Parents DD Goofs Around During Practice

[Aussie_coach]

The behaviour you describe doesn't sound too abnormal for an energetic 8 year old. Many find it difficult to walk past a mat and not jump off it. It depends on the frequency of these behaviours. If it happens all lesson it's a problem, if she has moments when she lapses not so much.

Lots of the best gymnasts have these problems when they are younger, it's that drive inside them that makes it so difficult to stand and sit still and that boundless energy that later becomes their greatest asset.

 

[Midwestmommy]

I know this may not be sound, perfect, parenting technique according to all experts (and I don't ever pay for grades at schools, scores, etc.), but my recommendation is a little bribery.

If it were me (this was the type of thing I would have done at age 8).... I would go to the dollar store and get her favorite color of tagboard paper (they have big sheets of it) and cut it into cards or a shape. Have her evaluate her focus herself after each practice----just a simple couple of seconds-- great focus and she gets two cards, average she gets one, not so good, you take one away, really rough one and you take two away (guessing those won't happen more than once). You could even have her bedazzle a box to put the cards in -- great fun if she is a crafty type. If not, Michaels has those patterned shoe-box type boxes for $2 or $3..

At the end of a certain time period...... She gets movie if she has say 10+ cards, ice cream if she has 5-9, a fun pencil if she has 1-5, and helps you sweep the garage (or whatever--something not part of her normal chores) if she has none.

It's visual, tactile, she is the one in charge (of how she behaves and evaulating how she does), and there is something to work for.... My daughter responds great to that kind of stuff..

 

[mommyof1]

Just to add in there, make sure you do not tell her that it costs way too much for her to be screwing around.

Definitely not in those exact words ... but I don't see anything wrong with telling her "As your parents, we are making a huge investment in your gymnastics in terms of time and resources. We expect you to make an equivalent investment by paying attention and putting in your best effort at each and every practice." Then if she doesn't want to hold up her end, you are justified in putting her back in rec.

 

[Gym proud]

Sometimes when you meet the problem face to face you- right there- are starting to address the problem.
I would first sit DD down and say here is what I notice you doing, "I noticed that you were hanging on the rope when the coach was giving directions (or whatever she was doing)." I would then give her 2 (ONLY 2) very specific goals. Maybe you stand at attention when the coach is talking (or whatever 2 things you want her to change- giving her ONLY 2 is so important- it's manageable!!!). Then you and your daughter go to coach and say here is what DD will change about practice. And then do whatever it takes for that coach to be on board about recognizing the change in behavior or disciplining the unwanted behavior. You follow through after practice. Hopefully day 1 and 2 the coach will be on her every move. Then maybe day 3 and 4 she's starting to get it and ready to change the behaviors. The key is staying on top of it (remember when you moved your child from the crib to bed and sat at their door so they wouldn't escape! LOL!!!! ) If you want the behavior to change for good. After practice please reinforce the efforts, "seems like you were really focused on beam today and got some nice compliments and even did a new skills (or whatever you noticed).
Good luck! I teach/coach 8 year olds all day everyday- I know you don't expect them to be perfect- but you do expect them to be respectful of the coaches and other gymnasts and work hard!

 

[twinmomma]

When DD was being called out for being chatty at practice (in a "laugh it off" kind of way) by her coach I got on her about it and told her that if I heard of it or witnessed it at practice (her having to be called out for talking when she shouldn't be) then there would be consequences at home. We use a discipline system that rewards them for NOT being disciplined. Sort of like the card system at school, only we use 1/2/3. So being "on a 1" means you've been warned twice already, then it moves. As long as there hasn't been more than a 1 all week long (they reset each day, but the week is cumulative) then they receive prizes of their choosing off a list they created like 15 min late to bed, board game with mommy, extra TV time, getting out of a chore, etc... I told DD if her coach complained about her talking, she would automatically be on a 2 for that day, which would eliminate that week's reward. I told her coach as well. Behavior stopped. She's still chatty, but it's no longer to the point of having to be disciplined.

Only once (before the 1/2/3 system went into place) did we have to utilize not going to gym as a punishment. She was devastated and I hated to do it, but it was necessary and it worked.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

I would definitely start with a conversation with the coach to understand his/her perspective and come up with a joint plan of attack if the coach thinks it is necessary. But first I would review a few fundamental things to make sure there aren't environmental things that are contributing to this. Lack of concentration can be caused by low or high blood sugar (so what is pre-practice snack or lunch or dinner) and/or not enough sleep overall. I always start by trying to make sure I'm not inadvertently contributing to the problem. And if she is disruptive (rather than just "goofing off") and you get this feedback from school as well you may need to look for a bigger overall problem. DD was much better in practice once we worked out the overall diagnosis for ADHD and got on the right meds. NOT saying that is the case here, but just raising the thought that if this isn't just gymnastics it might warrant a different approach.

I will also note that DD had a marked improvement when she got new glasses after a recent vision test. She had been wearing glasses in the classroom for a year or so but said she didn't need them for gymnastics. When we got her eyes checked and realized how much worse her vision was she got contacts for gym. After the first day with them she realized that one of the reasons she wasn't watching when she should be was that she couldn't actually see what the coach was trying to demonstrate, so she was easily distracted. And her vault score went up almost .5 when she could see the end of the runway. So sometimes there are bigger forces being demonstrated in smaller ways.

 

[Seeker]

Just to add in there, make sure you do not tell her that it costs way too much for her to be screwing around.

I have no problem telling my daughter exactly that. This IS a sacrifice -- financial, time, family, etc. If she wants to screw around and not do what she is supposed to do, then she can do that in some cheap or free activity. I did remove her from class once when she was 6. I've never had the need to do that again.

She can screw around and act silly on her own time, but if she's at school or at practice, there is a certain level of behavior expected. I think that is a very important life lesson for everyone.

I guess I would say that if you don't see this behavior elsewhere, you have to come up with a way to help her work through it or implement consequences that help shape her behaviors. Is this new behavior for her?

 

[gymmomtotwo]

My advice would be to stop watching practice and let the coach handle it. If it is actually a problem (we can sometimes be hypercritical of our own child), and the coach is unable to manage her,He or she will let you know. Or you could be proactive and ask if her behavior is a problem, and work on a way to deal with it. The coach should be the authority in the gym to her. He may be reluctant to more strongly discipline her with you sitting there.. They may have an easier time managing her without you watching.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

I'm another one who has no problem letting my DD (10) know that a commitment and sacrifice is being made for her to participate in her chosen activity and she is expected to work hard and do her best in return. I also constantly let my girls know that if the love and passion isn't there any more, we will reconsider the commitment at the next possible time (always AFTER a season commitment etc).
If my child wasn't paying attention during practice, I would make sure there were consequences at home.

Are the coaches not as bothered by this as you are?? I'm asking because I coach preteam ages 5-8 and it would definitely not be tolerated in my group.
I actually make girls skip a turn and sit out in my regular rec 4-6yo classes if they aren't paying attention!!
If she was in my group I would give her a verbal reminder about paying attention first. I would make her skip her turn and watch the other girls take that rotation. If she still had no clue what to do, I would sit her out for X minutes.
Swinging on the ropes in between turns also wouldn't be tolerated, same thing there: verbal reminder, then sit out (but I love the idea of making them climb it instead!!). If she likes rope climb, perhaps pike holds or something else "boring" on the rope might do the trick.
Now if for some reason the kid couldn't hear me or see me while I explained the station, I do allow questions right after I explain. But the questions usually come from the girls paying attention, the ones who don't are off in la la land and don't ask until we come up on their turn. And there's also a big difference between asking something like "where we supposed to do 15 or 20 on each leg?" When they come to station 3 of a multi-station rotation and standing there dumbfounded or playing with other equipment, KWIM?

As a coach, I remind the girls fairly often of the expected conduct in practice. The are expected to stand up and be attentive, focusing on me while I am talking, period. It is as much for safety as it is for making the practice run smoothly. We have plenty of fun while we practice, lots of high fives and hugs at the end as well as joking around during practice BUT they still know what the expectations are.

If I was in your shoes (and I have been!) I would ask to meet with the coach and ask what you can do to help your child behave better in class, and also let them know that you are OK with them doling out what disciplinary action they deem necessary (sitting her out, sending her home, whatever). You would be surprised how many parents refuse to see that their special Snowflake could do any wrong and I would simply let the coach know that you see this, acknowledge it and is on the coaches side in this. Good luck!

 

[anothergymmom]

Some kids just need to blow off more steam. If she has had to be controlled for a whole day at school, it might be hard to behave perfectly for a whole practice after school. I guess it depends on the "severity" of the goofing off. If the coaches aren't concerned than I wouldn't be. Don't kids need some time/space that isn't super disciplined? I know the gym--for team girls--is about discipline, I'm just suggesting that a little goofiness at age 8 seems pretty understandable.

 

[Amusibus]

Just to add in there, make sure you do not tell her that it costs way too much for her to be screwing around.

Why not? It's funny you mention this, I remember our developmental coach saying exactly this to the girls several times when they got goofy.

 

[Amusibus]

My child also is not the most attentive person -to put it mildly- but I think she has gotten much better over time and on the right meds (she's adhd). I stopped watching practice, and any stress I used to feel about it is gone. I saw that if she got goofy, the coaches would quickly get her back on track and give her a consequence (like go to the back of the line, or climb the rope). I figured, they've got this under control, there is nothing I need to do about it, and it doesn't seem to be affecting her overall progress because she's improving little by little. Like the other posters said, it's a matter of degree, safety, and whether the coach can handle it effectively. I do feel your pain, but there's hope.

 

[gothgymmom]

I have read several post on here as well as other articles not to tell your child that. I cant find the posts, ive been looking but as soon as I do I will post them.

 

[Seeker]

I have read several post on here as well as other articles not to tell your child that. I cant find the posts, ive been looking but as soon as I do I will post them.

There's no need to go dig up old posts. I think the credo is to not make your child feel guilty about the cost of gymnastics -- and I agree with that. That's an entirely different angle than letting them know that practice isn't playtime and there are certain expectations that go along with making this commitment.

 

[gothgymmom]

Oh, i def agree that you can tell them that there is alot of sacrifices made for her to be there, and its a really big commitment for us as a family for her to do what she loves. I actually used to tell her about how costly it was, but after I read the article I have stopped saying it. She has gotten alot better about listening and stuff. There is still a little goofing around and stopping what she is supposed to be doing when the coaches backs are turned, and then doing it again when they turn towards her. We have told her about that plenty of times and that if she ever wants to get where she wants to go she needs to stop playing around and pay attention. But we do not say it in any manner that would make her hate gymnastics in any way.

 

[LJL07]

This was my daughter last year. She was on team, and no one disciplined the kids. She would wander off and do flip flops and act very silly. Coaches were very young and probably worried parents would get upset. Sadly there was no rope last year. Switched gyms, and now there is a rope. DD is generally pretty well behaved this year. Not because they make them climb the rope, but mostly because they don't tolerate silliness.

 

[gracyomalley]

DS is 10. If left in a group with instructions and a bunch of other 10 year old boys, he will proceed to fall apart and dance about, do "extra skills", etc. If given clear instructions and a handstand/rope climb if messing about - he works hard and learns much more. He doesn't want to be bad and is fine with being reprimanded. He just can't stop moving, so if the movement isn't dictated clearly, well, he finds some ....

His old coach had the opinion that "he'll focus when he's ready". New, inexperienced coach expected him to learn his L6 skills, and kept on him, rather than letting him dance about and continue to practice with bad form, etc, and now he's doing much better, has the skills (although he'll need to repeat to get bonuses and more than average scores - but that's the kind of gymnast he is), and likes gym MUCH more - is learning what it takes to do better rather than missing out on teaching while being in lala land....

I do watch practice still sometimes (part of) - because he and his older brother want me to, and because I want to make sure that he'd on task at least most of the time. I have let his coach know that my kids are expected to behave - and I would prefer they be sent out if not - although they need to understand "why".

At 8, some kids, especially if still on pre-team, aren't truely ready to focus as well as others....that's ok - but if we don't give them the guidance (rope or other consequence that will help them learn to focus and get them stronger!) then we are just expecting them to "grow up on their own"....