Coach

[pinklemonadeliz]

How do you deal with a coach who, right out in front of everyone, virtually says the girls in her class are no good? Last night, another coach was asking my dd's coach about why the L3's had been split into a & b groups and dd's coach (all the way across the gym) rolled her eyes, shook her head and said something to the effect of "these girls aren't getting it" (she knew very well that not only could the girls hear her, but parents also). Maybe I'm just being a protective mom, but my dd has always been one of the standout kids in her class and to have her coach say something like that right in front of her was unacceptable.

I am hesitant to say anything to the coach because I don't want her to get mad and take it out on dd (she has a reputation for being very difficult to get along with although we've never had a problem with her in the past).

I have been toying with moving gyms (although my dh does not think it's a good idea) due to lack of experienced coaching and inconsistencies when dealing with what needs to be mastered before moving on. Of course these girls are having issues - why is coach trying to get them to do L4 stuff if she doesn't think they have the L3 stuff down enough to move to "a"? She was teaching them the L4 beam routine last night, which, although fun for the girls, doesn't help them if the need help on L3 skills.

Just wondering how others have handled such situations.

 

[bogwoppit]

Open the door and walk out with your kid. You seem to have other gyms to choose from.

I just can't justify paying someone to insult my kid, no matter what their title is.

 

[Linsul]

Agreeing with Bog. That's ridiculous, uncalled for, and shameful behavior. That reaction can only be borne of frustration due to lack of program clarity, or the coaches lack of knowledge of proper skill progression. Both deal breakers from a parents perspective imo.

 

[pinklemonadeliz]

Thanks, I've been only toying w/ the idea of moving - mostly because the next closest gym is 45+ minutes away (depending on traffic) - that's mainly why dh doesn't want to move her.

I guess we've just been putting up with everything hoping that she'll go to L4 in January when they move that level up & then the 4 coach is awesome. But you're right, she has no business saying things like that in front of the girls - how is that supposed to help their confidence?

 

[gym monkeys mom]

If you would rather not leave which is fine. I suggest a talk with the owners or coaches supervisor abou this issue and others if you have them.

We have a small layed back gym where my DD is and over the years we have had coaches who have said dumb things. I knew what was said did not reflect the values and opinions of the owners about coaching gymnastics. I have had to go talk to them about a coach over the years and it has always gone well but hard to do. Usually this is something they are aware of but need to know its just not 1 family with the coach problem.

In todays economy no gym can afford to have very many unhappy clients and need to fix coach issues. They come up from time to time because we all havedifferent wants and needs from a club.

While leaving is an option staying and dealing with the issue is ok too. I have found over the years our club is not the best, or worst but perfect for my DD. While I have things I would liked changed bout the club she doesn't and its her sport not mine.

I know the matt is not always bluer at the next gym each club has its own set of issues. So weigh how you feel and go from there.

 

[MaryA]

Last year our HC told ANOTHER MOM that MY DD shouldn't have been moved up to level 4. I heard about it from the other mom. Needless to say, I was pissed. My dd went on to win 1st place AA at level 4 states so I guess my daughter SHOWED HER! I've never been more tempted to leave. However, I did not tell my dd about any of this, and every time I make noises about the other gym in town, she digs in her heels. The other mom's daughter had not been moved up to level 4, and I think the coach was trying to make her feel "better" about it, but even so, it was totally unprofessional, and I was very angry.

So... no advice for you... only sympathy!

 

[coachmolly]

Totally unprofessional. As a coach, I know there have been plenty of times I have felt a child was moved into a group they were not ready for or a certain group of children are lagging behind and really not "getting it", but those issues are discussed with the HC and other coaches who work with that group in private to try to iron out a solution, not brought up in a moment of frustration in front of the children in the class.
Could it have just been a really frustrating day for this coach? Maybe the girls were just less attentive than usual or struggling on some skills that usually come easily to them? Even then, her comment was totally uncalled for, but maybe something you could look past if it was an isolated incident. However, because you seem to indicate that situations like this have come about before with this same coach, I think it might be time to talk with a HC or owner and let them know your concerns. They need to know what's going on and what is being said in front of these children. If they know your daughter personally, you could even ask what they think her chances of moving to level 4 in the winter are looking like. If that meeting doesn't go how you would like, then maybe it's time to start looking at other options.
Good luck, I hope nothing like this happens again before you get things figured out with the gym!

 

[bogwoppit]

If the next nearest is that far away then I suggest you talk to the HC, she should know exactly what was said and why you are so unhappy with it. I would expect an apology from the coach. I would also express your concerns about this affecting your DD's feeling about her gym and ability.

Here's a (((HUG))), things like this suck!

 

[pinklemonadeliz]

Totally unprofessional. As a coach, I know there have been plenty of times I have felt a child was moved into a group they were not ready for or a certain group of children are lagging behind and really not "getting it", but those issues are discussed with the HC and other coaches who work with that group in private to try to iron out a solution, not brought up in a moment of frustration in front of the children in the class.
Could it have just been a really frustrating day for this coach? Maybe the girls were just less attentive than usual or struggling on some skills that usually come easily to them? Even then, her comment was totally uncalled for, but maybe something you could look past if it was an isolated incident. However, because you seem to indicate that situations like this have come about before with this same coach, I think it might be time to talk with a HC or owner and let them know your concerns. They need to know what's going on and what is being said in front of these children. If they know your daughter personally, you could even ask what they think her chances of moving to level 4 in the winter are looking like. If that meeting doesn't go how you would like, then maybe it's time to start looking at other options.
Good luck, I hope nothing like this happens again before you get things figured out with the gym!

Thanks! The girls seemed to be doing fine last night so I don't think it was that. This has not been a problem for us before, but I do know other parents have had issues with this coach. We don't actually have a head coach and the gen. mgr tends to just nod and agree no matter what you say. I guess I'm willing to let this one go this time, but I'm still checking out other venues in the back of my mind.

Both my dh and I have asked the coach at various times about the chances of moving to 4 in Jan (there's only one chance each year at our gym) and the coach tells us she thinks dd's on track (although it seems hard to believe when she's in a group that is supposedly "not getting it"). They won't even have the opportunity to test up if they aren't in the "a" group so the clock is ticking for her and she knows it. She's not sleeping and is constantly on edge so I'm really hoping she makes 4 so she can just calm down.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[bogwoppit]

She's not sleeping and is constantly on edge so I'm really hoping she makes 4 so she can just calm down.

This does not sound good.

 

[jdf]

Having the chance to move up only once a year seems overly rigid to me. Children sometimes make huge leaps, and to have to wait sounds more like an insurance plan than a gym.

 

[pinklemonadeliz]

Having the chance to move up only once a year seems overly rigid to me. Children sometimes make huge leaps, and to have to wait sounds more like an insurance plan than a gym.

I agree, the reasoning they have for that is once they get their L4 group together (from the current 4's that won't be moving up & pool of 3's that pass their "test") then they will spend Jan - Aug preparing for competition & bringing someone on during that time will not give them the chance to be fully ready for fall competition. Not sure if that is standard policy with most gyms, but they made it sound like it was perfectly normal.

Tonight at practice, the L4 coach came up to me asking if dd was excited about the testing coming up... I was gobsmacked as I had no idea what she was talking about. Apparently, the yearly testing has been moved up to Nov. & all of the L3's (except my dd and one other girl) were given letters explaining the testing. I didn't tell dd about this, don't want to add to her stress level.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

sounds like this coach doesn't like her own self. ask her why this is?

 

[Tuduri]

A little diplomacy

I would try talking to the coach/owner before you do anything else, as others have suggested. You still have the option of leaving on the table. You should take into account the burden on your daughter of commuting such a long distance.

My daughter was a little older when she started gymnastics but she was still very sensitive to stern, and in her mind, rude coaches. We dealt with that by explaining to my daughter that some coaches have different styles of coaching and some are just socially inept. Not all are perfect. It's nothing personal. Fortunately, over time, my daughter grew a thicker skin. This has helped her emotionally in both gymnastics and the real world. Treat this as a learning experience for you and your daughter.

Of course, you can't allow some things to go too far before you take action. Try talking to the coach and counsel your daughter. Let her grow as an individual and gymnast. Balance all these factors before you decide.

Julio Garica,
Jamy's dad

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I would try talking to the coach/owner before you do anything else, as others have suggested. You still have the option of leaving on the table. You should take into account the burden on your daughter of commuting such a long distance.

My daughter was a little older when she started gymnastics but she was still very sensitive to stern, and in her mind, rude coaches. We dealt with that by explaining to my daughter that some coaches have different styles of coaching and some are just socially inept. Not all are perfect. It's nothing personal. Fortunately, over time, my daughter grew a thicker skin. This has helped her emotionally in both gymnastics and the real world. Treat this as a learning experience for you and your daughter.

Of course, you can't allow some things to go too far before you take action. Try talking to the coach and counsel your daughter. Let her grow as an individual and gymnast. Balance all these factors before you decide.

Julio Garica,
Jamy's dad

very reasonable i must say.