Things are not as simple as checking out a gym and determining based on watching practice, researching online, talking with parents, etc., which is the best gym for our children or for our situation. The gymnast has to physically experience the situation. I could thoroughly research a home and love it but when I go to see it, it just does not feel like home. In addition, if we determine at one time a gym is a perfect fit, things change; coaches leave, they hire new coaches, management changes, fees go up, new gymnasts come in. All these can affect the current situation and make it less suitable.
What coaches see as a lie, sneaking or covering up is a standard and I think acceptable practice. People getting a divorce, moving houses, getting a new job, having another child, looking for another job, putting aside money for a rainy day, etc. all find it necessary to "lie" or withhold the truth. It has been my experience that coaches like to tell parents and gymnasts to jump and expect us to say how high. Coaches talk to us only when they are good and ready. And we parent have to wait for whatever scraps of information they are willing to throw our way. I am sorry but when the power shifts, it does not feel good.
As others have said it's interesting to hear other perspectives. But we will just have to agree to disagree.
We changed gyms last year and it really was as simple as I've described. Our former coach had just booted a girl after he found out she tried another gym when she said she was sick. We decided we needed to leave to reach her goals and told the coach before our daughter visited another gym. We had done plenty of research and it made the decision easy and quick. And the coach who booted the other girl invited us to return if our new gym didn't work out. Yes he was upset and it was difficult (our daughter was one of the favorites) but we just wouldn't put our child in a situation asking her to lie.
It sounds like you've run into some bad gyms/ coaches. I wish you luck in the future and hope you can find a gym where you KNOW the coaches have your kids best interest in mind. They do exist! And it is a great feeling to know we don't need to question anything!