Girls Crying at Gym

[Galadriel]

we had a couple of criers at one point. dd Was frustrated seeing it as attention seeking and if she didn't try and soothe them and walk out with them she was worried she would be seen as unsympathetic. not am issue now, and as i only heard it second hand i don't really know the background, only what dd told me . same girls still at gym but no issues now. maybe an age thing? they were around 14 bt the time.
good good vibes now!

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[mommyof1]

Does anyone else belong to a gym where girls don't cry at practice? I mean, someone at our gym probably has at some point, just can't remember an incident at the moment. I feel like I'm the minority here. It just sounds so strange that there would be kids crying all the time, especially at every practice.

We do not spend a lot of hours at the gym yet, but I have never seen one of our team girls cry. The group that practices during my daughter's class is made up of only about 6 girls, most of whom look to be between the ages of 10 and 12. There is no yelling, crying, or drama of any kind to be observed from the viewing area. They work quietly and are coached quietly. When they start to look frustrated, the girls seem automatically to take a deep breath and practice some drills to address whatever issue they are having. And the coach always seems to know just how much of a spot to give them when they get very tired during conditioning. Maybe this just happens to be a group of very reserved girls, but I am hoping that the lack of crying is due in part to good coaching.

In my five-year-old beginner's case, I think gymnastics has resulted in a general reduction in crying. Learning to fall and get back up again seems to have improved her self-confidence and resilience, and that has translated into less crying and more problem-solving at home and at school. There is also another five-year-old in her gymnastics class who is an over-the-top attention-seeker who cries multiple times every session. My daughter has begun to notice how disruptive this is and has started saying things like "I don't want to cry all the time like her. I want to have fun!"

 

[vagymmomma]

Wow, as the original poster to the this thread, I didn't know how many directions this post could go. To be clear -- I'm not talking about crying when a gymnast gets hurt or is feeling pain. I wouldn't want DD at a gym where they were discouraged from crying in that instance. And I'm not talking about an occasional crying spell -- let's face it, we all have good days and bad days. But when the frequent crying, involving multiple girls at the same level, requires additional attention by the coach -- that is a little bothersome.

I certainly have gotten a new perspective on how anxiety issues can manifest in crying. At least one of the girls I'm talking about may very well have anxiety issues because it is so over the top I can't even begin to describe it. If she does though, I don't think the coach (or any of the team parents) is aware of it. I worry about this girl because it just doesn't seem healthy to have that much stress at a practice.

In general, the other girls just ignore them when they start crying. I just don't think it's good to let the crying stay in the gym and I don't understand why more isn't done to discourage it.

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

I wonder if that part of the culture comes from the coaches. From what I've observed, in DD's gym, girls get ignored when they're crying.

When my dd cries at gym, she wants NO attention. She shuts herself down and will go to a corner. The only time girls pay attention to any girl crying is if a girl is injured.

 

[gymislife]

Me as a coach do not allow my child to cry at meets nor gym. I say, go to the bathroom and when you got it together you may come out. If that happens at a meet they will be sent to their parents. It's all about how you teach your gymnast, who are like you kids, to act in public. The perception on the gym, gymnast and coach can be negative after so much time. This changes only of they hurt themselves than I definitely would understand. But unless it's broke, bleeding or sticking out it should be a short live cry.

 

[Mack_the_Ripper]

When my dd cries at gym, she wants NO attention. She shuts herself down and will go to a corner. The only time girls pay attention to any girl crying is if a girl is injured.

This is how I am, too. Once a coach insinuated that I was "throwing a fit for attention." That made me so mad...I am humiliated every time I cry at practice. The only thing I want is to disappear; I don't want anyone else to see me. Actually, I think the pressure created by these feelings of being judged exacerbated my anxiety and crying problems. This year I feel like my gym is a "safe place" for me and I know that my coaches and teammates are behind me 100%, even if I do have issues. This has lifted some of that stress and made it easier for me to calm down if I do start crying.

 

[momof5]

I too have a crier. She definatley doesn't cry for attention. She usually tries to hide the fact that she is crying. She hates that she cries. That is just her way of dealing with things. I don't think her crying effects others on her team because they know that she is a crier. Being comforted or pep talked makes it worse. She wants to be left alone to get herself back together. Crying has such a bad rap. I wish people would not make such a big deal out of it. Its just dealing with emotions some people were just made that way.

 

[LiveLaughTumble047]

Chronic criers in our gym during practice were ignored. We had a girl who would cry every time she attempted a certain skill and frequently otherwise. In an attempt to nip the behavior our coaches would not spot her if she was crying and she would have to do conditioning if she couldn't dry her eyes and take a small step on the skill.

I believe this was just so that it was made clear that crying was not going to get you out of something or get you a special exception. But this is probably something that should be handled on a case by case basis, this particular teammate cried for as long as I can remember doing gym with her and continued through high school.

As for crying at meets over a missed skill or a mistake was not very well tolerated either. You were there to support your teammates not to be pitied or babied. Everyone has an off day that was understood certainly but you were expected to be bummed for a moment but when the next girl was up your attention was on supporting her. Performance energy and camaraderie at meets is imperative to success and our coaches expected us to maintain a positive morale toward our teammates. If you simply could not help yourself the coaches made it an unspoken rule that you would take your tears to the locker room and return when you were ready to support the rest of the team as they had just done for you while you were competing.

Now there are exceptions and there was a time that our coaches cried with us both happy and sad for purely emotional reasons. Certainly our senior year missing qualifying for state by less than .5 and having a team of girls we worked out with year round since we were little tykes was emotional and our coaches had seen us through that. They had seen us grow up and gymnasts and people and we were an incredibly close knit and tight group of girls, we still keep in touch to this day and most of us are about ready to graduate college.

All and all this crying issue is probably something that should be handled on a case by case basis, this particular teammate of mine cried at practice for as long as I can remember doing gym with her and continued through high school.

 

[LizzieLac]

I too have a crier. She definatley doesn't cry for attention. She usually tries to hide the fact that she is crying. She hates that she cries. That is just her way of dealing with things. I don't think her crying effects others on her team because they know that she is a crier. Being comforted or pep talked makes it worse. She wants to be left alone to get herself back together. Crying has such a bad rap. I wish people would not make such a big deal out of it. Its just dealing with emotions some people were just made that way.

I can relate. My DD can be emotional too - she always says that she doesn't want to cry but she can't help it. I think as these girls get older, they will learn how to control it.

I think the original post was more along the lines of the girl tht cries in practice frequently enough that it is disruptive, takes too much of the coaches' time, and sets a bad precedent. In my experience, that will only go on for so long before it either gets corrected or the gymmie leaves the gym and/or the sport.

 

[cbone]

This is not intended to be insesnsitive (which of course means it will come off that way), but for those parents who have children with severe anxiety disorders- why do you have them in such a pressure-filled sport? If going to practice leaves them in tears, it can't be healthy for them.

 

[mayestra12]

Why? Because like your child, she loves it and she wants to do it. Like your child, she does gymnastics all over the house. Like your child, she loves her team and teammates. She loves everything about gymnastics. In fact, competitions are her favorite part of the sport.

Athletics is one of the best ways for her to learn to deal with her anxiety and exercise is a must. Sure, I could steer her in other directions but for now she's chosen gymnastics. If I take her out the anxiety wins and I've sent the message that she's not good enough (her biggest fear).

I wouldn't classify her anxiety as severe as she'll go long periods with no issues at gym. Right now she's having a tough time getting some new skills and unlike your child she can't see that it's not the end of the world. She plays the "what if" game before every practice.

I'm realistic about her future in the sport. She just might be the kid who spends 2 years at each level and that's fine with me. I don't know that it will be fine with her but we will deal with it together. Right now she's 8 and she deserves a chance to progress in the sport she loves even if it brings her to tears. She'll be stronger for it in the long run.


I'm not offended by the question...thanks for asking. It's often hard to be the gym parent of a kid with anxiety because nobody knows why she's crying all the time. It can be lonely period.

 

[cbone]

I went back and read your posts. Honestly, it doesn't seem like your daughter has a disorder. She puts her own pressure on herself and is riding a wave of frustration. One that will pass. Especially if it comes and goes. My daughter broke down crying the night before her state meet. She was so worked up and nervous about it since her coach keyed everything toward being ready for that meet. I understand that anxiety is part of the game and I'm not insinuating that a child is weak for dealing with it. My daughter (and I'm sure virtually every other gymnast) has bouts with it.

I'm talking about those kids who have constant anxiety and cry before every practice. The ones that live with a constantly high stress level. Maybe I'm wrong and it's a normal coping mechanism for those kids. From the outside, though, it seems like an unfair burden on a little mind not yet conditioned to handle it.

As for your personal feelings- my heart goes out to you. I would much rather have people ask me a slightly offensive question about my child than get shunned and have people whispering about her. Hopefully, in the grand scheme, you'll know that doing the right thing by your child is more important than being shunned by a few team parents.

 

[gymdog]

I went back and read your posts. Honestly, it doesn't seem like your daughter has a disorder.

I am fairly sure m's daughter has been diagnosed by a professional from what I recall, although she may not have posted about it recently.

 

[hawaii_gymnast]

I really do think that all girls should get the chance in gymnastics if they so want it, and its important to support that. In my post, I was not referring to girls with anxiety or any other medical condition, just girls who cry because they cant do something after they try one time, or they make a mistake at a competition. Thats more of what frustrates me. And also at my gym, to me it seems that the girls that cry are the ones who don't work hard and give up easily. Im sure that this is different at other gyms, but from my point of view from my gym it frustrates me because they are crying because they can't do something or did poorly, but I know that if they tried harder and kept working it would be fine. All the view here come from different backgrounds with their gym.
I'm glad that my coach doesn't put up with crying at competitions (of course for injury, but not poor performances and such), she takes the girl that is crying off to the side for a little talk, and lets them be. There is little sympathy in crying for making a mistake. Of course it depends not only on the gym but with the gymnasts at the gym too, but at my gym this is how it is.
Cbone- I dont really think that it is your right to say weather or not mayestras daughter has anxiety or not, she really was just standing up for those girls who do have it. Doesn't matter if her daughter has it or not, which I am pretty sure that she was diagnosed.

 

[mayestra12]

Yes, she has been professionally diagnosed and is currently in treatment. Anxiety follows her in every aspect of her life, not just the gym.

Getting on the school bus some days brings her to tears because she's worried about what the "mean girl" will say / do at school.

She won't sleep over a friend's house because she's worried about if they will get in a fight or what rules that parent has at their house that she might not know about.

After months and months of her constantly forgetting things at school (lunch box, homework) I realized she was worried about missing the bus (she got left behind one time over a year ago).

At gym, she usually doesn't cry during practice but will melt into tears at the gate when he team is called in to start (anticipatory anxiety). Jordyn Wieber could be in the gym and it wouldn't matter. She won't move. The coach has to take her from me in order to go start. She's done this off and on for her two years on team. She was fine (even let me drop her off) from October-April. Her routine changed last month, she got sick, has painful spacers put in her mouth and is struggling with new skills. It was enough (plus dealing will school "mean girl") to send her back to tears.

Everyone has anxiety. It becomes a disorder when it stops you from doing things. For my dd, this is true. A girl who loves gymnastics as much as she does shouldn't cry before every practice, not want to get on the school bus, or shudder at the thought of a sleep over with her best friend.

I know it's hard to understand. My dd is outgoing, friendly, and a leader in her classroom. Her teachers say they don't see signs of it. Little do they know she is working over time to hide it at school that she explodes when she gets home (lots of negative attitude). Gym has always been her safe place.

 

[bogwoppit]

When my dd cries at gym, she wants NO attention. She shuts herself down and will go to a corner. The only time girls pay attention to any girl crying is if a girl is injured.

Sounds just like my youngest, who is now 13. She has always withdrawn and still does. The last thing she wants is confrontation or discussion.

 

[wallinbl]

I really do think that all girls should get the chance in gymnastics if they so want it, and its important to support that. In my post, I was not referring to girls with anxiety or any other medical condition, just girls who cry because they cant do something after they try one time, or they make a mistake at a competition. Thats more of what frustrates me. And also at my gym, to me it seems that the girls that cry are the ones who don't work hard and give up easily. Im sure that this is different at other gyms, but from my point of view from my gym it frustrates me because they are crying because they can't do something or did poorly, but I know that if they tried harder and kept working it would be fine. All the view here come from different backgrounds with their gym.
I'm glad that my coach doesn't put up with crying at competitions (of course for injury, but not poor performances and such), she takes the girl that is crying off to the side for a little talk, and lets them be. There is little sympathy in crying for making a mistake. Of course it depends not only on the gym but with the gymnasts at the gym too, but at my gym this is how it is.
Cbone- I dont really think that it is your right to say weather or not mayestras daughter has anxiety or not, she really was just standing up for those girls who do have it. Doesn't matter if her daughter has it or not, which I am pretty sure that she was diagnosed.

I wasn't a gymnast. I played baseball and soccer, and did both competitively and was very good at them. I say that not to brag, but to establish a starting point to counter part of your statement. In baseball, for whatever reason, strikeouts (as a batter, not as a pitcher) got the best of me and I would cry. I didn't want to, I hated it. I didn't want sympathy, I didn't want attention, I wanted no one to see or notice and I wanted it to go away ASAP. It was downright humiliating. It had nothing to do with needing to try harder or needing to work on it some more. If anything, it was probably the opposite - pushing too hard and trying too hard, letting the result of a single instance have too much importance. If you know baseball, you know that the best batters in the world still strike out with regularity, so I was crying over something that was unavoidable.

Crying is a symptom, not a problem in itself. Whether it's anxiety, emotional immaturity, wanting for attention, or whatever, crying is just a visible manifestation. With anxiety or emotional immaturity, it's difficult to blame the girl for it, and you should probably just ignore it and let it go. Believe me, they're working on it because they hate it far more than you do. With girls that want/crave attention, even if you make the crying stop, they'll do something else to get attention. That's a whole different problem to solve.

 

[cbone]

I can say that I have never seen this at our gym. Based on what's been said, I feel much better equipped to NEVER make comments about it, though. I don't understand it, but I have a new respect for those who live with it.

 

[gymdog]

Yes, she has been professionally diagnosed and is currently in treatment. Anxiety follows her in every aspect of her life, not just the gym.

I remember this because I have dealt with similar cases and you had some threads with good advice this year in particular that made me realize it was something beyond what we could deal with and help was needed. I am glad to say that happened for the child and it has made an enormous difference. I want you to know you helped another child.

 

[mayestra12]

Thanks so much! I really needed to hear that today!