Parents What do you consider to be a good score?

[Ty’s Dad]

And here's another example of how tone can be so difficult to discern through text...

Let’s do a zoom then lol. I’m actually laughing over here though, don’t mind me I don’t take anything to heart, just wish people can realize just because you word things a certain way it’s all the same thing

 

[Deleted member 18037]

For our part, we never pushed her for any achievement- she tried for what she wanted, wrote her own applications, did her own work. She was preternaturally driven. We were simply proud to share her achievements. When she was in the end of eleventh grade and it was college application time, she had a bit of a breakdown that caught us off guard. She admitted she was so afraid of “failing” at the college acceptance race and letting everyone down. If she went to a “bad” college it would prove she was a fraud and she wouldn’t know who she was if she wasn’t the smart girl anymore. We assured her that we loved her for her, not her achievements, and that we would always be proud of her because she’s a good person, and that our love would never be conditional.

This. You, we, may think we are not putting pressure. But what we think is not how they end up perceive things. And their perception is their reality.

My mom who has been gone 43 years used to say, you will never know how you did as a parent until your kids have kids of their own.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

My mom who has been gone 43 years used to say, you will never know how you did as a parent until your kids have kids of their own.

Seriously love this

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Commitments at our house have nothing to do with money.

We volunteer our time for causes, things like our local food pantry, helping at school or the library. These things have nothing to do with money.

We gave someone our word, that our hands, feet, bodies, minds are available. No dollars involved.

We gave our word and that means something here in this house.

Financial, stuff, we agree to pay or not.

dollars don’t equal commitment

commitment does not correlate to dollars.

 

[Jazzjerz]

Can you guys stop saying kids with high scores or high goals have a lot of pressure from parents. Yall don’t know what goes on in peoples homes or gyms

Wants she’s in college she can do what she wants. It’s her life not mine, but I’m going to do as a parent is figure out a real reason why she wants to quit and if it’s for some boy or she can’t get a skill as fast like someone said. Sorry but that’s not gonna happen

Ty’s Dad, I agree with you that whether a parent makes their child complete a season, or years after they say they want to be done, there is a certain level of parental pressure and “force”. Of course each parent believes their take is the correct one, and that their reasons are honorable - whether due to “commitment”, or because they don’t want them wasting time and talent on boys or frustration. I also truly believe your daughter is currently bought in to her own goals and success, and wants that for herself at this point. And I hope that carries her through college and beyond!!!
But surely you can see that the second quote from you above would be some level of parental pressure at that point, even if she wants to quit due to a boy. You can debate that the pressure would be for her own good, but at that point, her continuing would be due to pressure from you...even if it was the “best” choice for her.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

Ty’s Dad, I agree with you that whether a parent makes their child complete a season, or years after they say they want to be done, there is a certain level of parental pressure and “force”. Of course each parent believes their take is the correct one, and that their reasons are honorable - whether due to “commitment”, or because they don’t want them wasting time and talent on boys or frustration. I also truly believe your daughter is currently bought in to her own goals and success, and wants that for herself at this point. And I hope that carries her through college and beyond!!!
But surely you can see that the second quote from you above would be some level of parental pressure at that point, even if she wants to quit due to a boy. You can debate that the pressure would be for her own good, but at that point, her continuing would be due to pressure from you...even if it was the “best” choice for her.

Now that I will 100% agree if she comes to me and her mom and says I’m in love I want to quit because he needs my time then hell yeah it would be from me

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I am raising children whose beginnings were less then ideal.

I have made a conscious decision, to investigate and make the most informative decision/choice I could at the time. And I’d rather she be be pi$$ed at me for doing to much then to little (within reason). Example, we went to language school on weekends until the Covid. She never would of picked that. And she as good friends, other kids in the same spot, happy once there. If all she gets out of it is some friends who all all ticked their parents forced this on them I’m good. And if she is ticked oh well.

Gymnastics, potential injuries, mental blocks, she wants to be done. She’s done.

My rule, borrowed from folks who have BTDT...... you can’t quit when your are in temporary bad place. Ride that through you want to be done, your done

 

[Cheryl]

I think most kids who are done, have thought through it, especially if they are older. They start complaining about practice, start not competing as hard, and exhibit an attitude of indifference. Often, the only reason they continue is because of the social bonds with their teammates, not because they are still interested in being gymnasts. Through our years, I’ve been pretty spot on about who won’t be back next season. Many times it’s because they develop other interests, which is perfectly normal. Having a kid finish a season that has been paid for, is not the same as making a kid do a sport for years. Knowing you are “done” after the season sometimes gives the kids an incentive to finish on a high note. Nothing, whether it’s sports, music, church, school should set the entire parameters of a kid’s life. They do need to have friends, try other things, explore interests outside of the gym. There’s a lot of burnout for gymnastics already, and that’s for kids who have normal school, other sports and friendships outside the gym. If you try to isolate your kid from normal stuff, especially things like friends and boys, at some point they are going to want out. Younger kids really want to please their parents, teens, not so much.

 

[raenndrops]

The difference between quitting in the middle and quitting at the end of the season, is that I don’t consider the end actually quitting. She completed what we paid for and honored her commitment to us, to the gym, and to herself. She wouldn’t be quitting, she would be finishing. To me, finishing is different than quitting.

On our team, we refer to leaving at the end of the season (or before the start of the next season as "retiring") ... partly because finishing is so permanent. But, people come out of retirement all the time. My father retired from a job he had for about 40 years. He was retired for 6 months before he got a job at Wal-Mart. Once he couldn't physically do that job anymore, he left Wal-Mart. Then, 8 months after that, he went back to working at the company he worked at all those years. He now has a seasonal job with them maintaining their company's private park and lake from April to September every year.
Also, my OG retired after old Level 6. She came out of retirement months later. Competed 2 more seasons, then retired again. She had another return a few years after that and retired for the final time after that season (she tried a couple other comebacks, but just couldn't commit with all of her school commitments too).

 

[TumbleTimes4]

Having a kid finish a season that has been paid for, is not the same as making a kid do a sport for years.

Yes, thank you. @Ty’s Dad to me the difference is that at the beginning, she made a voluntary decision to compete and because it was her decision, it would be holding her to her commitment. If she at the end of the season wants to retire but I say no because I don’t like her reason for retiring, that’s when it becomes force for me. Because at that point, she is not wanting to make a new commitment to another season, I’m forcing one on her.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

Yes, thank you. @Ty’s Dad to me the difference is that at the beginning, she made a voluntary decision to compete and because it was her decision, it would be holding her to her commitment. If she at the end of the season she wants to retire but I say no because I don’t like her reason for retiring, that’s when it becomes force for me. Because at that point, she is not wanting to make a new commitment to another season, I’m forcing one on her

Smh of course at the end of the season it doesn’t matter, but I said what if she wanted to quit in January because she was miserable. The answer was I paid my money, and she made a commitment to to finish the season. That is forcing her to keep going till the end of the season, I don’t care how yall try and flip it. If she wants to quit and you won’t let her that’s forcing, regardless if it’s a couple of months until the season is over or a year

 

[Cheryl]

The difference seems to be that your schedule allows your daughter to quit at certain points, but if she continues past a certain age, she is required to not only continue but to get a scholarship. What most of us are trying to tell you is there’s a huge difference between an 11 year old, skipping levels at the top of her game, and a 16 year old whose body hurts, is more interested in having a social life, trying to decide what she wants to study and where. And as the kid gets older, they become more independent and better advocates for themselves. So maybe they could get a gymnastics scholarship, but would rather study something they love.

there’s a lot of attrition going into MS and again into HS. So goals you and your daughter set up when she’s 11 might not be important to her at 15. Even if she sticks with it to college there’s no guarantee she stays with the team. My brother had a soccer scholarship, played for a year on the team and then quit because he wanted to be a doctor and academics had to be top.

 

[Jamie1999]

I can’t imagine forcing a 15-year-old to spend the next few years of their life on a sport they are no longer interested in. It is completely ridiculous. And it absolutely does not compare to asking them to finish out the season. When they’re just finishing out the season, you are giving them the opportunity to let intense emotions cool off so they are not just quitting because of a bad week. It’s the same reason I give it a few weeks before I make big purchases. You are also giving the child the chance to transition out, lower hours and start trying other things before finally leaving. I wouldn’t even require finishing out the season if I can see that the gymnast is mentally done and will never be back. I don’t think any parent here requiring a season commitment would actually force their kid into the gym if that child was really distressed by the idea.

But to say that this kid may not quit just because they reached a certain age is outrageous and borderline unenforceable. And what if they refuse to do it? You drag them in? Punish them for not wanting a childhood sport anymore? What?! This idea of gymnasts quitting for boyfriends is not even realistic, because that child was going to quit anyway. If they don’t want it anymore, they don’t want it. Imposing it on them just smells of living through your child at whatever level of sport.

This entire post probably reads very undiplomatically but it’s just jarring to me that on the same forum where people have discussed gymnasts not informing their parents of coach mistreatment, we can have such black and white reasoning. How do you expect a gymnast who knows they are not allowed to quit to feel that they have power in these situations? When you have taken the most basic choice away?

 

[bellsmom]

I can’t imagine forcing a 15-year-old to spend the next few years of their life on a sport they are no longer interested in. It is completely ridiculous. And it absolutely does not compare to asking them to finish out the season. When they’re just finishing out the season, you are giving them the opportunity to let intense emotions cool off so they are not just quitting because of a bad week. It’s the same reason I give it a few weeks before I make big purchases. You are also giving the child the chance to transition out, lower hours and start trying other things before finally leaving. I wouldn’t even require finishing out the season if I can see that the gymnast is mentally done and will never be back. I don’t think any parent here requiring a season commitment would actually force their kid into the gym if that child was really distressed by the idea.

But to say that this kid may not quit just because they reached a certain age is outrageous and borderline unenforceable. And what if they refuse to do it? You drag them in? Punish them for not wanting a childhood sport anymore? What?! This idea of gymnasts quitting for boyfriends is not even realistic, because that child was going to quit anyway. If they don’t want it anymore, they don’t want it. Imposing it on them just smells of living through your child at whatever level of sport.

This entire post probably reads very undiplomatically but it’s just jarring to me that on the same forum where people have discussed gymnasts not informing their parents of coach mistreatment, we can have such black and white reasoning. How do you expect a gymnast who knows they are not allowed to quit to feel that they have power in these

 

[bellsmom]

Here is why i forced my kid to stick with it when she desperately wanted to quit. she was moved to a new team that had a tight click. after the first practice she became sad and soon after she said she wanted to quit. However at home she was constantly in a handstand or flipping or jumping on the trampoline. I spoke to her and the coach and I truly didn't understand. I felt like a terrible parent making her go to practice. The many practices I watched seemed good. I quietly come to practice one day and stand in the back where I'm not noticed. I see my daughter being physically shoved off the beam by a teammate. It was the other girls favorite beam. After that dd finally told me that she was being ridiculed and bullied by her new team. She had not made friends with anyone on the team and she felt they all hated her. She was shy about it and didn't want to admit to anyone that she was being bullied. She managed to get through the season with lots encouragement and she did make 2 best friends on the team towards the end. She didn't even enjoy winning meets because a couple of the girls got mad at her for it. The next season these girls were nolonger on her team. Now she wants to be at practice even when she doesn't have practice. even she can admit she is happy she didn't have her say.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

The difference seems to be that your schedule allows your daughter to quit at certain points, but if she continues past a certain age, she is required to not only continue but to get a scholarship. What most of us are trying to tell you is there’s a huge difference between an 11 year old, skipping levels at the top of her game, and a 16 year old whose body hurts, is more interested in having a social life, trying to decide what she wants to study and where. And as the kid gets older, they become more independent and better advocates for themselves. So maybe they could get a gymnastics scholarship, but would rather study something they love.

there’s a lot of attrition going into MS and again into HS. So goals you and your daughter set up when she’s 11 might not be important to her at 15. Even if she sticks with it to college there’s no guarantee she stays with the team. My brother had a soccer scholarship, played for a year on the team and then quit because he wanted to be a doctor and academics had to be top.

Are you reading anything type? You keep switching things to me, once again i said she can quit anytime to 14 or 15 after that she might as well stick with it and try and get a scholarship. If she want to quit we have to talk and figure out what’s the real reason why she wants to quit. Also I said if people pay assessments in Nov, and their kid wants to quit in Jan because she’s miserable, and the answer is no you can’t quit until April or May you’re forcing your child to stick with the sport because she made a commitment and you paid your money. It’s the same thing

 

[Jazzjerz]

Also I said if people pay assessments in Nov, and their kid wants to quit in Jan because she’s miserable, and the answer is no you can’t quit until April or May you’re forcing your child to stick with the sport because she made a commitment and you paid your money. It’s the same thing

Here’s why I don’t think it’s the same thing...I agree that in both scenarios being discussed, the parent would be “forcing” the child.
However, in making them finish the season, the parent is forcing the child to keep the CHILD’S own commitment, that the child made at the beginning of the year.
In your scenario, it sounds like you would be forcing her to keep YOUR commitment, of continuing for years.
Even though there is “force” either way, to me that’s the fundamental difference.

 

[doublestrike]

Here’s why I don’t think it’s the same thing...I agree that in both scenarios being discussed, the parent would be “forcing” the child.
However, in making them finish the season, the parent is forcing the child to keep the CHILD’S own commitment, that the child made at the beginning of the year.
In your scenario, it sounds like you would be forcing her to keep YOUR commitment, of continuing for years.
Even though there is “force” either way, to me that’s the fundamental difference.

When you get to the upper levels, 9-10, it becomes very expensive and can be huge time commitment for the gymnast and whoever is driving her. I personally, have yet to get over all the driving. There was a period of time when I told my daughter she had one more year if she wanted to continue in the sport to get decent results but we were moving back to a gym closer to home. I was losing time with my other children, I was losing hours working and we skipped vacations because she couldn't miss gym. I was willing to make the sacrifice if it was going to help her get into a college, but if not, she could do other sports. We reached a point where it was getting too time consuming and costly without results. She chose to stick with it, go to a stricter gym that produced results, and she got them. I also think that a parent has the right to guide their children and it's really nobody else's business to judge what's "forced" or not. Everybody's family is in different positions financially, willing to make or not make sacrifices for gym success. Again, very different once you reach the upper levels with the time commitment and need to pay those huge fees.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

Here’s why I don’t think it’s the same thing...I agree that in both scenarios being discussed, the parent would be “forcing” the child.
However, in making them finish the season, the parent is forcing the child to keep the CHILD’S own commitment, that the child made at the beginning of the year.
In your scenario, it sounds like you would be forcing her to keep YOUR commitment, of continuing for years.
Even though there is “force” either way, to me that’s the fundamental difference.

you guys try so hard to prove that I’m wrong but yet agreeing with me. Ok what you said makes sense, once again force is force regardless if it’s my commitment or her commitment it’s the same thing.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

Ok let’s say you didn’t pay the $1,000-$5,000 assessments. Now it’s January and now your daughter is miserable with this sport. Do you let her quit because it is only on her gymnastics is a individual sport? Or you still say no you need to keep on going?