Parents Child obese, whiny, scared - How to handle the situation?

[mimi]

Wow, could we put a hold on the PC and flames?? The OP, who is new here by the way, (this is a very 'warm' welcome to the forum for sure) used 10 adjectives. (I think that's what are called. Words that are used to describe other things. If not, sorry Ms. Keller my English teacher, I
always told you I had trouble remembering all the parts of a sentence!) Out of the ten, seems like everyone was pretty hasty to jump on the one. I think that if people were to reread the post in the spirit that I believe it was written, they would find that word was not meant to have any more significance than any of the other 9. The bottom line appears to be that the OP has a child that is difficult for her to coach for a myriad of reasons. For the ones that posted helpful solutions, I'd say 'thanks', to the others I'd say 'relax' and give the OP the benefit of the doubt.

Sorry but from what I read (and reread) the OP clearly believes this child shouldn't be in gymnastics anymore. To me, any "adjectives" used are secondary to that fact. Honesty I'm not worked up about what was said, as much as the fact that the OP seems to have given up on this child who is 4 years old! To me, it is a part of a rec coach's job to make sure that each child has a chance to experience gymnastics as they are able to, regardless of talent. It just seems like the OP is writing this child off, which is probably the reason why so many posters have pointed out some of the really great reasons for this child to continue with the sport. Honestly my heart kinda breaks for this child, knowing that the coach doesn't think she belongs there.

 

[cbifoja]

I don't see PC or flames. I see a coach who is dismissing a child due to body type and some separation anxiety. It makes me sad that a coach would dismiss a child from the sport because they don't have enough strategies to coach a difficult child.

I think some people took offense that it seems like one of the "strikes" against this child is because she is obese. Kind of ironic given how much we talk about gymnasts coming in all shapes and sizes!

I stand by what I said and don't think that I was rude or flaming. We grow through adversity and the OP can take this opportunity to grow as a coach.

It's easy to coach that child who is always sweet and makes instant corrections. You don't need any special skills in your arsenal except for gymnastics knowledge. You have to work harder and dig deeper for that difficult child. Then you have to become a good teacher as well as have a lot of gymnastics knowledge. That's harder for people because each child has a different approach that will work.

And it's trial and error until you find that approach. Maddening yes.....It's almost December and I'm still trying to figure out how to approach a couple of my "problem children" in the classroom. But I wouldn't say that they shouldn't be in the classroom just because they challenge me.

 

[gymgal]

Wow, could we put a hold on the PC and flames?? The OP, who is new here by the way, (this is a very 'warm' welcome to the forum for sure) used 10 adjectives. .... Out of the ten, seems like everyone was pretty hasty to jump on the one. I think that if people were to reread the post in the spirit that I believe it was written, they would find that word was not meant to have any more significance than any of the other 9.

I respectfully disagree. This really doesn't have to do with PC. It has to do with the way the OP views the "problem". People tend to mention the most important descriptors first and last. If OP's concern was the fact that this child won't participate (too clingy, self esteem), that would have been first. There is no need to bring up the body size issue, clumsiness, etc. Or at least would not to have led with it, preferring to put it later as to possible reasons why the child is acting the way she is. It is clear that the OP feels these two characteristics are a major reason why she will not benefit from gymnastics. The people who posted attempted to enlighten the OP that these are not reasons for kicking a child out of a * preschool level rec gymnastics class*.

 

[gasrgoose]

I tried the soft and gentle approach where a and we hug a lot, hold hands etc. That works but the other kids get NONE of me. I also tried to hard approach where I said I don't want to hear "I can't", just do your best. With this approach, she is on the verge of tears the entire class, or cries, whines, sits....doesnt want to do anything.?

Wow people seem wound up tight with out knowing very much about this situation. To me the OP is just looking for some suggestions based on what is quoted above.

Great post above from Kiwi!!!

 

[curlymop]

Honestly, I think if OP had left the word "obese" out of the post title, it wouldn't be so off-putting. He/she could have simply described the behavior issues and offered body type as a reason why the child may be having difficulty with the skills. I don't think that's a PC issue so much as a matter of respect. The child is labeled as obese and whiny before you even click through the post to read about the other (valid) concerns.

And maybe this wasn't the intention, but claiming that gymnastics isn't for this child makes it sound like OP thinks overweight children should stay away from gymnastics. That's the implication I got from reading it, even though it's possible that the frustration lies entirely in the child's clinginess and reluctance to participate.

 

[LizzieLac]

I don't think the OP is saying that an overweight or obese kid should stay away from gymnastics. The fact that this one is clingy, cries and refuses to try things will make getting any benefit from gymnastics REALLY hard, if not impossible.

Also, this child is taking up a lot of the coach's time and attention. If you were the parent of one of the other children "not getting your fair share of the coaching" you would likely be annoyed (or less understanding). So, I think the OP is asking what approach can I take with this child who, because of weight issues, needs to be active to improve health, but is emotionally unable/unwilling to participate, and oh, by the way distracts me from coaching the rest of the kids who paid.

My advice is to stick with this kid. She is 4 I think? All 4 year olds have a tendency to be cling and whiny. Heck, my 12 year old can be like that!! But seriously, I don't recall how long the class has been going on but unless we're talking a year of no progress on the clingy and crying, I think you need to hang in there with this kid. So, the question is what approach to take?

Firm but gentle. I personally think the approach is to treat this kid the way you treat all of the others. Indulging her clinginess and crying will not help her "get over it" which is another tremendous benefit to being in this class - learning some independence. Similarly, when she chooses not to participate, you say ok. Let her sit. I don't think you can force her. To me, trying to keep the class going as you would normally structure and monitor is best. Now, because she may not be able to do the skills that a child who is more physically fit, means you need to find the modification of that skill that might be easier and is safe for this child to try.

 

[Midwestmommy]

More than 80% of communication is nonverbal. You can bet that if the teacher doesn't want this kid in her class the child is picking up on it, and that may be contributing to the problem. Kids are like sponges and can pick up on adult's emotions pretty easily. Like with team gymnasts, it takes real effort from coaches not to show lots of favoritism toward their favorite kids during team practice. For those that don't even try to avoid favoritism, picking up on it is as easy as hitting the side of a two story barn with a baseball.

 

[cbifoja]

I very strongly concur that indulging the "babying" won't help but rather rewards the behavior. I think building up the child's confidence with things like "you don't need to hold my hand because you are brave enough to do this on your own!" and maybe "Good gymnasts stand with their teammates"....stuff like that....to redirect the behavior, tell the child you believe they can do the task, and give them the chance to try.

And if they fail, still positive remarks...."I love that you tried something different. Even though it didn't work today, I bet that you do even better next week!" This way the child knows that it is safe to try and fail.

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

We don't get to teach/coach who we WANT we teach/coach who we GET! Fostering a love of exercise in all the kids in the group should be your highest priority. Learning to work with "less desirable" kids is all part of the package that come with teaching anything to a group.

 

[Amber]

Hi coaches, I am desperate. In my 4-5 year old class (45 min), I have a child who is very overweight,very clumsy, constantly injures herself, and hangs on to my leg pretty much the whole class. All she says is " I can't." All the other children have progressed amazingly, have fun, laugh and want to learn more.

This child is in tears pretty much the whole class. I tried the soft and gentle approach where a and we hug a lot, hold hands etc. That works but the other kids get NONE of me. I also tried to hard approach where I said I don't want to hear "I can't", just do your best. With this approach, she is on the verge of tears the entire class, or cries, whines, sits....doesnt want to do anything.

Honestly, I just want to tell the parents to take this poor child out. She does not belong in gymnastics. Perhaps ballet as she definitely lacks gross motor skills. If she stays, she will be turned off sports completely. And not only that, I can see her self esteem tumbling lower with each class.

But what do I say to the somewhat clueless parents who want to register again for the next session?

Okgymmom, what I'm getting from your post is that her weight is making basic skills a lot harder for her, so she is breaking down and not willing to try. I'm trying to remember what my girls did at 4 in rec gym.

Does your gym have a tumble trac? Maybe try something easier and a little more fun for all of them. Have them line up at one end, and take turns doing different jumps down the tumble track (straddle, tuck, etc). If anyone can't do it, make it silly- like, what kind of jump does a giraffe do? Do a giraffe jump down the tramp!, etc. Or do some kind of relay race down the tramp, carrying something ridiculous. Tramp work is pretty easy and enjoyable for all kids.

For this little girl, you may have to focus more on the "recreation" and less on the "gym" aspect till she feels comfortable. Bust out parachutes...have them do log rolls...even some really basic stuff will be healthy for them...just do baby steps.

There will always be a whiny 4 year old...because they're 4! But, if you make the class easier, I doubt anyone will notice, and the kids will enjoy it just the same. Make sure you are doing hand stamps/stickers as motivation. Give extra for anyone who tries something new/hard. Make a huge deal out of any progress.

I know your post was a vent, and it probably came out harsher than it should have. But don't give up on this girl, if you can make it fun for her, think of how rewarding it will be for both her and you!

Good luck!

 

[Gymsanity]

Well, I think it is now official, the wheels have definitely fallen off this wagon!
One of the many reasons that I hate the internet is that it is so hard to read and post things the way they were meant to come across.....
Let's look at it this way, the OP is new here, probably not a lot of experience coaching this level of children, is struggling to get it right, hasn't yet developed the proper skills, comes here for help to get better. So to recap, young (coaching wise), trying her best, still learning, not the best (yet), likes gymnastics, looking for help to get better. Sound a little like the girl in her class??
So how many posts here treated the OP they way they claim she should treat her student? How many treated her exactly the way they say they would find abhorrent?
By chastising someone who comes here with a legitimate question, it only chases them away. Personal rants are self serving and in no way help educate the poster. We have now collectively probably lost the opportunity to help the OP become the coach she and we would like her to be..........

 

[Midwestmommy]

I think it was the bit about this child does not belong in gymnastics. And the clueless parents. It's a preschool rec class. That kind of outlook is going to make for a bumpy road for a young teacher, one for a teacher of young kids. I agree with the other poster that love of exercise is the goal, and young teachers need to take the challenges with the easy students. What a wonderful opportunity to make a difference in this kid's life instead of judging them and thinking they don't belong there. I think gyms need good mentoring for new teachers. I think it probably would have been a good post for the coach's blog rather than the parent's blog.

 

[cbifoja]

OP: There is a coaching forum where you will get feedback from coaches rather than parents. Since you are new, you might not realize your audience right now is parents.

 

[sce]

I very strongly concur that indulging the "babying" won't help but rather rewards the behavior. I think building up the child's confidence with things like "you don't need to hold my hand because you are brave enough to do this on your own!" and maybe "Good gymnasts stand with their teammates"....stuff like that....to redirect the behavior, tell the child you believe they can do the task, and give them the chance to try.

And if they fail, still positive remarks...."I love that you tried something different. Even though it didn't work today, I bet that you do even better next week!" This way the child knows that it is safe to try and fail.

I agree with all of this. Reassure her but don't let her cling.

 

[sce]

I agree with all of this. Reassure her but don't let her cling.

Also, give her simple choices. ie try the skill or sit and watch. Stand in line or sit on the side. Don't elt her tears sway you. They are a form of expressing her feelings, she has a lot to get past. You can can help her. Again, reassure her but be strong about her not clinging.

They are too young for rules like don't say, "I can't." Just continue to respond with things like, "we learn by trying." Praise the efforts of all the kids not just the ones who do the skills well.

I might be good to talk to Mom at some point. Give suggestions for ways Mom can reinforce her at home. ie on the way to class, talk about the fun equipment she gets to use. For example, at our gym the preschoolers all get to do this swing thing, or the parachute time etc. Whatever attractive things that Mom can talk about positively.

 

[billise]

The fact that this is the parents form has me all the more baffled as to why so many have come down so hard on this coach. Parents, we need to listen. A coaches primary job is to teach gymnastics, not to deal with behavior issues. That's the parents job. My kids are far from perfect but when they were that age all I had to do was snap my fingers to get them to straighten up. The parents need to be working with this coach to resolve this issue. Now, the coach can't make the parents do anything so she just has to focus on coaching to the best of her ability which is why she came here. But parents, we better not miss the message this post is sending to us!

 

[NMNorskie]

I'm actually wondering where the parents are when this is all going on. If my child were disruptive and taking more than her share of the coach's time, I'd be looking to address that. That's not fair, and I would want my kid to be THAT kid, whether in school, at the gym, or anywhere else. Have the parents tried stepping in and talking to the kid when she's clinging and refusing to do the work? What's their take on this? What are they hoping to get out of it for their child? I think it's hard to give advice without knowing where they stand.

 

[sce]

I'm actually wondering where the parents are when this is all going on. If my child were disruptive and taking more than her share of the coach's time, I'd be looking to address that. That's not fair, and I would want my kid to be THAT kid, whether in school, at the gym, or anywhere else. Have the parents tried stepping in and talking to the kid when she's clinging and refusing to do the work? What's their take on this? What are they hoping to get out of it for their child? I think it's hard to give advice without knowing where they stand.

I do agree with this. I'm surprised the parent has not already been talking with the coach. Now that being said, this is not a misbehaving child, (I had one of those, thankfully he outgrew a lot of that and is thriving in gymnastics.) The parents need help in getting the fearful, clingy child to take risks and try things. Hopefully coach and parent can work to help this child.

 

[Faith]

She hasn't tried to make the parents do anything though? Just asked how she can tell them a 4 year old isn't cut out for gymnastics.

In our gym discipline is enforced within the gym. Parents do not, and should not, get involved. If the coach needs a parents backing over in issue then they approach the parents, explain what they are doing/have done, and ask the parents to enforce as well.

Parents disciplining from the gallery can actually undermine a coach. The coach should tell the parents what is expected of them outside the gym, but inside is their domain. Including sending the child out if they need parents to deal with something.

If I were the parent observing I may approach the coach after class to ask if there was anything she needed me to do, but otherwise I'd keep out.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

The fact that this is the parents form has me all the more baffled as to why so many have come down so hard on this coach. Parents, we need to listen. A coaches primary job is to teach gymnastics, not to deal with behavior issues. That's the parents job. My kids are far from perfect but when they were that age all I had to do was snap my fingers to get them to straighten up. The parents need to be working with this coach to resolve this issue. Now, the coach can't make the parents do anything so she just has to focus on coaching to the best of her ability which is why she came here. But parents, we better not miss the message this post is sending to us!

Well, yes and no. If this were a team or pre-team situation, or even older children, then I would agree. But I assume this is a general rec preschool gymnastics class. Emphasis on preschool. The behavior described isn't that unusual for thing age group. Teaching preschool children, in whatever context, is an art and not necessarily something that comes easy for everyone. These are little kids who are just learning about being away from mom, about group norms/expectations etc.

For the coach, I too think you need to find some new strategies for this child. Are there other coaches at your gym who work with preschoolers? What do they suggest -- especially the ones who's classes seem to run smoothly? Have you asked the HC/owner for suggestions? Are there other classes at your facility that might be a better fit? If you don't have the experience to work with this situation then you need to enlist the help of those around you.