Parents Crazy Gym Parent Behavior (Yours or Others)

[meoowww~]

Once at a meet recently the coach was telling a gymnast to make sure that her parents wouldn't make her work out or do gymnastics at home.

 

[MagicCrystal]

The main CGP that I see is just the parent that is constantly looking at other gyms to see if the grass is greener somewhere else and if they are progressing kids through the levels quicker. Regardless of how well their kid is doing or what kind of relationships they are building.

Feel bad when the kid seems to have a good connection and making friends and then they have to start all over at a new gym.

I'm embarrassed to say I did this. I wasn't happy that they put my daughter into the xcel program instead of compulsory. I angrily emailed the team director instead of thinking about it for a few days. Her reply was a standard kind of message. I withdrew my daughter and tried all 6 gyms in the area to realize I had left the best coaching AND to find out that all the other gyms only did Xcel! Bad mommy moment.

 

[SupportingHerDreams]

My daughter and her best friend just got the official invite to team. This week is their last week on pre-team. This evening of the girls on pre-team came out for water and told her mom that my daughter and the other girl were moving up to team. That mom turned to my sister and (in front of her daughter) said that she knew this was coming because my daughter’s best friend is so good and that she knew they wouldn’t move her up without my daughter. She then went on and on about how amazing our friend is and how my daughter was only being moved up because of her friend.

I’m honestly still shocked.

 

[Stranger.maci]

My daughter and her best friend just got the official invite to team. This week is their last week on pre-team. This evening of the girls on pre-team came out for water and told her mom that my daughter and the other girl were moving up to team. That mom turned to my sister and (in front of her daughter) said that she knew this was coming because my daughter’s best friend is so good and that she knew they wouldn’t move her up without my daughter. She then went on and on about how amazing our friend is and how my daughter was only being moved up because of her friend.

I’m honestly still shocked.

My mouth dropped open on that one. She should be ashamed of herself. I am so glad that atleast your daughter didn't have to hear it. Just sickening behavior. Jealousy in it's worst form.

 

[MuggleMom]

said that she knew this was coming because my daughter’s best friend is so good and that she knew they wouldn’t move her up without my daughter. She then went on and on about how amazing our friend is and how my daughter was only being moved up because of her friend.

Um so RUDE and also very not true. Not sure about your gym but ours definitely doesn't care about keeping best friends together. I actually tried to get my DD in a group with her friends (same level but one group was the more "advanced" with higher hours--didnt like the higher hours but DD was miserable without her friends) and it was a hard no on that. I haven't heard of a gym moving girls up to team to keep the "really talented" girl happy. So that's a load of BS.

And for my kiddo she ended up in that group a year later anyway just how things worked out. Thats when I learned the lower levels and how quickly you move up doesn't matter by optionals it mostly levels out with the exception of 1-3 kids that end up fast tracked.

 

[RTT2]

My daughter and her best friend just got the official invite to team. This week is their last week on pre-team. This evening of the girls on pre-team came out for water and told her mom that my daughter and the other girl were moving up to team. That mom turned to my sister and (in front of her daughter) said that she knew this was coming because my daughter’s best friend is so good and that she knew they wouldn’t move her up without my daughter. She then went on and on about how amazing our friend is and how my daughter was only being moved up because of her friend.

I’m honestly still shocked.

Wow. What an incredibly sad inner life that woman must have. Some parents seem so threatened when girls move up onto the team in the early levels- as if the new kid is taking the last spot on the Olympic team instead of joining level 3. Anyway, congrats to your daughter on moving up to team and hopefully you won't have to see the catty mom too much.

 

[Deleted member 26368]

Wow. What an incredibly sad inner life that woman must have. Some parents seem so threatened when girls move up onto the team in the early levels- as if the new kid is taking the last spot on the Olympic team instead of joining level 3. Anyway, congrats to your daughter on moving up to team and hopefully you won't have to see the catty mom too much.

Agreed. CGM "logic" is so twisted that it could rival a rhythmic gymnast!

 

[ProudGymnast]

Reading through this forum makes me so glad for my sane parents, haha.

They have sacrificed a lot, and I am sure that this is my dream I'm living, not theirs. They never were the ones to push me to a different gym, or a higher level, or make me take privates, I was the one begging. If I placed at all (first, second, third, or fourth whichever) on the podium it was hugs and dairy queen. They are super supportive. I think my mom has watched my practice only twice. Each time was me at a new gym, her making sure it was a safe environment!

Now, as an optional, it absolutely killed my teammates and I during covid when the ground level veiwing area was closed, so we would see the crazy level three gym parents crowding around the one upper window area pointing out their daughters. Poor girls, but funny to see. Also, there was a girl that used to come to my gym, (but moved to the "elite" gym in the area) and cried ON the podium when she got second place to a teammate, because she knew her mom would make her take privates so she could win states. Man, cgm's just ruin the atmosphere.

 

[ReluctantGymMom]

I was working at the front desk of the gym the other day and my daughter came in clutching her chest, she said they were lined up listening to their coach and she thought I was screaming her name (across the gym LOL) and she very dramatically nearly died until she realized it was a level 2 mom screaming at her kid to focus during handstand walks.

I was like whaaaat, i can’t imagine a scenario where I just scream across the gym, I’m not a lunatic ahahahah.

A lower level compulsary mom threatened another child. Yes, the mom. Her child is 6, the other child is 12, the bars are right next to where the mom was sitting and the other kid told her kid to get off the high bar, the coaches told them to condition on low bar and she was going to get in trouble. The older girl is sweet, so it was a protective big sister kind of thing where she was reminding this kid where to be. The mom got up, walked up to the kid and told her “you don’t know who you’re messing with” and some other choice words. Things very quickly deteriorated from there.

 

[LemonLime]

I want to start by saying I haven't read this thread on purpose. I have no criticism of the people who have posted. I'm sorry if you or your child has been hurt or attacked by adults in this sport.

I agree adult behavior in gymnastics can be very inappropriate, but the "crazy gym parent" social stigma has to end. Labels promote a culture of silence which will only lead to further harm to children. How many parents on this board have legitimate questions but sadly come here only sheepishly asking if it's appropriate to ask appropriate questions? Would you ask your child's teacher why your child was held back a grade? Would you ask your dentist why your tooth needs to be removed? Yes. For the same reasons, you should be able to ask your child's coach substantive questions. You should try to never criticize your fellow parents or athletes' parents for asking questions.

Based on the what has been exposed in the past few years about gymnastics coaches, administrators and medical professionals, ask yourself why parents continue to be the only ones with this negative label? Parents of a Level 3 don't deserve to walk into a gym carrying the social baggage of those who came before them.

Here's my personal perspective. My child grew up in the Nassar and abusive coaching/ranch era. She saw Nassar at the ranch during National Team and developmental camp. 70ish% of her training group are Nassar victims and part of public statements, related law suits and safe sport allegations. They are still interviewed routinely about these events and others involving coaches. Many of them continue to suffer. Many of them are part of ongoing safe sport allegations about their former coaches (some at multiple gyms), have been asked to produce medical records about themselves, and asked for team photographs from a decade or more ago. They are served in federal litigation over these matters, even though they may not be parties to the cases. Their USAG files were destroyed. When they make public statements, their facts are grilled. Repeatedly.

I'm not aware of many parents who criticized anything at the time because of the risk we would be labeled crazy and our children uncoachable. If we had to bring up an issue, it was with a smile-on-our-face at well-orchestrated, painfully planned moments in consultation with other parents, but it never did much and often did worse. Parents don't need to be the best of friends to appreciate we are all the same boat and a complaint for one usually is a complaint for all. Should we have asked why we could not contact our children at camps? Should we have resisted some of the things said to our children? I don't have the answer for that and I'm not looking for people to be sorry. Coaches and athletes today deserve their time to shine and to be given opportunities. They should be free from the ongoing disastrous response to the 00s-10s.

My sole point is that one way to uncover problems with our children is to ask questions. Coaches lose their temper and act inappropriately just like every other human. Coaches may not want to promote a child or teach them a skill for a legitimate OR illegitimate reason. "Trust the coach" and "trust the process" is not always the right answer. By putting these issues on the table for respectful conversations, we can actually solve problems instead of burying them to fester.

The people most likely to be hurt by gymnastics are children. If we have learned anything from the now-adults who have raised issues with their childhood coaching, we have learned abuse is not easy to spot. You don't always know what is happening to your 16 year old and it's even harder to know with your 9 year old. We have the right to ask questions and the right to question questionable behavior.

 

[RTT2]

LemonLime, you raise a very valid point about the need for parents to feel comfortable asking questions and seeking information from the coaches. Parents should be involved and should never feel like they don't have any say in what is going on with their child's training.

But I know I've encountered enough parents whose involvement with gymnastics has been unhealthy or even obsessive. Right now my daughter has a girl in her training group who keeps texting the group pictures of her sobbing and saying she is so stressed out she doesn't know what to do- her parents are saying she'll have to quit if she doesn't make it to the next level because it won't be worth it anymore. They feel she won't hit level 10 early enough for college recruitment. The kid just wants to do gymnastics no matter what level she is this season. So, I think it can be both things- parents deserve to have a voice and to understand what is going on in the gym, but some parents use children's sports to feed their ego and can get pretty crazy when things don't go the way they hope.

 

[Lucia]

I want to start by saying I haven't read this thread on purpose. I have no criticism of the people who have posted. I'm sorry if you or your child has been hurt or attacked by adults in this sport.

I agree adult behavior in gymnastics can be very inappropriate, but the "crazy gym parent" social stigma has to end. Labels promote a culture of silence which will only lead to further harm to children. How many parents on this board have legitimate questions but sadly come here only sheepishly asking if it's appropriate to ask appropriate questions? Would you ask your child's teacher why your child was held back a grade? Would you ask your dentist why your tooth needs to be removed? Yes. For the same reasons, you should be able to ask your child's coach substantive questions. You should try to never criticize your fellow parents or athletes' parents for asking questions.

Based on the what has been exposed in the past few years about gymnastics coaches, administrators and medical professionals, ask yourself why parents continue to be the only ones with this negative label? Parents of a Level 3 don't deserve to walk into a gym carrying the social baggage of those who came before them.

Here's my personal perspective. My child grew up in the Nassar and abusive coaching/ranch era. She saw Nassar at the ranch during National Team and developmental camp. 70ish% of her training group are Nassar victims and part of public statements, related law suits and safe sport allegations. They are still interviewed routinely about these events and others involving coaches. Many of them continue to suffer. Many of them are part of ongoing safe sport allegations about their former coaches (some at multiple gyms), have been asked to produce medical records about themselves, and asked for team photographs from a decade or more ago. They are served in federal litigation over these matters, even though they may not be parties to the cases. Their USAG files were destroyed. When they make public statements, their facts are grilled. Repeatedly.

I'm not aware of many parents who criticized anything at the time because of the risk we would be labeled crazy and our children uncoachable. If we had to bring up an issue, it was with a smile-on-our-face at well-orchestrated, painfully planned moments in consultation with other parents, but it never did much and often did worse. Parents don't need to be the best of friends to appreciate we are all the same boat and a complaint for one usually is a complaint for all. Should we have asked why we could not contact our children at camps? Should we have resisted some of the things said to our children? I don't have the answer for that and I'm not looking for people to be sorry. Coaches and athletes today deserve their time to shine and to be given opportunities. They should be free from the ongoing disastrous response to the 00s-10s.

My sole point is that one way to uncover problems with our children is to ask questions. Coaches lose their temper and act inappropriately just like every other human. Coaches may not want to promote a child or teach them a skill for a legitimate OR illegitimate reason. "Trust the coach" and "trust the process" is not always the right answer. By putting these issues on the table for respectful conversations, we can actually solve problems instead of burying them to fester.

The people most likely to be hurt by gymnastics are children. If we have learned anything from the now-adults who have raised issues with their childhood coaching, we have learned abuse is not easy to spot. You don't always know what is happening to your 16 year old and it's even harder to know with your 9 year old. We have the right to ask questions and the right to question questionable behavior.

Thank you for sharing this and reminding me of this.,

 

[Tmacs]

I want to start by saying I haven't read this thread on purpose. I have no criticism of the people who have posted. I'm sorry if you or your child has been hurt or attacked by adults in this sport.

I agree adult behavior in gymnastics can be very inappropriate, but the "crazy gym parent" social stigma has to end. Labels promote a culture of silence which will only lead to further harm to children. How many parents on this board have legitimate questions but sadly come here only sheepishly asking if it's appropriate to ask appropriate questions? Would you ask your child's teacher why your child was held back a grade? Would you ask your dentist why your tooth needs to be removed? Yes. For the same reasons, you should be able to ask your child's coach substantive questions. You should try to never criticize your fellow parents or athletes' parents for asking questions.

Based on the what has been exposed in the past few years about gymnastics coaches, administrators and medical professionals, ask yourself why parents continue to be the only ones with this negative label? Parents of a Level 3 don't deserve to walk into a gym carrying the social baggage of those who came before them.

Here's my personal perspective. My child grew up in the Nassar and abusive coaching/ranch era. She saw Nassar at the ranch during National Team and developmental camp. 70ish% of her training group are Nassar victims and part of public statements, related law suits and safe sport allegations. They are still interviewed routinely about these events and others involving coaches. Many of them continue to suffer. Many of them are part of ongoing safe sport allegations about their former coaches (some at multiple gyms), have been asked to produce medical records about themselves, and asked for team photographs from a decade or more ago. They are served in federal litigation over these matters, even though they may not be parties to the cases. Their USAG files were destroyed. When they make public statements, their facts are grilled. Repeatedly.

I'm not aware of many parents who criticized anything at the time because of the risk we would be labeled crazy and our children uncoachable. If we had to bring up an issue, it was with a smile-on-our-face at well-orchestrated, painfully planned moments in consultation with other parents, but it never did much and often did worse. Parents don't need to be the best of friends to appreciate we are all the same boat and a complaint for one usually is a complaint for all. Should we have asked why we could not contact our children at camps? Should we have resisted some of the things said to our children? I don't have the answer for that and I'm not looking for people to be sorry. Coaches and athletes today deserve their time to shine and to be given opportunities. They should be free from the ongoing disastrous response to the 00s-10s.

My sole point is that one way to uncover problems with our children is to ask questions. Coaches lose their temper and act inappropriately just like every other human. Coaches may not want to promote a child or teach them a skill for a legitimate OR illegitimate reason. "Trust the coach" and "trust the process" is not always the right answer. By putting these issues on the table for respectful conversations, we can actually solve problems instead of burying them to fester.

The people most likely to be hurt by gymnastics are children. If we have learned anything from the now-adults who have raised issues with their childhood coaching, we have learned abuse is not easy to spot. You don't always know what is happening to your 16 year old and it's even harder to know with your 9 year old. We have the right to ask questions and the right to question questionable behavior.

This is a great reminder! If gyms and coaches aren’t willing to communicate, it should be concerning. And with gymnastics’ history, it’s going to take some bold, strong parents and coaches to change the culture.
Many of the comments I read seemed more about parents obsessed with kids’ success and the pressure they put on the child. And it’s not gymnastics specific. I’ve seen all youth sports breed over zealous parents. Then coaches start setting boundaries and this vicious cycle of mistrust begins.

 

[ReluctantGymMom]

I want to start by saying I haven't read this thread on purpose. I have no criticism of the people who have posted. I'm sorry if you or your child has been hurt or attacked by adults in this sport.

I agree adult behavior in gymnastics can be very inappropriate, but the "crazy gym parent" social stigma has to end. Labels promote a culture of silence which will only lead to further harm to children. How many parents on this board have legitimate questions but sadly come here only sheepishly asking if it's appropriate to ask appropriate questions? Would you ask your child's teacher why your child was held back a grade? Would you ask your dentist why your tooth needs to be removed? Yes. For the same reasons, you should be able to ask your child's coach substantive questions. You should try to never criticize your fellow parents or athletes' parents for asking questions.

Based on the what has been exposed in the past few years about gymnastics coaches, administrators and medical professionals, ask yourself why parents continue to be the only ones with this negative label? Parents of a Level 3 don't deserve to walk into a gym carrying the social baggage of those who came before them.

Here's my personal perspective. My child grew up in the Nassar and abusive coaching/ranch era. She saw Nassar at the ranch during National Team and developmental camp. 70ish% of her training group are Nassar victims and part of public statements, related law suits and safe sport allegations. They are still interviewed routinely about these events and others involving coaches. Many of them continue to suffer. Many of them are part of ongoing safe sport allegations about their former coaches (some at multiple gyms), have been asked to produce medical records about themselves, and asked for team photographs from a decade or more ago. They are served in federal litigation over these matters, even though they may not be parties to the cases. Their USAG files were destroyed. When they make public statements, their facts are grilled. Repeatedly.

I'm not aware of many parents who criticized anything at the time because of the risk we would be labeled crazy and our children uncoachable. If we had to bring up an issue, it was with a smile-on-our-face at well-orchestrated, painfully planned moments in consultation with other parents, but it never did much and often did worse. Parents don't need to be the best of friends to appreciate we are all the same boat and a complaint for one usually is a complaint for all. Should we have asked why we could not contact our children at camps? Should we have resisted some of the things said to our children? I don't have the answer for that and I'm not looking for people to be sorry. Coaches and athletes today deserve their time to shine and to be given opportunities. They should be free from the ongoing disastrous response to the 00s-10s.

My sole point is that one way to uncover problems with our children is to ask questions. Coaches lose their temper and act inappropriately just like every other human. Coaches may not want to promote a child or teach them a skill for a legitimate OR illegitimate reason. "Trust the coach" and "trust the process" is not always the right answer. By putting these issues on the table for respectful conversations, we can actually solve problems instead of burying them to fester.

The people most likely to be hurt by gymnastics are children. If we have learned anything from the now-adults who have raised issues with their childhood coaching, we have learned abuse is not easy to spot. You don't always know what is happening to your 16 year old and it's even harder to know with your 9 year old. We have the right to ask questions and the right to question questionable behavior.

I am so sorry for what you’re daughter is going through and you being up incredibly valid points about how the crazy label can be used to silence parents.

I’ve posted a lot in this thread, for me the CGM label is 100% for the parents who are hyper focused on their kid. They have no problem questioning every single coaches decision and overriding it if they want to (hi, guy who bullied his way into his daughter scoring out of 5 with 2 weeks of practice and yelled at her publicly to get over her fears of tumbling until she quit two months later).

My husband and I are well known for not trusting our child with anyone, we both come from childhoods with abuse and we literally… leave her no where except school (and my husband background checks the entire school because the one time he didn’t for a summer VPK program, turns out, there was a child abuser working there! They just didn’t check their records in other states!). I don’t believe in the whole “trust the coach” thing - I love our coaches now, I believe they want the best for all the kids, but we moved gyms from a gym where one of the coaches is rapidly approaching double digit USAG complaints for abuse. No thanks, I’m not going to just trust someone who tells kids I hope you miss the high bar and hurt yourself so you learn not to bend your arms.

We just had a new coach start and I couldn’t find much information about him, so we had yet another talk about what is appropriate touching for spotting, what is not an appropriate way to be spoken to or treated, and when to come get me. Her best friend was told the same thing, to come get me lol. I’m well known for being a giant pain in the *** where it comes to my kid but consequently she knows if something feels off, I’m going to defend her, I’m not going to make her stay in a bad environment.

I, from our previous coach and head coaches perspective, am definetly a CGM. She told me I might have less complaints if I watched practice less (no.).

But for the purpose of this thread, a CGM to me is only those moms who are exploiting their kids for free leotards, threatening other people’s children and being all around crazy to their own children.

Again, I am so sorry about your daughters lived experience. The culture of compliance and being quiet so kids can get ahead is toxic.

 

[MuggleMom]

I feel like most of what was discussed on the thread as CGM behavior was not about questioning coaches in terms of how they treat and interact with kids. It was all adults being bullies either to their children or other peoples children or quesitoning the childs placement on team as in pushing them to higher levels before they are ready. I do think coaches can weaponize the term and make parents afraid to speak up, I dont think any new parent reading this thread would then be scared to speak up in a gym because of fear of being perceived as "that parent" if anything I think it can show the difference between asking questions and being involved and making the sport about you not your kid.

 

[TumbleTimes4]

I have to echo that I haven’t seen anyone criticizing the parents asking legitimate questions or that are doing their due diligence to make sure their child is in a safe environment. There are many posts on this forum dedicated to encouraging parents to talk to coaches and even telling them what questions they should be asking, and warning signs that they should be on the lookout for.

I find this post to be more of an outlet to vent our frustrations when dealing with inappropriate behavior from parents. I’ll never forget watching a parent reduce his daughter to tears in front of 100 people at the end of the awards ceremony because she didn’t place 1st.

 

[Cheryl]

Boys Gym seems way less crazy. We have been at 2 gyms, and I can only think of 2 moms that would fit the CGM label. Our first gym had a crazy owner and coach who would kick boys out for really strange reasons. There was also 2 of the girls coaches who would scream at the girls and push them into splits when they were crying. I wouldn’t let someone do that to my son, but the girls’ parents seemed to not have a problem with it “because the coaches are Russian, and that’s how they coach”

 

[Aussie_coach]

Absolutely ask questions, we prefer it when parents ask questions. Rather than make assumptions on the answer.

Sometimes parents have unrealistic expectations, and it often simply because they don’t know what is realistic. It’s great when the question is asked, and the gym can chat With them about their child trajectory and progression.

But what I find frustrating are those parents who expect miracles. When it’s the coaches fault that their child who never turns up to class isn’t as good as the other kids. When they want their child to do school, swimming, tennis, netball, dance, 3 musical instruments and be in the school musical but also train in high level gymnastics.

 

[SupportingHerDreams]

I always thought CGM's were those that were willing to not ask questions. I thought that term was used for the parents that push their child in the sport with no concern for physical, mental, financial or spiritual well being of the athlete or the family.

 

[GYM0M]

I think the point @LemonLime was trying to stress is that that too often legitimate concerns are swept away for fear of the CGM label. Legitimate is the key word. What I deem legit is probably different from what the next parent feels is legit. And it follows that each child can have a different experience from the same event.