Girls Crying at Gym

[vagymmomma]

DD has 2 - 3 girls on her team (L6) that cry almost every practice. The coach doesn't yell or mock -- if abything she's too patient. Most of it relates to fear issues (even on skills they competed an entire season). They've cried at meets. They require extra time from the coach. It drives my husband absolutely crazy and he's eager to move gyms in large part because of it. They are a couple years older than DD, so maybe part of it is the age of teenage change??? Does anyone else have girls like this on team? Do you think it is fair to view it as a negative against the whole gym?

 

[Deleted member D3987]

maybe not negative against the gym...but it's got to stop at some point. somebody has got to stop it.

 

[ZZMom]

It does have to stop. It's very bad for morale for the other gymnasts. My older dd's best friend cried at nearly every practice and it was very hard on the whole group.

One year at their level 9 state meet, dd and her friend were warming up for vault and dd's friend was having trouble with her steps. After her second balk, she started to cry. DD walked down the vault runway, put her arm around her friend and walked her back. DD's friend did stop crying and finished warm up, etc.

After the meet, I asked E what she said to her friend to get her to stop crying. DD said that she had told her friend to stop crying because she was hurting the whole team.

I was proud of my daughter because she showed concern by putting her arm around her friend but also told her what she needed to hear.

ZZMom

 

[LMV]

In our daughter's gym they are not allowed to cry during training. They are allowed to take a break, get water, whatever, and recompose themselves but no attempting to flip yurchenkos or catch releases through tears. Their coaches insist it is a safety thing and I won't dispute that [or point out to our daughter that I've certainly successfully intubated through tears in the ED a few times] but I think it also removes any possible reinforcement of the behavior which is ok too.

 

[Esoteric]

Drives me bonkers when I see this. My 8 yo asked me once last season why a certain gal at the higher optional levels always cries. I told her it was probably out of fear or frustration. DD said she always looks sad, even when she is not crying. I just used it as another opportunity to explain about the importance of have a conditioned mind along with a conditioned body. I used to be sympathetic from afar- but now I just shake my head. There comes a time when I think the coach or owner or the parent should step in and say- this gymnast needs a mental health break. We will see you in no less than 2 weeks.

 

[hawaii_gymnast]

From a gymnasts view I cant stand it, take a minute relax get a drink refocus and get back too it. Nothing gets solved by crying. Cry when your injured, not for most other reasons in the gym. Even if you fall a thousand times you have to get back up and try again, crying wont make a skill better or a fear go away. The only thing that can help is practice.
And crying at meets for mistakes, dont even get me started there. Biggest issue with the sport, everyone makes mistakes shake them of, laugh about them and move on. Again crying wont fix your mistakes.

 

[Quadqueen]

DD is 8, and had a 10 year old teammate on L5 last year that cried almost every practice. She mostly cried out of frustration. At first, it didn't bother DD and then she started complaining to me about it and how annoying it was for all the other girls to deal with. I don't think the coaches ever really addressed it.

 

[wallinbl]

From a gymnasts view I cant stand it, take a minute relax get a drink refocus and get back too it. Nothing gets solved by crying. Cry when your injured, not for most other reasons in the gym. Even if you fall a thousand times you have to get back up and try again, crying wont make a skill better or a fear go away. The only thing that can help is practice.
And crying at meets for mistakes, dont even get me started there. Biggest issue with the sport, everyone makes mistakes shake them of, laugh about them and move on. Again crying wont fix your mistakes.

They're not crying because they think it will fix anything, they're crying because their emotions are getting the better of them. It's something they'll learn to manage over time. It's easier for some than for others.

 

[flipandtwist]

As opposed to trying to make the girls stop crying (which will not work), try to talk to the coach about how she could handle the crying. I know I had fear issues and would sometimes get so upset I would start to cry, but all my coach did was leave me alone for a little bit until I was ready to get back up. I usually went into our little cubby area for a short amount of time. Some girls just can't handle the pressure at times and if you keep telling them not to cry, they'll just get upset and leave. Overtime, if their crying for attention, then they'll stop when they realize the coach really isn't going to do anything.

 

[Faith]

They're not crying because they think it will fix anything, they're crying because their emotions are getting the better of them. It's something they'll learn to manage over time. It's easier for some than for others.

Agree. These kids are training very hard, more hours than anyone can comprehend, and tiredness makes it harder to control tears.

Our gym is very big on conditioning, and push them quite hard. There's a couple of girls who sometimes get a bit teary, I think because it's hard, physically and psychologically, and they're still too young to have the mental toughness to go with it. They are sent for a drink to rest and recover if it gets to that and I've never seen them cry during skills practice.

I do worry sometimes that they're pushing 7/8 year olds too hard if it gets to tears during conditioning, and tuesdays are notoriously hard for conditioning - several are starting to not want to go to gym on that day. About 50% have dropped out already (In the last 6 months), either totally or for less intense floor and vault programs.

Having said that my DD enjoys the hard conditioning. I do think the tears are something to keep an eye on- if some girls are burning out very quickly my DD might be next. However the coaches do seem to know the girls well, and deal with it appropriately- I've never seen them shout, always a cuddle and a pep talk. My dd broke down in tears last month an hour into practice and they immediately made her get changed and called me to pick her up, as they felt it wasn't like her and maybe she was ill or needed the rest (she came down with a temperature and sickness later that day).

 

[gymgal]

They're not crying because they think it will fix anything, they're crying because their emotions are getting the better of them. It's something they'll learn to manage over time. It's easier for some than for others.

I agree. Some girls are just more teary than others. I was like this as a child and dd is too, to a lesser extent. I tear up at everything- happy, sad, frustrating, scary - you name it, even as an adult. Obviously, I have learned to control it with age so I don't fully cry, but the excess emotion is still there. This girl will learn to deal with it with time. The coaches need to find out what works best for his girl. For my dd, it is ignoring the crying and giving her a few moments to get it together on her own. Other girls do better with a quick pep talk.

I'm not sure why this would be a downer for the entire team though. Unless the girl is truly bawling, it should be pretty easy to ignore.

Sent from my ADR6400L using Tapatalk

 

[mayestra12]

My dd is 8 and cries before almost every practice because she has an anxiety disorder. She usually doesn't cry during practice. It's hard on everyone but I hope and pray the other parents aren't talking about how annoying she is behind our backs. She's never cried at a meet.

 

[wgagym]

I don't allow my kiddos to cry in the gym. If it starts I ask them nicely to go get a drink and compose themselves. When they are ready they can come back in. I think it helps them calm down if they are not crying in front of there friends and it doesn't distract the class.

 

[monkeysmom]

Do the parents know?

I wonder if the parents know? I think it's their job to talk to them. My daughter cried once or twice, then we had a talk and agreed that she will not cry at meets or at the gym. But my promise to her is that when she gets home if she needs a good cry I will hug her and hold her hand as long as she needs me. Catching that kind of fall is my job, not the coach's job. She knows she needs to be brave at the gym, but that there is someone to hold her if she needs it when she gets home. Seems to work for us. Usually when she cries she really just needs a big glass of water, a healthy snack, a tub, and to hit the pillow. But we are not at teenage hormone years yet, so who knows how the strategy will work in the years to come..

 

[GymBee97]

At one of our old gyms we had a few cryers too. And it drove me crazy too. I get they are upset that they didn't get this skill or that skill or fell at a meet but come on its just gymnastsics dust yourself off and move forward.

It got so bad one year with these few girls that at a meet the head judge came over to the coach and told her to do something about it. New rule in place if your going to cry head to the bathroom and don't come out until your over it. No more crying unless you are in need of medical assistance and hurt yourself. After about a month the crying stopped. Half of the reason of the Crying I think was a way to get attention and if your in the bathroom crying and no one can see you then why bother.

 

[iwannacoach]

Genuine crying is a physical method to relieve stress caused by pain and situational emotions such as fear, anger joy, and frustration. There are concious, deliberate techniques to help reduce or stop the tears, but those are camoflage measures that temporarily force the "Genie back in the bottle". If you do that with-out addressing the underlying issue, the Genie will pop out repeatedly and more forcefully. Some times these issues resolve themselves passively through normal, everday person growth, but then again.......

I was lucky to have a "wholistic pediatrician"with a dd in my team group, who volunteered his time on a regular basis to to work with the girls on all of the typical issues we see in child gymnasts. I was hesitant to give up time on a regular basis, but when I thought about it like a dance class to help bring all of their training together.....

This amazing man was like an issue eraser. I never got to sit in on his "sessions" with the girls, as he wanted them to feel free to "discuss", but what I saw in the gym after each session convinced me that the hour I'd given up was probably the most productive hour of the week. I felt like an inspired artist sitting in front of a fresh canvass, and my group became an emotional masterpiece in a matter of a season. There were countless long term benifits that made our work-out so much more productive.

I would highly recommend this process to any team group that has been together long enough to collect issues with training in general, and "living" together while training. I think there are some coaches who effectively do this "on the fly", and there's others that try, but there are so many other coaches that just "duck and cover" when problems suface. I can't say I blame any of them, especially those who've never raised children (think, the majority), it's not their job.

So that's it in a nutshell. Crying happens, but doesn't have to, at least not so much. How you get to the "not so much" is up to your own community as a group, or individuals. You can either cork it and see if it blows up in your face, or you can coax it out for a little chat, and come to a resolution.

 

[my4buffaloes]

My dd cries out of frustration fairly often. Sometimes at every practice a week and sometimes she goes weeks without crying. It is frustrating to watch her and one of her goals is to not cry during practice. I find that I cry easier than others and so do some of my kids. As I have gotten older I can control it much better, but my dd is only 11 and is still learning to control it. I think (and hope) it will come with time.

 

[LizzieLac]

Some people cry mroe easily than others - it is how they are wired. But for the gymnast I do think there are things they can do to help themselves - talk with a sports psychologist, etc. But for some the crying may always be more likely. I always say my DD is physically tough - doesn't cry over pain and handles pain well. But she can be emotional. Also, remember: MANY of these girls are going through puberty or pre-puberty and the hormones take over.

We had a girl that was crying a lot at practice and this was taking too much attention from the coaches to deal with. It was getting out of hand and unfair to the girls who were there to work. That, I think needs to be nipped, but sometimes crying at a meet when there is a fall or something is more understandable.

 

[thefellowsmom]

I think different kids handle things differently. We have a girl who tends to get teary at meets if she doesn't do as well as she hoped. I think she will outgrow it. She just puts a lot of pressure on herself to do well. Her mother is very supportive and I don't think puts a lot of pressure on her, it is just how this girl ticks. The coaches pretty much ignore it and she isn't causing a scene or anything.

The Fellows will tear up a little during really tough conditioning. She just turned 8 and it hurts, but she pushes through to finish her reps/time and then takes some deep breaths or gets a drink of water to compose herself. I think gymnastics has been a good lesson in pushing through and quickly composing yourself if you do lose it a little, which is natural for everybody not just kids.

I have seen other girls cry not wanting to go to practice or because a coach gave a strong correction and these tend to bother me more for some reason, but even this is understandable in different circumstances. We had one girl that was crying before each practice, not wanting to go and after a couple of weeks she quit which was right for her. We had another that pushed through weeks of fear of going to practice after returning from an injury but wanted to keep going and is now thriving. It was hard to watch, but she is a great gymnast and ultimately working through it was right for her.

The coaches seem to play it down as much as possible with nothing dangerous until composed. Go get a drink, take a minute and come back when you are ready to work type of thing. Seems to work pretty well. The girls also support each other really well. If someone is having a hard day, you will always see one or more of the other girls giving her a little pat or a hug and a word of encouragement.

Every kid is different and everybody, kid or adult, has different ways of dealing with stuff. Yet another great life lesson gymnastics teaches you. Pushing through fear and hardship and needing to compose yourself quickly are things we all have to deal with out in the "real world".

 

[C's MOM]

DD 8 has a few teammates that cry. I don't know that it bothers her however. I have witnessed her trying to console some which to me tells me a lot about DD's character. I haven't really noted that the girls as a whole are bothered by those that cry. As a whole, and a big part why I love DD's gym, the entire gym supports one another. When one gymmie is having a tough time, another comes to aid and offer words of 'wisdom' to her.
As a parent, I don't know if I could tell my child NOT to cry. Of course I would say something like " Please don't sob (uncontrollably or not) while on the beam or vault." Crying is a part of life; we all do it. There have to be reasons why the girls are in tears. I agree however with posters who have said "Contact the parents and inform them." They may not be aware. They are the best judge of what may be happening with their child.
Now as a parent of a child with anxiety, some kids my need to be taught various coping skills to releave their stress. Again, the parents need to be notified. I wouldn't judge the whole gym over a few who cry. Remember the HC/owner MAY be aware of the situation, but they do NOT have to make all on team aware. The privacy of the child should be kept intact.
As a teacher, I am aware of my students' situatuation. But I am also bound by law not to disclose the information to others.