Am I a bad Mom if I don't...?

[mayestra12]

communicate with my child while she is at camp?

My dd is leaving for ICG in a few weeks and I know you can send e-mail, gift bags and such during the week which would be in my nature to do while she is gone. However, if you have read any of my other posts, you know I have an anxious child and she has indicated in the past that this kind of thing only reminds her that she misses home. I still can't help but think she would be left out if all of her cabin mates are receiving messages and such. I leave her a note every morning before school so writing is something that we just do. Any thoughts?

*Please don't lecture me on why I'm sending my anxious child to camp.* Thanks!

 

[bogwoppit]

She'll be fine. Lots of kids get nothing whilst at IGC. It will be a good experience of independence. The kids are busy all the time, well supervised and never alone. I think it will be therapeutic for her to "do camp" alone.

There are many ways that a child can feel loved besides using the various paid camp options.

 

[MaryA]

You know your child best. If you aren't going to communicate with her, because you think it may make her more homesick, make sure she knows it ahead of time so she doesn't wonder why you've forgotten her. Tell her why you aren't sending her anything and tell her that you're "saving it all up for the end of the week when you'll come pick her up and buy her an IGC leo" or something. I usually send my daughter postcards I buy from zazzle.com. They have a jillion different ones, so ahead of time I order her some (gymnastics themed, or ones with pictures of animals she likes, or funny ones, or whatever) and then they're fun for her to get and collect but I don't have enough space to write more than a couple of sentences, which keeps them from getting overly emotional. Mostly just, "I know you're having a great time! We're all fine. The pets are all fine. We'll see you Saturday!" Have you asked her what she wants you to do?

 

[iwannacoach]

Don't worry about respecting her wishes, she probably knows whats best in this situation, or at least she thinks she does. Respecting her opinion will help her "buy into" the notion that she's ready for the away from home experience, and the rewards for her could be tremendous. IMO this is a win-win situation as she'll have to sink or swim, and if she starts to sink there will be a caring nearby staff member to make sure she survives the ordeal.

I know anxiety, it can be pretty difficult to watch, but it seems that children suffering from anxiety have an amazing ability to tolerate and rebound from what we would consider a bad experience. At least it seems that way with my own children, and a few others I've encountered over the years.

 

[mayestra12]

We haven't talked about it recently. She's been dealing with so much anxiety (not about going to camp but some of it is gym related) that I figured talking about camp 3 weeks before the event probably wasn't a good idea.

In any case, my husband went out of town this weekend and even though she misses her dad she's been fine except when dad called to check in with us. She broke down into a teary mess and couldn't even talk to him. I have to say I didn't expect that reaction. I guess it just reminded me that perhaps I should not send her things at camp.

 

[GymBee97]

I think its great that you are sending her to camp. and I don't think your a bad mom for not communicating with her for that time. She is going to have to learn how to deal with alot of things like this and she will have a blast!! From what you posted it sounds like she will do better without the contact, but let her know if she needs to the councilors can help her make a collect call if she want to call home.

My DD when she goes to camp doesn't like the phone calls - she says it takes time away from the fun stuff. letters I don't do because by the time I write it and send it its almost time to pick her up. I have done care packages with some candy, sport drinks, etc but I usually have to mail it the day we drop her off for her to get it by Wed or Thurs. But usually I just give her enough money so she can buy the snacks etc she wants.

When we pick her up she is all excited to tell us everything that happened that week and has no problem telling us and telling us LOL.

 

[momnipotent]

I don't think it makes you a bad mom at all-it just means you know your child. I like the idea suggested above about going to pick out something at the end of the session to celebrate. Some more ideas for you-if you are dropping her off, you could go together to the store and pick out something for her to use that week (a sweatshirt/t-shirt, leo, whatever,) and you could send her with her 'care package' (maybe sneak it into her bag so she finds it when she unpacks) instead of sending it to her later in the week. You could also explain the situation to her counsellor and leave a postcard with them with instructions to NOT give it to your dd unless she seems really upset over not getting any mail. At home, if you think of her, you could jot down something in a notebook or on postcards and give them to her when she gets back so she can see you were thinking of her throughout the week.

 

[jcs]

I only have little ones (5 and 3) but I have found that when I travel for work or when DH and I go away try to calll in the morning, they are well rested, have a whole day of fun/school, etc to look forward to. If I call at bedtime, it usually results in tears because they are reminded that I'm not there to tuck them in. If I can't call in the morning, it's near dinner time, before the bedtime routine. Not sure if that helps your situation at all, but it might when her Dad is away.

As for lack of communication, I'm sort of torn....while I wouldn't do a ton of stuff, I wouldn't want her to feel like she is forgotten (also bad for anxiety I would think)....maybe a care package without a note or something simple, Have a great time! and skip the "see you soon, etc." If she got the care package towards the end of camp, she's already made it that far and some treats will give her that extra boost.

 

[mayestra12]

Thanks! I guess that's why I'm so torn because on one hand she says it will remind her that she's not home with us but on the other hand I think she would expect to get something from me because I leave her notes all the time. She's a tough kid to read!

 

[MaryA]

Woodward passes out mail before bedtime. DD is totally ok with being away from home, but still I think bedtime is a prime homesickness time, and I'm not sure if it's the best time to pass out mail. Earlier in the day, when they're getting ready to rush off to their next practice or to the pool would be better, I think.

 

[gym law mom]

How about sending her something that will get there near the end of camp? That way if she is homesick, it would only be for a day or so until you come and get her.
See if you can chat with her cabin counselor and discuss dd's anxiety and the plan of very limited contact. If the counselor feels dd needs a little call or something, she could contact you.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

Daughter who is retired from the sport went there 2 summers ago when she was 10 after begging me. Out if her 2 friends she was not at all worried about getting homesick and she was the kid who got home sick spent the night in the nurses station, but was able to get over it and was fine by the end of the week. She later told me the camp counselors made her feel better and were very helpful. Even though your daughter is anxious she maybe fine. I would send her a letter it will probally not get their till the end of the week and it might make you feel better. As far as sending her emails and care packages I think that is just a way of them making money. You are able to put money in a account for them and then she can pick out her own souvenir, I did this and daughter bought a couple things which she has displayed in her room. I hope your daughter has a great time and although it is difficult for us parents to send them off you are allowing her to have a great experience which makes you a good mom!