Call Me Crazy But I Pay Someone Qualified To Coach!

[gymdog]

So, that's a behavior and not a gymnastics issue. Just because a behavior issue is occurring in the context of gymnastics does not really change the nature of that. Obviously parents must reinforce their behavior expectations because they are ultimately responsible for guiding their children into becoming good citizens.

That said I have a fairly good handle on my classes behavior wise and I can't think of an instance where a parent has come in. I view it as just as important in a class for younger kids to work on classroom behavior such as line up, no pushing, sit on your bottom, eyes and ears on the teacher, repeat the rules before jumping in, etc. With younger kids you pretty much don't have a class without reinforcing these things. It is unfortunate however that some gyms don't seem to provide any instructor training or clear behavior expectations so that parents, child, and instructors are all on the same page. I would not blame a parent for removing a child from the class in the absence of appropriate behavior standards. To me that is not coaching. This is different from schools because virtually all elementary schools have much more defined and enforced disciplinary procedures in place.

I also think the gymnastics equivalent of something like reading to your child is active play and providing outdoors, run around and climbing time etc. They need to stay in good shape but with cross training opportunities for an active lifestyle. These things will last much longer than gymnastics and if you want your kid to be a good athlete I think reinforcing healthy habits as a family is important. Things don't have to be all gymnastics all the time to "help and support" them.

 

[gymnut1]

Excellent point. I would never insist that Bella do x number of routines, round offs, or mill circles at home. But I will talk to her for not focusing in the gym because she has GOT to learn how to control her exuberance and energy.

Bella's mom what is level 2.5, just curious? Im not from the US

 

[Bobby]

...No one knows your gimmies better than the coach. there is a huge divide between that of the parent's child and that of the athlete regardless of the level. no debate.

I'm having palpitations at my impertinence, but find myself disagreeing with the master.
For the same reasons as Bella's Mom:

...My point was that when my daughter was even younger and not as verbally developed, that there were times I could have helped the coach communicate with her....

For example:
I was a gymmie once, and I swore back in the day that I'd never 'coach' my children if they took up any sport.
... But then ... my DD's coaches tried and failed for months and months to teach her basic shapes ... "tighter" they'd repeat over and over ... "no - tight" went on and on ... "feel the difference?" they'd ask a zillion times whilst shaking DD's legs/body to 'demonstrate' how she should feel ... she was getting frustrated ... they were getting frustrated. And I honestly rate them as great coaches. But they just didn't get why she didn't get it. I seriously don't think they were saving up any special knowledge of (or strategy for) my 'athlete' for some clever, separate purpose. Some of you may think me presumptuous or even wrong but IMHO they simply didn't have a clue why their instructions were going so wrong or how to make progress on the issue.

One day DD looked sad ... and so I judged that parental intervention was required.

Me: Do you know what tight means?
DD: Not really.
Me: Can you guess?
DD: Is it this? (She shakes her limbs in the way the coaches do when they're trying to feel how straight she could stay if she stayed tight).
Me: No baby. Tight means stiff. Show me stiff legs.
DD: (Does it).
Me: Show me tight body.
DD: (Does it - brilliantly I might add).
Me: Perfect. When your coach says tight she means stiff.
DD: Why didn't they just tell me?! (Dancing around, surprised, completely overjoyed, and downright triumphant).

Am I apologetic about my interference? Well no - not one teensy bit. In fact next time I may not watch DD suffer needlessly for months before I interfere.

I must confess though, that when coach lavished praise upon DD for her miraculous improvement next session, I was relieved when DD did NOT reveal "my mum taught me at home". It would have been unspeakably annoying to be ill-judged for doing the right thing. I don't think I'm alone in saying we "inexperienced" mothers do feel hastily judged sometimes.

 

[Coacharella]

happyfacetwin, your example does not show you to be a crazy parent who always "coaches at home". your example does not show that you constantly coach from home, give corrections at home, question coach's authority, etc

Rather, I think your situation shows the difference between supportive (clearly if she could not understand what tight meant after months on end, something needed to be done...for her safety even), versus being pyscho, which probably would have resulted in you getting angry she couldn't stay tight like the rest of the kids could, or going to the coaches and complaining their methods were not working.

If your child told me "Mom showed me at home", I wouldn't ill judge or mark you "crazy". (Trust me, it takes alot more than that!!) Us coaches are not mean, know it alls, and we sure aren't perfect. Sometimes, it takes a while to figure out each kid and what methods work for each kid. But once a kid becomes your athlete, after a period of time having worked with you , you get to know their "athletic personality". And mothers and fathers do not always know their kid's as athletes. For example ..as a kid at home I was the bratty child, at the gym, I was focused and invested and disciplined.

Your situation, again, is not something I'd peg as "annoying at home coaching". It is something that you stepped in after months of seeing no progress, supporting your child when clearly, her coaches had failed to figure out she could not grasp the concept of tightness. (Again, coaches...not perfect!!) It's hard work teaching complicated concepts to young people. You can't just say "hollow", you have to teach what it means first, using vocabulary in a 5 year old's lexicon... FUN

To sum up, your example seems to show you stepping in once vs. Always coaching her. I'm assuming she was new to the coach too if she was learning basic shapes

 

[Bella's Mom]

Bella's mom what is level 2.5, just curious? Im not from the US

It's kind of a joke about my daughter's personality. Once she reaches a particular milestone, she immediately starts looking ahead. Two weeks after her birthday she starts asking if she is six and quarter years old or six and half years old.

When she overheard the HC talking about levels, Bella asked her coach what level she was. The coach told her she was an L2. Now everytime she learns a skill, she asks if that skill takes her to the next level. So now her coach says she's a level two and a half.

There isn't really such a thing but like I said, the coaches of our gym appease her because she's been then since she was a toddler. Mostly it was just my way of trying to get across how precocious she is.

 

[Bella's Mom]

Me: Do you know what tight means?
DD: Not really.
Me: Can you guess?
DD: Is it this? (She shakes her limbs in the way the coaches do when they're trying to feel how straight she could stay if she stayed tight).
Me: No baby. Tight means stiff. Show me stiff legs.
DD: (Does it).
Me: Show me tight body.
DD: (Does it - brilliantly I might add).
Me: Perfect. When your coach says tight she means stiff.
DD: Why didn't they just tell me?! (Dancing around, surprised, completely overjoyed, and downright triumphant).

Am I apologetic about my interference? Well no - not one teensy bit. In fact next time I may not watch DD suffer needlessly for months before I interfere.

'Zactly!

My real life example is "hollow body". Bella had no idea what a hollow body was. I told her to be a banana and BOOM. She has a nice hollow especially going into her little handstand tree fall vault. But when she has started asking me how to do something on her beam, I had no idea so I told her she would have to ask her coach.

I would just hate for someone to get the wrong idea about me and the relationship I have with my daughter and my gymnast. I don't coach her. I don't push her to make team. I don't talk about going elite. I don't hype up the Olympics. In my eyes, I support her. I pay her tuition. I serve as her chauffer and wardrobe mistress. I ask her every month before we pay tuition if she wants to continue. She will quit eventually and I know that. And she will choose when. Not me.

But maybe when she does quit, she'll let me turn her into a ballerina. (kidding)

 

[NGL780309]

This is a perfect example of what I've been talking about! I just had the impression from some posters that we as parents should just drop off and keep out mouths shut and I disagreee with that just a bit.

I'm having palpitations at my impertinence, but find myself disagreeing with the master.
For the same reasons as Bella's Mom:



For example:
I was a gymmie once, and I swore back in the day that I'd never 'coach' my children if they took up any sport.
... But then ... my DD's coaches tried and failed for months and months to teach her basic shapes ... "tighter" they'd repeat over and over ... "no - tight" went on and on ... "feel the difference?" they'd ask a zillion times whilst shaking DD's legs/body to 'demonstrate' how she should feel ... she was getting frustrated ... they were getting frustrated. And I honestly rate them as great coaches. But they just didn't get why she didn't get it. I seriously don't think they were saving up any special knowledge of (or strategy for) my 'athlete' for some clever, separate purpose. Some of you may think me presumptuous or even wrong but IMHO they simply didn't have a clue why their instructions were going so wrong or how to make progress on the issue.

One day DD looked sad ... and so I judged that parental intervention was required.

Me: Do you know what tight means?
DD: Not really.
Me: Can you guess?
DD: Is it this? (She shakes her limbs in the way the coaches do when they're trying to feel how straight she could stay if she stayed tight).
Me: No baby. Tight means stiff. Show me stiff legs.
DD: (Does it).
Me: Show me tight body.
DD: (Does it - brilliantly I might add).
Me: Perfect. When your coach says tight she means stiff.
DD: Why didn't they just tell me?! (Dancing around, surprised, completely overjoyed, and downright triumphant).

Am I apologetic about my interference? Well no - not one teensy bit. In fact next time I may not watch DD suffer needlessly for months before I interfere.

I must confess though, that when coach lavished praise upon DD for her miraculous improvement next session, I was relieved when DD did NOT reveal "my mum taught me at home". It would have been unspeakably annoying to be ill-judged for doing the right thing. I don't think I'm alone in saying we "inexperienced" mothers do feel hastily judged sometimes.

 

[NGL780309]

I didn't have the wrong impression of you at all as a parent. I was trying to agree with you. I hope that came across.

I know this thread was started originally talking about parents who coach their kids at gym and it changed a bit from there.

The parents of older gymnasts think that we don't get it, but I think sometimes they are forgetting what it was once like when their kids were just starting out in gymnastics. Our kids are still in the gym relatively low hours and they are quite obsessed at this age. They are at the point where gymnastics is all fun and they want to do it all day long everyday. Mine practices all the time and is always trying on her own to do things better and fix things her coach has asked her to do. Of course when your child is older it's not like that anymore. They are at the gym every waking moment. They are doing skills that are too difficult to practice at a home.

'Zactly!

My real life example is "hollow body". Bella had no idea what a hollow body was. I told her to be a banana and BOOM. She has a nice hollow especially going into her little handstand tree fall vault. But when she has started asking me how to do something on her beam, I had no idea so I told her she would have to ask her coach.

I would just hate for someone to get the wrong idea about me and the relationship I have with my daughter and my gymnast. I don't coach her. I don't push her to make team. I don't talk about going elite. I don't hype up the Olympics. In my eyes, I support her. I pay her tuition. I serve as her chauffer and wardrobe mistress. I ask her every month before we pay tuition if she wants to continue. She will quit eventually and I know that. And she will choose when. Not me.

But maybe when she does quit, she'll let me turn her into a ballerina. (kidding)

 

[Deleted member D3987]

and i have to keep reminding myself that not all gyms are created equal.

 

[Bella's Mom]

I didn't have the wrong impression of you at all as a parent. I was trying to agree with you. I hope that came across.

I know this thread was started originally talking about parents who coach their kids at gym and it changed a bit from there.

The parents of older gymnasts think that we don't get it, but I think sometimes they are forgetting what it was once like when their kids were just starting out in gymnastics. Our kids are still in the gym relatively low hours and they are quite obsessed at this age. They are at the point where gymnastics is all fun and they want to do it all day long everyday. Mine practices all the time and is always trying on her own to do things better and fix things her coach has asked her to do. Of course when your child is older it's not like that anymore. They are at the gym every waking moment. They are doing skills that are too difficult to practice at a home.

Yes it did. Very much so.

And I think what you said about how enthusiastics our littles one are still is spot on. I've taken to calling Bella "pogo" because she cannot seem to walk from point a to point b without all of her extra bounces, skips, and handstands. LOL

Last night we came home from a two hour practice and she begged me pull her beam down so she could play Olympics. I was thinking, "sheesh kid, haven't you had enough already????" And to think that when she made pre-team, I was worried that the practices would be too exhausting for her.

 

[Deanna]

I believe there are extremes on both sides of the fence. I believe there are cases where parents are just plain nuts. And I also think there are coaches that are a little stand offish. I dont think anyone in the position of coaching starts out with that personality, I believe experiences made them that way. Just as some parents experiences with gyms/coaches may make them extreme. In an ideal world any coach and parent should be able to sit down and discuss the child/gymnast. I too went through a situation when Kadee (my L2 DD) first started at the gym. They were seeing what she was able to do to see where to place her. They asked her to do a seat drop, pop tart. Now she was fully aware of what a seat drop was. The pop tart she didnt know what that was. The gym she was at before (we moved 2 1/2 hrs away). They called it a seat drop, up tall where she came from. The coach (who was younger herself) kept saying land on your tushie then on your feet. Sounds easy. The coach clearly would know what to do if told that, I would have understood what to do. But Kadee was baffled by the whole pop tart part. She just didnt get it. The girl did her best to explain it..did a good job, but, Kadee's almost 4 yr old mind couldnt grasp it. She would land on her hinney, then on the rebounce land in the indian leg position, or just fold her legs under her and land on her feet under her hinney..all things she did..she was indeed landing on her feet..lol..but not the way they wanted. I was there, they had me go around with her this whole hr watching what was going on..so i didnt come running in the gym..lol. But i just told the coach..she knows it as seat drop, stand tall. Soon as she said that..Kadee did it..over and over and over..one after the other..they had to MAKE her stop..lol. In that situation, I knew my child better. And Kadee was lucky enough to have a coach viewing her, to understand and except it in THAT situation. NOW, I will be the first to admit...their knowledge of my daughter and her gymnastics skills far out weigh mine. And IM very capable of admiting that. I believe its a give and take on both. We have seen some very extreme cases going BOTH ways. And I think that most coaches/gymnast/parents even with in this post, although are posting extreme differnces (even within their own grouping) of how they think it things should be, are not TOTALY against or for parents involvment. Like I said when my daughter first started where she is now..I KNEW HER BETTER (as i should) and without me stepping in (which i told the coach the way to say it to where she would understand..i didnt tell Kadee..she means do this)..she wouldnt have been given credit for knowing how to do something she did know how to do. And I will be the first to say, I havent the faintest idea of half the stuff she does now, how its ''supposed" to be done or what most of it is called. So I would in no way "coach" her. Im even afraid to help her when she asks if she did something right at home. She will ask if she did it right..and i just respond with "looked good to me baby"..but then im afraid of saying that too, and her continuing to do it that way and its wrong..lol (im a rel worry wart). I have a real good relationship with my dd coaches. I dont watch my dd practices (she has asked me not to). I just go in 5-10 mins before its over to pick her up and when practice is over and she is at her locker i will then go in the gym (to help her get her things..because if i dont she will no doubt leave something in her locker..learned that the hard way). Her coaches always address me and tell me how she did that day. ie "she did her whole bar routine all by herself today"..or even "we had some issues with Kadee today, not wanting to do beam". WE (the coaches and I) work as a team..they want and expect my support and help on things with her..the good the bad and the ugly. I respect them, and they respect me. I do believe it is a two way street. Its not one sided either way. I feel we (both Kadee and I) are truely blessed to have found a gym like we have. I know I have rambled...I often do..lol. My jest is, I dont believe anyone on here believes that either or knows everything they need to know about the gymnast/child. And I believe they all will admit that there are times that the other does know more. I wish we could all be blessed to be a perfect setting which ever that might be for your situation. And we also need to understand..what is best for one child/gymnast..parent/coach...isnt whats best for the next. We as the adults need to find that balance in that relationship and make the best of it, for the little ones sake

 

[Bella's Mom]

Deanna,

I like what you say about the parent and coach working as a team for the best of the gymnast child.

Until I came to CB, I wasn't aware there was such a strong sentiment that I can't help but call "anti-parent". There is no activity that my child participates in that I take a hands off approach to. I do trust my child's coaches. They are wonderful. They are qualified, competent, and love Bella. I truly believe that.

But so does her father and grandparents and I still play a role in those relationships too. I do not believe in turning over my child to anyone without believing that the person is accountable to me. Especially if I'm paying that person. The coaches have a job, a very important job....a very technically specialized job that I have the utmost respect for. But their expertise doesn't negate my importance to the relationship.

and my support and interest should not be taken as distrust or disrespect toward the coach. Nor should there be the knee jerk reaction of I must be living my unfulfilled dreams through my child or pushing her into a sport for my own benefit. Honestly, I find that assumption terribly offensive.

 

[Deanna]

I agree with you. I fully understand what you are saying. But, in turn, I GET what others are saying also. Just because I may not agree 100% with everyone, doesnt mean i dont understand and see the reasoning in it.
Some coaches im sure have been burned by these "over bearing" parents. If you have never seen one..God Bless you, because I have. Its not pretty. And I could see where after being told by enough parents that they dont know what they are donig, or they are doing it wrong, ect ect ect..the coach could become gun shy with parents sorta speak. And they may automaticaly have that "here we go again" feeling come over them when they see a parent approach. But in all truthfulness..this is not what the OP was all about.
It was about those hurtful/harmful parents who sit on the sidelines and bark out demands and commands to their kids. Yell at and punish them when they get home. Things on those lines. She was making a statement about hating seeing that, and how, that once those parents have been in and around the sport for a while..they learn to just let it go.
As the post went on..it got twisted and turned into something different. Although along the same lines.
I dont think most coaches have a problem with a parent explaining something to a child in a way that child may understand. Coaches arent just in this for the love of the sport alone. They love kids, and love teaching them to love the sport also.
When Kadee first started there of course I knew her better. And I was able to explain to the coach that it was something she could do, she just didnt understand it the way she was telling her. She knew it by another name. And Kadee a very visual learner (could be age?), and if the coach had shown her an example she would have known. But thats not how it played out. It is well beyond the point where they know more than me about Kadee the gymnast than i do. I dont say anything to her about her gymnastics other than "looks good to me baby"..lol..and i never say anything to the coach. I let them "deal" with her. When she is doing great they give her a high five and praise or a big ol' bear hug. When she is not listening..they punish her on their level. The make her sit out her bars (her favorite), or make her fun laps, do sit ups..ect. Then when i get her..they tell me what happened and why. And I support them in that.
Even though she is MY CHILD, she is THEIR GYMNAST. I might take offense if one of her coaches came into my home and told me I wasnt parenting Kadee right. Does their thoughts and concerns matter..sure..just as mine should matter at the gym. But the bottom line is, you have to trust the one they are with. And that goes both ways.
I dont think anyone is pointing fingers at anyone else on here in a negative way. Its very hard to read the expression of ones typing. Some people are just very blunt and say it point blank. And if you were to talk to them in person and they were to say the very samething, you would be able to see from the kindness in their eyes, and the slight smile on their face, that its not with mean intent that they say the things they say. But on here, you cant see that, so things often get taken and blown out of proportion and then its almost like a feeding frenzy afterwards.
I didnt read anything within this whole thing where anyone said anything off color..could some of it been taken that way..yes. But you could say that about just about every post on here. It also depends on the person reading the post at the time too..lol
All in all..i think we are all here because we love our kids. I dont believe any of us fall into that "group" of sideline parents. Just like another posted said, we wouldnt be on here if we did. We are here because we dont know it all, because we value other people,their thougths, concerns and wants. And if we were one of those parents we would be "too good" for all of this.

 

[NGL780309]

Well said!

Deanna,

I like what you say about the parent and coach working as a team for the best of the gymnast child.

Until I came to CB, I wasn't aware there was such a strong sentiment that I can't help but call "anti-parent". There is no activity that my child participates in that I take a hands off approach to. I do trust my child's coaches. They are wonderful. They are qualified, competent, and love Bella. I truly believe that.

But so does her father and grandparents and I still play a role in those relationships too. I do not believe in turning over my child to anyone without believing that the person is accountable to me. Especially if I'm paying that person. The coaches have a job, a very important job....a very technically specialized job that I have the utmost respect for. But their expertise doesn't negate my importance to the relationship.

and my support and interest should not be taken as distrust or disrespect toward the coach. Nor should there be the knee jerk reaction of I must be living my unfulfilled dreams through my child or pushing her into a sport for my own benefit. Honestly, I find that assumption terribly offensive.

 

[NGL780309]

Totally agree with you.

I agree with you. I fully understand what you are saying. But, in turn, I GET what others are saying also. Just because I may not agree 100% with everyone, doesnt mean i dont understand and see the reasoning in it.
Some coaches im sure have been burned by these "over bearing" parents. If you have never seen one..God Bless you, because I have. Its not pretty. And I could see where after being told by enough parents that they dont know what they are donig, or they are doing it wrong, ect ect ect..the coach could become gun shy with parents sorta speak. And they may automaticaly have that "here we go again" feeling come over them when they see a parent approach. But in all truthfulness..this is not what the OP was all about.
It was about those hurtful/harmful parents who sit on the sidelines and bark out demands and commands to their kids. Yell at and punish them when they get home. Things on those lines. She was making a statement about hating seeing that, and how, that once those parents have been in and around the sport for a while..they learn to just let it go.
As the post went on..it got twisted and turned into something different. Although along the same lines.
I dont think most coaches have a problem with a parent explaining something to a child in a way that child may understand. Coaches arent just in this for the love of the sport alone. They love kids, and love teaching them to love the sport also.
When Kadee first started there of course I knew her better. And I was able to explain to the coach that it was something she could do, she just didnt understand it the way she was telling her. She knew it by another name. And Kadee a very visual learner (could be age?), and if the coach had shown her an example she would have known. But thats not how it played out. It is well beyond the point where they know more than me about Kadee the gymnast than i do. I dont say anything to her about her gymnastics other than "looks good to me baby"..lol..and i never say anything to the coach. I let them "deal" with her. When she is doing great they give her a high five and praise or a big ol' bear hug. When she is not listening..they punish her on their level. The make her sit out her bars (her favorite), or make her fun laps, do sit ups..ect. Then when i get her..they tell me what happened and why. And I support them in that.
Even though she is MY CHILD, she is THEIR GYMNAST. I might take offense if one of her coaches came into my home and told me I wasnt parenting Kadee right. Does their thoughts and concerns matter..sure..just as mine should matter at the gym. But the bottom line is, you have to trust the one they are with. And that goes both ways.
I dont think anyone is pointing fingers at anyone else on here in a negative way. Its very hard to read the expression of ones typing. Some people are just very blunt and say it point blank. And if you were to talk to them in person and they were to say the very samething, you would be able to see from the kindness in their eyes, and the slight smile on their face, that its not with mean intent that they say the things they say. But on here, you cant see that, so things often get taken and blown out of proportion and then its almost like a feeding frenzy afterwards.
I didnt read anything within this whole thing where anyone said anything off color..could some of it been taken that way..yes. But you could say that about just about every post on here. It also depends on the person reading the post at the time too..lol
All in all..i think we are all here because we love our kids. I dont believe any of us fall into that "group" of sideline parents. Just like another posted said, we wouldnt be on here if we did. We are here because we dont know it all, because we value other people,their thougths, concerns and wants. And if we were one of those parents we would be "too good" for all of this.

 

[NGL780309]

and i have to keep reminding myself that not all gyms are created equal.

So true! I wish my DD went to some of the gyms CB posters coach at.

 

[NGL780309]

I feel like I was one of the main posters who caused this thread to turn the direction it went and I wanted to add where I think my strong reaction to the "anti-parent" involvement I sometimes feel is coming across from some coaches and parents on here. The idea that if we are the right kind of parents we will drop our kids off and stay clear so we make sure this sport is their's and not ours.

I have around a decade plus experience with this sport, but I am a newbie as a gym mom. I generally post from that pov, but I come from the perspective of having been married to a high level coach and from great friendships with the parents of elite gymnasts/level 10's. I've seen alot and heard alot. Many of these girls have been in gyms where the coaches were downright abusive. I don't feel like going into great detail here, but there are many, many coaches out there that are just egotistical jerks. They take this attitude that they are the end-all-be-all. You must give them complete control. The parents feel intimidated. They don't want to hurt their child's chances of success. So they blindly drop their child off and look the other way. They wouldn't dare question something that doesn't seem right for fear their child will be kicked out. As one coach posted earlier that if any parent told them how to do their job they would send them down the street to another gym. Afterall this great coach who has had so many elites and taken kids to the Olympics knows what's best for their child. Meanwhile their child is being emotionally abused.

Obviously we are talking about mostly low level, young kids on this board, but I feel some of these egotistical coaches start early planting this idea that they somehow own the children they coach. I'm not referring to any coach on this board because I don't know any of you. I'm referring to coaches I know and situations I have firsthand knowledge of.

So I cringe a little when I hear coaches scoffing at parents who think they know their kids best. I know I'm talking in extremes here, but I've seen the extreme. I will always be over involved in my child's life. I'm looking out for her.

I've also seen parents that are extremely obsessed and crazy. Way too many stories to share in that area! I've seen the parents who drive their kid from the sport. I know they are out there. I'm probably more aware of that than most parents. I lived it through the eyes of their coach. I had to hear about it on a daily basis. Because I've seen so much craziness I've tried to be very careful with my DD. If she wants my help I give it. Afterall she is my child and we all want our child to be happy. I try to help her where I can, but I know where that line is.

 

[NGL780309]

I agree with you completely on this. I think we are saying the same thing. Your scenario is a parent driven interaction. The parent is nitpicking and being critical. In my case, with my child, it's not parent driven. With many kids it's not parent driven. The kids come home and they want to practice and they want help. So as a parent you give it. I would never attempt to teach my child something like a BHS. I'd give her a pat on the back and tell her to keep working at the gym, but I'll give her help she wants where I can. I as a parent would never say anything to my child about, "Why didn't you point your toes on beam?". I don't even speak to her about her "performance" during practice except to point out something great she did or her behavior.

I do have to disagree a bit, just a little bit, that parents should just let it go if their child is struggling with something. For example there was a girl at DD's old gym who wasn't scoring too well at the meets. Now keep in mind that the team had a pretty crappy coach who never fixed anything. So this mom started taking this girl to an open gym to give her some extra practice. She also got her a beam at home and got a copy of the floor music and helped her with alot of her polish issues. It really helped this girl. Her scores improved so much. For things she couldn't help with like her ROBHS she got her privates. I know this woman personally and she's not crazy. She doesn't live through her child or any of that stuff I hear around here. She was just loving her DD and trying to help her. You might call that crazy, but I think it's perfectly okay.

Personally I told the mom that I didn't have the time or the energy to do all of that. I felt like my child should be getting all of that from practice. That's why we moved gyms. I don't want to be DD's part time coach. Hey I barely have the energy to get through the day! I pay a gym to provide this service to me don't I? I just wouldn't classify this mom and friend of mine as crazy. Just my opinion. We may have to agree to disagree on that one.

I am talking about the difference here between being supportive vs. being pyscho. If your daughter struggles at gym and has sloppy legs, you as a parent should be able to let it go, and assume the coach will fix it, even if ten kids are in the class, and parents should have the brain power to not mention form to their daughters...instead focus on what little Suzy did well at practice rather than what she did poorly (ie - practice finishes .."you did great on beam!!", rather than "Why didn't you point your toes on beam?) Because trust me, that kid who is sloppy knows they are sloppy since they hear enough corrections from coach. When kids play gymnastics at home, I HOPE parents are saying... " wow Good job little Suzy with all those cool tricks" versus "Wow good job, now try it with straight legs and pointed toes"[/QUOTE]

 

[gymdog]

I have around a decade plus experience with this sport, but I am a newbie as a gym mom. I generally post from that pov, but I come from the perspective of having been married to a high level coach and from great friendships with the parents of elite gymnasts/level 10's. I've seen alot and heard alot. Many of these girls have been in gyms where the coaches were downright abusive. I don't feel like going into great detail here, but there are many, many coaches out there that are just egotistical jerks. They take this attitude that they are the end-all-be-all. You must give them complete control. The parents feel intimidated. They don't want to hurt their child's chances of success. So they blindly drop their child off and look the other way. They wouldn't dare question something that doesn't seem right for fear their child will be kicked out. As one coach posted earlier that if any parent told them how to do their job they would send them down the street to another gym. Afterall this great coach who has had so many elites and taken kids to the Olympics knows what's best for their child. Meanwhile their child is being emotionally abused.

This I think is somewhat of a different issue and one I've been outspokenly against in many threads on this board (a pretty recent one if I recall). No one should be given carte blanche to abuse your child. And yet I've seen parents on this board say "but I can't make her quit." Well, yeah you can. I really doubt there is a person on this board who has ever expressed the opinion that it is "crazy," "overinvolved," "pushy," etc to remove your child from a situation where safety and emotional well-being is not a high priority. Quite the opposite, in fact, has been expressed in thread after thread after thread.

As my previous post indicated, I'm a big fan of the "gymnastics is not the end of the world" school of thought. That's mostly where I'm coming from on anything. There has been a trend towards even more intense competition among compulsories over the last decade, and I think it feeds a lot of this stuff. When parents are expected to pay for out of state meets requiring airfare when they still have no idea about how this works, then you can't necessarily be that surprised there is all this angst over unfairness and whatever when move-up time comes along. Many gyms probably haven't done their part to maintain an environment of reasonable expectations.

But I mean, at some point if people come here looking for opinions, you have to be straight with them. Maybe the gym isn't doing their part, but if people are seeking out education and advice and get more of a grasp on the situation then it's up to them to translate that into more reasonable behavior. That said I suspect people who tend to exhibit the most inappropriate behavior rarely seek out any advice or wisdom or consider that they may need to modify their behavior, so presumably most of us have seen real life behavior that is not really present on these boards. That's not to say I never see things that make me wonder on here what people are thinking.

I think everyone can benefit from some self reflection and awareness. It would be wrong to assign blame 100% on either side or suggest only one side is capable of transgressions. In my case I have reflected on some habits and trends in gymnastics and decided they don't contribute to an environment that fosters positive and reasonable expectations for everyone involved. I'm sometimes tempted to go to these things because in many ways I grew up with that in an environment that wasn't the worst ever but on the intense side. However I attempt to check my behavior and reflect on whether what I'm doing is ultimately in the kids' best interest.

 

[Deanna]

This is one reason why I love this board. Do people sometimes respond in angst? Yes, but most are mature enough to view others thoughts and views, and consider how their own response may have fed into someone elses response, and come back once they have settled down a bit and aproach the subject with a more level head.
Shows me what I believed all along..we are all just one big happy disfunctional family...lol