For Parents What do you consider to be a good score?

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Jazzjerz

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you guys so hard to prove that I’m wrong but yet agreeing with me. Ok what you said makes sense, once again force is force regardless if it’s my commitment or her commitment it’s the same thing.
I’m not sure how what I wrote was trying to prove that you’re wrong. Like you said, I agree that both are force...just trying to help decipher why people react differently to the type of force you are describing. If you feel that forcing her to keep YOUR commitment is the right parenting move, that’s your decision to make, definitely.
 

Ty’s Dad

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I’m not sure how what I wrote was trying to prove that you’re wrong. Like you said, I agree that both are force...just trying to help decipher why people react differently to the type of force you are describing. If you feel that forcing her to keep YOUR commitment is the right parenting move, that’s your decision to make, definitely.
So when does things change from my commitment and her commitment. Because if someone wants to quit in Jan she doesn’t want to honor that commitment. But if she says all her goals then all of a sudden says she wants to quit but she stays it turns into my commitment? Got it
 

Ty’s Dad

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I’m not sure how what I wrote was trying to prove that you’re wrong. Like you said, I agree that both are force...just trying to help decipher why people react differently to the type of force you are describing. If you feel that forcing her to keep YOUR commitment is the right parenting move, that’s your decision to make, definitely.
It’s only the child commitment because money has been spent. Ok now let’s say assessments are due at the end of the season. In November all the girls on her team get together and say “wowwww were about to have fun this season”. Then January comes around and she’s miserable and wants to quit. You can walk away right now and not pay anything, or stick to the commitment and pay the full assessments at the end. Would people let their daughter walk away or stick to the whole season?
 

Jazzjerz

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So when does things change from my commitment and her commitment. Because if someone wants to quit in Jan she doesn’t want to honor that commitment. But if she says all her goals then all of a sudden says she wants to quit but she stays it turns into my commitment? Got it
I think that’s a good question, and probably varies based on each kid’s program. In my opinion, it is my child’s commitment, when she and I have talked and she has expressed that she wants to commit to something that has 1.) an explicit defined time period...so there would be an end date to that “commitment”, and 2.) that time period is in line with her level of maturity.
This is why I would not let my 14 year old commit to a lifelong tattoo, and I wouldn’t have my 4 year old commit to a yearlong gymnastics session. Neither of those commitments would be reasonable based on the maturity level.
So for my daughter, we have the discussion at the end of the season (do you want to commit to another year?) and then again towards the end of summer...at that point, if she commits to the season, I would expect her to finish, unless she was just absolutely miserable and refusing to do it.
I guess in my mind, the difference between her commitment, and my commitment, is whether or not a 14 year old is mature enough to make a four year long commitment. If not, then it would be mine. And to me, money being paid or not doesn’t have any bearing one way or the other.
 

Ty’s Dad

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I think that’s a good question, and probably varies based on each kid’s program. In my opinion, it is my child’s commitment, when she and I have talked and she has expressed that she wants to commit to something that has 1.) an explicit defined time period...so there would be an end date to that “commitment”, and 2.) that time period is in line with her level of maturity.
This is why I would not let my 14 year old commit to a lifelong tattoo, and I wouldn’t have my 4 year old commit to a yearlong gymnastics session. Neither of those commitments would be reasonable based on the maturity level.
So for my daughter, we have the discussion at the end of the season (do you want to commit to another year?) and then again towards the end of summer...at that point, if she commits to the season, I would expect her to finish, unless she was just absolutely miserable and refusing to do it.
I guess in my mind, the difference between her commitment, and my commitment, is whether or not a 14 year old is mature enough to make a four year long commitment. If not, then it would be mine. And to me, money being paid or not doesn’t have any bearing one way or the other.
You keep going back and forth, in one sentence you say they need to honor the commitment, but then you say if she’s miserable she can quit? Every sentence I said it says if she’s miserable in January will you continue to let her continue the season. So if she’s miserable but I force her to continue that’s still her commitment or is it now mine?
 

Jazzjerz

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You keep going back and forth, in one sentence you say they need to honor the commitment, but then you say if she’s miserable she can quit? Every sentence I said it says if she’s miserable in January will you continue to let her continue the season. So if she’s miserable but I force her to continue that’s still her commitment or is it now mine?
I would STRONGLY encourage her to finish the season she committed to, would not let her plan other things during practice time, etc. But I cannot physically force her to do the gymnastics part of it. If I felt that she was in danger of purposely injuring herself, or if she was faking injury, or sneaking out of practice...or if I felt that emotionally she was spiraling downward because of it, at that point I would let her quit earlier than end of season - even if I had paid. Emotional and physical health is more important to me than the “finish the commitment” lesson (which is also important).

“So if she’s miserable but I force her to continue that’s still her commitment or is it now mine?”
My opinion is that if she made a commitment in line with her maturity level, for a specific time period, but regrets it and wants to quit early, (assuming none of the situations I mentioned above or similar are happening), then it is still her commitment and she should finish.
I personally think a 14 year old is not mature enough to make a four year commitment, so I don’t think that would ever truly be her commitment from the beginning. Even if she says it is at the time. Does that make sense?
 
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Ty’s Dad

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I would STRONGLY encourage her to finish the season she committed to, would not let her plan other things during practice time, etc. But I cannot physically force her to do the gymnastics part of it. If I felt that she was in danger of purposely injuring herself, or if she was faking injury, or sneaking out of practice...or if I felt that emotionally she was spiraling downward because of it, at that point I would let her quit earlier than end of season - even if I had paid. Emotional and physical health is more important to me than the “finish the commitment” lesson (which is also important).

“So if she’s miserable but I force her to continue that’s still her commitment or is it now mine?”
My opinion is that if she made a commitment in line with her maturity level, for a specific time period, but regrets it and wants to quit early, (assuming none of the situations I mentioned above or similar are happening), then it is still her commitment and she should finish.
I personally think a 14 year old is not mature enough to make a four year commitment, so I don’t think that would ever truly be her commitment from the beginning. Even if she says it is at the time. Does that make sense?
I hear what your saying but to me it’s all the same. 14 is definitely to young to make a commitment, but it’s also to young to know what they want in life. So I don’t see how me saying once she’s 14 if she wants to quit I need to know why, and she might as well try and get a scholarship is sooooo bad. Especially when people are saying “If I pay my money then my daughter has made a commitment she’s staying for the season” any different.
 

Cheryl

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Yes, I would have him finish the season. To me it doesn’t have to do with money, it has to do with following through. He wanted to quit soccer mid season when he was 10, and I told him he knew what was required before he signed up because he had done it before. I also made him continue his honors science program last year that required he be at school at 7 am so he could have a double lab period. This year, I let him drop it.
 

Ty’s Dad

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Yes, I would have him finish the season. To me it doesn’t have to do with money, it has to do with following through. He wanted to quit soccer mid season when he was 10, and I told him he knew what was required before he signed up because he had done it before. I also made him continue his honors science program last year that required he be at school at 7 am so he could have a double lab period. This year, I let him drop it.
Exactly like you said. You made him that’s force regardless if it’s for the best or not
 
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Cheryl

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I’ve also let him skip practice for birthday parties, football games, school dances and times with friends.

now that those things no longer exist, I’m glad I did. Part of the reason I think he still wants to be a gymnast is because I treat it like a sport he enjoys, not an all consuming job, or a path to anything.
 
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Ty’s Dad

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I’ve also let him skip practice for birthday parties, football games, school dances and times with friends.

now that those things no longer exist, I’m glad I did. Part of the reason I think he still wants to be a gymnast is because I treat it like a sport he enjoys, not an all consuming job, or a path to anything.
I also let my daughter skip when she wants for any reason, doesn’t have to be an event she can wake up and just say I want to
Stay home and nobody cares. Now did your son ever tell you his goals? Was his goals ever to be an elite or D1 scholarship?
 

skschlag

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I think this argument will go round and round.

For us, the commitment has always been to the team. If you sign up as a commitment to a team, that depends on you, then you finish out that commitment. Some things has been a month, some 3-4 months. after that, you don't have to do it again.

Gymnastics is seen as different as it is year round. But there is a season. ANd once my kiddo committed to the season, he knew he had to finish it. There was never any forcing, because it was a lesson we taught him.

Any time between the end of that season, and the start of the next, he could be done.

Things like scouts, I let them be done when they were done.

Committing to something for the entirety of high school is a different kind of pressure than a commitment to a season.

I do understand what you are saying. You are saying that you won't let her quit on a bad day, or because of one thing, but because she has some reason. That is valid. I think sometimes it just comes across as more forceful than maybe you intend :)
 
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Mish

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Ok let’s say you didn’t pay the $1,000-$5,000 assessments. Now it’s January and now your daughter is miserable with this sport. Do you let her quit because it is only on her gymnastics is a individual sport? Or you still say no you need to keep on going?
I would let her quit. But I think I am in the minority. When it does not bring joy anymore, when there is no motivation to keep going, and there has been thought put into it over time, she can walk away with her head held high. Too much time and sacrifice for all involved, wear and tear on the body AND mind to continue if they are truly done. That's where we step in; to help to see if they are in fact, truly done, or just going through a tough patch. The older kids know when they are truly done.
 

ernestine

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Well it’s a reason why she was skipping it.
1) she was a level 8 when she qualified for hopes classics (2020 before COVID) and every event was level 10 skills.

2) when we had a schedule this year it was only two in house meets and two qualifiers (for the ones who didn’t qualify) so it didn’t make sense for being down all her routines because you can’t compete everything for level 9

3) prob won’t be season anyway due to COVID
Yes, was wondering how she's doing this season. Maybe take some time to chill.
 
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mom2557

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My experience has been, and I sure others who have gone through it can agree, when a gymnast is really done there is not much you as a parent, or coach can do to change their minds. There really is no "forcing" involved as it just doesn't work. I don't think talking to your kid and asking them to give it another chance, or asking them to finish the season is forcing anything. It's letting them know they have options and options are always good. Some may go back and others won't. As for Ty's Dad, he has a daughter who competed in a Hopes qualifier and did a Yurchenko Pike and was planning to do a Yurchenko Full at a meet only a few months later. This is a kid who has talent far beyond what most of us experience. Making sure she isn't quitting for a "boy" seems to make sense to me.
 

Flicfliclay

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My experience has been, and I sure others who have gone through it can agree, when a gymnast is really done there is not much you as a parent, or coach can do to change their minds. There really is no "forcing" involved as it just doesn't work. I don't think talking to your kid and asking them to give it another chance, or asking them to finish the season is forcing anything. It's letting them know they have options and options are always good. Some may go back and others won't. As for Ty's Dad, he has a daughter who competed in a Hopes qualifier and did a Yurchenko Pike and was planning to do a Yurchenko Full at a meet only a few months later. This is a kid who has talent far beyond what most of us experience. Making sure she isn't quitting for a "boy" seems to make sense to me.
I don't think anyone was arguing the point he made about a boy.. It all stemmed from his response about making her stick it out at age 14.. I know that there are many parents on this forum with talented kids that actually are elite or were elite gymnasts. The "far beyond" is a bit much LOL.
 
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Ty’s Dad

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The "far beyond" is a bit much LOL.
My wife told me to get off here, but I’m taking this as a shot towards my kid. Little background that I rarely share with people.

- Aug 5th 2015 she was diagnosed with Guillian Barre syndrome (was basically paralyzed from the neck down for 3 months) 2 hours away from lungs collapsing

- Dec 15th 2015 had to learn how to walk and move her arms all over again while being in a wheel chair

- April 11th 2016 we got discharged from the hospital after living there for 8 months. She had to go to physical therapy three times a week to get out the wheel chair

- May 2nd 2016 she asked her PT can she try out for gymnastics doctor told her no she has to be clear for a whole year before any activity

- June 14th 2016 the wife and I said let enroll her in gymnastics because she’s miserable at home stretching

- Sep 2016 she competed in her first and only level 3 competition

- Sep 2016 a week later competed in her first and only level 4 competition

- Oct 2016 two weeks later competed in her first level 5 competition

- Nov 2016 Tops National Testing

- Jan 2017 Level 6

- Dec 201Tops A camp

- Jan 2018 Level 7 Won states and state team Regionals

- Nov 2018 competed in first elite meet in Paris France

- Jan 2019. Level 8

- Feb 2019 Qualified for Hopes Classics

- Jan 2020 was supposed to go Level 10 and shoot for Jr elite but it’s Covid so nothing

NOW NAME OTHER KIDS THAT HAD A STRUGGLE LIKE MY DAUGHTER. THINK ABOUT SH%T BEFORE YOU TAKE SHOTS AT ANYONES KID
 

Flicfliclay

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My wife told me to get off here, but I’m taking this as a shot towards my kid. Little background that I rarely share with people.

- Aug 5th 2015 she was diagnosed with Guillian Barre syndrome (was basically paralyzed from the neck down for 3 months) 2 hours away from lungs collapsing

- Dec 15th 2015 had to learn how to walk and move her arms all over again while being in a wheel chair

- April 11th 2016 we got discharged from the hospital after living there for 8 months. She had to go to physical therapy three times a week to get out the wheel chair

- May 2nd 2016 she asked her PT can she try out for gymnastics doctor told her no she has to be clear for a whole year before any activity

- June 14th 2016 the wife and I said let enroll her in gymnastics because she’s miserable at home stretching

- Sep 2016 she competed in her first and only level 3 competition

- Sep 2016 a week later competed in her first and only level 4 competition

- Oct 2016 two weeks later competed in her first level 5 competition

- Nov 2016 Tops National Testing

- Jan 2017 Level 6

- Dec 201Tops A camp

- Jan 2018 Level 7 Won states and state team Regionals

- Nov 2018 competed in first elite meet in Paris France

- Jan 2019. Level 8

- Feb 2019 Qualified for Hopes Classics

- Jan 2020 was supposed to go Level 10 and shoot for Jr elite but it’s Covid so nothing

NOW NAME OTHER KIDS THAT HAD A STRUGGLE LIKE MY DAUGHTER. THINK ABOUT SH%T BEFORE YOU TAKE SHOTS AT ANYONES KID
First off you need to take a big fat chill pill dude! If you read what I wrote! I merely stated that the comment of “far beyond other gymnast “ was a bit much! Basically saying there are many parents on this forum that have talented kids! Get over yourself.
 
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