Parents Frustration/Fear and Next Steps

[newtogymnastics]

My daughter has always been fearless. (Clearly she doesn't take after her mother.) For the past 6+ months, however, she has been stuck on a bar skill. Her coaches tell us she has the physical strength and coordination to do it, but she keeps "chickening out" at the last minute. We've been really supportive of her. We don't talk about the skill unless she brings it up. We keep cheering her on and reminding her of all of skills she has mastered after setbacks. Unfortunately, she does not seem to be progressing at all. Now I feel like she is so fixated on this skill, she's too tense to even do it. Does anyone have any recommendations as to how to help her overcome this obstacle? She has worked with 2-3 different coaches on it, all with different styles. If I have to listen to her sobbing about this skill one more time, I'm going to lose it! Thanks for any advice!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

is the skill a fly away?

 

[newtogymnastics]

It's her giant.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

oh, that's a long time for that one. that too will pass. at some point...

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

For my DD (who had been doing giants then suddenly became afraid) it took going back to basics and working her way back up. She started working them on the low bar (raised up) casting higher and higher until is was to handstand and then doing MANY long hang pullovers and then finally she had the courage to do them again. She did have privates for this because it helped keep her from having time to overthink and worry between turns with her teammates. Good luck! It is very frustrating and hard to watch your child worry and stress but it will come!!

 

[GymBeeMom]

My daughter has always been fearless. (Clearly she doesn't take after her mother.) For the past 6+ months, however, she has been stuck on a bar skill. Her coaches tell us she has the physical strength and coordination to do it, but she keeps "chickening out" at the last minute. We've been really supportive of her. We don't talk about the skill unless she brings it up. We keep cheering her on and reminding her of all of skills she has mastered after setbacks. Unfortunately, she does not seem to be progressing at all. Now I feel like she is so fixated on this skill, she's too tense to even do it. Does anyone have any recommendations as to how to help her overcome this obstacle? She has worked with 2-3 different coaches on it, all with different styles. If I have to listen to her sobbing about this skill one more time, I'm going to lose it! Thanks for any advice!

Don't know if you will like my answer because not doing anything is so hard...but don't do anything. Act like not doing this skill is no different than the rain outside or the mail coming late, a minor inconvenience. My DD dealt with fear of this after she slammed her shins on the bar on her giant flyaway...took a LONG time to get over the fear. Same thing happened with her BHS on beam. I swear I thought the phase would never pass, I was thinking about what other sports she could be good at She just got tired of being scared one day and did them both within a week of each other. Patience from us will be contagious...and when they are patient with themselves they can begin to process the coaches corrections and cope with their fear.

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

Well what worked for my dd was an ankle injury forced her to work more bars because that was all she was able to do. I'm not saying to whack your kid in the foot or anything but....

Okay in all seriousness, my dd had always been fearless until last year when she started doing the high level bar skills.

Time. Lot's of time. Patience with yourself about not mentioning it. Ever. Never.

My daughter overcame her fears and yours will too. Now she is trying to do another new bar skill and is frustrated about not getting it.

And don't get me started on the timing practices she is doing for the jumping over the bar skills.

Ha ha, okay I am going to leave that last sentence there for the coaches and non-gymnastics-idiots to get a laugh. I looked it up and what she is doing now is TIMERS for RELEASING SKILLS.

What I guess my point is, is that once she gets over this one, there will always be another skill to master, and another, and the best thing I have found is to give her a hug when she is upset and not talk about it at ALL unless she brings it up, then listen a lot more than speak.

Good luck!

 

[MaryA]

Seriously, there needs to be some sort of Chalk Bucket hotline where a recorded voice (do you have a good speaking voice, Dunno?) says, "This skill will come. Do not bring it up. Do not act like you're the least bit concerned about it. I know it feels like it's been forever. I know it feels like your child will never get it. But remember the last time you called this hotline? The skill you were so freaked out about? Did she get it? Does it hardly even seem like a big deal to you anymore? So relax. This skill is the same. Your gymnast will get it. Just don't let your anxiety about the skill add to her anxiety about the skill. Call again when she has this skill and you're freaking out about the next skill."

Newtogymnastics, I'm not making fun of you. We ALL do this (well, at least I do). Probably if you scroll back through my 3 years or so of posts you'll find freak-outs about BHS on beam, all manner of bar skills... gosh, I don't even remember any more. And that's the point. As soon as your DD gets the skill, you sort of forget it was ever a problem. Back in the fall, my DD was literally making herself sick over her BHS on beam, and now to look at her you would think she was born doing them. She doesn't have her giants, but now that she's getting good scores at level 7 bars without them, I'm just figuring she'll get them after the season is over, so I'm not freaking out about them, but give me time... I will. And if there was a hotline, I could call it!

 

[GymBeeMom]

Seriously, there needs to be some sort of Chalk Bucket hotline where a recorded voice (do you have a good speaking voice, Dunno?) says, "This skill will come. Do not bring it up. Do not act like you're the least bit concerned about it. I know it feels like it's been forever. I know it feels like your child will never get it. But remember the last time you called this hotline? The skill you were so freaked out about? Did she get it? Does it hardly even seem like a big deal to you anymore? So relax. This skill is the same. Your gymnast will get it. Just don't let your anxiety about the skill add to her anxiety about the skill. Call again when she has this skill and you're freaking out about the next skill."

Newtogymnastics, I'm not making fun of you. We ALL do this (well, at least I do). Probably if you scroll back through my 3 years or so of posts you'll find freak-outs about BHS on beam, all manner of bar skills... gosh, I don't even remember any more. And that's the point. As soon as your DD gets the skill, you sort of forget it was ever a problem. Back in the fall, my DD was literally making herself sick over her BHS on beam, and now to look at her you would think she was born doing them. She doesn't have her giants, but now that she's getting good scores at level 7 bars without them, I'm just figuring she'll get them after the season is over, so I'm not freaking out about them, but give me time... I will. And if there was a hotline, I could call it!

yes, yes, yes!