I am asking my daughter to continue for a couple of months, not years. And those of us that said that also said that they could walk away at the end of that season. You were the only one that said you would not allow your daughter to quit after a certain age. Your requirements were far more extensive than anyone else’s on that board. You can’t compare your requirements to the rest of ours. They are not the same.

And even further still requiring that gymnastics be the center of her college career, and probably her college life.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

There is a big difference between finishing out a season and making them continue for years until they get to college. I was one of the parents on that thread that said I would not allow her to quit in the middle of the season, that she had to finish out her commitment. I am asking my daughter to continue for a couple of months, not years. And those of us that said that also said that they could walk away at the end of that season. You were the only one that said you would not allow your daughter to quit after a certain age. Your requirements were far more extensive than anyone else’s on that board. You can’t compare your requirements to the rest of ours. They are not the same.

Sooooo if you pay in November full assessments, your daughter wants to quit in Jan. You say no no I paid you’re staying until the end of the season I don’t care if you want to quit. Daughter stays (because you made her). Gets to the end of the season then says oh I want to continue with the sport. You don’t think you MAKING her stay had anything to do with her continuing? Let’s also say the same thing happens at the beginning of every year now what?

making is making. Force is force if she wants to quit let her quit why wait?

 

[Ty’s Dad]

And even further still requiring that gymnastics be the center of her college career, and probably her college life.

Wants she’s in college she can do what she wants. It’s her life not mine, but I’m going to do as a parent is figure out a real reason why she wants to quit and if it’s for some boy or she can’t get a skill as fast like someone said. Sorry but that’s not gonna happen

 

[NutterButter]

Wants she’s in college she can do what she wants. It’s her life not mine, but I’m going to do as a parent is figure out a real reason why she wants to quit and if it’s for some boy or she can’t get a skill as fast like someone said. Sorry but that’s not gonna happen

So let's say she gets a full ride at a Top 10 D1 school (gymnastically speaking, not necessarily academic top 10). Then the month before school starts she decides she's done with gymnastics. You gonna let her quit then?

 

[MILgymFAM]

Wants she’s in college she can do what she wants. It’s her life not mine, but I’m going to do as a parent is figure out a real reason why she wants to quit and if it’s for some boy or she can’t get a skill as fast like someone said. Sorry but that’s not gonna happen

We will just have to agree to disagree. My kid hasn’t quit yet (she’s on a college club team), but I actually think any reason is a valid reason to be done. Wanting to have a normal experience with friends and dates? Seems valid to me. Can’t get a skill? I think sometimes that’s ok too. We actively encouraged my younger daughter that it was ok to walk away and try something new due to blocks. She struggled for almost two years before admitting to herself that the daily struggle had sapped the joy out of her time in the sport. She took a break and went back to rec, but even if she hadn’t that was a valid choice. In fact, she could still be struggling through her gymnastics career- but instead walking away allowed her to dance into her ballet career, and that one has led to her current job in a ballet company and her college major. For me, sometimes the best lesson is that you can walk away from that which doesn’t serve you anymore. To each their own. Like I said, you and I will have to agree to disagree.

 

[bellsmom]

We will just have to agree to disagree. My kid hasn’t quit yet (she’s on a college club team), but I actually think any reason is a valid reason to be done. Wanting to have a normal experience with friends and dates? Seems valid to me. Can’t get a skill? I think sometimes that’s ok too. We actively encouraged my younger daughter that it was ok to walk away and try something new due to blocks. She struggled for almost two years before admitting to herself that the daily struggle had sapped the joy out of her time in the sport. She took a break and went back to rec, but even if she hadn’t that was a valid choice. In fact, she could still be struggling through her gymnastics career- but instead walking away allowed her to dance into her ballet career, and that one has led to her current job in a ballet company and her college major. For me, sometimes the best lesson is that you can walk away from that which doesn’t serve you anymore. To each their own. Like I said, you and I will have to agree to disagree. Its seems like so many people are trying to discourage him from supporting and encouraging his highly talented daughter's dream.

 

[MILgymFAM]

@julies0475 I would never discourage a parent from supporting their children’s dreams, regardless of their talent level. Once a parent takes away a child’s say in the whole thing, it’s not really simple support anymore. Obviously Ty’s Dad doesn’t see it that way, and neither do you, but that is how I see it and it is expressed very clearly as my opinion only.

 

[MuggleMom]

@Ty’s Dad I think sometimes you make a straightforward statement on here that is probably more nuanced in your actual life, and people take the straightforward statement as the hard facts and are a bit shocked at how black and white the issue appears to you. I will admit at first I didn't agree with some of your statements, but through additional posts etc as you clarify your statements and what not I feel like I have a better understanding of where you are coming from. I think mostly you are speaking about your kid and your families experience but when a quesiton is very general like this it sounds like you are projecting your standards and what works for you on others and people get a bit post happy on it. Sorry if you feel people come after you for it. While you have a clear vision and standards I dont see you as being so rigid you wouldnt adjust if your daughter family needed to. Anyway thats my two cents.

 

[TumbleTimes4]

Sooooo if you pay in November full assessments, your daughter wants to quit in Jan. You say no no I paid you’re staying until the end of the season I don’t care if you want to quit. Daughter stays (because you made her). Gets to the end of the season then says oh I want to continue with the sport. You don’t think you MAKING her stay had anything to do with her continuing? Let’s also say the same thing happens at the beginning of every year now what?

making is making. Force is force if she wants to quit let her quit why wait?

My husband and I have tried to ingrain in our children the importance of honoring commitments. Because we value that so highly, our children have never asked to quit in the middle. We teach them that the money that is spent on sports and activities is earned through the hard work and sacrifice of their parents, and to quit in the middle of something is wasteful and ungrateful of that work and sacrifice. They know the expectation before the check is signed. The exception to this would be injury or if the situation becomes detrimental to their mental and emotional health. We monitor all of that closely.

This rule has never prevented them from sharing their feelings or frustrations about the situation. I know my kid and I know when there are doubts and frustrations. We talk openly about them and it helps her to determine at the end of the season if she wants to continue on or if she wants to move on to other things. She knows everyone has bad days and that’s why it’s best to wait until the end of the season to be able to evaluate it as a whole so she isn’t making a rash or emotional decision. Last season was tough, she struggled with a lot of fear. I thought it would be her last. Had it not have been for quarantine and a three month break for her to be able to mentally and physically rest and relieve the pressure she was feeling, I think she would have walked away at the end.

The difference between quitting in the middle and quitting at the end of the season, is that I don’t consider the end actually quitting. She completed what we paid for and honored her commitment to us, to the gym, and to herself. She wouldn’t be quitting, she would be finishing. To me, finishing is different than quitting.

At the end of the season, we talk about the year, the good and the bad, and help her evaluate if this is still how she wants to spend her time and effort, and if it’s worth it to her to continue on. She has the summer to make that decision. She continues on because she wants to, not because we force her too. We help guide her, but it has to be her decision. And if it’s because she wants more time with friends or wants more free time, then that’s her decision. It doesn’t matter if I think she will regret it. She could also regret spending her middle and high school years in the gym just as easy as she could regret walking away. It’s impossible to know. Gymnastics will end someday. I’d rather her look back and wish that she continued rather than to have her resent me for forcing her to do it for so long.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

So let's say she gets a full ride at a Top 10 D1 school (gymnastically speaking, not necessarily academic top 10). Then the month before school starts she decides she's done with gymnastics. You gonna let her quit then?

If that’s what she wants to do is nothing I can do about that but pay for her education. She’s grown and can understand the consequences for her actions at that point

 

[Mish]

My husband and I have tried to ingrain in our children the importance of honoring commitments. Because we value that so highly, our children have never asked to quit in the middle. We teach them that the money that is spent on sports and activities is earned through the hard work and sacrifice of their parents, and to quit in the middle of something is wasteful and ungrateful of that work and sacrifice. They know the expectation before the check is signed. The exception to this would be injury or if the situation becomes detrimental to their mental and emotional health. We monitor all of that closely.

This rule has never prevented them from sharing their feelings or frustrations about the situation. I know my kid and I know when there are doubts and frustrations. We talk openly about them and it helps her to determine at the end of the season if she wants to continue on or if she wants to move on to other things. She knows everyone has bad days and that’s why it’s best to wait until the end of the season to be able to evaluate it as a whole so she isn’t making a rash or emotional decision. Last season was tough, she struggled with a lot of fear. I thought it would be her last. Had it not have been for quarantine and a three month break for her to be able to mentally and physically rest and relieve the pressure she was feeling, I think she would have walked away at the end.

The difference between quitting in the middle and quitting at the end of the season, is that I don’t consider the end actually quitting. She completed what we paid for and honored her commitment to us, to the gym, and to herself. She wouldn’t be quitting, she would be finishing. To me, finishing is different than quitting.

At the end of the season, we talk about the year, the good and the bad, and help her evaluate if this is still how she wants to spend her time and effort, and if it’s worth it to her to continue on. She has the summer to make that decision. She continues on because she wants to, not because we force her too. We help guide her, but it has to be her decision. And if it’s because she wants more time with friends or wants more free time, then that’s her decision. It doesn’t matter if I think she will regret it. She could also regret spending her middle and high school years in the gym just as easy as she could regret walking away. It’s impossible to know. Gymnastics will end someday. I’d rather her look back and wish that she continued rather than to have her resent me for forcing her to do it for so long.

My two cents is yes and no. Honoring commitments to teams, etc. is important. While you are on a team as a gymnast, it really is an individual sport. I'm not sure what level your child is, but at higher levels where the impact of not wanting to be somewhere and not putting your all into something can lead to injury, and not to mention the time it takes away from EVERYTHING else, I would let my daughter walk away. Not lightly, not after a bad day or week, but after after a trend is noted with no real will to resolve.

The money.... well it is already paid for, so that is spent either way. I have 12,500 miles on a car I've had for six months from our commute to gym, that would be savings right there!

 

[mommyof1]

My two cents is yes and no. Honoring commitments to teams, etc. is important. While you are on a team as a gymnast, it really is an individual sport. I'm not sure what level your child is, but at higher levels where the impact of not wanting to be somewhere and not putting your all into something can lead to injury, and not to mention the time it takes away from EVERYTHING else, I would let my daughter walk away. Not lightly, not after a bad day or week, but after after a trend is noted with no real will to resolve.

The money.... well it is already paid for, so that is spent either way. I have 12,500 miles on a car I've had for six months from our commute to gym, that would be savings right there!

You make a good point about the sunk cost fallacy. As a parent, I am at the point where I have once or twice suggested that my daughter scratch meets I've already paid for when I don't think she's in the right headspace to compete. The money is already spent either way and there's no sense in making the entire family's lives miserable.

At this point (high school, kid has been on team track since first grade) I'd probably let her walk away midseason if I was sure she was making a serious, well-though-out decision to retire or take a break. I wouldn't permit her to quit in a fit of pique, though, and I wouldn't put up with on-again-off-again waffling or complaints about going to practice. Just like karate, gymnastics is either "yes" or "no." If it's "guess so," all my fellow '80s kids know what happens then.

 

[bellsmom]

@julies0475 I would never discourage a parent from supporting their children’s dreams, regardless of their talent level. Once a parent takes away a child’s say in the whole thing, it’s not really simple support anymore. Obviously Ty’s Dad doesn’t see it that way, and neither do you, but that is how I see it and it is expressed

@julies0475 I would never discourage a parent from supporting their children’s dreams, regardless of their talent level. Once a parent takes away a child’s say in the whole thing, it’s not really simple support anymore. Obviously Ty’s Dad doesn’t see it that way, and neither do you, but that is how I see it and it is expressed very clearly as my opinion only.

My daughter wanted to quit a few years back. After

@julies0475 I would never discourage a parent from supporting their children’s dreams, regardless of their talent level. Once a parent takes away a child’s say in the whole thing, it’s not really simple support anymore. Obviously Ty’s Dad doesn’t see it that way, and neither do you, but that is how I see it and it is expressed very clearly as my opinion only.

My daughter has wanted to quit a few times. Each time she was able to work through struggles. She is not on an elite path. She is a level 9 and loves gym. I have seen girls quit only to miss it and try to return months later. Being a supportive parent I will encourage and try provide ways for my kid to overcome fears or obstacles that keep her from enjoying what she does. I would never force her to do gymnastics if she truly just didn't want to anymore. Maybe one day she will want to try something different its good to try another sport or passion. I know how much she loves being in the gym right now. It would not be fair to her to let her just quit without putting the time and effort to help her problem solve. Its a hard sport obstacles come up. You don't just quit to avoid them.

 

[Flicfliclay]

Ty's Dad, I don't think anyone is picking on you. I think it's so hard to get a real feel for peoples tone through text. You do you! It's merely a discussion board and that is all any of this is. I wish nothing but luck and great things for your daughter and everyones son or daughter in whatever sport or club they are involved in. None of us are perfect at navigating any of it. Keep posting and discussing!

 

[Aussie_coach]

I am in the camp of making sure the kids don't rush the decision. Kids (like adults) do reach points where they are feeling frustrated and down, one of the best pieces of advice I was ever given was to never make a decision when feeling down as views can be clouded by stress. I have seen many kids get to the point of frustration and quit because they were going through a rough patch and really regret the decision.

The idea of having kids see out a commitment, like finishing up a set of classes that have already been paid for or seeing out the season can really give them time to reflect and make sure they are happy with the choice they have made.

Gymnastics is a big part of these kids lives, and it fulfills many of their needs - exercise, friendships, being a part of a team, goals to work towards, a place to be challenged and so on. A lot of the time they might not realize that gymnastics was fulfilling those specific needs until they stop and find a great big hole. Its also worth good chats about the different things gymnastics fulfills in their lives and what sorts of things they could consider doing to fill those holes in a different way if they stop.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

My husband and I have tried to ingrain in our children the importance of honoring commitments. Because we value that so highly, our children have never asked to quit in the middle. We teach them that the money that is spent on sports and activities is earned through the hard work and sacrifice of their parents, and to quit in the middle of something is wasteful and ungrateful of that work and sacrifice. They know the expectation before the check is signed. The exception to this would be injury or if the situation becomes detrimental to their mental and emotional health. We monitor all of that closely.

This rule has never prevented them from sharing their feelings or frustrations about the situation. I know my kid and I know when there are doubts and frustrations. We talk openly about them and it helps her to determine at the end of the season if she wants to continue on or if she wants to move on to other things. She knows everyone has bad days and that’s why it’s best to wait until the end of the season to be able to evaluate it as a whole so she isn’t making a rash or emotional decision. Last season was tough, she struggled with a lot of fear. I thought it would be her last. Had it not have been for quarantine and a three month break for her to be able to mentally and physically rest and relieve the pressure she was feeling, I think she would have walked away at the end.

The difference between quitting in the middle and quitting at the end of the season, is that I don’t consider the end actually quitting. She completed what we paid for and honored her commitment to us, to the gym, and to herself. She wouldn’t be quitting, she would be finishing. To me, finishing is different than quitting.

At the end of the season, we talk about the year, the good and the bad, and help her evaluate if this is still how she wants to spend her time and effort, and if it’s worth it to her to continue on. She has the summer to make that decision. She continues on because she wants to, not because we force her too. We help guide her, but it has to be her decision. And if it’s because she wants more time with friends or wants more free time, then that’s her decision. It doesn’t matter if I think she will regret it. She could also regret spending her middle and high school years in the gym just as easy as she could regret walking away. It’s impossible to know. Gymnastics will end someday. I’d rather her look back and wish that she continued rather than to have her resent me for forcing her to do it for so

Lol so let say your daughter is miserable in the middle of the season. So you tell me she has to continue the season just because you made a commitment and paid your money. But everyone on this thread says it’s bad to force kids to continue, but it’s on for you because your just forcing her for a couple months because you spent your money. Ok got it. It’s called making/forcing your kid do something when it’s over a year. But when it’s a couple months it’s called a commitment

got it

 

[Ty’s Dad]

My fault and I apologize for not understanding. This whole time I thought if you make someone do something against their will that means force, but now I know if it’s in a four-six month time span it’s called a commitment. Now if it goes past that time span it’s called force. Learn something new everyday.

 

[RTT2]

My fault and I apologize for not understanding. This whole time I thought if you make someone do something against their will that means force, but now I know if it’s in a four-six month time span it’s called a commitment. Now if it goes past that time span it’s called force. Learn something new everyday.

And here's another example of how tone can be so difficult to discern through text...