Parents A Parent's Part in a Mental Block

[Deleted member 18037]

Had our first somewhat serious mishap this past meet. Front tuck off the beam landed and then went crashing into the wall. Enough to cause tears (and my kid is not a crier). Not sure from frustration or pain. All I asked was did you hit your head (I didn't have a good view). She said no, shoulder. Me OK, does it hurt, no. Me OK, stuff happens. Great score considering you fell, those BWO were great.....................

We have not talked about it since. Have no idea if she has done another dismount at practice. I read all these threads and bite my tongue and hope it didn't spook her badly.

 

[GymDad9.9]

I'm glad I read this and that the thread re-appeared. Dealing with a potential mental block and my gut tells me to stay out of it and leave it to my daughter and her coaches to work through.

 

[Peanut]

I'm glad I read this and that the thread re-appeared. Dealing with a potential mental block and my gut tells me to stay out of it and leave it to my daughter and her coaches to work through.

Mine was doing great until the bars moved from one end of the gym to the other. Out of nowhere, the monster has reared its head again I'm just hoping she and her coaches get it worked out.

 

[Peanut]

What everyone else said, you could very very easily make it worse without intent to do so. I have seen this more often than not...

I hear you. I guess I have to start somewhere. I'm hoping that bc she's only 7, I haven't damaged her by encouraging her to beat the beast. Turning over a new leaf today . Thanks again.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I hear you. I guess I have to start somewhere. I'm hoping that bc she's only 7, I haven't damaged her by encouraging her to beat the beast. Turning over a new leaf today . Thanks again.

It's hard to explain but the fact that you are aware makes it more of a disappointment when she doesn't go, which causes anxiety in some cases. So it's just better to stay out of it.

 

[z2akids]

DD had a fall off the beam working a back tuck about 6 weeks ago. She was able to continue practice, but she had a bruise that lasted a while. She really wants to get her back tuck on the floor, but got scared. It isn't a skill she needed this year and honestly I didn't even really know she was having issues because I didn't known they've were spending time on back tucks. But one day I was driving her friend home and they were talking about hard skills and her friend mentioned DD being scared of tucks. I thoughtvit was interesting that they were talking so calmly about their fears, but I continued to pretend I didn't know.

My go to question about gym is - did you do anything fun? This morning she told me that they worked tucks at practice last night. Since she brought it up, I asked her how that was. She told me that they weren't hard-working on the resi and that she was excited for States to be over so she could spend more time on them on floor and beam.

She has watched a very talented teammate struggle this entire season with a skill that she had solidly last year. She has been supportive and has watched everyone really support this teammate. So her fear hasn't been isolating which I think has been important for her.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

DD had a fall off the beam working a back tuck about 6 weeks ago. She was able to continue practice, but she had a bruise that lasted a while. She really wants to get her back tuck on the floor, but got scared. It isn't a skill she needed this year and honestly I didn't even really know she was having issues because I didn't known they've were spending time on back tucks. But one day I was driving her friend home and they were talking about hard skills and her friend mentioned DD being scared of tucks. I thoughtvit was interesting that they were talking so calmly about their fears, but I continued to pretend I didn't know.

My go to question about gym is - did you do anything fun? This morning she told me that they worked tucks at practice last night. Since she brought it up, I asked her how that was. She told me that they weren't hard-working on the resi and that she was excited for States to be over so she could spend more time on them on floor and beam.

She has watched a very talented teammate struggle this entire season with a skill that she had solidly last year. She has been supportive and has watched everyone really support this teammate. So her fear hasn't been isolating which I think has been important for her.

I think it's important to reiterate that a fear issue (mental block) is defined as freezing in the middle or freezing on take off. In other words they can't complete or do the trick and they don't know why, or they had the trick and are now unable to attempt it. Being Afraid of a trick and not wanting to do it is a normal part of gymnastics and not a mental block. So when we say "stay out of mental blocks and fear issues" we are referring to baulking not general fear. Hope that makes sense.

 

[z2akids]

So, knowing why she balked means it isn't a mental block? So many rules.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

So, knowing why she balked means it isn't a mental block? So many rules.

I am just defining the difference between fear and a fear issue.

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

DD had a fall off the beam working a back tuck about 6 weeks ago. She was able to continue practice, but she had a bruise that lasted a while. She really wants to get her back tuck on the floor, but got scared.

I thought normally they get the skills on floor before they even try them on beam?

 

[z2akids]

I thought normally they get the skills on floor before they even try them on beam?

To my understanding, they were working dismounts.

As far as on the floor, she hadn't been able to do the skill on the floor since then, spotted or not, or so I'm told. But, I guess since she knows the reason, it isn't a block.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

To my understanding, they were working dismounts.

As far as on the floor, she hadn't been able to do the skill on the floor since then, spotted or not, or so I'm told. But, I guess since she knows the reason, it isn't a block.

Knowing what caused the block to start and not knowing why you can't do it now are two completely different things. No one is saying your child does not have a block, unless she is just refusing to try it. In other words, "nah,,, no thanks, don't want to do it" (child just won't even try) is just fear. As opposed to, child keeps trying but freezes mid trick / combo, as if the body was taken over by another force, child looks confused and afraid of what just happened because they don't have control and don't understand what is happening or why they can't go..... Hope that helps.....

 

[cbifoja]

I don't have a "one answer fits all" because I think you have to take into account so many factors that it ends up being a very individualized decision. I'll just share my personal experience.

My DD did her first L8 meet at age 10 to test the waters. This was in February 2015. She had been throwing 3/2 and was working doubles into the pit. Something weird happened at that meet and she could barely get her body around to complete a full. As the months progressed, she lost and gained the ability to twist a dozen times. Her coach was doing a mental toughness training with the whole group but it was written about my DD's level so she didn't benefit from it.

At HC's request, DD and I began working through a different mental training program at home. However, we were not successful. The reason we weren't successful in my opinion is because, while DD and I are extremely close, I am not a good teacher for HER. I teach as my profession! I even teach middle school which is where she is now. But I have never been able to successfully help her with hard concepts or tricky homework.

I don't know why that it. It just is. Our relationship is such that it just doesn't work. She doesn't take me seriously and I get frustrated with her effort. And despite her saying that she wants to be in my classroom when she gets up to my grade, I already know that I can't play that role in her life.

So for us, my role in her mental block is a crying shoulder and a constant source of "I believe in you and am so proud of you". I just don't have whatever it is that she needs in this area. But that isn't going to be true for everyone.

 

[LizzieLac]

I think I have mentioned this in other threads on this topic. I have found the best thing is not talking about it. A block or a fear, and I do think they are different.

For my DD, a fear won't let her even GO for a skill. She developed a fear of giants after already having them, because her grip slipped and the whole thing went wonky. She did not get hurt, in fact, she was over the pit. But, this happened after she broke two bones in her leg mislanding her tsuk. So, at this point she knew VERY KEENLY how dangerous gymnastics can be and how even in a safe environment where you are prepared, things can go wrong.

She would not even attempt anything remotely like a giant, baby giant, etc. for at least 4 months. I NEVER asked her about it, and her coach never asked her to train anything for the giant either. I didn't know if she would ever try it again and I didn't care. At some point, she started doing long hang kips over the pit bar. Over several months, she moved them to baby giants and periodically she would tell me that she was getting more distance between her body and bar. Then it became "I am doing really good baby giants." Then is was "I am straightening my arms, my tap is good, my casts are getting better."

I never asked and even when she told me things, all I ever said was that's great and I am so happy for you...keep it up. DONE. Still in all of this time her coach never asked her/told her to go work baby giants or anything. He would give her corrections based on what he saw, but working giants was never an official part of her bar workout.

Well, after 3 months of her working it when she wanted to, as she was comfortable, she officially has he giant again on the pit bar.

I have found that my talking about skills or challenges has to be kept to the minimum. I do not bring anything up, yet we might have a very robust conversation about what she is working on - she has to be the one to bring it up. And still, during the conversation, I tell myself "ok, that is enough, time to change the subject."

Backing off, both parent and coach, has been the BEST thing for her.

 

[Peanut]

Knowing what caused the block to start and not knowing why you can't do it now are two completely different things. No one is saying your child does not have a block, unless she is just refusing to try it. In other words, "nah,,, no thanks, don't want to do it" (child just won't even try) is just fear. As opposed to, child keeps trying but freezes mid trick / combo, as if the body was taken over by another force, child looks confused and afraid of what just happened because they don't have control and don't understand what is happening or why they can't go..... Hope that helps.....

How about "I want to do it, but I don't know why I can't"?