Do give rewards?

[Quadqueen]

I guess I would say we reward randomly. We usually go out for ice cream or something after a meet. This year, we got DD small pins for her gym bag for each event when she gets a 9. It's a very big deal at her gym when they get a 9...they get their names on the wall and a star for each event in which they've scored a 9, and then they are deemed a "level master." I don't think a pin is any big deal though. I don't bribe with money for scores or skills or anything like that...lthough some of her coaches do say, "if you guys win team 1st place at this next meet, you get an ice cream party", etc. It does motivate them.

 

[bookworm]

My daughter's "reward" for her gymnastics is me paying her thousands of dollars of tuition and travel expenses for many years now and the same number of years of taxi service to and from the gym! I'm thinking it's the parents who should be getting the rewards!

 

[putri]

Thanks all for the reply!! All great points!! When she ask again I'll say no and explain. We will go for ice cream or the sort after. Dinner out after a day out is normal here but maybe she can pick the type of food/restaurant. I will though do the surprises. I love that idea. A new book (she loves to read chapter books) or something gym related like a leo. I don't reward for studying. It's her job. So I see where since gym is her chosen activity that her doing her best is what she should do anyways.

I'll search for rewards on the forum to see what are here. I searched prize instead, thus this post. I wasn't thinking.

 

[bogwoppit]

Here let me help!

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[Geoffrey Taucer]

As a coach, I really don't like rewards for performance. The skills should be their own reward.

I have no objection to unexpected after-the-fact "rewards" -- i.e "Great meet. Let's go get some icecream to celebrate." But when the reward is offered beforehand (ie "If you get a 36 we'll go get icecream after the meet") it takes the focus AWAY from the inherent rewards of working hard.

 

[Aussie_coach]

NO WAY!

Kids in our society are learning that they should be rewarded for all that they do. Parents feel they should pay them to do chores rather than expect that the child will do chores because that is what needs to be done by any contributing member of the family. Adults are not paid to do chores (I do agree with pocket money though as kids do need to learn to budget before they are old enough for a credit card).

Parents already pay a lot of money for children to do activities like gymnastics and ballet. For gymnastics you must pay for classes, leotards, warm ups, competition entry fees, travel expenses, your own petrol and ticket to watch the competition etc. For dance its classes, exam fee's, comp fee's, leotards, shoes, tights, costumes, hair pieces, recital tickets and so on. Kids should put their best foot forward and put in their best effort at all times in all they do. The reward is that their parents continue to pay for classes! Would you keep paying for it all if your DD went to every class and didn't try and just played around with her friends all the time?

We are raising a generation who have a sense of entitlement. They feel they should rewarded for everything. If she got a great result in her ballet exam then that is her reward (I would be very wary of a ballet studio where not a single child got a distinction, in the average ballet studio at least 50% of kids usually recieve a distinction, for good studio's it is more like 80% if we are talking RAD), if a kid does well at a competition then they are already awarded medals, ribbons and trophies, if a kid leanrs a new skill then the new skill is the reward!

 

[Kiwi]

I must admit I do reward my DD a lot, and it is working okay for us. I love the idea of 'intrinsic motivation', but my DD is only 8 and very sensitive, she finds gymnastics very difficult and has to work hard at it, I think she would very easily give up in frustration, so I reward her for effort. I know there are some here who would say she should absolutely love gymnastics passionately and never even think of giving up, but she isn't that kind of kid. She isn't like the tough, driven, high-energy kids I read about a lot here on CB! I don't want her to learn to give up when things get difficult, but that is what would probably happen if she didn't get a little 'encouragement' along the way. She is a moody and emotional kid who sometimes wants to give up one minute (when things aren't going well) and loves it again the next (when things go well).

She wants to do well and always tries hard, she doesn't slack off and start demanding bribes for making an effort (if she ever starts going that way, I will nip that in the bud!). It is more that she gets frustrated and discouraged and needs some encouragement. I know she should be motivated by getting the skill or whatever it is, but she can't think that far ahead as usually at that point she is stuck in feeling like "I'll never get it!". When she does well, she is very encouraged and that in itself is a huge reward for her and the extra reward is just a bonus. I don't usually reward for getting a skill, but occasionally I have for something she was really struggling with. In those cases, it is not so much a reward as a kind of joint celebration!

I don't give her money, but something that she wants, such as a book. I would never ever use a 'bribe' for getting a specific score or for something like staying on the beam. I don't think that would work for her anyway, she would already be trying her best. I understand how it can be a 'slippery slope' and monitor carefully, and sometimes we'll talk about it together. So far the rewards have been reasonable, we generally talk about it and she accepts that she can't start demanding expensive things.

As for chores, yes I do pay the kids for doing them, they get a small amount for each chore, which goes on a chart. I also make them pay for computer time, so that is mostly where their chore earnings go! I think this is a reasonable life lesson - you only get paid if you do work, and then you have to pay for things you want.

 

[mumoftwogymnasts]

Dinner out after a day out is normal here but maybe she can pick the type of food/restaurant.

We go out for lunch/dinner (depending on starting time) after every competition. We do this win or lose, first or last place. Whichever kid has competed gets to choose where we eat.
Is this a reward? I suppose technically yes, but it is certainly not dependent on how they performed in the competition, if anything it is a reward for being brave enough to get out there and compete in front of a room full of people. I think of it more like a family tradition.
I don't reward for new skills, placing in a comp or great results at school, these things are rewards enough themselves.

 

[JudyS125]

I have a little bit of a different perspective on the issue. I agree that it is great for kids to have intrinsic motivation and that it is very easy for extrinsic motivators to rob intrinsic motivation. But gymnastics as well as most sports is already built around extrinsic motivators. Scores are an extrinsic motivator. So are medals. Due to her then coach's philosophy of pushing through the levels, the first year my daughter did level 8, she was not in a position where she was likely to win much in the way of medals. She was trying just as hard as anyone, but her chance to actually win the extrinsic motivation that the sport provided was pretty slim. She and I worked out an arrangement that regardless of her placement, if she scored a 9, that would be something to celebrate and she would choose a reward (from a predetermined list). I really think that helped keep her encouraged that year when her name was almost never called for awards. As she improved and 9s were more frequent, the value of the items on the list got smaller. I feel like it was successful, not because I think she worked harder for a 9--I think she would have worked equally hard either way. But it allowed her to celebrate her level of success even when that didn't come with ribbons and medals. Now that she has an ipod, we kind of have a standing agreement that a 9 is worth a downloaded song but truthfully now that she is having a very successful year on the podium, she hasn't even asked for the probably 8 prizes she could be asking to claim. She doesn't need my extrinsic rewards because she is able to achieve the ones already built in to gymnastics. I have done something similar with my son who swims competitively but only because the doctor thought it would help his back issues. He is probably the slowest swimmer on the team. He will probably never in his life win a race, but every time he competes, he gets a reward if he beats his old time. I truly believe he would try just as hard with or without the promise of a reward, but when he does beat his time, it gives us a way to celebrate his accomplishment.

 

[putri]

I think, if one does it right, rewards can be a good thing.

i am... Well was... A professor and I taught the importance of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation in one intro class. My students were future teachers, current teachers, or school technologists and while intrinsic motivations were emphasised, I always make my students come up with all sorts of ways to motivate their students extrinsically, especially younger students. What often worked, by those already teaching, were reward systems that their own students came up with. If a bunch of 7-yrs-olds came up with the classroom behaviour rules and rewards system there would be better chances of these students following the rules so that they can get to whatever reward they agreed on getting.

This is what Judy worked out with her daughter more less, which I think is why it worked well for them.

My daughter is 7. She's not spoiled but yes, rewards do motivate her. I did let her buy a new book but I think she knows that it's not something to be expected. I am still thinking about the reward thing. Haven't talked to her yet since she hasn't brought it up. I might try a few thing with her but I think, no matter what, at least for gymnastics, she'll always have that intrinsic motivation in her. For how long? Who knows. She has high goals right now. But like any kid, or person, they can change. I'll be ok either way. Deep inside I still hope she'll still be academic or at least be a nerd like her mama. While I see no sign of neediness, geekiness maybe, dd doesn't mind doing 30 minutes of math games and problems on the iPad while driving to gym

 

[Pickle's Mom]

We've done rewards occasionally. It's always been for a goal that she's working towards, not for meets or scores.

For example, she was working on her beam bwo, and I told her that when she got 5 in a row, I would buy her a book she really wanted. When she was struggling with her bar routine, I promised that when she got her bar routine all connected with casts horizontal, I would make her bed for her for a week.

Every kid is different. Pickle doesn't expect a reward for everything, only for things goals that we set together when she's working really hard towards something. I'd say in the last 2 years, she's gotten a reward like this 3 or 4 times.

As an adult, I do this for myself all the time. I mean who hasn't said "when I lose the final 5 pounds, I'll buy myself that new pair of jeans" or "if I actually get this project done at work, I'll reward myself with the good scotch when I get home."

These rewards motivate her to keep working even when she's frustrated. I figure as she grows older, she will do it for herself. In the meantime, I'm just teaching her one mechanism that works for me.

 

[gymnastgets10]

When I get my driver's license (hopefully sometime next month!), I've been promised donuts. I think that's the only "reward" my parents have ever offered for anything before it happens, although we often celebrate achievements with icecream. I think the only other time I've gotten something from them related to an event other than a holiday was when I broke my ankle and my mom felt sorry for me and bought me some fuzzy socks! I've started rewarding myself a little for things, like getting a milkshake after competing my tsuk for the first time or reading a book/surfing the web for an hour after I ace a test insteading of studying like I usually do. But I don't think conditional rewards are a good idea unless they're really, really struggling with something and seem to need a little extra umph.