Call Me Crazy But I Pay Someone Qualified To Coach!

[CoachGoofy]

Trust me, coaches hate it more.
Sideline Coaching... = Most. Annoying. Thing. EVER.

Amen.
It's awkward for the kid too, I'm sure, who has mom/dad/whoever saying to do X and coach saying to do Y. They're kind of stuck figuring out which adult to please.

And once again I find myself thanking the universe for my gym, where it's assumed that I'm a competent coach and that the parents are competent parents and everyone pretty much trusts and likes each other. That's so much less stressful than adversity.

 

[3rd_time_around]

I totally agree...my daughter is fairly new to gymnastics (one year in the sport). I was at the gym one day, and she was having trouble remembering to keep her arms "by her ears"....I actually had a parent tell me that she solved that problem with her daughter by having her raise her arms and placing an elastic band around her arms and head at home! My first thought was "When did children and youth department arrive at your home to investigate?". I think that every gym has these types....so sad for the kids!!

Oh yeah. We had a parent that made his daughter do her beam series 100 times every night on their basement beam when she balked at practice. And he made her run bleachers on her nights off from gym and condition at home, and hired a personal trainer (she was 10 yrs old). He actually bragged about all this.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

bragged is another word for blowhard.

 

[3rd_time_around]

Oh how I love some of those crazy parents. They keep me from becoming them with their over the top antics, their gym-jumping, and their foolish behaviors. These parents either alienate their children from their sport and from themselves - or raise brats who feel entitled to be looked on as the best at everything. I've seen both kinds of crazy.

On the one hand is the parent who hems and haws during practices that her dd is the best in that gym, if only the coaches would recognize it and give her the attention she deserves. (actually had a mom tell me that to my face) These parents are the ones who often abuse private lessons, gym jump to find the perfect fit, and have full home gyms. They fawn and fidget over their precious gymnast filling her head with how good they really are, and how blind their coaches must be not to see it. Their dd's often fuss and cry at practices and at meets when their over-inflated expectations are not met.

On the other hand is the parent who side-line coaches, gesturing and making displeased faces from the parents area. This parent do not fawn over their children, they drive them to meet their expectations like an overseer would drive slaves. ( I know, a harsh comparison. But I know parents who have punished their child for not placing in the top 3 AA at a meet. Which makes me ) These girls end up hating their sport, and often their parent.

Finally, the threads about them are such (guilty) fun to read

Oh My Gosh!! you couldn't have said it any better, and I have seen both these over and over. They drive us crazy, but usually don't last long as they leave to find greener pastures and a gym where they can have their way. It's a relief to see them go, and leaves only peace behind. LOL! I really did laugh at this, because it is soooooo true! I wish I could print this out and hand it out to the ones that need it, with instructions to check the box next to the description of themselves. Woohoo, wouldn't that be fun?!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

and each of my gray hairs has someones name on it just like them!

 

[3rd_time_around]

Trust me, coaches hate it more.
Sideline Coaching... = Most. Annoying. Thing. EVER.

It's disruptive, and divides the gymnast's loyalties. Who is she to listen to? The kid is constantly looking over at the parent the entire practice, and reluctantly heads that way when the parent crooks his/her finger at them. The the parent either gives them corrections, or tells them that the coach is teaching it wrong and it needs to be done this way or that way. My favorite is when a coach is giving scores to prepare for meets, and the parent doesn't agree. Usually the score will be lower than you think, because an inflated score will give false expectations at meets. So little Susie's parent gets huffy that her baby got an 8.8 when she thinks it should have been a 9.4. This is just in practice mind you!! Then tells her precious poopsie that she would have given her a 9.5. That just pits the gymnast against her coach. What is a child to do?

 

[Deleted member D3987]

in my next life my gym will be named "orphan gymnastics" and i will be specifically targeting a niche clientele...

 

[bogwoppit]

in my next life my gym will be named "orphan gymnastics" and i will be specifically targeting a niche clientele...

So you're moving to China???

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Funny Dunno and Bog! Ideal coaching situation! We had one dad take the day off work because he didn't like the way his daughter was doing her backwalkovers at 6. He said he made her do them for 6 straight hours at home. One mom repeatedly said she was going to kill her daughter if she didn't get over the fear of her backhandspring. The girl is 6. I know as an adult she really doesn't mean it but her daughter still has to listen to it. There are a couple more extreme cases. I am looking forward to level 4 so that I can drop her off at the door and come back when practice is over. There are a group of sane parents so it isn't all bad but it is hard to listen to and I feel horrible for the kids.

 

[3rd_time_around]

I am looking forward to level 4 so that I can drop her off at the door and come back when practice is over. There are a group of sane parents so it isn't all bad but it is hard to listen to and I feel horrible for the kids.

my dds level 4 team was the best. I loved that group.

 

[NGL780309]

I know there are plenty of over the top crazy parents out there, everywhere, not just gymnastics. For just a moment I'd like to play devil's advocate. As long as you aren't going overboard I don't think giving your child a little push is such a bad thing. If I were a dad and my son was playing little league and he was really having trouble catching or hitting would it be unreasonable for me to have him out in the backyard practicing? Maybe I might even have to make him do that rather than sit in front of the TV. It takes work to be good at anything and I think as a parent I would be teaching him a valuable lesson that applies in all areas of life.

Now gymnastics is a bit different because you can't really just go in your backyard and safely do what you can do in the gym. I completely get that. But I don't find a parent unreasonable that might provide extra opportunites for their child to improve such as privates. I also wouldn't find it completely insane for them to have them doing something at home that they can do safely and correctly.

I think the important thing is to know where that line is between craziness and helping your child understand what it takes to be the best they can be.

I also don't agree with coaching your kid at the gym. I think if they are in a situation where the coaching isn't good, it's best to find a situation where you as a parent know they are being well coached. I will without shame admit that at DD's old gym I was often very stressed about what was going on. I was frustrated and unhappy with the coaching she received (or lack of). Since moving to the new gym I don't even really care to watch. I've watched enough to know that they are teaching her things correctly.

 

[tomtnt]

I know there are plenty of over the top crazy parents out there, everywhere, not just gymnastics. For just a moment I'd like to play devil's advocate. As long as you aren't going overboard I don't think giving your child a little push is such a bad thing. If I were a dad and my son was playing little league and he was really having trouble catching or hitting would it be unreasonable for me to have him out in the backyard practicing? Maybe I might even have to make him do that rather than sit in front of the TV. It takes work to be good at anything and I think as a parent I would be teaching him a valuable lesson that applies in all areas of life.

Couldn't agree with you more on this point. Even if your kid would rather you not push, I still think there's a role for parental involvement and don't prescribe to the "just leave her alone, it's her sport" mentality.

My daughter hates it when I nag her to keep her wrist up when she practices piano. She'd rather do it her way - but I am still going to point out the right way.

When we're out snowboarding, she hates it when I tell her to stop doing so many heel turns and go on her toe side more... But I'm going to keep on telling her so that she can learn how to do it right.

She also hates it when I tell her point her toes when she's doing handstands all over the house. I'm also not going to stop telling her to point her toes either..

 

[flipper's fan]

We are our child's life coach. At least until they think they know better and won't listen to us anymore. Most of us can figure out where that starts and stops. We're not the ones being talked about on internet boards. We're the ones who know when to say, Well, dear, she gets 38s because she practices more hours and she doesn't play soccer and when to say you can go to her birthday party instead of practice but what do you think that will mean when you get to your meet on Sunday? We also know when to say, well, listen to your coach. Why do you think he's the coach and I work at the XX company? Or, I'm sure some extra hours at the gym can resolve that for you. Personally, I like giving away some of the responsibility and having a few hours off each week.

 

[NGL780309]

Couldn't agree with you more on this point. Even if your kid would rather you not push, I still think there's a role for parental involvement and don't prescribe to the "just leave her alone, it's her sport" mentality.

My daughter hates it when I nag her to keep her wrist up when she practices piano. She'd rather do it her way - but I am still going to point out the right way.

When we're out snowboarding, she hates it when I tell her to stop doing so many heel turns and go on her toe side more... But I'm going to keep on telling her so that she can learn how to do it right.

She also hates it when I tell her point her toes when she's doing handstands all over the house. I'm also not going to stop telling her to point her toes either..

I agree with everything you said. I've always taken the attitude with my DD that she can do any activity she wants, but she's going to give it her all. I don't care if she quits and moves on, but while she's doing it she will give 100%. She knows she's free to quit anything she doesn't feel like doing anymore.

I expect when she's at practice she works hard. I don't expect any particular result. To me it's the effort that counts. I haven't seen too many parents actually coaching their kid while at gym, but I have seen parents talk to their kid about their effort. I don't see a problem with it as long as it's done at the right time. I would never shout across the gym at my child, but I have when she is on her break and she comes upstairs told her that she's being too silly and needs to work harder. For my child that works.

 

[NGL780309]

We are our child's life coach. At least until they think they know better and won't listen to us anymore. Most of us can figure out where that starts and stops. We're not the ones being talked about on internet boards. We're the ones who know when to say, Well, dear, she gets 38s because she practices more hours and she doesn't play soccer and when to say you can go to her birthday party instead of practice but what do you think that will mean when you get to your meet on Sunday? We also know when to say, well, listen to your coach. Why do you think he's the coach and I work at the XX company? Or, I'm sure some extra hours at the gym can resolve that for you. Personally, I like giving away some of the responsibility and having a few hours off each week.

I agree with you. I think age plays a part in giving the child some of the responsibility. My DD is only 5 so I'm trying now at this young age to teach her that hard work is important in whatever you do. School, sports, etc.

I got the impression from this thread that some people feel like if you do anything other than drop your kid off, pay the bills and give them positive encouragement you are leaning toward crazy. Obviously I'm not supporting a father making his DD do 100 beam passes for missing at practice. (Surely you'd have the sense to keep that kind of craziness private!) I think we can all agree that's crazy with a capital C. I just think there's a middle ground. I do from time to time have to say something to DD about her effort level. She's still young and working on Level 4/5 skills so it's different than a higher level gymnast. If I see her at the gym going through her routines as sloppy you bet I'm going to say something about it. It seems like some people feel like that will make her lose her love of gym. I don't think of it that way. If she doesn't love it enough to really give her best effort I'm fine with her losing her love and moving on to something else. I'm more concerned with teaching her the value of hardwork than rather she continues in gymnastics.

 

[lilgymmie7]

"I think the important thing is to know where that line is between craziness and helping your child understand what it takes to be the best they can be." NGL...

That is the key. The parent, tomTNT, that said something about not prescribing to the "it's-her-sport" mentality was also on mark. However, it IS the gymmie's sport and we as parents need to find the balance between the healthy "prodding" and crazy "pushing" in order to make gym a beneficial component of what makes up the 'whole' child. I think every parent wants their child(ren) to be the best that they can be. The parent goes over board when they simply want the child to BEAT all the rest at ALL costs. I believe these crazy parents have the latter in mind and really only because they stand to gain from it. Not really, but they think they do. We all seem pretty level headed and through this talk seem to be armed with great ideas to disarm those "type" of over the top parents. Let's go forth and do just that. Whether they listen or not, we tried.

 

[gymdog]

I know there are plenty of over the top crazy parents out there, everywhere, not just gymnastics. For just a moment I'd like to play devil's advocate. As long as you aren't going overboard I don't think giving your child a little push is such a bad thing. If I were a dad and my son was playing little league and he was really having trouble catching or hitting would it be unreasonable for me to have him out in the backyard practicing? Maybe I might even have to make him do that rather than sit in front of the TV. It takes work to be good at anything and I think as a parent I would be teaching him a valuable lesson that applies in all areas of life.

Now gymnastics is a bit different because you can't really just go in your backyard and safely do what you can do in the gym. I completely get that. But I don't find a parent unreasonable that might provide extra opportunites for their child to improve such as privates. I also wouldn't find it completely insane for them to have them doing something at home that they can do safely and correctly.

I think the important thing is to know where that line is between craziness and helping your child understand what it takes to be the best they can be.

I also don't agree with coaching your kid at the gym. I think if they are in a situation where the coaching isn't good, it's best to find a situation where you as a parent know they are being well coached. I will without shame admit that at DD's old gym I was often very stressed about what was going on. I was frustrated and unhappy with the coaching she received (or lack of). Since moving to the new gym I don't even really care to watch. I've watched enough to know that they are teaching her things correctly.

To me the big difference is that even relatively low level competitive gymnastics is by nature a more intense experience for the child than most lower key commitments like little league. I suspect at the top levels of those sports, parents are talking about the same things - and kids are wishing their parents will back off.

I have known some girls who had really pushy parents and it is no walk in the park. Some of it is very sad for me, and the outcome is not really that positive in any of the cases I've seen. It's just not worth it. I understand in some sense that these parents were trying to give their children perceived opportunities, but unfortunately they didn't understand how emotionally and physically draining the day to day demands of competitive gymnastics were. If the parents are overly involved the child literally has no outlet and no offtime. It's already overwhelming as time goes on to spend the whole day worrying about your beam series and how your coach will react if you don't throw it. To then go home and have the same questioning and emotional gauntlet...:/

There's a difference between providing the odd private and getting overly involved, I think, and to blur the two does a disservice to everyone. I think it is pretty clear that most of us here have either paid for, done, or given a private lesson before, and we aren't shunning anyone for that. If some people are really perceiving the criticism of overinvolved parents in gymnastics to be for such small things, then you haven't seen some of the behavior I've seen out of parents (and the heartbreaking effects on their children). I believe though, that in general the point of the sport is to use it as a medium for growth - and in order for that to be the case it should be mostly on the gymnast to be able to work with the coaches to progress in the sport or find another activity they are more passionate about. Obviously some parental support is needed but there's a difference between SUPPORT and guidance and micromanaging.

 

[Mariainlv]

I think age plays a part in If I see her at the gym going through her routines as sloppy you bet I'm going to say something about it. It seems like some people feel like that will make her lose her love of gym. I don't think of it that way. If she doesn't love it enough to really give her best effort I'm fine with her losing her love and moving on to something else. I'm more concerned with teaching her the value of hardwork than rather she continues in gymnastics.[/QUOTE]

That is a great way of putting it! I agree. I am less vested in J staying in gymnastics and more vested in the person she will become. Hard work and dedication are the cornerstones of a successful, productive life. Its my job, as my parents did for me, to instill this in J. I do the same with school and all the other day to day things in her life.

 

[sportsmom22]

I don't coach mine, but last night I did walk into the gym to tell mine to quit messing around. She has 3 coaches and LOVES them all. (I do too.) Her vault coach last night was letting AB's adhd get the best of her. I just went in and said, if Coach L isn't going to get on to you, then I am--pay attention. I was more worried about her running in front of someone and hurting them or even hurting herself. She was just not paying attention. Generally, I let this slide, but last night, seemed a little worse than usual. I want her to have fun at gym and last night she was! She payed a bit more attention after I walked out--but was still having lots of fun.

 

[bookworm]

I've been around this sport for over 10 years (yikes!) and I've never coached from the sidelines...you either trust that the coaches know what they're doing and let them coach or you move on to a gym that fits your needs. I personally use the practice time to read, grocery shop or go to the mall!!!