Ever run into resentment from parents or kids to new kids moving up?

[justanothergymmom]

Unfortunately, in my experience, it doesn't matter how nice or friendly your child is. Some people can't see past their own jealousy to be happy for another child's success (especially when that child is much youngerthan their own.) I have been there (on the parent end) and it stinks!

 

[ek2]

One of the sad consequences of my 5 year old beating the pants off of her teammates is that she doesn't get invited to their birthday parties and that is something that really hurts her because they hand out the invitations in front of her. She gets invitied to some but they are from the upper level teams. Oh well, it has to get better.

Wow! If the gym you are at fosters this type of behavior for level 3, 5 yr olds I can only imagine how messed up it must be as emotionally as the kids get older.

 

[ejgymmom]

I think in some cases the coaches can add to the resentment. Please don't take that the wrong way coaches, but some coaches have obvious favorites and parents see it and kids see it. In theory everyone should get the same amount of attention if everyone pays the same amount, but I understand why it doesn't always work that way. It's fun when you are on the favorite side, which DD is at the moment, but it adds to the problem. I had a dad tell me at the gym tonight that his wife is a little upset because my DD seems to be getting more attention from the coaches and they moved her up to a higher group. I was surprised he told me that, even though I had already sensed it. He said the way he looked at it was that when their DD develops a work ethic maybe she would get more attention. He remarked that he noticed his DD is always playing around and doing things sloppy and he noticed that my DD is usually working hard and trying to do things correctly. It was a nice that instead of resenting me or my child that he was honest and understanding.

I have no coaching experience at all, so take this all with a grain of salt. I'd be willing to bet that most every coach has favorites and while some coaches may be really good and not letting on who their favorites are I bet most slip up every now and then.

My daughter is in a level 3 group with a bunch of 4-6 year olds, and they're all so darn cute. My daughter could be that dad's kid that you were talking about. I know she's not their favorite because she's the one who doesn't pay attention as much, has sloppy form (though she does pick up skills rather quickly...they just aren't pretty most of the time), doesn't have the "work ethic" (in quotes because they're 4-6 years old...what kind of true work ethic could they possibly have?) that the others do, etc. I can tell who the favorites are in her group...but I'm ok with it. They work hard, they have beautiful form and will most definitely get bumped up to Level 4 whenever they do their next move-ups. My daughter's coaches really don't show a huge amount of extra attention to these kids at all, but everyone still knows who the favorites are. What thrilled me to no end recently was one of her coaches telling me that my daughter has been paying better attention lately because she seems to WANT to get better. That made my day. I don't care as much about her getting skills as I care about knowing that she loves being there.

Anyway, when I read your post I was like hey, wait, are you talking about my kid? I feel like I'm like that parent. I know who the favorites are and I'm ok with that. It doesn't affect my daughter a bit at this point and she doesn't see it. If I did affect her negatively then that might be a different story.

(Sorry, I'm a rambler. I don't know how to write short, straight-to-the-point posts.)

 

[MdGymMom01]

One of the sad consequences of my 5 year old beating the pants off of her teammates is that she doesn't get invited to their birthday parties and that is something that really hurts her because they hand out the invitations in front of her. She gets invitied to some but they are from the upper level teams. Oh well, it has to get better.

Wow--this attitude with a dd at 5 years old and just starting out in gymnastics, doesn't sound very humble, gracious or sportsmanlike to me. I am not trying to be rude in any way, (so forgive me) but can you see where I am coming from?? You are talking about your 5 YO beating the pants off her teammates!!!

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

please disregard....

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Wow--this attitude with a dd at 5 years old and just starting out in gymnastics, doesn't sound very humble, gracious or sportsmanlike to me. I am not trying to be rude in any way, (so forgive me) but can you see where I am coming from?? You are talking about your 5 YO beating the pants off her teammates!!!

MdMom... this was my first response to that post as well.... since no one else seemed to respond to the "beating the pants off" part of the post, i thought maybe I was just reading too much into things.

 

[lhmom]

Reading about all of this (at the lower levels) makes me thankful that my daughter is where she is. One, the coaches do not tolerate that sort of behavior. Two, I have not run into any other parents who are that competitive that they aren't happy when others on the team do well. When you see how hard all these girls work, how can you not be happy when they do well? Our team competed last weekend and I was just as thrilled with how the other girls did as I was with my daughter. Especially for those girls who came in first AA for the first time (including one who came in first in my daughter's age group). These are little ones, not elites. Sorry, I'm on a soapbox this AM, lol!

 

[Sparky]

I don't care if "beating the pants off" came from another parent or not, it shouldn't be repeated.

JMHO,
Sparky

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Ladies, you are so right! I thought about that all night. Beating the pants off should not have been repeated. I apologize if I offended! I have offended myself. Thanks.

 

[CamSeawind]

I'm 14 and a level 8, many of many friends in optionals are 4 years younger, in fact one is even a level 9. I used to think like that but after a while I got over it. I realized that my friends that were as good as me or better had been training since they were 2, often that meant that they had a few more years of experience than me. (as I've only been in gymnastics since I was 7)

As for parents, it's not their job to coach their child, it's their coaches job, and if a coach doesn't' believe a gymnast is ready then they are probably not ready.

 

[lilgymmie7]

wow! those club owners got the 'new wave' stuff down pat.

What 'new wave' are you talking about dunno? Please don't tell me this mentality is a norm. I have pm'd you in the past and you know DD's gym/coaches. This isn't HC/owner and team coaches mentality is it? Otherwise, I see myself pulling yet another DD from the sport. Shelovesthebars, your DD's gym sounds like a breeding ground for 'drop outs'. If not that serious head cases then. Scary either way. Please take care of your little 'wee' one!

 

[Chocoholic]

That phrase came from the other parents. I am just "borrowing it". My daughter has already been given a spot on the level 4 team and we have been told that she will not be competing level 4 twice which is the norm at our gym. She is treated differently but she also works her but off and is a nice kid. She is working way beyond level 4 skills as a 5 year old.

Given this, why then (referring to other thread re Level 3 meet) would you have ever expected her not to perform well at that meet??? This all doesn't make sense to me.

 

[taximom]

This was a very interesting thread as it is what dd is going through now. DD is 10 and recently moved from L5 to L6 mid season.

In late Nov. DD was told to order grips and HC took her measurements and told me what to order. When the grips came in DD was so excited to begin using them but her team mates were vicious. They said nasty, cruel things like "why would you want grips, you are going to break your arm" and "glad you got grips - your bar scores will stink at the next meet. The jealousy was so overwhelming that I called the HC to ask for some help. HC replied that she knew DD was ready so why not move her to L6 now.

DD is thrilled to be training with the L6's now, but seeing as she was preregistered for the meets, she is still competing L5. And the tension is awful. She cried after the last meet as her former team mates were really unkind. After scoring a 9.425 on beam, one team mate said "no way should you have gotten that score, your routine was barely a 9". DD is bewildered by the nastiness and so am I. I was hoping DD was exagerating a bit, but I received a call from a L5 parent to let me know she had heard her DD and another team mate talking about how mean everyone is being to DD and she apologized to me that it turned so ugly.

This whole turn of events has made DD question why she does gymnastics. She adores her new team mates and has made her L6 routines but the nastiness and how quickly her team mates turned on her has taken away so much of the joy she felt in her accomplishments.

It is hard for her week after week to compete with the girls as the nastiness starts anew each weekend. Instead of celebrating a personal best last weekend, she cried that she had no one to celebrate with. It breaks my heart because i really don't know how to help her. I am so proud of how she handles herself though and will continue to tell her to clap loudly and to smile for her team mates.

Mom to Trixiebell

So sorry this has been your daughter's experience. In our gym this kind of behaviour would have you scratched for the rest of the meet. I'm glad you are teaching her to take the high road so to speak and stay in control of her own behaviour. She must have great focus to perform at meets with this unnecessary pressure.

 

[gymratparent]

Having been a gym parent for 10 years now (my daughters a 2nd year 9 ) my experience has been to keep the parents out of it. Usually when problems occur in our gym it's because there's too many parents living vicariously through their kids. Let the kids be kids and let the coaches coach. I've seen many instances where excellent compulsory gymnasts were pushed along too fast and suffered career ending injuries in Optionals. Remember two things and you'll be much happier for it. First, let the kids be kids and coaches be coaches ....they're the experts and that's what you pay them for. Second and most important.......there are roughly 15,000 competitive gymnasts in the US and by the time they get to level 10, that number will decline to around 1,500. This is not a sprint....it's a marathon. If you think you've got the next Nastia because your daughter just won the Level 4 states, you may want to kick back and relax because you've got a long path with many obstacles ahead.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

wow! those club owners got the 'new wave' stuff down pat.

Originally Posted by Shelovesthebars
newtogym- My daughter is very nice and so am I. Congrats on going to a gym where everyone is nice. Unfortunatley, we don't go to your gym. The kids are made Very aware of what there scores are. Parents right now are all in a frezy for 8 spots on our level 4 team with 50+ kids trying out soon. It is a very high stress invironment. She does go to some of the parties but they are with the level 4's.

making parents feel like their kids are trying out for a berth on an olympic team, a pro bowl, or somethin bigger than life itself...AND THEN TAKING YOUR DISPOSABLE/DISCRETIONARY INCOME RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER YOUR NOSE. this is what i meant lilgymmie7 .

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Having been a gym parent for 10 years now (my daughters a 2nd year 9 ) my experience has been to keep the parents out of it. Usually when problems occur in our gym it's because there's too many parents living vicariously through their kids. Let the kids be kids and let the coaches coach. I've seen many instances where excellent compulsory gymnasts were pushed along too fast and suffered career ending injuries in Optionals. Remember two things and you'll be much happier for it. First, let the kids be kids and coaches be coaches ....they're the experts and that's what you pay them for. Second and most important.......there are roughly 15,000 competitive gymnasts in the US and by the time they get to level 10, that number will decline to around 1,500. This is not a sprint....it's a marathon. If you think you've got the next Nastia because your daughter just won the Level 4 states, you may want to kick back and relax because you've got a long path with many obstacles ahead.

make that 60,000 womens artistic competitive gymnasts and then 800 bonafide level 10's. do you know how many states have no level 10's?
for level 10 national qualifiers coming out of regionals: 8 age groups X top 7 per age group= 56 per region. 8 regions X 56 per region= 448 athletes. go look up results. we didn't have near that many but i'm to tired to look it up right now. and we had less in 2010 than we did in 2009 than we did in 2008 and so on and so forth.

the rest of your post was spot on.