WAG Coach Issues

[TumbleTimes4]

I can say that its something I shouldn't do. I always try to be of the mind that adults are usually right.

Big difference between “saying I shouldn’t do it” and actually not doing it. If you aren’t capable of the latter, then don’t go to the gym. This coach can yell and threaten until they are blue in the face, but they can’t physically make you do the skill. You are the only one that can make that choice. If you are old enough to post on this board and understand the severity of your disability, then you are old enough to say no to things that can harm you. If you can’t say “no” to a coach, then don’t put yourself in that position and don’t go to the gym until your mother has handled it.

 

[superNova08]

Well. Um. We try.
However, what your mom has that you don't is *power*
The money she paid is the acceptance of a contract. Her signature attests to the truth of her word. Her voice is recognized by the system.
She has the legal authority to make statements that cannot be ignored outright.
Please keep us apprised of the situation.

I guess that makes sense.

 

[superNova08]

Big difference between “saying I shouldn’t do it” and actually not doing it. If you aren’t capable of the latter, then don’t go to the gym. This coach can yell and threaten until they are blue in the face, but they can’t physically make you do the skill. You are the only one that can make that choice. If you are old enough to post on this board and understand the severity of your disability, then you are old enough to say no to things that can harm you. If you can’t say “no” to a coach, then don’t put yourself in that position and don’t go to the gym until your mother has handled it.

It's not quite as simple as that.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

I can say that its something I shouldn't do. I always try to be of the mind that adults are usually right.

Ooof.
I hate to break it to you, but.... you way overestimate how often adults are right. We get things wrong a LOT.

If a coach tells you to do something that you, for medical reasons, cannot safely do, that adult is wrong. Full stop. I know it's hard to stand your ground in situations like these, but you should do your best to do so. Getting in trouble for refusing to do a skill is infinitely better than getting catastrophically injured because you did something you weren't safe to do

 

[TheXcelMom]

I know it's hard to stand your ground in situations like these, but you should do your best to do so.

Like, run to the bathroom and spend a few minutes there if you can't say no to her face.
Passive-aggressive behavior can be a survival instinct.

 

[superNova08]

Ooof.
I hate to break it to you, but.... you way overestimate how often adults are right. We get things wrong a LOT.

If a coach tells you to do something that you, for medical reasons, cannot safely do, that adult is wrong. Full stop. I know it's hard to stand your ground in situations like these, but you should do your best to do so. Getting in trouble for refusing to do a skill is infinitely better than getting catastrophically injured because you did something you weren't safe to do

I'm scared that I'll get in a whole bunch of trouble. And I get massively triggered by displays of anger towards me.

 

[Trying_to_tumble]

I seem to be the only one. I'm also the only one who has limitations though. She's also the only coach who as any issues with any of the girls. I'm also not the type of gymnast to say I don't want to do something just for the sake of not doing it. I always respectfully do everything I am told, and I don't really require much coaching as I can feel when I do things wrong and correct them. Standing up for myself is extremely difficult for me. I have extreme mental health issues - gymnastics is basically my only solace at this point. I don't use any communication style other than passive. Trying to improve upon that though.

I am so sorry to hear (read) that! I honestly hope you find a solution. Seeing gymnastics is your solace, it shouldn’t be ruined by a terrible person. Has the Xcel director responded to your email?

 

[TumbleTimes4]

It really is that simple. Gymnastics is not a required activity. You have the ability to not go to practice. And if you get triggered by displays of anger, then it’s another reason to not put yourself in that environment.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

I'm scared that I'll get in a whole bunch of trouble. And I get massively triggered by displays of anger towards me.

I know it's terrifying. But being able to say "no" to an adult asking you to do something dangerous is a REALLY REALLY REALLY important skill to have. It could literally save your life, both in this situation and in possible future situations.

 

[superNova08]

I am so sorry to hear (read) that! I honestly hope you find a solution. Seeing gymnastics is your solace, it shouldn’t be ruined by a terrible person. Has the Xcel director responded to your email?

No but she saw and then showed it to this coach.

 

[superNova08]

I know it's terrifying. But being able to say "no" to an adult asking you to do something dangerous is a REALLY REALLY REALLY important skill to have. It could literally save your life, both in this situation and in possible future situations.

Logically I know that. Emotionally I still can't do it.

 

[TheXcelMom]

No but she saw and then showed it to this coach.

This must be so stressful for you rn.
When is your next practice? I hope you have some answers and a path to resolution before then.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Then you should bail right now. Refuse to attend practice until the problem is addressed.

Let's be blunt here: practice is an abusive and potentially life-threatening situation for you right now. This isn't the sort of thing where you keep going and hope it gets better; it's the sort of thing where you bail right now

 

[Trying_to_tumble]

Logically I know that. Emotionally I still can't do it.

Do you have any friends who know about your situation? Maybe speak to the coach along with that friend or speak to another coach about the whole thing. Anything, anything at all to make you feel more comfortable. You will have to face her sooner or later, and putting it off will make things worse.

 

[superNova08]

This must be so stressful for you rn.
When is your next practice? I hope you have some answers and a path to resolution before then.

My next one is tomorrow. This coach doesn't have us on Thursdays though.

 

[superNova08]

Then you should bail right now. Refuse to attend practice until the problem is addressed.

Let's be blunt here: practice is an abusive and potentially life-threatening situation for you right now. This isn't the sort of thing where you keep going and hope it gets better; it's the sort of thing where you bail right now

Would it be safe for me to just have a friend that will help me say no?

 

[TheXcelMom]

Then you should bail right now. Refuse to attend practice until the problem is addressed.

Let's be blunt here: practice is an abusive and potentially life-threatening situation for you right now. This isn't the sort of thing where you keep going and hope it gets better; it's the sort of thing where you bail right now

I agree, but I think her "real" coach is working with her, not the sadist, who took over for a day. Am I right?

 

[superNova08]

Do you have any friends who know about your situation? Maybe speak to the coach along with that friend or speak to another coach about the whole thing. Anything, anything at all to make you feel more comfortable. You will have to face her sooner or later, and putting it off will make things worse.

I have friends. I tried talking to the coach and she screamed at me.

 

[superNova08]

I agree, but I think her "real" coach is working with her, not the sadist, who took over for a day. Am I right?

Yes. Though this coach is also my beam coach. She's kept in check when the xcel coach is at the gym though.

 

[TheXcelMom]

Would it be safe for me to just have a friend that will help me say no?

We cannot guarantee safety, but the thing about a bully is, they usually crumble when faced with more than one person resisting. Your friend has to judge the likelihood of getting in trouble (which is BONKERS but here we are)
If this coach saw your letter and STILL acts like this, man IDK what to even say.