Parents Bad Sportsmanship

[Granny Smith]

Sometimes the person having the problem needs to be addressed head on and not an entire group because what happens is that the group is addressed and the one that is causing the problem sits there and says, it's not me!

I hate when coaches skirt the issue, talk to the offender and nip it in the bud! I so wish the coaches would do this more often when problems arise!

 

[Bella's Mom]

I find the most disturbing part of this whole debacle is the mother's reaction.

This child's behavior is far from cute. And her mother is allowing this to continue!! Unbelievable. It's an awards ceremony today but is she going to allow her 16YO to stay out all night doing god knows what so as not to upset Little Miss??

Disgusting. That mother has an OBLIGATION to her child to teach her sportsmanship, especially if she is going to participate in a team sport. I wonder....does she sllow her to throw a gameboard at home scattering the pieces everywhere if she doesn't win??

 

[Bella's Mom]

Sometimes the person having the problem needs to be addressed head on and not an entire group because what happens is that the group is addressed and the one that is causing the problem sits there and says, it's not me!

*stands and applauds*

yes yes yes

 

[Billy]

My first impression when I read your post was that this girl is not trying to be a bad sport or negate her teammates' success so much as she is incredibly hard on herself and cannot face the fact that she won't always be perfect. I think she needs some help learning how to handle her own failures rather than being berated for not applauding others' triumphs. I think addressing one will bring about the other.

 

[gymjourneymom]

My first impression when I read your post was that this girl is not trying to be a bad sport or negate her teammates' success so much as she is incredibly hard on herself and cannot face the fact that she won't always be perfect. I think she needs some help learning how to handle her own failures rather than being berated for not applauding others' triumphs. I think addressing one will bring about the other.

Shawn I have to say I agree with you here! Sounds to me like this child is a perfectionist who was embarssed by her performance. Now should she have been...NO! But that is not how a perfectionist type personality sees it. I think the child needs some to reach out to her!!! She needs to know that her self worth is not all about how will she performs at meets!!! This poor thing is struggling inside with unrealistically high expectations. Whether she puts them on herself or someone else puts them on her...she needs help learning to deal with them.

 

[gymnut1]

or maybe she is just a spoilt brat who gets away with bad behaviour because mom is too scared to parent her and hides behind saying it is cute?

Could be either way. The child needs firm and kind support to modify how she feels and behaves.

 

[MdGymMom01]

I have to disagree with both Shawn and GJM. While the child may be a perfectionist and may need help with dealing with her own failures, that does NOT excuse her behavior out there on the floor during awards! Crying and being upset with yourself because you didn't perform as well as you would have liked is one thing, but turning your back on your teammates and putting your fingers in your ears so you do not hear their names called is a whole other story!!! And I bet when this child loses at a game of tag in the neighborhood or boardgame at home, she runs away screaming and goes to her room and slams the door!

Just because a child is a perfectionist and is very hard on themselves when they don't perform up to their standards does NOT justify them acting like a spoiled brat.

 

[JessMom]

I have to agree with the perfectionist thing. Although I find her behavior very immature. I don't know any 8 year old that would do the fingers in the ears thing. And I do wonder why the coaches would allow her to sit apart. I don't think that is ever an option for our girls

The crying thing - well, I see all ages having meltdowns. They are usually girls that are hard on themselves or their parents are hard on them

Nothing cute about it, IMHO, the parents and the coaches should have not excused the behavior. If it was my child I would have found it embarrassing not cute.

**I just want to add in some situations they learn this behavior from their parents. I think if my daughter see's me cheering for everyone - she'll cheer for everyone.

 

[nevertooold]

She sat sobbing on the floor at the meet for about 20 minutes and all of the coaches on the floor had to take time to come and calm her down.

Ridiculous.

Wonder if mom would have thought it was "cute" if the coach had taken her over to sit in the stands and sob next to mom for 20 minutes?

 

[bluesocks]

I am going to add another perspective here. I do think that the child plugging her ears and refusing to clap was incredibly rude. That, I can not excuse.

That said, my DD often "floods" over with emotion. She truly has no control and completely loses it. Typically it happens at home. But, I would not be surprised if it happened at a meet someday. Most likely she would run away as she is overwhelmed with emotions at the time it is happening. I would hope that there would be understanding parents in that situation. Of course, we would move out of the gym to go calm down and regain composure. Maybe that is different?

blue

 

[3stars]

If it was my kid, she would be apologizing to her coaches and teammates before the next practice. And if it happened at a second meet, there wouldn't be any more competitions for a while.

It's ok to get frustrated to the point of tears, it happens. It is not ok to have a toddler-esque hissy fit for attention and then to go to awards and embarass your teammates.

 

[mtbmom]

Sometimes the person having the problem needs to be addressed head on and not an entire group because what happens is that the group is addressed and the one that is causing the problem sits there and says, it's not me!

I hate when coaches skirt the issue, talk to the offender and nip it in the bud! I so wish the coaches would do this more often when problems arise!

Someone send this post to my BOSS!

 

[mtbmom]

I agree that the child has very poor sportsmanship. For the crying, a quick hug from the coach and some encouraging words should have been all she received. If she didn't get herself together, I think they should have told her to get it together or forfeit the rest of the meet.

As for the fingers in her ears, etc.; very very poor sportsmanship. How do the kids feel about this child's behavior? I don't know that I would say anything to the coaches because I would think they would be embarrassed by her behavior. I think her peers may get fed up with her behavior and do something about it. Believe me I think her behavior is appalling, just don't know that I would be worried enough about another child to go to the coach about it.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Sorry, I was in a hurry this morning & didn't get a chance to expand on my line of thinking. Please, let me clarify that I am NOT excusing this childs behavior at all. Maybe she is just a brat, I have no idea. But I do like to give kids (or anyone else for that matter) the benefit of the doubt, until proven otherwise. What is this child normally like??? Has it only happened at meets where she did 'poorly' in her eyes? Maybe she was pushed over the edge by stress, pressure or a sense of failure or disappointment. Pushed to a place in her mind that she didn't know how to deal with. The fingers in the ears was not normal behavior!!! Well, none of it was normal behavior actually. Yes, this child does need to learn to deal with these feelings no matter what. Her poor/rude behavior needs to be addressed. It should have been addressed that very day at the time it was happening. I feel she should have been made to apologize to her teammates. But on a larger scale her perfectionism needs to be addressed also. She needs to be under less pressure to win all the time. Whether that pressure is coming from herself, her parents or her coaches. This kid is in need of a pressure release valve before she self destructs.

I'm learning that many mental "issues" that adults have are now being traced back to thier childhood. What I'm saying is some kids are just brats with parents that don't displine them properly. But some kids have undiagnosised mental issues and people just think they are brats until they grow up & still act that way. Then as adults a diagnosis is made of anxiety disorder or bipolar or what have you. Now maybe it is no big mental issue in the making in this case. I'm just saying you never know. Maybe she is a just a high stress kid that needs to be taught proper stress relieving techniques!!! Ones that would be more appropriate that the "avoidance method" she used of fingers in her ears! Maybe slow deep breaths & smiling & clapping for her team mates . Yes, sometimes you need to actually teach a child how to deal with stress or the ways they may come up with on their own may seem...bratty.

Maybe this kid is the product of poor parenting or maybe something more is going on. I'm just saying maybe someone needs to reach out to this child, this family and find out a little more about why she reacted the way she did. Especially if it was out of character for her. Is the kid ok? Does she regret the way she reacted? Is she embarrassed by that behavior now? The saying... "everyone is fighting some kind of battle" popped into my mind when I read the OP. Guess I just always want to help everyone. I do tend to take on too much & try to help everyone...it's a problem I have to deal with I know. JMHO.

 

[sportzmomov3]

I didn't respond to this post immediately because my immediate reaction was anger at the parents, sympathy for the coaches and concern for the teammates of this girl. Bad behavior necessitates consequences being enforced.

Sorry to anyone who feels that this child is merely acting out "perfectionist" behavior, but I don't buy it, and I don't think it's ok to explain away the behavior by thinking she might be a perfectionist. Those who have said she is a spoiled brat are closer to the truth I suspect. Emotional meltdowns are one thing - what this girl displayed was disgust at others' success, not disappointment in her own shortcomings.


What no one has really addressed is the impact this type of child has on all the others around her. Bad behaviors spread like bad diseases. I've seen it happen at the gym, at work, in the classroom. One bad person (kid or adult, and there is always one in the crowd) can have the power to affect all those around him/her in a very negative way. The coaches should not have spent 20 minutes "comforting" this girl but 2 minutes explaining that she was being unkind and disrespectful to not only her own teammates, but all the gymnasts there and that if she didn't understand the responsibilities of being part of a team, then she would need to leave with her parents. Then, the coaches should have addressed it with the parents by informing them respectfully that the child's behavior was unfit for a team gymnast and that it would not be tolerated in the future. She not only disrespected her teammates, but the coaching staff and the gym - as a gymnast she is representing the gym. And yes, 8 yr olds can understand respect and representing.

Unfortunately, this issue has nothing to do with gymnastics specifically, but parenting of a child who is obviously in need of something - whether that is discipline, attention or love. And it happens in any activity - sport or otherwise, and with all ages.

If not addressed, it won't get better.

 

[bogwoppit]

THe sitting away from the team for awrds with fingers in her ears would never fly at our gym. If she were mine she would get a warning, if she didn't listen she wouldn't be a competitive gymnast for much longer.

Kids need to learn that life sometimes shoots curveballs and they need to be shown and told how to deal with them. SOme kids do way better than others, but with no one immediately telling this kid how she should behave this behaviour is likely to continue.

I would be mentioning it to the coach as I would want to make sure I didn't have to see it again, it's not like the coaches don't know it happened.

 

[lhmom]

THe sitting away from the team for awrds with fingers in her ears would never fly at our gym. If she were mine she would get a warning, if she didn't listen she wouldn't be a competitive gymnast for much longer.

Kids need to learn that life sometimes shoots curveballs and they need to be shown and told how to deal with them. SOme kids do way better than others, but with no one immediately telling this kid how she should behave this behaviour is likely to continue.

ITA. My DD's coaches always stress to the girls that they are a part of a team. I have a feeling they would not tolerate the type of behavior this girl was showing. Actually, I know they wouldn't. They seem to have a low tolerance for that sort of thing. As a parent, I've been very clear to my daughter that we only expect her to try her hardest and that we are proud regardless of the outcome. If I had seen my daughter display that type of behavior, we would have had a heart to heart afterwards.

 

[Kiwi]

I agree it is bad sportsmanship, but I also feel sorry for the kid. My DD, who is 7, is also very perfectionistic, and it is very difficult for young kids to keep their emotions under control (hey, it's hard enough for adults sometimes). Last year when she didn't get a prize at the gym prizegiving she burst into tears. When she started competing she was disappointed not to win any prizes. I've spent a lot of time explaining to her about how not everyone can win a prize and how it's really all about doing your best, and so on, and it has helped, but I do feel that this will be an ongoing battle with her. However, so far she has not displayed any bratty behaviour or bad sportsmanship.

I think this kid needs both - to be informed about what behaviour is acceptable and unacceptable - this can be done firmly but kindly - and also some help to learn how to deal with her emotions and the pressure she may be feeling. This will be difficult if the parents are not behind it, but could be managed by a mature and understanding coach.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

I think the coaches should address it but I do not think the parents should have to tell them to. I feel sorry for the child who is putting themselves under pressure that she is crying at a meet. When I see these young kids at meets crying it kind just breaks my heart either the pressure is coming from them or the family is putting too much pressure on them to win. I think eventually this girl will probally just quit or not have many friends at the gym. Although I agree that this is poor sportsman ship if it is not directly affecting your daughter sicnce she has enough teammates who are cheering for her I would just stay out of it let her parents and coaches handle her bad behavior. Did the coaches see this behavior?

 

[Empowered]

I think the coaches should address it but I do not think the parents should have to tell them to. I feel sorry for the child who is putting themselves under pressure that she is crying at a meet. When I see these young kids at meets crying it kind just breaks my heart either the pressure is coming from them or the family is putting too much pressure on them to win. I think eventually this girl will probally just quit or not have many friends at the gym. Although I agree that this is poor sportsman ship if it is not directly affecting your daughter sicnce she has enough teammates who are cheering for her I would just stay out of it let her parents and coaches handle her bad behavior. Did the coaches see this behavior?

One of the three coaches was at awards but she wasn't watching. She was actually talking to this girls mother during awards and was explaining to the mom how she was SO upset after beam so they made sure to show her how great her scores were for the rest of the meet. She started crying again twice that day after beam. She cried after floor because she didn't get a nine and then she started crying after bars because she saw the score before her and thought she got an 8, but when the coach sat down and pointed out the 9 to her she started smiling.

I have never had a coach sit with my child to show her a score, in fact in general our girls are told not to gawk at the scoreboard because for everyone else on the team they aren't supposed to focus on scores.

This is not the only thing that is done out of the ordinary for this child. Everyday at the end of practice she has an evaluation sheet that her mother made and she gets stickers on this sheet if she had good form and tried hard and didn't talk or cry, etc. This isn't done for ANY other child in the gym of any level.

When you add it all up you get a child who is only happy when she is winning or being rewarded and if someone is only in gymnastics for medals they are in this sport for the wrong reasons. The in class stuff I just ignore because as long as it doesn't lessen my daughter's training, it's not a big deal to me... but when it starts to affect my daughter and people's perception of our gym because she is being a bad sport, that frustrates me.