Parents Your input, please

[Deleted member D3987]

Let it go.

this ^^^

 

[Sasha]

The coach is a first class jerk.

You should let it go and be the bigger person. It will be of no use reasoning with a person who thinks it's a good idea to condescend and shame people publicly, in front of children no less. You'll just make it worse.

Watch that coach.

 

[2G1B]

I'd be annoyed. I might even say something.

And here is something funny... I'm going to go find this post about the rainbows and let my DD read that. It sounds like it might help her focus on the skill and not be nervous about falling (so much). And you know what else, I'll tell her coach that I saw it here and told her. And I'm pretty sure that the coach's response will be, " hmmm. Let's see if it helps.". It is ridiculous for such a small thing to get that response from a coach. I can understand it if you were actively teaching her this at home on a home beam; but just saying that? I just don't see the big deal.

 

[strawberries]

I am a coach and a mom. I've coached the skills my Dd is doing, so it isn't that I don't have a clue. However every coach has a different philosophy, uses different progressions, and focuses on different corrections in different orders. I generally don't give gymnastics advice when I trust her coaches b/c it will make a mess of their plan. Kids can only keep a small number of things in their brains, and if they need 7 corrections, part of coaching is choosing which 1 or 2 to focus on first.

However, sometimes the drills and progressions aren't translating, and it helps to have another way of thinking about a skill. This is when you hear about a second coach saying something differently, and it suddenly clicks for a kid. Some kids can hear, " lift your foot to x degrees w/ x amount of force, but some kids need to be told to imagine kicking a soccer ball.

The area where I think parents can be helpful is when a coach has said something repeatedly and it isn't making sense to the kid. The parent knows how their kid thinks, knows their vocabulary and life experiences, and might be able to translate "lift your leg to 90 degrees," into something intelligible for the child.

I'm not talking about

 

[2G1B]

OK. I can't find the original post about the rainbows. Can anyone link it here?

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Yea.... um..... Coach should have kept it on the "down low", and mom should not be coaching her kid. So if I were the op I would Do as others have suggested here, Let it go....

 

[GYM0M]

First of all, let me say that parents should not coach, not even a little bit. But, imo, this is far from coaching. I equate this situation to telling my kids to think outside the box when do a school project that is graded on creativity. Does that mean I'm teaching? Nope, not in the slightest. Op, I don't think you did anything wrong. At all. And I totally feel that embarrassing an enthusiastic child is as far from 'coaching' as what you did. With that said, you probably have two choices. A) apologize to your child. Explain that you never thought this situation would happen and that you're sorry for being the brunt of her embarrassment. Go as far as to tell her that her coach didn't mean it to be ugly to you or to her (regardless of the truth). Help restore that relationship. Then let it go. OR B) have a conversation with the coach in front of everyone that (and I'm paraphrasing here) since he/she has such a problem with your parenting skills and he/she thinks he/she knows so much, maybe he/she would like to tackle another issue your dd is dealing with, like how to approach/handle inappropriate remarks aimed at your dd by ADULTS!
While I can understand if you want to go with option B, unless you plan on moving gyms abruptly, option A is probably the best way to go. But I am sorry OP........

 

[DefiniteMaybe]

I would definitely let it go because anything else would make it a bigger deal than needs to be. I think you offering a thought that could possibly help your dd with something she's struggling with is absolutely fine. You weren't actively coaching your dd or contradicting her coach, only suggesting an idea that might possibly help her. That shouldn't have threatened her coaches' authority.

I would, however, tell your dd that the coach apparently tends to misunderstand this sort of thing, and that it would be better that she not share any advice you offer.

 

[T-bean]

2G1B, here's the link:

http://www.chalkbucket.com/forums/threads/crooked-back-walkover-on-beam.54046/

 

[blueredzone]

Well you also don't know what has also happened recently in the gym on this situation.

What if another parent of another kid provided some coaching to there kid and the coach heard about it. This might be the 2nd or 3rd situation like this. No one would know and the OP wouldn't know that either.

Thinking of it from that point of view. I don't blame the coach at all. He basically let everyone in the gym that coaches coach and parents parent. If the coach got mad and reacted unprofessionally at least it shows passion. Better to have that than a coach who doesn't care.

You don't go into ER and tell the doctor how to operate. You don't go into a Firehouse and tell them how to put out fires. Also I assume no one likes clients telling them how to do there job.

Was the coach wrong on how the situation was handled? Maybe... but if it stops parents coaching there kids in the gym. Then at least it gets the results they wanted.

 

[Flyaway]

You don't go into ER and tell the doctor how to operate. You don't go into a Firehouse and tell them how to put out fires. Also I assume no one likes clients telling them how to do there job.

But if MY CHILD comes to me complaining of an upset stomach, I make suggestions as a loving, caring parent on ways to alleviate it. I don't know of any physician that would be threatened by that and feel the need to belittle the parent publicly. The way the OP described the situation, she was NOT coaching at the gym, nor was she even coaching at home. She was talking with her child about the activity her child loves, and when her child expressed frustration with something, she, as a parent, (fully within her right) shared a tip she had read about here.

Maybe this coach DOES have parents who cross the line. Maybe that made him/her a bit touchy. But projecting that onto this situation as described shows a lack of maturity and professionalism.

 

[Gymmommy71]

I agree that it may have been a reaction to multiple instances of parent coaching and not just this isolated incident.

I'm just curious though, how were your DD's walkovers that day? We're they better cause of the rainbow thing or the same? Maybe the coach was also annoyed that your advice worked . Haha.

Re: the incident, it does sound like the coach was being OTT by saying that in front of everyone - complain about the things parents do that annoy you when it's coaches/adults only, not in front of their kids (thats just so "Abby Lee Miller/Dance Moms" to bash a parent right in front of their child IMO).

However, you totally got to let it go cause if you say something it will give this coach even more material with which to complain about you. He/she clearly doesn't appreciate parent involvement, so as long as your DD has him/her you need to keep a low profile. I've found over the years that all coaches are different when it comes to their attitude about parents - some love to involve them in every little thing and give constant feedback, while others wish they could coach a team of orphans.

 

[strawberries]

I am a coach and a mom. I've coached the skills my Dd is doing, so it isn't that I don't have a clue. However every coach has a different philosophy, uses different progressions, and focuses on different corrections in different orders. I generally don't give gymnastics advice when I trust her coaches b/c it will make a mess of their plan. Kids can only keep a small number of things in their brains, and if they need 7 corrections, part of coaching is choosing which 1 or 2 to focus on first.

However, sometimes the drills and progressions aren't translating, and it helps to have another way of thinking about a skill. This is when you hear about a second coach saying something differently, and it suddenly clicks for a kid. Some kids can hear, " lift your foot to x degrees w/ x amount of force, but some kids need to be told to imagine kicking a soccer ball.

The area where I think parents can be helpful is when a coach has said something repeatedly and it isn't making sense to the kid. The parent knows how their kid thinks, knows their vocabulary and life experiences, and might be able to translate "lift your leg to 90 degrees," into something intelligible for the child.

I'm not talking about

Oh dear. I didn't even realize this had posted. I was toying w/ these ideas, but meant to edit, complete the thought, and then possibly not post at all...oh well.

Children are not a bunch of isolated boxes labeled, gymnastics, school, music, home, etc., and I do believe in educating parents where necessary--heck, they just think it's cool, and I believe in sharing info instead if hoarding it makes for fewer crazy gym parents. I think a good coach is able to do this on a basic level, the same way good doctors, mechanics, professors and even astrophysicists can generally put their concepts into 3rd grade language.

Also, there are areas where the parenting/coaching roles might briefly intersect...fears, confidence, injuries, discipline, social issues and plain old gymnast-coach communication. How often does a young, shy, quiet gymnast keep making the same mistake b/c she does understand the coach's correction and is scared to ask. I dare say a parent could help.

I think it is a sign of brilliance and humility in a professional when they are willing to share their mysterious secrets. I teach my children that one of the biggest indicators when choosing a doctor is whether the doc will educate, let the child hold the stethoscope, and draw simple pictures to explain a surgery vs the doctor who has the need to use esoteric medical vocabulary to prove he is the expert.

 

[ZJsMom]

I think this thread brings up and interesting issue--what amounts to coaching? This is really minimal to me. I think of a parent overstepping their bounds as someone who's telling the kid something different than what the coach says, overruling the coach, trying to teach a skill that hasn't been introduced at gym, yelling corrections from the bleachers etc. When DS goes to meets, I sometimes tell him something general like "make sure to hold your holds." Would people consider that coaching?

 

[BachFlyer]

Oh dear. I didn't even realize this had posted. I was toying w/ these ideas, but meant to edit, complete the thought, and then possibly not post at all...oh well.

Children are not a bunch of isolated boxes labeled, gymnastics, school, music, home, etc., and I do believe in educating parents where necessary--heck, they just think it's cool, and I believe in sharing info instead if hoarding it makes for fewer crazy gym parents. I think a good coach is able to do this on a basic level, the same way good doctors, mechanics, professors and even astrophysicists can generally put their concepts into 3rd grade language.

Also, there are areas where the parenting/coaching roles might briefly intersect...fears, confidence, injuries, discipline, social issues and plain old gymnast-coach communication. How often does a young, shy, quiet gymnast keep making the same mistake b/c she does understand the coach's correction and is scared to ask. I dare say a parent could help.

I think it is a sign of brilliance and humility in a professional when they are willing to share their mysterious secrets. I teach my children that one of the biggest indicators when choosing a doctor is whether the doc will educate, let the child hold the stethoscope, and draw simple pictures to explain a surgery vs the doctor who has the need to use esoteric medical vocabulary to prove he is the expert.

I love your response. Actually, both of them.

 

[gymjunkie]

In my decades of coaching, I've never seen any amount of parental coaching have a positive effect on their gymnast (even what others here are calling "harmless"). If you don't trust her coach to help her with her BWO, maybe there is a different issue. I would address that by finding her a new coach that you trust and not by stepping in to try to fix the BWO yourself. BTW, I don't think you did anything horrible, just counter-productive in the long run.

 

[flowerchild]

I believe in sharing info instead if hoarding it makes for fewer crazy gym parents. .

Not to get off track, but this ^^^^^^^^^!

DD is a gymnast and is involved in another sport competitively. I've noticed her coaches are really good about educating the parents about all aspects of the sport. The parents are about 180 in crazy from gym parents!

 

[Seeker]

It is very interesting to see the different responses from parents and coaches. Even the coaches that have chimed in on the thread really don't all agree! However, it is very clear from this post and many others that none of you are the coaches many parents here lament about. You say "leave it to the coaches" because you know if there was a similar issue in your gym, that YOU would fix it/address it in some way. That isn't always the case.

Often kids are left struggling, with no real (or understood) feedback from their coaches or the situation is handled in a way that is completely inappropriate (we've all read those stories here). Kids come home frustrated and upset and that's where situations like this come up. We have been at a gym before where this happened all the time and it puts a parent in a very awkward position. That is actually what led me to find ChalkBucket -- I was so desperate for information, that I began to search for it myself and found this forum. Thankfully, we are now at a gym where I drop her at the door and don't worry one bit -- I know she is safe and being coached appropriately -- but I totally get why these scenarios happen. It's a bit of a catch-22.

 

[Flyaway]

In my decades of coaching, I've never seen any amount of parental coaching have a positive effect on their gymnast (even what others here are calling "harmless"). If you don't trust her coach to help her with her BWO, maybe there is a different issue. I would address that by finding her a new coach that you trust and not by stepping in to try to fix the BWO yourself. BTW, I don't think you did anything horrible, just counter-productive in the long run.

I just don't see this specific incident as described as an issue of not trusting the coach. Me not trusting the coach would involve sitting on my rear end for all 12 hours of practice a week, giving dd looks from the sidelines, forcing her to work on stuff at home and constantly badgering the coach about new drills I've seen on YouTube. I'm sure there are parents like this. But I am not one and prefer to not be treated as such just because others are.

Can there not be some middle ground? It has to be all or nothing? I personally ALWAYS direct my dd back to her coaches when she's frustrated about something. But I also encourage and offer my thoughts. As others have said here, parents can be powerful allies to coaches. We, above anyone else, WANT our children to succeed and we know them better than anyone. We are not the enemy. I know no one came out and said that specifically, but that is definitely the impression I get sometimes.

 

[gymjunkie]

We are not the enemy. I know no one came out and said that specifically, but that is definitely the impression I get sometimes.

I get that, but understand that some parents are (unintentionally) their kid's worst enemy. It frustrates us as coaches when we know that a child is not reaching their potential because their parent doesn't respect necessary boundaries. It happens a lot!!!

I coach my own children. When we are at home I too am the parent on the receiving end of comments such as "Mom, I don't think I'm going to get my _______ by season." My answer does not involve visualization, technical discussion of the skill or advice I picked up on chalkbucket. It goes something like this: "What? As hard as you work? Not a chance!" In other words, my parenting response is to encourage and make it clear that I believe in them. This is an important boundary that I respect when we are at home and I am wearing my mom hat. I respect that boundary outside of the gym even though once we get to the gym, I AM their coach! I do this because I know that what my child is asking for at home is parental support, not additional coaching. They already get enough of that at the gym