WAG Can't believe this! Horrible!

[Mom2twingymnasts]

My daughter had a coach very much like your daughter's coach. We left for a smaller gym with no TOPs program. Now my daughter is happier, more confident, and over her fear issues. Your daughter is not in a healthy place. Talk to your daughter and make sure she knows that you don't approve of the coaches behavior. She needs to know that she doesn't deserve that treatment. She needs to know that you will be behind her when she needs to stickup for herself against this coach or tell him NO when he is asking her to do something that is not safe. She needs to know that it is OK to say goodbye to this gym and this coach.

My daughter continues to share with me more and more information about how she was treated at the old gym. You won't regret leaving but you might regret that you didn't do it sooner.

Good luck!!

 

[EastCoastGymMom]

I would talk to the coach, and make a decision on switching gyms depending on the outcome of that conversation. He might be willing to change or be having a bad week, enough to make you feel you could give him one more chance. How does your daughter feel about all of this?

 

[2G1B]

generally when my friends have had issues with what the coaches have done I have encouraged them to go directly to the coach they have an issue with, NOT the HC. In this situation I think I'd go directly to the HC. That is if I were even willing to consider staying with that gym at all.

In the end, I am pretty sure I'd either leave for another gym not, or talk to the HC and leave if the issues weren't resolved.

 

[Gymmommy71]

Oh my does that sound awful. I don't know what I'd do :/. My DD would probably be wanting to leave the gym just from witnessing such a thing (she is the type that gets sensitive about things that are done to other people just like they were done to her...so that scene would really traumatize her). I'd understand that at the high level it sounds like these girls are at it's got to be much harder to up and leave as you may have a lot invested in that particular gym (it's not like you are a L5 w/ two or three gyms right down the road). You may just need to talk to the coach...or the owner...about your concerns. Are other parents witnessing this stuff too? How do they feel about it? Do you get the impression that there would be negative reprecussions towards your DD if you were to speak to someone of authourity at the gym about what you're seeing?

Btw...I don't think it was the OP's kid that this bleeding/coach laughing happened to, but another girl. The OP's daughter was the one who had to be on beam for 6 hours at a recent practice.

 

[kecks]

could have been a broken nose. totally bullying and awful behaviour of an adult towards a child. they*are* children, easily impressed, even when they are also high level athletes, and the adultes around them (teachers, partens, coaches) are responsible for the example they are setting for these kids. even when your daughter only witnesses these scenes and does not think it is wrong or whatever it is still extremly harmful to the way she thinks about authority figures, about males treating females, about caring for others... leave, just leave. no sporting career ever is worth abuse or witnessing abuse of any kind.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

all i can think of at the moment are my previous posts where i have stated that gymnastics is a dysfunctional sport. Yikes doesn't quite describe my thoughts. and it is that time of year when these things rear their ugly heads. [Dunno puts face in hands once again]

 

[MeetDirector]

To the Op -
So in your other thread I was willing to chalk the 6-hour beam-only workout to the coach having a bad day. Now with this additional episode, I conclude there is something wrong happening there. Your dd is a Level 10, right; that obviously makes thinking about switching gyms and all that goes with it very difficult. Somehow, some way, there has to be a discussion with this coach. Is there an owner that is not that coach? Are there other coaches that you can seek out? The behaviour has to be questioned very, very seriously. Abuse cannot be tolerated; an injury cannot be ignored; things must change otherwise this guy thinks his actions are OK. Trying to project myself into your situation and ask what I would do, gets me to pulling up my boot straps and confronting the coach. However, I would formally request a meeting, I would have a third person there, and I would do it outside of the gym.

Nobody should have to endure this - good luck!

 

[CoachGoofy]

Ok, so, I am coming at this from the perspective that the most important things my athletes learn from me & gymnastics are things like strength, perseverance, self knowledge, self assurance, when to trust and not trust. LIFE SKILLS, not gymnastics skills. Skills that need to be practiced.

This behavior? Is completely counter to what I want girls to be learning from me. I do not want them learning that this sort of treatment is normal, ok, acceptable, sanctioned, whatever. No. If another coach in my gym was behaving like this *I* would present it to the owner. And I would quit if nothing was done. That's how messed up this is to my thinking. This bullying abusive garbage (think of the patterns it's instilling as 'normal'! and associating with 'love'! or even 'concern'!) is completely contrary to everything good this sport can give to our athletes.

 

[Lucy's Mom]

Yes this wasn't my dd, it was a teammate. All these responses have gotten me really thinking but even though many of you think I need to take my dd from the gym, what about when she herself doesn't want to? Sorry for dumb question, but would the head coach be the owner who is also a coach (compulsories) or the highest optional coach?

Today he told the same girl that this post is about that she is not competing (meet this weekend) and sent her home because she wouldn't go for a different beam series she hasn't done for over 6 months.

Besides that he was wonderful... He was joking around and telling stories and helping with drills and new skills. All hugs and encouragement. I'm starting to think he's bipolar... Or maybe he's just old?

 

[gymgal]

All I can say is how I would react. If I knew this to be true (either saw it myself or have a few credible witnesses), I would not allow my daughter to continue until something was done. The owner needs to be approached. Doesn't mean the coach needs to go but something has to change.

I completely understand that you are in a difficult situation but you have to think of your dd's life, not just her gymnastics career. Her wellbeing (emotionally and physically) is much more important. Gymnastics is a hard sport. You need perseverance and a thick skin but if what your dd is experiencing right now is something that happens regularly, it is just way beyond anything she should have to bare. And just because it is not happening to her doesn't mean she is not being affected by it.

 

[Linsul]

Pre teens are not the easiest people to deal with sometimes, it's not frustration that's alarming, it's how it's carried out. I've seen coaches argue with L10's and I find it normal when it sounds like a debate and an exchange of ideas and/or info. A coach is sometimes the brick wall a gymnast feels like she's throwing herself against, and in a normal relationship with that many hours a week it's not all going to be 100% roses. Coaches have expectations, and will go on a exploratory dig for info if it's not forthcoming and expectations aren't being met. At L10 a gymnast is very much a player in how she trains and what works for her. If getting put on the spot about it is tense, that's part of growing up and owning your actions and your participation in the sport. Having said that the coach is always the adult and without leading the gymnast along by the nose should be able to get to the heart of a matter without 6 hours on beam or cackling at a busted nose.

It's not the tension or the disagreement that's red flagging here, it's how it's carried out. Being petty or mean is easy and yet should be impossible when your athlete gets cracked in the face. I really can't put into words how many signs there were to diffuse this situation. If things were so tense or the workout was horrible, she should've been sent home.

 

[iwannacoach]

Yes this wasn't my dd, it was a teammate. All these responses have gotten me really thinking but even though many of you think I need to take my dd from the gym, what about when she herself doesn't want to? Sorry for dumb question, but would the head coach be the owner who is also a coach (compulsories) or the highest optional coach?

Today he told the same girl that this post is about that she is not competing (meet this weekend) and sent her home because she wouldn't go for a different beam series she hasn't done for over 6 months.

Besides that he was wonderful... He was joking around and telling stories and helping with drills and new skills. All hugs and encouragement. I'm starting to think he's bipolar... Or maybe he's just old?

Hey wait a minute. The comment about being old...... well, dunno and I resemble that remark, and now I've put my head in hands and begin to sigh.

I want to repeat for clarity that this coach is doing something wrong, and needs to learn how to count to ten before reacting to problems in the gym. I don't condone laughing at kids when their hurt, and think the guy is a jerk for telling a kid "we never fall on that skill...." or whatever it was when they've just taken a pretty hard knock to the schnozzola.

What intrigues me, because I suspected it last night, is your own child's sentiment about not wanting to go elsewhere. It makes me wonder what's really going on between this other kid and the coach, and I'm wondering if that child herself feels the same as your daughter about wanting to stay. It very well could be that she wants to become a better gymnast than her fortunes will allow, or that she's just trying to cope temporarily while a bit over her head..... and neither she nor the coach are handling it well, especially the coach. If that's the case, or something like that, let's hope things get back on track min a hurry.

Dunno nailed it when he said this is the wackiest time of the year!

 

[All Chalked Up]

Even if it didn't happen to your daughter this time, what's to say it won't in the future? GET OUT.

My pre-teamers could coach better than that.

 

[Lucy's Mom]

iwannacoach I was joking about the old comment... My dd doesn't want to leave. She said she would consider it we were to move to another city with a great gym but since I cannot do that at the moment... The gym does great at meets, has a fantastic program and isn't too big so the girls get good attention from coaches. Besides, she loves her coaches, even the one being discussed about SOMETIMES... lol Like I said, he can be great but also pretty bad... My dd is also becoming very mentally strong and knows when things aren't right but she is only 15... Should I force a move on her?

 

[gymdog]

I think at some point your daughter has a say in it, but I would supervise the practices and talk to the coach in some way about your expectations.

 

[iwannacoach]

I wouldn't consider forcing a move as long as she's having a healthy experience, and is able to keep her surroundings in proper perspective. The perspective I have is that there's a lot on the line for these kids. They've invested a wealth of time, half the family fortune (believe it or not some of the kids get it), and all of their psyche into the sport, and it all revolves around this gym. Beyond that she has dreams for the future, and given what you've posted about the other gym options in your area she needs to make this gym work for those dreams to be realized.

Is the atmosphere abusive? Probably.... if you were to apply conventional mainstream wisdom and societal norms, but this is a little different, a lot different than a typical setting to which those norms are usually applied. I wouldn't advocate for this coach's behavior, but in all honesty this is a pressure cooker situation for all concerned. The kids are there for 30 hours a week because they want to be the best they can be, and take every step possible to get there, and that creates a very broad grey area.

Frame it this way just to provoke a little thought. Who of us hasn't put up with this from a boss at work?, and do we as parents understand that some of our children are that grown up? Honestly I don't know.

 

[KimmeeA13]

We are not nearly at your DD's level, but as the mother of three daughters I just had to comment here. I don't care if you think it's building mental toughness or not, treating a young girl the way you described is NOT okay. I get it that your daughter doesn't want to leave her gym and I understand that, however by continuing to go there and give them your hard-earned dollars you are saying this behavior is fine with you. Would you be OK with that coach treating your daughter the way you described? If not, then why is it OK for him to treat someone else's daughter that way? I agree that your daughter should have some say in whether she stays at that gym or not, but part of your job as a mother is to protect her and teach her what life is about. If I were you I'd stay for practice for a while and observe this coach for myself, and trust your mother's intuition.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Yes this wasn't my dd, it was a teammate. All these responses have gotten me really thinking but even though many of you think I need to take my dd from the gym, what about when she herself doesn't want to? Sorry for dumb question, but would the head coach be the owner who is also a coach (compulsories) or the highest optional coach?

Today he told the same girl that this post is about that she is not competing (meet this weekend) and sent her home because she wouldn't go for a different beam series she hasn't done for over 6 months.

Besides that he was wonderful... He was joking around and telling stories and helping with drills and new skills. All hugs and encouragement. I'm starting to think he's bipolar... Or maybe he's just old?

sounds like tri-polar to me...

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Pre teens are not the easiest people to deal with sometimes, it's not frustration that's alarming, it's how it's carried out. I've seen coaches argue with L10's and I find it normal when it sounds like a debate and an exchange of ideas and/or info. A coach is sometimes the brick wall a gymnast feels like she's throwing herself against, and in a normal relationship with that many hours a week it's not all going to be 100% roses. Coaches have expectations, and will go on a exploratory dig for info if it's not forthcoming and expectations aren't being met. At L10 a gymnast is very much a player in how she trains and what works for her. If getting put on the spot about it is tense, that's part of growing up and owning your actions and your participation in the sport. Having said that the coach is always the adult and without leading the gymnast along by the nose should be able to get to the heart of a matter without 6 hours on beam or cackling at a busted nose.

It's not the tension or the disagreement that's red flagging here, it's how it's carried out. Being petty or mean is easy and yet should be impossible when your athlete gets cracked in the face. I really can't put into words how many signs there were to diffuse this situation. If things were so tense or the workout was horrible, she should've been sent home.

or maybe the coach should've gone home...

 

[Linsul]

or maybe the coach should've gone home...

We're all on the same side here.