Girls Crying at Gym

[cazoon]

We have a rule that if you cry, you have to leave for the rest of practice.

 

[Quadqueen]

DD 8 has a few teammates that cry. I don't know that it bothers her however. I have witnessed her trying to console some which to me tells me a lot about DD's character. I haven't really noted that the girls as a whole are bothered by those that cry. As a whole, and a big part why I love DD's gym, the entire gym supports one another. When one gymmie is having a tough time, another comes to aid and offer words of 'wisdom' to her.
As a parent, I don't know if I could tell my child NOT to cry. Of course I would say something like " Please don't sob (uncontrollably or not) while on the beam or vault." Crying is a part of life; we all do it. There have to be reasons why the girls are in tears. I agree however with posters who have said "Contact the parents and inform them." They may not be aware. They are the best judge of what may be happening with their child.
Now as a parent of a child with anxiety, some kids my need to be taught various coping skills to releave their stress. Again, the parents need to be notified. I wouldn't judge the whole gym over a few who cry. Remember the HC/owner MAY be aware of the situation, but they do NOT have to make all on team aware. The privacy of the child should be kept intact.
As a teacher, I am aware of my students' situatuation. But I am also bound by law not to disclose the information to others.

There is a big difference between crying every once in a blue moon and crying at every practice. My daughter would have empathy for a kid who never cries but is just having a bad day, but she does get tired of it when certain girls cry EVERY practice. I think there's many different ways to deal with it, but if you have certain kids crying every practice, it DOES start to affect the team as a whole.

 

[mayestra12]

My dd has been crying recently due to anxiety but went the entire competition season without a tear. We're working on it. I'm just shocked that there seem to be so many that seem annoyed. Trust me, she can't help it and would like nothing more than to be able to control the anxiety she feels with situations in the gym.

 

[Quadqueen]

I don't mean to imply that all of these girls can automatically make themselves stop crying, especially those with anxiety or other issues. But that's not the case with all of them. It's just hard for some teammates to feel bad for the kids who cry every practice, if it appears to the non-criers that it's because the criers are frustrated (aren't they all when they can't get a skill?), or if it's for attention. It's difficult for the other girls when they don't understand what the crying is about.

 

[gymnastjess]

The huge reason behind girls crying in gym (typically older girls) is because they can't stand watching girls younger than them have skills in a few days that they have tried years to gain.

 

[Trixiebelle]

Trixie has had some tears this year after 7 years in the gym. The first time was at a meet when she fell on her beam mount, shoulder roll, full turn and BHS. In fact she was in tears while still on the beam. After a good sob after dismount, her head coach told her she had better never cry on an apparatus again. And most recently last night at practice, on beam. That dreaded BHS again. This time the coach sent her to the locker room to calm down - twice. After the last time (20 mins) she came out, did 5 BHS and we left for the night. She's 11 and facing regionals in 3 days.

Dd has a teammate who is having some issues with recovering from an illness. She lost a lot of strength and some skills. She cries every practice. The girls and coaches pretty much ignore it now as they can help - only time will.

While crying isnt encouraged, it's a fact of life. Heck, I see wrestlers cry after matches, batters cry when they struck out. Mostly the coaches ignore the tears and keep going. At this age it's a pressure release. And while it shouldn't happen every practice with t he same kid, it probably will happen every day at the gym with some kid.

 

[Danica76]

We have a girl that cries every practice during core/upper body conditioning. She doesn't get out of it and has to collect herself and do the reps, even if it means staying after. My DD cried for the first time in the gym last night. She fell off the high bar doing tap swings - missed her regrip on the backswing and flew back onto the mat on all fours after hitting her toes on the low bar. While she didn't get hurt, it scared the bejeezus out of her. I think it was the first time she realized that gymming is actually dangerous. She went to the locker room, wiped her tears and then HC had her get back up and do a few more before she left.

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

While she didn't get hurt, it scared the bejeezus out of her. I think it was the first time she realized that gymming is actually dangerous. She went to the locker room, wiped her tears and then HC had her get back up and do a few more before she left.

^Silly coach, should have put a mat in front of the low bar and/or stand in and be ready.

I don't mind when my gymnasts cry during their strength training/challenges because the ones who bring themselves to tears are the girls who did not cheat or they really pushed to their limit rather than stopping when it got a bit uncomfortable. If they are crying over the idea of strength work then it's a problem.

As with most others, if you get upset, leave the gym compose yourself and come back.

 

[Flossyduck]

I'm so glad you said that Pineapple Lump, because this thread was making me feel a bit sad. My daughter works so very hard during the stretching and conditioning and some of it obviously hurts. When they are doing over-stretching in splits, for example, I can see she is fighting tears and occasionally a few quietly escape. Some of the others cry quite a bit more openly from time to time. I think that helps my daughter to realise that it's not just her and wouldn't feel annoyed with them. The coaches don't make a big deal of it.

It's a long old day, they are very young, tired and being pushed to the limit. I don't think any of them want to cry...

What still amazes me is that instead of thinking 'no way, I'm not doing that again it hurts' like many kids would... they go back again the next day and the next day and try even harder.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

just for the record, i'm not talking about stopping the crying that most of you have described so far.

 

[avggymmom]

My dd has been crying recently due to anxiety but went the entire competition season without a tear. We're working on it. I'm just shocked that there seem to be so many that seem annoyed. Trust me, she can't help it and would like nothing more than to be able to control the anxiety she feels with situations in the gym.

This is why I like reading the posts on this site...there is such a large group of people that you can always seem to find someone you really relate to...and you can also be exposed to different perspectives...

mayestra12, I totally relate to your experiences. My younger DD (8yo L4 going to L5) has struggled with anxiety issues and lots of times she can't help but cry. She doesn't want anyone to see her cry. She has social anxiety and people seeing her cry just makes her feel worse. She would cry before every competition (lots of times as I was handing her off to the coach), but usually not during a competition. The coaches at our new gym were great and very understanding and able to handle the situation very well. The coaches at our old gym were not so great and would talk about her "crying issues" with other parents behind our backs - very professional... One time this year she started to cry while waiting what seemed to be an extraordinarily long time to salute the judges at a small meet where the audience was only about 3 feet from the beam...that was painful. Some people would say that since gymnastics made her cry so much I should make her quit, but actually sticking with gymnastics was the best thing I could do for her because 1st of all, she loves it, and second, it has helped her learn to try to deal with these emotions (and not fall into the avoidance trap that is common with anxiety).

Through this discussion I have also had my eyes opened that it is not only painful for my daughter and myself to have to deal with her crying, but it also bothers other gymnasts and parents as well. Just don't tell her that though...cuz as I said, it's mostly social anxiety and that is just not what she needs to hear...

 

[wallflower]

This might sound crazy, but I kind of WISH my daughter would cry every once in awhile. She is a closed book. Obviously I don't mean that I'd like to see her crying at practice or because of gymnastics. Sometimes kids that wear their emotions on their sleeves are easier to deal with. They show you they have a fear/frustration/problem and you can help them deal and move on. My daughter is very quiet, keeps her emotions to herself completely and it's hard at times. I never know what she's thinking or feeling. I haven't ever seen her cry at practice and maybe I never will.

 

[funflips]

Does anyone else belong to a gym where girls don't cry at practice? I mean, someone at our gym probably has at some point, just can't remember an incident at the moment. I feel like I'm the minority here. It just sounds so strange that there would be kids crying all the time, especially at every practice. Do kids cry everyday at your kids schools too? Just wondered. I know school isn't as hard or scary as gymnastics can be.

We have had kids with anxiety too. I think I would really have them take a break if they're crying all the time. It seems like it could cause more issues. I would worry about emotional damage if my child was crying every time.

 

[avggymmom]

We have had kids with anxiety too. I think I would really have them take a break if they're crying all the time. It seems like it could cause more issues. I would worry about emotional damage if my child was crying every time.

To answer your first question, there does not seem to be a lot of crying at our gym. Usually just when someone gets hurt.

To your second point...I think it really depends on why the child with anxiety is crying. If it is because they do not like gymnastics, then by all means, stop doing gymnastics and find a different activity to participate in. If they are crying because they are scared to go into a room with a bunch of other girls, then letting them take a break is just reaffirming avoidance. And according to many of the psychologists that I have consulted, allowing avoidance is one of the worst things you can do to help a child learn to deal with their anxiety. Instead of learning how to productively manage the anxiety that we all feel to some extent at some point in our lives, they learn that by avoiding difficult situations they don't have to feel anxiety. This is fine if they don't want to learn how to live a normal life, and do normal childhood activities with their friends, but then that behavior leads to depression.

Of course, this is not to say that you just shove the kid into the room and let them cry...you also teach them skills to use in these situations and you take smaller steps if you need to. Look at it this way, if I took my child to one of her first meets and she started to cry and wouldn't stop, if I took her home at that point (she did not want to leave either, by the way, I actually asked), what would she learn? She would learn that it is ok to bail on her team and coaches if she is feeling uncomfortable. The next time a meet came up, would she feel more comfortable about walking out onto the floor? But if she stayed, managed her tears, and walked out onto that floor and nothing terrible happened despite her fears, might she learn that she is strong enough to handle these situations, and they aren't actually all that bad? That being said, if my daughter went to her first meet, did it and absolutely hated it, I would let her quit and find something else.

Side note, the crying didn't only happen in gymnastics...it also happened before and during school...especially on test days...unfortunately for her the teacher wouldn't let her avoid those either

Sorry for the hijack... this topic just hits too close to home.

 

[EastCoast]

If any of our team girls start to cry, they are sent to their lockers until they feel like they can return. (all team levels) There is no crying on our floor!

 

[gymgal]

Does anyone else belong to a gym where girls don't cry at practice? I mean, someone at our gym probably has at some point, just can't remember an incident at the moment. I feel like I'm the minority here. It just sounds so strange that there would be kids crying all the time, especially at every practice. Do kids cry everyday at your kids schools too? Just wondered. I know school isn't as hard or scary as gymnastics

I think it really depends on how people are interpreting the word crying. We have girls who tear up on occasion, particularly when facing new skills. Buy I rarely see actual out of control crying.


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[Canadian_gym_mom]

I haven't read through all the posts but I will admit that I am the mom of a cryer. She is 8 years old and like someone did mention, sometimes her emotions just get the better of her. I know there are several things that will make her cry in the gym. Difficult conditioning. Fear of a certain skill. Sometimes getting in trouble of being given a consequence, but that uaually only happens when she is already crying.

The gym handles it by sometimes ignoring it if she is still doing the conditioning, and sometimes by sending her to the washroom/for a drink. DD is normally able to calm down fairly quickly.

The other thing is that when there is teasing or jealousy from other kids my dd tends to cry as well. You might want to make sure that none of that is going on, because if there's one thing I have found, little girls can really be sneaky and unnoticeable in throwing little mean comments.

We have been dealing with that issue as well. I do find my dd works better and harder when she is training with an older group of girls when she is behind in the skills, than when she is the one doing the hardest skills.

 

[Mack_the_Ripper]

lol, guys. I cry probably at least twice a week at practice. I'm seventeen. Yeah, it's bad. It's part of my personality and it always has been...I cry about a lot of things. I cry when my best friend ignores me at school. I cry when I read heartwarming poetry. My coaches and teammates understand that sometimes I can't control my first reaction to a fall (even if I'm not hurt but just surprised), and that I will start to cry if I am under a lot of stress. When this happens, I need to go and get a drink and calm down before I continue. Usually I can get back to practicing calmly within 5 minutes.

I also have anxiety problems. If I fall off the beam a couple times in a row, my mind immediately jumps to "I won't make this skill" then to "I need to have this skill perfectly on high beam in three months" then to "no one else falls this much on their acro series" then to "I won't be able to compete level whatever this year" then to "I am a horrible failure of a gymnast and I don't deserve to be on the team and I'm going to get kicked off." So avoiding the tears can be pretty hard, especially when I'm tired and/or hungry (which is pretty much all of the time on school days) or in pain. Last year I was on some medication for anxiety that reduced crying dramatically, but it also had some other unpleasant side effects and I had to stop taking it.

My coaches know I struggle with this, and they have given me so many second chances. I can't express how grateful I am to them. I know it can be a distraction to my teammates, but by now they're all so used to it that nobody gives me a second glance. It's actually sort of a running joke. I'm going to play "Big Girls Don't Cry" at my grad party.

 

[GetaGrip]

Whenever someone on my team cries, I feel like a lot of my teammates drop what they're doing and try to help them. While I understand that they are just trying to be supportive, they shouldn't be taking away time from their practice just because someone is having a hard time.

Also, to be honest, it has always been a little weird for me to see girls who are older than me and/or in a higher level crying at gym. I look up to these girls, and to see them crying for purely emotional reasons seems a bit... unstable.

Don't get me wrong, I've cried at gym before too, but I really try to avoid it. If I feel like I might cry I usually ask to remove myself from the group for a bit so I can get water, or go to the bathroom and calm down.

Just to be clear, this isn't about crying because you're hurt/hurting. It's pretty hard to control that.

 

[wallinbl]

Whenever someone on my team cries, I feel like a lot of my teammates drop what they're doing and try to help them. While I understand that they are just trying to be supportive, they shouldn't be taking away time from their practice just because someone is having a hard time.

I wonder if that part of the culture comes from the coaches. From what I've observed, in DD's gym, girls get ignored when they're crying.