Parents Why are some parents never satisfied?

[my4buffaloes]

Was hanging out at the gym today after dd #1 started but before dd#2 started (then I hightailed it out of there!) and overheard a conversation about a meet yesterday. This mom was saying how it wasn't her dd's best meet, that she could have done better on x, y, and z, but oh by the way she got a 9.6 on beam, place first on floor, got first AA, etc. WHAT??? Not her best day? I would say that was an amazing day, but this mom was lamenting that her dd hadn't done better. Can this child ever please her mom? Ugh! I am still shaking my head over this 2 hours later.

 

[bogwoppit]

Some parents will never be satisfied with anything in life, not just in gym.

We had our fair share of those at our gym and it just made me so sad for their kids that they were never good enough for their parents to be proud. It is very disturbing the levels of perfection some parents expect.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

yikes!..................

 

[NGL780309]

You probably know this parent and are the best judge of what the intentions were behind those words. I don't necessarily think it means the parent isn't satisfied or proud based on those words though. For me, if I were at the gym and someone asked how my DD did at her meet and they were someone I didn't know very well I would just say "oh she did great and won 1st place". To someone at the gym who was a good friend of mine and was really asking how she did I'd go into more detail and go over what skills she made mistakes on etc. When I ask a mom at the gym that I'm close to how their kids meet went I'm looking for specifics, not just they did great! Ya know? I'm usually sad that I missed watching them and love to hear the details. That's just me though. This mom could very well be hard to please.

 

[Empowered]

A parent once spent nearly an entire practice complaining to me about how disappointed they were that their daughter had the same AA score 2 meets in a row. Sure it was a super, duper, crazy high score and she won like every first place medal... but getting the same score meant that she hadn't "improved"... Uh yeah sure OK, sorry she didn't score that 40 for ya.

I wish people like this could spend one MEET day parenting a mediocre gymnast. One who is rarely going to get a 9, doesn't ever win and is hardly even on the podium. They could try arriving at every meet knowing that even if their child does their absolute best, they still won't win.

Maybe then they'd appreciate the accomplishments a little more.

 

[profmom]

I'd maybe try to give the benefit of the doubt and read it as awkward self deprecation?? Does it work to interpret this as "I know the scores were high, but my daughter made mistakes too"? I recognize that it is a stretch based on what you've reported, but that's how I would play it.

(Also the parent who's over the moon at the appearance of a nine on anything.)

 

[bribri514]

My friend ran on the junior national development team in high school. She had a teammate who went to Stanford with a 4.0 GPA unweighted in IB and was also like 4 time national champion in the sprints. She was at indoor nationals one year and won the meet but her parents drove to Idaho from Colorado to pick her up and ground her because her times were "low" because they said she'd been unfocused. She got her car taken and had to take the bus to practice everyday (and she lived 40 minutes by car outside the city in a small rural turned suburb... I have no clue how long of bus ride that would be). Everytime I think of CGM I think of that story. Crazy parents happen everywhere!!!!

 

[UnoMas]

Oh man, I hate that "not a good meet for her" with a 36AA kind of stuff. I guess it is really all about perspective, though...and where you are at with your kid's gymnastics "marathon". Hopefully that mom does not project that stuff on to the child...and just drives herself crazy, we can only hope, right?

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

I wish people like this could spend one MEET day parenting a mediocre gymnast. One who is rarely going to get a 9, doesn't ever win and is hardly even on the podium. They could try arriving at every meet knowing that even if their child does their absolute best, they still won't win.

Maybe then they'd appreciate the accomplishments a little more.

So true!!!

 

[my4buffaloes]

I don't really know this mom, but see her every time I am at the gym. So I don't know how she meant it, it just seemed that she was disappointed in her dd. I appreciate everyone's insight, it is always good to get other's perspectives! maybe she was trying not to brag???

 

[GymnastJoy]

From your first-hand report, does sound over-the-top. Of course scores are relative- what is "not good" for one gymnast may be "great" for another. My own dd is repeating a level so last years "great" scores would not be so "great" this year since it's the second time around and she has improved a lot. At the same time, I would never complain about my dd's scores period, let alone to others who may have first year at level dds who are not scoring as high yet. Maybe it's more an issue of her being classless.

 

[Where's the beach?]

I'd maybe try to give the benefit of the doubt and read it as awkward self deprecation?? Does it work to interpret this as "I know the scores were high, but my daughter made mistakes too"? I recognize that it is a stretch based on what you've reported, but that's how I would play it.

(Also the parent who's over the moon at the appearance of a nine on anything.)

I am the self depreciating parent My DD is very humble, like me; the only person I EVER brag to is my mom and maybe once on here. Whenever somone comments on how well she's done, I get very uncomfortable and
usually play it down. But unlike that mom, I don't add any details. Thankfully, after getting to know the other
moms pretty well, they know how I am, and they will say something like, "oh that sucked!". Much easier for me to stomach.
DD knows what's going on, but to an outsider, these comments probably seem mean.

 

[2gymmies]

I agree that it probably seemed like a ridiculous comment but if her dd is doing very well, the mom is in a no win situation. If she says, "omg, she rocked" - it might seem like she is lacking humility. If she is trying to be humble and discuss the low points, it might seem like she is too hard on the kid. Not defending her, just saying it's not always simple.

 

[MaryA]

Ultimately, what really matters is what she said to her child after the meet... Not what she said to her friend in the gym. Hopefully THAT was a "You go, girl!" and not a laundry list of things she could have done better.

 

[NGL780309]

Agree with you Mary. I know what I say to other people (other gym moms or friends who know something about gymnastics) is vastly different than what I would say to my child. Not that I'm every saying anything bad about her, but just in discussion of meets. I actually never even discuss meets with my DD which is a whole other thread.

 

[EmmasMommy]

Not that this is any better, but I wonder if what was really going on there was 1) the mother wanting to brag but not sound to braggy or 2) the mother wanting to brag while at the same time making it seem like it was "nothing" for her daughter.

Both of those things would come from insecurity and aren't healthy for her daughter. They're just as bad as her truly thinking her daughter didn't do good enough, which might also be the case.

 

[ARKGYMMOM]

I have a daughter that is consistantly on the podium. When other gym parents say something about it like " WOW your DD did really great!!" I am at a loss as to what I should say. Do I agree and seem like I am a beeming and bragging parent? I am fairly new at this and I don't want to offend anyone. I have said some things that may have come across critical just trying to "tone it down". I have finally gotten to where I say something along the lines of Thank you and yes we were proud of her. I am in a lose vs. lose situation if their DD did not place well. I am also aware that with my DD being L5 and doing well that that could change over the years and her teamates will be above her in the years to come. So, if the parent you were talking about seems critical she just maybe "stuck" in a bad conversation situation. Give yourself a chance to know her and see what kind of person she really is. You can always back away later but in the mean time you may lose a friend you didn't even know you had.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

that's reasonable ^^^

 

[skschlag]

My ds just had his first "top of the podium" experience, and I found myself in the same boat. How to answer that statement! I usually said something along the lines of "he is really excited" or "we are really proud of him" and then turned it to how the team did. As for "corrections," we joke about the big things (steps, etc), which goes with our son's personality. If someone over heard us, tehy would think we were over critical.

Ie...vault...he took a huge step. Hubby joked "where were you headed on vault? to the ski slope?' and D replied back with just as flippant an answer. That is how he is.

Now wiht the parents that I know well, we do talk in the gym about what our child did well, and waht tehy need to work on. Again, to a newcomer, we probably seem harsh, but in reality, we are just talking gymnastics. Actually, we are usualyl watching the elite girls and forget about the rest They are way more exciting to watch LOL!

S

 

[gymmom-in-training]

Yeah, I've listened to parents talk about how their gymnast did at a meet and it seems that some parents will never be happy. But that is the nature of this sport. It's all about being perfect. It's hard to be positive when it is all about the deductions.