Parents Dad's issue with time commitment

[Mommy25qtpies]

Does anyone else's husband have an issue with how much time the gym life takes? We have 3 on team. With their training schedule, which of course doesn't coincide yet, volunteer commitments, and now I have thrown my name in the hat for a board position, my husband is furious. It is not disrupting him. It's the only activity the kids do. House is kept up with, groceries are bought, dinner made. I do all the driving, we live 35 mins from our gym, but he still complains. Not sure how to handle it. Anyone else in the same position?

 

[MILgymFAM]

My husband definitely resents the place that gym has in my kids' and by extension, my, life. Between my girls there is 32 hours of practice and 12 hours of commuting per week. It's like a full time job.

I realize that his resentment is because his job "owns" his life. It was much simpler when we were all free whenever he was, and free to help out whenever he needed it. Now, when he gets a random day off we still have gym. When he needs help on a project, I can't come in and assist him.

Although the kids get taught (we homeschool), the house cleaned, groceries bought, and food cooked, I realize it is still a hardship for him just by our being unavailable. I don't begrudge him his feelings, but I have explained that he cannot be the sun- we can't orbit around him and stay healthy.

He's starting to come around, but he still thinks the schedule is absolutely insane. He doesn't get mad anymore, and a few times has joined me during YDDs (the much closer gym) practice. We take walks and have coffee. It's a start.

When I'm not available, though, he refuses to take the reigns. That's my hardship because I know I can't get sick, take a trip, get a job, etc. I'm fully aware and ok with that. Hopefully your husband comes around.

 

[Mommy25qtpies]

Yes. I think that's the biggest issue. He just retired from a full time career to a part time work from home one. Thinks he thought we would all be there with him all the time. But we homeschool as well and three days a week we are at the gym during homeschool training, schooling who isn't training. I don't think he realized the hours during the day as well. I have one daughter who's in the gym 24 hours a week. A new level three that is 12 hours and a level 4 boy who is there 9. The girls are both during the day and the boy is at night so we end up driving back and forth a lot it just kills him now that he sees the time. Not sure I'm ready for him to be home 24/7

 

[MILgymFAM]

I completely understand! My older DD trains 22.5 hours a week during the day an hour away, and my younger trains at night a half hour away. Many times I get home in time to cook, eat, clean up, and leave again. Maybe he could assist the homeschooling? Making him a part of it might help the buy-in. My hubby works 80+ hours a week, so that's not an option for us.

 

[MeetDirector]

From a dad of a now retired lvl 10. This will only get worse as your gymmies go further in the sport. The time required to properly train the upper optional levels is HUGE. My recommendation - he has to take some ownership of their participation in this crazy sport so that he doesn't resent it. I suggest that he learn more about the sport and how absolutely incredible an athlete must be to do this sport. For me, that ownership started with helping out at a meet and eventually becoming a meet director and running local and state meets. I became an expert on the rules and policies and advised the head coach when changes occurred; I helped build the season schedule for the team as well. Through it all as a result of more understanding of the sport, I was constantly in awe of our dd's abilities to do what she did in this sport.

Good luck to you!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Does anyone else's husband have an issue with how much time the gym life takes? We have 3 on team. With their training schedule, which of course doesn't coincide yet, volunteer commitments, and now I have thrown my name in the hat for a board position, my husband is furious. It is not disrupting him. It's the only activity the kids do. House is kept up with, groceries are bought, dinner made. I do all the driving, we live 35 mins from our gym, but he still complains. Not sure how to handle it. Anyone else in the same position?

Time. Time with his wife. Time with his family. Maybe he misses, his wife and kids. Maybe he needs that. Perhaps he is trying to tell you he is not getting what he needs out of the current situation. Your perception of everything is hunky dory is clearly not his.

May be some things need scaled back. If not the kids gym, your involvement. If not gym some of the other committments.

 

[duyetanh]

I probably wouldn't throw my hat in for the board in your situation....as you are already doing enough. But I don't live your life either. I do know with one child and a dh who works from home, if he didn't work from home he would not see her much at all (we also homeschool)....so when he grumbles, believe me when I say he gets reminded of how it could be. In force.

 

[GymDad9.9]

Ironically, this Dad does most of the gymnastics schlepping in our household and occasionally it becomes an issue with the Misses, but over time she has come to understand the commitment and has pitched in with her time. Dad, by the way, doesn't mind all that much. He still has his days where he thinks the whole thing is crazy and it does impact his work, but reminds himself how important it is for his daughter.

Dad speaking in the third person

 

[Midwestmommy]

He is probably feeling that family time is disrupted. Having 3 competitive gymnasts would disrupt any family, heck having one disrupts family life/time rather significantly. It's also enormously expensive. No good advice her except ask him/talk to him. MAybe it's as simple as he wants some of those 12 to 22 hiu

 

[Gymmommy71]

Maybe don't volunteer for that board position if he's already unhappy w/ the lack of family time?

Hate to bring up the booster thread, but gymnastics already takes people away from their families so much, why add even more time commitments for other family members on top of what the gymmie is doing? Just another annoyance I have about boosters.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I agree with the poster that said to maybe take the time to get your hubby more involved in the sport? With three on team, you really need both parent's support at 100% or you are definitely going to run into issues. Perhaps if he spent some time in the gym with you, watching the kids progress, volunteering, etc, that would get him more excited or interested? It really is an admirable sport, if he takes the time to really watch the kid's progress, I think he will be impressed at how strong and determined they are and also how much fun they are having. I would try this first before accepting any further commitments, especially a board position, that is a huge responsibility and I think it's important you get him on board first.

Luckily my husband is 100% completely invested in DD's gymnastics, no matter what the time or money commitment may be over time. However, it's b/c he has respect for the sport, he's proud of what she can do and how it is keeping both of our kids in good physical shape and keeping them busy. However...my dd had another hobby at one time which she recently gave up to focus on gymnastics and hubby did NOT like this hobby or have any respect whatsoever for it, and he did resent the money it costs and the time we put into it. It did cause problems in our marriage. When dd decided to give that hobby up to focus on gymnastics, I was a little sad but it has honestly been the best thing ever for our family.

The bottom line is as moms we ALWAYS want to put our kids first. But if your marriage is something you want to preserve, and you are unable to get your hubby on board with the full time all in gymnastics commitment, as a last resort, you may have to compromise and look into putting the kids in a less intense program (Xcel, AAU, rec, etc). I know you don't want to do that and I wouldn't either, it's a tough boat to be in, but if it comes to that, it may be something to consider. Hopefully once he feels more involved and learns more about the sport, he will come around!

 

[gymmomtotwo]

There is more to family life than getting the chores done. He is telling you that he wants and needs more of your and the kids time. I would strongly rethink any board involvement. That will always suck up more time than you think it is going to. I would find a way for him to feel more involved, and any way you can think of to spend more time with you and the kids. I know it seems like forever, but the years go by quickly, and it will be just the two of you again before you know it. I know it has dawned on DH and I recently that our relationship has taken a backseat to the kid's activities for a long time,and we are deliberately working on that. Gymnastics can end at any time. Family is forever.

 

[Flyaway]

Gymnastics can end at any time. Family is forever.

This 1000 times.

Maybe he's being unreasonable, I don't know, I don't live in your home. But in MY house, with MY husband and the situation you described, I would listen to what he's saying and pay attention to what I am saying back through my choices. Words mean nothing if actions don't back them up. Personally the board position would be a no for me.

 

[Madden3]

My husband started getting a bit fed up with gym in the last several months. Before that, of the two of us, he was the more eager gym parent. But I am feeling a bit over gym too, so I think it is just burnout. Our boys still love it, so, this is the reality for now. Here are my suggestions:

This may be a dumb question, but why do you do all the driving? That is a lot of time your husband is missing out on with his kids. My husband works full time so the only time he gets to see his kids on weekdays is by picking them up from practice and handling most of bedtime routine.

Is it really necessary to hang out in the gym to school the kids? Could one stay home with dad some of the time?

I also homeschool, so I know that that can be incredibly time consuming for the primary "teacher" as you are. So I would also suggest, since your husband has more time on his hands, try bringing him in on some of that maybe?

My husband and my boys have been involved in Scouting for years. This gives them great opportunities for connecting and forces some 'time off' from gym.

I second the idea that you avoid putting so much of yourself into volunteering. When I started homeschooling, I had to give up a volunteer position (non-gym related) that meant a lot to me. But there was just no way. We do volunteer for our gym booster, but we share that burden and do not take leadership positions. Too time consuming.

 

[Committed]

I'm also thinking he's looking for some time/attention. He probably took this new opportunity to spend time with you guys and its not what he was expecting.
It sounds like you all had a nice routine in place that worked for your former situation. Things have changed, so routines need to change. And get him involved!!

 

[Avasmom]

I think its important for you both to agree on the amount of time they spend in the gym and how much time you are away. For our family, we only live about 5 minutes from the gym so my husband is only missing out on time with our daughter. He understands her passion for the sport though and respects it. He also helps take her to practice, private lessons, etc. He went to the parent team meeting when I had a work event and came home asking our daughter if she wanted to take an extra dance class. I am happy to say he is on board with her gymnastics as much as I am. More recently my daughter was invited to play on a travel soccer team and he flat out said no. We can't make all of that work with her being on team and doing another time consuming sport. Our daughter was extremely disappointed but we discussed the decision as a family and agreed on it. After all she is only 8 and we do want her to have time to just be a kid. My advice would be to get him a little more involved. The sport is amazing. I knew nothing about it before my daughter started.

 

[Popcorn]

My husband has issues with it as well. It's tricky. Last time the hours increased I worried that it would be a bigger issue, but I asked that we give ds a chance and see how it goes. Of course, he was fine as he loves it and can balance life and gym right now (age 10).....but I worry every time the hours go up that my husband will put his foot down. He does have a say, after all, even if I feel that he's wrong

And my husband is very involved. He just played team sports growing up and is used to the two practices/one game per week model that most sports around here use. He still (3 years on) doesn't see why gymnastics needs more than that...