WAG Haney under investigation

[amiandjim]

I highly doubt anyone ends up at MG Elite not understanding that their kid cannot take off 6 months to play soccer and then come back. They are a highly selective gym with a line out to the door to get in, I’m sure.

Our gym has no policy regarding practices the week of a meet. I actually think that’s better because how many parents do you see dragging their sick kid in on Monday because “if she misses she can’t compete.” Then the sick one is well by Saturday and 3 other kids are ill!

 

[twinmomma]

I am surprised people are questioning the rules regarding vacations. I thought a lot of gyms had rules that no missed days are allowed the week prior to a meet or you can't compete. That is similar to a policy that limits vacations. Other sports and activities (cheer/dance/ scholastic sports) have policies regarding not missing practices or games or competitions and the consequence is being benched or kicked off the team. I don't find this policy controversial or unique to gymnastics.

The revolving door comment is appropriate also in that parents need to understand you can't just decide to not be on team for a few months to pursue another activity and then come back after a few months off year after year or season after season. Yes the language is tough but stating this type of expectation would be necessary for a new parent.

In no way, shape, or form, is a gym I'M PAYING going to tell me when I can or can't take a vacation for my kid in an INDIVIDUAL sport. The revolving door comment has ZERO to do with going and playing soccer and everything to do with gym hopping - you know it as well as I do.

And to whomever said these are taken out of context - there's no additional context needed. It's very clear. I don't care if there is a day when parents are "allowed" to come watch. That's when you know they'll be on their best behavior. I am in charge of my child's safety. I will watch practice when I damned well please, and only if my presence is a safety issue or a behavior distraction, then you can deal with me individually. I will promise to not coach my kid from the bleachers (just like I promise with baseball, soccer, and basketball for my son), and in return for me PAYING YOU TO COACH MY KID, you will promise not to be a monster. It's pretty damned simple.

 

[GymDadWA]

As far as the contract goes I would rather write a contract that is overly strict and then allow exemptions based on individual needs than keeping it vague and then expecting someone to be OK when the scenario comes up where you do have to say no.

Like the viewing rule 95 - 99% of the time there is no problem with parents watching, but 1% - 5% of the time there is that crazy parent that will start asking why Sally gets 1 minute to work on a kip but their Suzie only got 45 seconds, or they want to come in with a professional video rig so they can post daily videos to youtube. Isn't that life in general though, speeding isn't a problem 99.9% of the time but there is that occasional case where someone wants to go 100mph through a school zone, because of that you do need a strict rule.

I do agree that the wording could have been better, you can be strict without sounding like an a-hole.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

As far as the contract goes I would rather write a contract that is overly strict and then allow exemptions based on individual needs than keeping it vague and then expecting someone to be OK when the scenario comes up where you do have to say no.

Am a fan of setting clear expectations and general recommendations.

Add a little asterisk that’s says we reserve the right, to make changes as required.

Really it’s simple.
Parents, it is distracting to the athletes focus to have parents in the waiting room. Please refrain from arriving more then 10 min prior to end of practice.

That’s not hard.... then it’s case by case. We actually have one parent who is banned from the waiting room. She has had issues with a number of families. So if her daughter wants to keep doing gym at this gym, mom needs to stay out. Dad can come in, not mom. And yes, she is a head case.

But no I’ll decide when we vacation, the gyms preference for early summer duly noted and accommodated when possible. Husbands board meetings have first priority.

You call if she gets hurt, I’ll come get her. Yes thank you for the orthopedist recommendation. Turns out we love him. If we didn’t we would be elsewhere.

Sorry 7 is too young to go to a meet 4 hours away with parents I barely know (we were new) so due to my work schedule we will skip this one.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Parents watching all of practice in most cases is not detrimental to the gymnast.

This has not been my experience.

Our gym strongly recommends parents don’t stay.

The ones that do I find create an incredibly toxic environment.The pick apart every event. How much time every one is getting. Why are they not doing xyz. Their kids are constantly looking to see what the parents are doing. Parents coaching from the window. And if the parents are doing this in the waiting room you know it’s filtering down to the kids.

So the distrust filters onto the gym floor and makes the coaches job much more difficult.

We had a rash of this, this past season. I was so uncomfortable in the waiting room I started staying in the car and not going in at all. And after the season was spoke to the coach because I felt it was impacting my kid. Coach agreed the situation was not good. The situation kind of took care of itself as the families moved on. But still too many over involved parents for my taste, but it’s better on the floor and for the kids.

Most parents are reasonable. The want to know they can pop in and see their kids. And knowing that and doing that occasionally, gives us the peace of mind all is well.

Because anyone, be it day care, sports, religion, other activities want to limit access to my kid is huge red flag. At least to me.

 

[skschlag]

This has not been my experience.

Our gym strongly recommends parents don’t stay.

The ones that do I find create an incredibly toxic environment.The pick apart every event. How much time every one is getting. Why are they not doing xyz. Their kids are constantly looking to see what the parents are doing. Parents coaching from the window. And if the parents are doing this in the waiting room you know it’s filtering down to the kids.

I watched practice every day for 2 years. Well, I was at practice. I did not create a toxic environment. This is parent specfic. I knew many parents that were there daily due to travel, but were not toxic. Iknow some that are there occassionally and are very toxic. This is not based on watching or not, but on the parents.

 

[gymmom21]

I highly doubt anyone ends up at MG Elite not understanding that their kid cannot take off 6 months to play soccer and then come back. They are a highly selective gym with a line out to the door to get in, I’m sure.

Our gym has no policy regarding practices the week of a meet. I actually think that’s better because how many parents do you see dragging their sick kid in on Monday because “if she misses she can’t compete.” Then the sick one is well by Saturday and 3 other kids are ill!

Ours doesn't have this kind of policy either but I have definitely heard of gyms that do. I totally agree on the issue with sick kids showing up at practice as I have seen it happen to the detriment of others. I do know that many school sports have an expectation that families don't go away for vacations even during school break if the sport is in season.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I watched practice every day for 2 years. Well, I was at practice. I did not create a toxic environment. This is parent specfic. I knew many parents that were there daily due to travel, but were not toxic. Iknow some that are there occassionally and are very toxic. This is not based on watching or not, but on the parents.

Again, I just related my experience.

Perhaps it’s a geographical thing. I live in an area where there a quite a few gyms. No one lives far enough away that they can’t go home, go shop, go for a cup of tea or coffee at the plethora of places nearby.

There is simply no reason to stay at the gym.

 

[Ali'sMom]

There is simply no reason to stay at the gym.

Any parent who does stay obviously has a reason, even if to you it isn't valid.

 

[John]

A parent staying at gym is fine and should always be fine. Yes, new parents can get over-involved, but how are they to learn without involvement? That is when parents with more experience should step up and educate. Some children relish their parent showing interest in what they do. I think preaching about parents not going to gym should stop.

With that said no child attending MG Elite has a parent that has not educated themselves. These families have agreed to take gymnastics to the next level. I think Gymnastics expectations should be documented then parents, coaches, and gymnasts agree to the terms. At this level, long term success may not happen without a team environment. IT seems MG Elite is only worried about the success of MG Elite and not every gymnast attending training.

Just my two cents.

 

[twinmomma]

There is simply no reason to stay at the gym.

Here, let me fix this for you: "I simply have no reason to stay at the gym". There you go.

Why I stay at the gym, a five part story:
1) Gym occurs during a very high traffic time on our freeways, and on a NO traffic day we are 30 min away. During that time it's almost an hour.
2) There are other gym moms who stay and we socialize. It's my time to talk about stuff other than work, etc.
3) I can actually get caught up on work without the interruptions of my office or home.
4) My son's sport is nearby and I'm often called upon to pick him and his teammates up (carpool), so going ALL the way home makes zero sense.
5) I am the parent rep for our team to our board, and being at the gym gives me face time with parents to talk about volunteering, etc...

This list could be much longer, but you get the point.

 

[Flyaway]

This thread kind of derailed into a pissing match about parents staying vs. not staying at the gym which, while somewhat relevant, is not really the main point.

I really can appreciate the pressure gyms are under to make everyone happy - as you can see by this thread it's probably impossible.

I think the main crux of the situation for me is that MG Elite has policies and procedures in place that COULD potentially lead to an environment where it's more likely verbal and emotional abuse could occur and also due to the requirement that parents abide by said policies, could attract the type of parents who would willingly turn a blind eye to that type of behavior with the hopes that their kid becomes the next Olympian. In this situation it seems like some parents did not turn a blind eye, and thus, Haney is now under investigation.

 

[gymmomx2]

The problem is the alleged verbal abuse and bullying, not the policies themselves. It's entirely possible for a gym to have all those same policies without any abusive coaching. On the other hand, it's possible that the polices allowed the abusive behaviour to happen for longer than it should have.

 

[Flyaway]

That's why I said COULD. The policies COULD lead...

If a gym is going to have policies in place that effectively remove parental input and supervision, then they better be sure that they tow the line when it comes to behavior or you put yourself in a position where your behavior could be questioned.

Of course, as coachp fears, there's always the possiblity that a disgruntled family could make something up. But in general I think you reap what you sow.

 

[moogacat]

The problem is the alleged verbal abuse and bullying, not the policies themselves. It's entirely possible for a gym to have all those same policies without any abusive coaching. On the other hand, it's possible that the polices allowed the abusive behaviour to happen for longer than it should have.

This. And with respect to the whole line of argument that it's the parents' fault for putting or leaving a child in an abusive atmosphere: Even leaving aside the issue that the parents were often groomed emotionally the same as the children, you simply can't consent to allow someone else to abuse your child. Both the parent and abuser are culpable. Why are we so quick to defend abusive coaches (when proven) by dismissing it and saying the parents wanted it? While they may have different degrees of culpability depending on the circumstance, both have some. And, coaches are responsible for their own actions, full stop, even if some adults seem to like it.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

What part of my experience is so hard to understand. Don’t take personally whatis not. I dont personally know any of you.

Just MY experience with the parents I know they are over involved and don’t
“have” to stay.

Just MY experience parents can be very toxic too.

 

[bookworm]

As far as the medical "release" giving any coach power over your kids medical decisions, as a medical professional , I can assure you that that "release" would never be used unless it were a life or death situation.... and if it were that, the release wouldn't even be the deciding factor, the condition of the patient would be.

On no planet would a surgeon ever take the release from a kid's coach to head into surgery without speaking to or having contact with the child's parents...I don't care what Haney has them signing at MG Elite giving her power to ok medical treatment, no physician or medical professional would proceed on the say so (aka "the release") of a kid's coach for an elective procedure...that just has lawsuit written all over it.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Excessive Parental viewing is A very destructive force in girls gymnastics . So please keep watching ! My little ones with college aspirations thank you in advance.

 

[txgymfan]

Excessive Parental viewing is A very destructive force in girls gymnastics . So please keep watching ! My little ones with college aspirations thank you in advance.

Excess viewing is destructive however preventing parents from watching protects potential abusers and looks like a gym ( or any child’s activity) has something to hide.

 

[TumbleTimes4]

Excessive Parental viewing is A very destructive force in girls gymnastics . So please keep watching ! My little ones with college aspirations thank you in advance.

Coaches keeping parents out of the gym is what created a perfect environment for abuse.

Yes you have those crazy parents in every sport that want to coach from the sideline, but I think the majority of us just want some basic expectations and assurance to know that our child is in a safe environment. We are trusting coaches with our most valuable possessions and so yes we expect a level of transparency, especially since we are paying for it. That’s not an unreasonable request.

I think good communication from the gym would go a long way in preventing problems. At the beginning of every year, we sign a contract of parent expectations. A section of that states that parents are allowed to watch practice from the viewing area as long as we do not cause disruption or try to coach from the sidelines. Doing so can get you removed from the gym. I think that’s fair. Our gym has had very few problems with parents I think mainly due to clearly laid out guidelines. I don’t stay to watch my child practice, but I like knowing that option is always available to me. Open viewing can help prevent abusive environments.

It’s never going to perfect, and you will always have crazy parents and awful coaches, but I think if parents and gyms can work together to create a level of mutual respect and trust then I think the culture could be changed for the better.