Parents Regarding 'Quitting Dilemma'& need some advice

[bogwoppit]

Thanks! I did try to push the time off & compete in Winter today. Her reply? "Oh I'll probably just stick w/ it Mom, you know how I can't live without gym..." AAGGH!!

I think I'll committ her to the looney bin on account of her Schizophrenic tendencies!

We shall see what we shall see....

Sadly she sounds just like a 12 year old, I know I have one. This too will pass and then you will have to deal with 13 year old woes!!!

I have read all the books, now I am ready to throw the books at the kids. It was a loooong week.

My 16 year old son is also driving me bonkers. Kids for sale!!!

I personally drown my sorrows in gin, but not until 5pm.

 

[msl529]

Sadly she sounds just like a 12 year old, I know I have one. This too will pass and then you will have to deal with 13 year old woes!!!

I have read all the books, now I am ready to throw the books at the kids. It was a loooong week.

My 16 year old son is also driving me bonkers. Kids for sale!!!

I personally drown my sorrows in gin, but not until 5pm.

Yes, at least we have each other to commiserate about the teens.

Funny thing is, my older dd (15) sailed thru puberty w/ nary a scowl or bad attitude. Just an easygoing girl, I guess. Now dd2 is slinging me hefty doses of humility-inducing sagas every day.

Hang in there w/ your ones!

Gin, Vodka, Wine, Video Games, Mud Wrestling-whatever helps, right?

P.S. It's always 5 o'clock somewhere! LOL!

 

[msl529]

Just wanted to let you know that I gave DD her final chance to back-out of gym yesterday, as we really do need to either commit or not, right now, due to those big checks I just wrote. She said she's going to stick w/ it. She understands that this is not negotiable now, as we have committed financially to the Season.

She won't dare ask to quit anymore until after Season, but we may see attitude blips along the way, so I will need you guys to get me thru those, please!!!

She often tends to focus on the 'jar-half-full' side of life; i.e.: 'I'm missing out on things b/c of gym', instead of thinking along the llines of: 'I'm glad I get to do this, this is fun, not many people get to do what I do', etc.

Any tips on helping her learn that, aside from just suggesting that she try to think this way? I have done so, but I cannot nag, it will not help.

ALSO, I think it would REALLY help if that Back-Walkover-on-the-High Beam-Fairy would visit her real soon! She had it, lost it, and is struggling w/ the fear. A boost in that particular skill would really help her whole attitude right now.

Thanks again, & we'll keep you posted.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Some Yoga and Meditation can go a long way...

She often tends to focus on the 'jar-half-full' side of life; i.e.: 'I'm missing out on things b/c of gym', instead of thinking along the llines of: 'I'm glad I get to do this, this is fun, not many people get to do what I do', etc.

Any tips on helping her learn that, aside from just suggesting that she try to think this way? I have done so, but I cannot nag, it will not help.

ALSO, I think it would REALLY help if that Back-Walkover-on-the-High Beam-Fairy would visit her real soon! She had it, lost it, and is struggling w/ the fear. A boost in that particular skill would really help her whole attitude right now.

Thanks again, & we'll keep you posted.

Hi! She does sound like a typical teenager with the uncertainty and just normal adolescent issues and thoughts. It seems to me that she is losing her focus a bit. That is an easy and common thing to occur especially with the age.

I feel that some yoga and meditation really helps me when I get out of balance and just need to "find myself" again. It doesn't have to be anything formal like sending her to a 3 week yoga retreat or anything, just some simple breathing exercises and some cleansing yoga poses. The meditation really helps clear the mind and lets all the dust settle so that you can think a bit clearer and things don't seem so over-whemling.

The yoga/meditation also helps deal with the anxiety of adolescent stress. It helps keep you centered and appreciate the "now" instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. There is a saying that is very powerful..."Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a Gift, that is why it is called the Present." Yoga has become more popular with the kids and teens at local YMCA's and yoga centers so maybe there is one where you live.

I hope this helps her! With anything, there are always bumps in the road and detours along the way but the important thing is to make sure she understands her destination and always keeps that in sight. And if she is not sure then of her destination, then sometimes stopping and smelling the roses along the way is a good way to reflect and appreciate the here and now.

 

[flippymonkeysmom]

A lot of girls start having fears they have never had before around that age. Be patient - but more importantly tell her to be patient. Younger kids tend to think they are invincible, as they get older they realize they can get hurt doing this crazy stuff. Somewhere in her she knows she can do it. Depending on the kid- pressure can be the worst thing. My dd2 (the ex-cheerleader, not my gymmie) had some major fear issues. She had gotten hurt doing a back tuck and refused to tumble for months. She was on a level team in cheerleading that required bhs series - and she definitely felt a lot of pressure. She just couldn't get past the fear. As soon as the season was over and she no longer felt pressured - she started tumbling again. Now she is tumbling all over the house, outside and even doing her back tucks again (not that she needs any of this anymore since she now plays soccer). Anyway - my long rambling point is - she will get over her fear issues in her own time. That is such a sensitive age. I hope now that she has made the decision to stick with it for the time being she gets some of her gym enthusiasm back.

Oh - and one of the things that helps my gymmie with the missing out thing - we plan a lot of fun activities with the girls from the team, i.e. sleep overs, pool parties, movies, etc. That way they really bond as a team and their friends are at gym so they look forward to going. Good luck.

 

[bogwoppit]

Oh - and one of the things that helps my gymmie with the missing out thing - we plan a lot of fun activities with the girls from the team, i.e. sleep overs, pool parties, movies, etc. That way they really bond as a team and their friends are at gym so they look forward to going. Good luck.

ITA, this is one of the things that I work hard on. We do things with the girls team mates, sleepovers, movies, at home spa nights etc, that way they feel like they are hanging out when they are at the gym. We also make going to meets together a lot of fun, ice cream, movies in the room, hair sessions, all fun.

As for fears, they are a big issue for many girls and just take time. Also I know right now my 11 almost 12 year old DD is going through major growth and body changes. It is hard enough for her to keep her skills let alone aquire new ones whilst she constantly adjust to her constantly evolving body. I am sure that your DD is dealing with this too.

I'll be thinking of you, this has been a very helpful thread and I am sure many of us will be rechecking it in the future.

 

[MdGymMom01]

great post Flippymonkeysmom!! My dd (an ex-cheerleader as well) had some fear issues as well. There was a lot of pressure at the cheer gym last year that she just didn't handle well. We moved to the gymnastics gym this past April and she is feeling really comfortable and confident. She is now doing her BHS by herself , but still has some fear issues. She has come a long way since last year with her confidence and just believing in herself again. My dd is a sensitive kid and very introspective so I am sure the fear issues will come back on other skills, but we try to take it one day at a time and focus on the successes of the skills she is mastering and try not to dwell on the skills she is having issues with.

msl529--Fear is one of the hardest things to get over but it is controllable. Your dd needs to understand that it is okay to be afraid but she can also overcome it and keep it under control. A good book to read is "Games Girls Play" by Dr. Caroline Silby. She is a sports psychologist who used to be an elite figure skater. She works with a lot of athletes and gymnasts. It is definitely a great read and it helped me understand my dd's fears a bit more.

Good luck and take it day by day.

 

[msl529]

Thank you all for the support and tips. 'SNIFF' :tearsofjoy: you guys are great!

I will try to give as much encouragement as I can to DD regarding her fear issues. It's not the first time she's had them, and definitely will not be the last (dang it! ). I agree that one can, and should, take control of that emotion, and not let it run away with you!

As for the social stuff, that is a great reminder. We have changed gyms a couple of times, and this was a super way to get dd plugged right in & having fun. PLAY PLAY PLAY!!!

The girls in her group are somewhat spread apart in locale, but I am sure we can figure out a take-home-from-gym one night, and bring-to-gym the next day, scenario. I just have to get my gumption up for having a bunch of Pre-Teen girls over-night!! EEEK!

Take care, all...

 

[Livinatthegym]

If the BWO is too scary, try a back extension roll. You can do that in place of the BWO in the lvl 6 routine. My dd1 never competed a BWO on beam. She did the BXR in 6, hs BXR in 7, and then BHS BHS in 8.

 

[gym law mom]

MSL---we're right here with you. I have one that just turned 12 and she has been a little grump this summer. Gym seems to be fine(most of the time), but whew is she all over the place on other stuff.

Making friends at gym is great and I know you felt it helped her get settled when you moved. Might want to see if there is someway she can connect with kids at school so that you don't hear---all I ever do is things with girls from gym. That almost reinforces her argument that gym takes up her entire life. I made my gymmie take band in 6th grade(it is a scheduled class). Thought it would be good to broaden her horizons and meet kids she didn't know from elementary school. We survived the first few months with the flute and she had a blast and did in fact make several very good friends----who don't do gymnastics. Our kids too are spread over about 4 different school districts so they don't see each other much during the school day. I think my gymmie was the only competitive gymnast at her middle school last year. See if there is some club that meets after school where she could skip practice say 2x/month to go or one that meets before school. That might just perk her up and give her that outlet from all the practices.

And when it gets tough-----remember it is 5pm somewhere

 

[catesmom]

I agree with the previous posts. My gymmie is turning 13 in a month, and entering 8th grade. The pressures did start to get to her when she hit 6th. We have chosen to pick and choose activities that she enjoys. If there is a dance she wants to attend, she misses a practice, she knows not to ask during meet season, not even a option. She LOVES girl scouts especially now that she is a aide for the younger girls, it is an activity that allows her to meet a lot of people(she attends a private school) and feeds her desire to have a life outside of the gym.

She plans activities with both her school friends and her gym friends....just a warning here, the two don't mix well, we tried. She is having a Spa b-day party with her school friends, and then the next weekend a movie/sleepover party with her gym friends. I think if you follow your instincts, and make the effort to find outside activities you both will be happy.

Good luck to both of you!

 

[msl529]

I agree with the previous posts. My gymmie is turning 13 in a month, and entering 8th grade. The pressures did start to get to her when she hit 6th. We have chosen to pick and choose activities that she enjoys. If there is a dance she wants to attend, she misses a practice, she knows not to ask during meet season, not even a option. She LOVES girl scouts especially now that she is a aide for the younger girls, it is an activity that allows her to meet a lot of people(she attends a private school) and feeds her desire to have a life outside of the gym.

She plans activities with both her school friends and her gym friends....just a warning here, the two don't mix well, we tried. She is having a Spa b-day party with her school friends, and then the next weekend a movie/sleepover party with her gym friends. I think if you follow your instincts, and make the effort to find outside activities you both will be happy.

Good luck to both of you!

Ok, a Spa B-Day party sounds so fun. When you get a chance, could you maybe post in the "off topic" forum, & tell me what you are going to do? My DD would love to do that! I'll be watching for your post! Thanks!

 

[msl529]

ITA, this is one of the things that I work hard on. We do things with the girls team mates, sleepovers, movies, at home spa nights etc, that way they feel like they are hanging out when they are at the gym. We also make going to meets together a lot of fun, ice cream, movies in the room, hair sessions, all fun.

As for fears, they are a big issue for many girls and just take time. Also I know right now my 11 almost 12 year old DD is going through major growth and body changes. It is hard enough for her to keep her skills let alone aquire new ones whilst she constantly adjust to her constantly evolving body. I am sure that your DD is dealing with this too.

I'll be thinking of you, this has been a very helpful thread and I am sure many of us will be rechecking it in the future.

What do you do for your 'home spa' nights? Would you mind posting about it in the "off topic" forum, when you get a chance? I want to do that! DD would love it.

 

[msl529]

What do you do for your 'home spa' nights? Would you mind posting about it in the "off topic" forum, when you get a chance? I want to do that! DD would love it.

We have done that every season as well--making the away meets fun. Pool-time at the hotels w/ teammates, going out to eat together, etc. DD has always loved that, I think she sometimes forgets how much fun she really does have w/ this sport. She's so 'in the moment' these days.

This year we will get to do a Disney meet for the first time (the FL one, since we are in the State now) and I can't wait to plan a crazy, fun weekend for her & her teammates.

 

[msl529]

OOps, sorry it didn't quote the right thing. I was referring to your earleir post, Bogwoppit! But you get what I mean!

 

[Deleted member 1703]

My 2 older girls (13 and 11) both love doing the home spa type of sleepover.

I usually get some individual facemasks (with cucumber for the eyepatches), a couple of bottles of nail varnish, nail files, hand lotion etc. They first do the beauty part (usually all get into pyjamas no matter what time of the day it is) and then have some hot chocolate, popcorn and watch a chic flick (is that a term that you know in the USA?) dvd - age appropriate, obviously.

Sleep is encouraged after the movie has ended (!).

In the morning they make smoothies for breakfast - get in a few different types of fruit and juice and maybe make some pancakes too.

 

[catesmom]

The spa party we are doing is actually at a local "family spa" in our town. On saturday afternoons they actually host parties for little girls up to teens. They have a special party area and a room to have food/snacks in. They let us use the champagne fountain for punch of course and we are going to make fruit and veggie trays for finger foods. Each girl gets a 15 minute facial (with skin care tips), a mini manicure and a pedicure. The total cost for all the girls is about $200, and just the fact that I don't have to clean up makes it worth it. It's hard at this age to find things that are age appropriate and I think they will enjoy it.

After the party I will bring them all back to our house and have fun with the goodie bags we made up. I went to local retailers and asked for samples of beauty products, most stores have them, and we made up quite special goodie bags. We have make up, lotions etc all at no cost even the bags were free! Hope something here gives you ideas to use.

 

[gym law mom]

Catesmom---you ought to be a professional party planner for teenagers!!! What a great idea!!