Parents Blatant Favoritism

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Will she for sure be moving up next year? Does she have the mobility score and/or does she have the requirements your gym has to move up next year? Did everyone in the upgrade group qualify to state? What you've described so far sounds normal but maybe we just don't have all the information. At any rate, I think a non-confrontational conversation with the coach is warranted for you to learn more.
Every girl qualified for state. She will likely be ready to move up next year but has said to me (not to her coach) that she would like to repeat and have a better year next year and more time to clean up skills for the next level. However, she can't clean up those new skills if she isn't allowed to work on them and that is where I am confused and frustrated. They all scored very similar all season so this isn't about these 2 having lower scores. These 2 have learned a couple of the new skills but with another coach that filled in which shows me that they are ready to learn them and clean them up but the head coach is treating them like the low men on the totem pole and not letting them have that opportunity.
 
Just want to clarify to make sure I am understanding. She is working in the skills and routines that she will need for state at the end of the month?
Will the girls who are up training be performing their new skills at state at the end of the month or they are up training skills for next year?
She is working on skills in routines she is competing at state. The others are uptraining new skills needed to move to the next level, they are not competing them at state. They all had similar scores all season so this isn't about her having the lowest scores which is why I am confused.
 
Agree this is common before state - if your kiddo needs a bit more targeted practice on her routines, that should tell you the coaches are paying attention. I know it isn't fun to miss out on upgrades but they won't do your gymnast any good right now anyway. I think it's odd they are just now addressing it though.

That said - yes, favoritism exists. I've seen it at both gyms we have been at. I think favoring the talented kiddos might be one thing but also coaches favor the girls whose parents stay out of the gym, girls who easily take corrections, the girls who are always hard workers, etc.

We also have split practice groups at practice and there is sometimes hurt feelings over this. The more advanced 7s will practice with the 8s and the less advanced 7s stay together. There is a handful of 7s that float between the two groups, one being my daughter. She knows now that her placement in the following practice has everything to do with the practice prior. Did she fall off the beam multiple times? Did she make it through her customized drill plan (each girl has their own based on needs). Did she chitchat too much? etc etc.
 
What level is your DD right now? I can see why you are frustrated but since much of what you are describing is normal it's hard to say if it's favoritism. I suggest asking for a meeting with the coach. Does your gym do any sort of end of season evaluation/conference?
 
Since the level and the skill were not mentioned in general please keep in mind that:

Scores are not an indication of a gymnasts ability to do higher level skills.

Willingness to work hard and try things are also not an indication that they are ready for said skills.

The coaches have to determine if the gymnast has the physical and mental capability to do those skills safely. Trying a skill before the gymnast is ready is an easy way to give a gymnast a future mental block.
 
I think your feelings about the gym are so strong that I think your family should leave the gym either immediately or the day after her state meet.

It is very possible that the favoritism is blatant in which case the gym is not a good fit. Even more importantly, you as a parent do not trust the gym and your daughter’s mental and physical health are in their hands almost every day. If you don’t trust them, nothing anyone says on an anonymous online forum can or will make a difference.

You clearly want validation, here is your validation. Based on what you wrote, there may be favoritism and it’s likely to continue. I don’t know why you are considering staying there.
 
What level are we talking about here? and how old is the gymnast?

I agree with Nutter Butter that I don't see this as blatant favoritism....from the posts it seems like some skills needed work so the coaches are targeting those skills. Maybe the mom hasn't seen this type of coaching but the description seems pretty normal to me.

And I also agree with txgymfan that your feelings against this gym ("I'm fuming every time I watch practice") are so strong, it may be a good move to change gyms because it seems like you aren't on board with the coaching ("don't tell me to trust the coaches") and you seem unhappy with their methods.
 
So it's normal when the team is performing pretty similarly across the board for 2 girls to be separated and not allowed to uptrain while the rest are uptraining? They are all working toward potentially moving to the next level all want to work on the skills needed for that level so why segregate 2 girls for no apparent reason. They are all qualified for state and going to state and all need work in different areas but only 2 are being forced to only work routines and no upgrades. Gold.
 
What level are we talking about here? and how old is the gymnast?

I agree with Nutter Butter that I don't see this as blatant favoritism....from the posts it seems like some skills needed work so the coaches are targeting those skills. Maybe the mom hasn't seen this type of coaching but the description seems pretty normal to me.

And I also agree with txgymfan that your feelings against this gym ("I'm fuming every time I watch practice") are so strong, it may be a good move to change gyms because it seems like you aren't on board with the coaching ("don't tell me to trust the coaches") and you seem unhappy with their methods.
The reason I said "don't tell me to trust the coaches" is because it seems like that is the go to response when anyone asks questions about how their girl is being trained or treated in the gym and that response is NOT helpful. I have always trusted her coaches but the last half of this year something has shifted and I am trying to understand it and see if others have experienced this scenario.
 
So it's normal when the team is performing pretty similarly across the board for 2 girls to be separated and not allowed to uptrain while the rest are uptraining? They are all working toward potentially moving to the next level all want to work on the skills needed for that level so why segregate 2 girls for no apparent reason. They are all qualified for state and going to state and all need work in different areas but only 2 are being forced to only work routines and no upgrades. Gold.
Yes, that has been my experience as a gym mom to a daughter who did 7 years of level 10 and is now in the NCAA.

Each gymnast has different needs. Without being her coach the most obvious reason is they don’t feel she is ready to do upgrades. It’s impossible to know the reason so you should ask.

I have no idea what gold skills or what upgrades she is missing out on working, but a random example would be all gymnasts have kips, but 2 girls aren’t ready to work KCHS because of fundamental issues with the kip that you aren’t aware of.

From a parent’s view all the girls have kips so why are they being excluded?

It could also be that they don’t plan for these 2 girls to move up like the rest so the coach feels the best use of their time is preparing for the meet not working upgrades. Not moving up a level isn’t always reflected in scores at meets. It’s the ability and work ethic to advance.

You really should communicate with coach. It’s the only way to know.
 
The reason I said "don't tell me to trust the coaches" is because it seems like that is the go to response when anyone asks questions about how their girl is being trained or treated in the gym and that response is NOT helpful. I have always trusted her coaches but the last half of this year something has shifted and I am trying to understand it and see if others have experienced this scenario.
Yeah, sometimes the coaches aren't perfect, and there are favorites. And both parents and gymnasts can see it. When it comes to uptraining, it seems like they may have already made decisions on who they think will move up, and they are not training the other girls to do that. I agree you should ask the coaches (in a nice way that doesn't make them defensive) and see why. The odds are they have a good reason, but what if they don't? This happened to my child. They didn't train her to move up because she was a first year at her level, and they just assumed they wouldn't move her. Well, the other girls on the team actually taught her the skills she needed, and she surprised the coaches when she had all the skills to move. It should not have happened that way. And she's been the most consistent on the team at her new level this season. I think they assumed another year at her level would boost her confidence - (even though she made regionals and made the podium at regionals) - but it actually would have crushed her, because it made her think they didn't believe in her. I have no idea what is happening in your situation, but it may be something like that. Or, it could just be that your daughter is lacking perfection in certain skills that the coaches feel she needs to uptrain. Anyway, your feelings are certainly valid, and you should certainly have a conversation with the coaches. Otherwise, you are going to have a negative feeling every time you walk in that gym. It's just hard to balance that conversation, because you don't want to come across as not trusting them - it's more for your understanding of the process and how they approach uptraining and move-ups. Then you make decisions based on their answers. Hope that helps.
 
Skill readiness looks different to a parent than a coach - especially to parents that may not have many years experience in the sport. @Lobster gave a good example with readiness for skills that progress out of a kip, even if everyone has a kip and may appear 'equal' to a parent. Do all the kids on your DD's team compete the same routine and skills? If they are competing different skills you may be making an apples to oranges comparison. Also, if the kids are moving up to platinum next year, depending on the gym and what is competed in platinum, this could mean a big jump in skills and it would not be surprising that some in the group may not be ready to advance. (gold to platinum has more variability than say moving from bronze to silver).

My DD was not the 'favorite' with one of her event coaches. At times this caused her much grief and confusion. The favoritism however looked much different than what you describe. It was more personal such as the coach giving high fives to another teammate and no acknowledgement to my DD. It was the coach never commenting when the favorite slacked off in conditioning but doing with opposite with my DD. It was the coach rolling her eyes at my DD. My DD in her 10+ year career in club gymnastics did experience the uptraining gatekeeping you describe but that in itself was not favoritism....it was just that she wasn't ready (and other times she was on the other end and got to uptrain while others didn't).

You have received consistent feedback here that the lack of uptraining is not necessarily an indicator of favoritism and is most likely an indication that something is deficient in her readiness. The only way to know for sure is to ask the coach.
 
I can't weigh in on whether your coaches are engaging in favoritism, but I can give an example from my own coaching that might give some insight as to why some gymnasts are permitted to upgrades before state and others are not. We have state meet for level 6 this weekend. On Monday the level 6s had a beam assignment to complete that involved completing certain tasks. Some in the group completed the assignment with time to spare, while others did not. Those who completed the assignment had some time for upgrades. Others took the entire rotation to complete the assignment and had no time for upgrades.

To an observer, it might appear that certain kids were given the opportunity to do upgrades while others were prohibited from doing so. However, this was not based on who I think is moving up after season - it was solely based on who completed the assignment with time to spare for upgrades.
 

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