WAG Crying...

[Flossyduck]

At the risk of being told that doing a 100 v sits and walking half a mile on your hands will sort everything out... (sorry couldn't resist)

I wondered what views were on why it's such a no-no for gymnasts to cry?

I have to say that I think dd's coach gets the balance right on this and my daughter isn't a big cryer, so its not a problem for us, I'm just curious.

I'd say my dd is as tough as they come at 9. She only cries when she's properly hurt (twice total - sprained ankle and a really nasty bash to her face/chest when she missed her hands on beam flic). BUT she occasionally can be seen to be brushing away tears when she is really frustrated and trying hard but it's not working and especially if her coach yells at her (because she is also frustrated) and dd is trying as hard as she can. I'm talking maybe once a month I can see her wiping furiously at her eyes. She has no sympathy for girls who cry in conditioning or stretching.

I see other older elite girls crying when they are having a bad session or something isn't going well and they are obviously exhausted from trying. I've seen Olympians crying under those circumstances.

Every now and then the coaches will talk to them very firmly about how they mustn't cry, gymnasts don't cry and sometimes they can be pretty harsh and I've heard older elite girls told to go home if they don't stop crying.

I can see how crying every-time you fall off beam or don't like the conditioning isn't going to wash, but I'm talking shedding a few tears because you want something badly and are striving for it and can't get it to work and I don't get why that is so bad? I cry sometimes. If the tears come out and then they pick themselves up and carry on why should it matter?

Crying to me shows they are passionate and they care does it not? They aren't robots and it clearly isn't stopping them from being very good gymnasts.

I think the level of importance put on not crying is out of proportion. What does anyone else think?

 

[Ex member]

They are only children, not mini adults - even though they might seem like it sometimes. There are going to be times where they will cry and it is usually out of frustration or if they have a bad fall etc.

I have never heard recently of any one in dd's group crying over conditioning or being asked to do something they don't want to do, there was a few wobbles during the first week or two when they started their new group.

Both of my dd's haven't been much of a cryer in gym, my youngest had a wobble a few months ago when she couldn't get something right on the vault, I think it was tears of frustration for her, the coach just had a quick pep talk and got dd to keep trying, she also had a few tears when she had a fall of the beam (she has grazed all her back and hurt her leg a little). Recently my dd had a few down moments over conditioning exercises she wasn't too keen on, but I just told her to get on with it as she was good at it, there are been no issues over the past few sessions.

I have seen older elite path girls (10-11) have a few tears, sometimes after practice, I suspect as it is because they have been working so hard and just need a release. I can see nothing wrong with that if it happens occasionally as everybody has times that they need to cry due to working hard, tiredness and frustration.

 

[2gymkids]

I have a crier. It comes and goes but she does go through periods where she's very emotional. She's barely 7, I think it comes with the territory.

I will say, her coach is great if the girls are upset because they're hurt. I'd wager to say that even small tears (as long as they can reasonably move on) of frustration wouldn't be a huge deal to her coach. But I know DD has struggled with crying out of fear and her coach does push her to quickly get over it and suck it up and try her best. Honestly, I'm totally fine with it. She talks her through it in terms of making sure she's not hurt but then basically tells her to knock it off and move on. I do the same thing when she does it to me at home. Crying is just her natural response to a lot of situations but she's at least getting more apt to wait until she's out of the gym to do it than she used to be.

When it happens, I just remind her over and over again that her coach's job is to keep her safe and if she's asking her to do something that seems scary, it's because she thinks she's ready for it. I think she's starting to see the truth in that when she gets a skill she was originally terrified of and all of a sudden it's fun.

It's a fine line between pushing them through it and realizing how young they are...I feel blessed that in general DD's coach is able to walk the line between comfort when needed and "get over it."

 

[MissLisa]

I find this an interesting topic. Crying was very discouraged when I was a gymnast 10-20 years ago (woah, feeling old!). I distinctly remember been told off for crying many times. I think I was naturally a sensitive kid who hated letting people down. Funnily I never cried when I hurt myself (I'd pretend I wasn't hurt for as long as I could hide it and not tell a soul!). I would cry when I was in trouble, I remember crying throughout 10 rope climbs as punishment for something, no idea what, our rope was tall though! I would cry when I was having major fear issues. Distinctly remember giants on wooden bar, although I did them still crying! Haha.. I also cried once when I came to training not very well (hadn't told anyone). I had a headache and was doing cast handstands. My coach asked me why I was crying and I told her. She told me to stop crying as it would make it worse and sent me to sit out. It's funny to look back now as I wonder if how I perceived my coaches reaction to be harsh as I was so concerned about being in trouble or letting everyone down that it's how I perceived some of the conversations I had.

I did have a positive crying moment in a competition where my hands were ripped and bleeding and I was competing bars. I cried the whole way through the routine, fell off on the tuck on, bound to happen when you can't see through sobbing tears but finished the routine and presented. My coach said she was proud of me for still competing.

I had a fair amount of parental pressure on top of everything else so I think that contributed (to a lot of my issues as a gymnast and ultimately stopping).

I personally think it's normal to cry, it's ok to cry, but we need to be given tools on how to express our feelings as a child. I had no idea how to verbalise how I felt (scared, frustrated, in pain, pressured etc) so my default was to cry. As I learnt that crying was bad, I stopped doing it but ultimately bottled all my crazy feelings competing in a challenging sport and it all seemed to come out as anxiety among other things.

This is long winded (I apologise!), I've reflected a lot on my competitive days particularly as I did an Uni sport psych assignment on analyzing it last year. Fascinating stuff and there's not much literature out there on it. My teacher wants to help me publish it..

Now as an adult, with no pressure I can do and am willing to try things that I had major fear blocks with training 20 hours a week and I don't really train stacks now if at all. All because I have some tools to deal with anxiety and stress. I feel that had I had some tools I may have loved the sport much longer. I'm glad I've grown to love it again though. I'm itching to compete again (my worst fear!). Masters gymnastics?!

 

[gracyomalley]

DD old gym had an official no cry policy, but it was lenient and usually girls sent to settle down in the bathroom and come back - now, I'm not talking about with injury (obviously ok to shed a tear over a broken bone), or conditioning (not ok), but frustration and fear tears. What I didn't like is that for some girls tears become a norm....

DD is at a bigger gym with more upper level optionals now. Less time per kid, less attention with the tears, and I would say less tears. Still fears happen, and more often with some than others....but a balance is good. Frankly, I will admit that after watching DD cry over BHS-BHS on beam for 2 years I am done with it - I get its scary, I get she doesn't want to be defeated by it - but I think its time to move ON.....new coach has her training the rest of L8 beam, and keeping up BHS-BWO as a backup while encouraging the evil series...and MOVING ON....

 

[Midwestmommy]

Our family rule/goal with my daughter is no tears at the gym or meets (out of respect for teammates and coaches and sportsmanship at meets), and unlimited shoulder to cry on at home or in the car if needed.

 

[Quadqueen]

My DD is not a crier. I think she has cried once, ever, at practice, when she got hurt. She gets rather frustrated with the girls who are frequent criers at the gym.

I understand it's a personality thing, and that some kids are more likely to cry than others. There are several girls at her gym who cry on a regular basis. I've never seen them sent out. Basically, everyone just ignores them/the crying and moves on with practice.

If a kid is crying very often, or every practice, I do wonder what it is that they like about gymnastics.

 

[gasrgoose]

Our family rule/goal with my daughter is no tears at the gym or meets (out of respect for teammates and coaches and sportsmanship at meets), and unlimited shoulder to cry on at home or in the car if needed.

I like the way you stated this, it's a very good approach!

Gymnastike has a meet the Elite video about Aria Brusch, who is a current Junior International Elite. Mary Lee Tracy talks about Aria being a crier and how she had to work through that as she developed as a gymnast. It's a short interesting video for those who are curious.

 

[1canadiangymmom]

My dd's gym has a no crying policy. Girls will get sent home for crying. Usually not for injury, although one day a coach did yell across the gym at one of our 9 yr olds when she fell off the beam... something better be broken or bleeding for you to be crying like that... I think this a appalling. I agree that comp gymnastics is not a sport for someone who is going to be constantly in tears, but these kids are working hours upon hours and sometimes they need a pep talk rather than to be yelled at or sent home.

 

[Ali'sMom]

I have a stress crier
When she gets anxious over things, the tears come. She does her best not to cry in the gym though. Doesn't always work...
She came out near tears just the other day, but held it together. She said the coaches were laughing at her. I'm sure they weren't. She had the least number of pullups during conditioning. She then saw two coaches talking, covering their mouths, and looking at her. I told her that I would guess they were discussing that this just showed that she is lacking some strength on the bar, and that's why her kips are so elusive. (I would HOPE they weren't laughing at her). WELL, that's all she needed. Next practice is when she did her 10 kips and got her grips.

I was very proud of her at States this past December. The beam judges were scoring VERY hard in the first session. She told me that when DD saw the score, she looked up at her (HC) and asked "Are you disappointed in me?" Coach gave her a big hug and told her how proud she was. Then went on to tell me how proud she was that DD didn't cry when she saw her score. That she saw MANY girls bursting into tears, and she was so proud that DD stood tall.
I hadn't thought about it until then, hadn't given it much thought, because typically if I see DD crying at a meet, it's because she missed her beam dismount and is so disappointed in herself. I'm such a softie that I'm not saying to myself "Suck it up honey", I'm more saying "My poor little girl" (not TO her, to myself). To her, I'm saying "You did great! maybe we need to work on that dismount a bit?"

I, too, am a huge crier. So many times I can't help it. Then I'm mad at myself that I let the tears come, and then it just makes it worse... DD was doomed right from the start, having my DNA

 

[cbifoja]

I don't like crying. I believe it is perceived to be a sign of weakness and I try to teach DD not to cry. I don't expect her to never cry because she's only 10 and hasn't developed all the tools necessary to talk herself out of crying but it is a skill that I expect her to work on. She is very good about excusing herself from a public place if she needs to cry. Crying in public is definitely something I don't want to see from her.

She doesn't cry when she gets all of the bumps and bruises that gymnasts gets. She holds it in when she splits the beam. She even once scraped her shins from knees to ankles, and I mean bloody scrape, and didn't cry. She's never had a serious injury but I don't think it would bother me if she cried.

I think crying is an acceptable response to grief and injury. Anything else, not so much. Frustration, anger, and sadness need to be dealt with in a manner other than crying. That's how I was raised (dad was seriously a drill sergeant for part of my childhood), right or wrong, so that is what influences my opinion on this.

 

[cbifoja]

Then went on to tell me how proud she was that DD didn't cry when she saw her score. That she saw MANY girls bursting into tears, and she was so proud that DD stood tall.

It would take all of my self-control not to jerk my child from the floor if she EVER cried in response to a score. Same for podium placement. Life is full of disappointment and if my kid is going to dissolve into a puddle of water every time she has to deal with disappointment then she is going to spend a lot of her life wet.

Good for your DD for having the inner strength to not cry in that situation.

 

[All Chalked Up]

I wasn't a crier until this year at age sixteen! I don't sob by any means, but I am easily frustrated and stress crying is one of my not so good personality traits. Funny thing is I never cry when injured, just frustrated.

I think it's okay to cry, as long as it's not putting you in danger or distracting others. Most of the time you could hardly notice I was crying and I was still capable of doing my skills safely. One time when working the God forsaken back walkover-back handspring connection I cried the whole 2hr beam rotation, but it was hardly noticeable and only because I get so frustrated. I don't cry for attention, I cry to get through.

However, no crying on the competition floor unless you're broken or bleeding. Go to the bathroom, regroup yourself, return to the floor calmly. Crying is also unacceptable during conditioning or stretching.

 

[twinmomma]

I would yank my kid from a gym with a "no cry" policy. No wonder we're raising a generation of emotional invalids. Crying is a natural response to stress, fear, anger, hurt, and any number of things. DD cried the other day because she was so proud of herself for getting her ROBHS. Now, she waited until she felt comfortable enough and cried in the car, but I wouldn't have had a problem if she cried on the floor about it. And neither would her coach.

Now, I agree about teaching them appropriate times and places. In a meet in response to a score, not the appropriate time and place. But the GYM where my daughter spends more waking hours than she does with me? Should be a SAFE place for fear, frustration, celebration, tears, whatever.

 

[Quadqueen]

Well, when I said my DD is not a crier....she is, at home, about stupid stuff . But not at gym, about frustration over a skill, etc. So, I guess she has either learned to control the tears, or she knows there is a time and a place.

 

[kaloss]

My dd is a crier, she cries all the time, at home or in the car. Over just about anything. My favorite is "I think I'm tired...sob, sob". She is 6. With that being said, she always surprises me in the gym because she simply doesn't cry. When several girls are crying after conditioning (or during), she just keeps plugging along.

The one time she cried in the gym it was "I want to stay at practice but I'm so tired and my belly hurts!" Her coach scooped her up and said, "noodle, you never cry!" Then called me. Turned out she had mono!

All that to say, there is a time and a place. If she was consistently falling apart in the gym, we would have to reevaluate her sport. At her age she should not be crying over frustration all the time. The coaches do tell the girls that there's no crying...but they don't kick them out. The girls cry and keep it moving.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I wish our HC took a more balanced view on crying. DD will occasionally get frustrated when she is having a spectacularly bad day and is trying her hardest. Last time this happened, HC yelled at DD immediately, kicked her off the practice area, and then used her as an example to the whole gym about how you NEVER cry unless you are truly injured. My DD was horrified and lost a little of her sparkle that day. Crying every five minutes is disruptful, but I think coaches need to remember these are kids, pushing themselves pretty hard.

 

[Fliptwisttumble]

DD isn't much of a crier. If she cries, I know she has seriously hurt herself or something has gone badly wrong. Once she cried for a teammate who was put down a bit (coach compared her 12 year old teammate to her and said.... hey why can't you do this, when this 9 year old here can?!?!) She was mortified. But I can count on one hand how many times things like that have happened.

There is no crying on the floor at a meet, or on the podium/while waiting for awards during a meet. Not acceptable, and she knows it.

She had a really bad beam day at a big meet (her best event, and she fell 3 times), and was just OK on the other events. She was heartbroken. While waiting for awards to start, she texted me to come - I did. We went off to the side and she had a teary moment. I gave her that moment, and then she wiped her tears, brushed herself off, and acted like the big girl she is to be in public. She's 9 - I can't expect the world. Fortunately she has some great examples in our gym of girls who are the epitome of appropriate behaviour even when I'm sure they are melting inside.

But we do talk about the other girls in the gym that aren't such great role models. Ones who outright cry when they don't place, can't speak to their teammates who place better than them, literally roll their eyes, cry in training at the drop of a pin. And I'm not talking 7 year olds here, but rather teenagers/preteens. I get they are more hormonal, but there is a time and a place, and eventually those kids get the cry wolf reputation and coaches and athletes alike are disgusted and frustrated.

I guess my point is: a zero tolerance policy is impractical in my opinion. But the goal of not crying, being strong, getting back up when you fall, etc. IS what I consider to be a big part of gymnastics.

 

[gymmomx2]

I wish our HC took a more balanced view on crying. DD will occasionally get frustrated when she is having a spectacularly bad day and is trying her hardest. Last time this happened, HC yelled at DD immediately, kicked her off the practice area, and then used her as an example to the whole gym about how you NEVER cry unless you are truly injured. My DD was horrified and lost a little of her sparkle that day. Crying every five minutes is disruptful, but I think coaches need to remember these are kids, pushing themselves pretty hard.

this is horrible.

 

[gopuckgo]

Gymnastics is just as much mental as physical. Being emotional and crying can set a kid up for injury. I agree with constant crying being ridiculous. But in response to a serious injury, very acceptable. It really depends on the kid, but gymnasts need to be mentally tough to progress and succeed on the sport. Some coaches are really good about dealing with emotions and some are not.