It's hard to score it when you don't know the amplitude deductions. It's not any of the USAG routine but I suppose using Xcel Gold or Platinum rules you could score it, but that would be useless. What are the specific swing angles? Also, even if the kip and cast are not required to be connected, I'd assume there's a rhythm deduction.
Also it would be better to see it in real time for scoring purposes.
It's a very good routine, she should be able to make changes easily. The thing that stands out is the long hang pullover, but that's kind of hard to do from a tap swing so I'm not sure what the requirements are on that. In the US we also have a specific deduction for hips contacting the bar on that, as well as releasing the hands, she could have gotten a ton off on that between specific deductions, rhythm, and bent arms but it's hard to say exactly without knowing what the specific deductions are. Still I would say there's your problem area, if she did that shifting to mid upper thigh, straight arms with no pause then that would be the goal, but since she has to stop and do a toe on dismount that's hard (would be better to go into an underswing). Is this an entirely compulsory routine?