Parents How can I help my daughter overcome a rough meet?

[DaiseyMasey]

My 10yo daughter is a first year xcel silver. She just came off an amazing meet where she nailed all her routines and was 1st in the AA. Today she had the complete opposite experience and placed near the bottom AA. Fell off the beam and the bars (which has never happened). She was pretty rattled throughout the meet. I could see her nerves from the stands. She’s usually so level headed and rarely gets nervous.
She was so disappointed after and doesn’t want to talk about it. I’m giving her her space, but I of course told her she did well and that all meets won’t be as successful as others and that this is ok. I’m just looking for advice to help her get out of her own head and to not let it rattle her at practice or going into her next meet. And is this a normal experience? To have such extreme ends of the spectrum from meet to meet? We’re still only a year into competing and have a lot to learn

 

[Dahlialover]

It’s not normal, although it does happen. My guess is that she’ll probably wake up with a fever tomorrow.

 

[DaiseyMasey]

It’s not normal, although it does happen. My guess is that she’ll probably wake up with a fever tomorrow.

I was actually thinking that maybe she’s getting sick.

 

[Milliex2]

When my kiddo has a rough meet I always avoid saying anything like “you did great!” As they objectively know they did not, so it just feels disingenuous. I try to focus on finding a few things they DID do well.
I’m so proud you competed that new skill for the first time.
That stick on your vault was amazing!
You really fought for that skill. I’m so proud of how hard you work out there.
I also remind them that medals and placings don’t define them as a gymnast, nor does one meet.
I’d give her a few days and see if she’s willing to talk about it at all. Sometimes having a rough event can really set a tone for the rest of the meet and she might need some strategies to shake it off and keep moving forward.

 

[NYCMom]

I wonder if maybe she put extra pressure on herself after coming off such an excellent meet. You mentioned you could see her nerves from the stands. Maybe after finishing 1AA she consciously or subconsciously set that as the “bar” for herself and then felt too much pressure at her next meet which led to the falls. My daughter has definitely done that! But I think these things even out over time with more experience and the understanding that no one meet is a make or break thing.

 

[DaiseyMasey]

When my kiddo has a rough meet I always avoid saying anything like “you did great!” As they objectively know they did not, so it just feels disingenuous. I try to focus on finding a few things they DID do well.
I’m so proud you competed that new skill for the first time.
That stick on your vault was amazing!
You really fought for that skill. I’m so proud of how hard you work out there.
I also remind them that medals and placings don’t define them as a gymnast, nor does one meet.
I’d give her a few days and see if she’s willing to talk about it at all. Sometimes having a rough event can really set a tone for the rest of the meet and she might need some strategies to shake it off and keep moving forward.

Yes, I’m trying to walk the line of validating her feelings and not focusing on the set backs. I’m letting her take the lead as far as wanting to talk about it. I did tell her I was really proud of how she got right back up after both falls and completed her routine without hesitation. I also complimented some other random things. She definitely seems down about it all, but hopefully a few weeks of practice before the next meet is enough to shake these feelings

 

[DaiseyMasey]

I wonder if maybe she put extra pressure on herself after coming off such an excellent meet. You mentioned you could see her nerves from the stands. Maybe after finishing 1AA she consciously or subconsciously set that as the “bar” for herself and then felt too much pressure at her next meet which led to the falls. My daughter has definitely done that! But I think these things even out over time with more experience and the understanding that no one meet is a make or break thing.

Yes! I told her one meet does not define her. I’m hoping the coaches have words of wisdom at the next practice bc I know she doesn’t want to hear these things from mom lol

 

[Dahlialover]

With my son we use humor. When my son had a bad fall at state, we joked about him unlocking a new gymnastics achievement. I congratulated him on his recovery and told him that he was lucky because he never has to be afraid of having a hard meet ever again because now he has done it and it was no big deal. We high fived and laughed. We talked about how the best gymnasts in the world have difficult meets. If it can happen to Simone Biles at the Olympics, it can happen to anyone. Better to get some practice now when you are just starting out. It’s all part of the journey.

Fred Richard posted a video where he talked about the ups and downs of gymnastics as as being “all part of the journey” and we adopted that as our motto. We talk about it before the meets. My son also had an inspiring teammate who would smile and laugh no matter what went wrong and I always praised that kid and held him up as a role model for my son. He was pretty prepared mentally when disaster struck.

 

[#BGymnast]

THIS IS SO NORMAL AND OK! Your daughter is an amazing gymnast.
We all have bad days. I know it's just so devastating when the bad day happens to be the one day of the month/year when you want to be having the best day ever.
She might just not want to talk about it and that's ok. Make sure that she knows that one bad meet doesn't mean she isn't good at gymnastics anymore.

This year at state championships, I had a fall on beam. I know that seems like just a minor trip up as so many people do it, but beam is my best event, I had a really big chance of getting atleast 3rd place. I cried. I was shattered. Then my coach came over to me and she hugged me. She said something that I hope I will never forget:
"You're not bad at beam because you fell off, you're incredibly strong at beam because you got back up and finished off the routine just as well as you started it".

Go along to her training and watch her. Look for signs that she is still thinking about that meet when she is training, or that she is really stressed at training.
After a bad meet, its hard not to get stressed out. You find yourself thinking, "if I can't do this skill today, then I will fail again at the next meet and I won't be good enough for this level anymore!"

Talk to her coach. I'm sure her coach knows about what happened, but you can ask if it is affecting her at gymnastics. Her coach may have tips for you.

Overall, its completely normal for this to happen, and it happens to the best of us. She may just need time. I'm sure that she can move on, and if that takes her a month, then THAT IS OK! The most important thing is for her to know that this one competition DOES NOT define who she is. She is amazing and she can do anything.
Good luck and merry christmas!

 

[#BGymnast]

Also, someone recently suggested these podcasts to me. They are great! You and her should have a listen to them!

 

[DaiseyMasey]

THIS IS SO NORMAL AND OK! Your daughter is an amazing gymnast.
We all have bad days. I know it's just so devastating when the bad day happens to be the one day of the month/year when you want to be having the best day ever.
She might just not want to talk about it and that's ok. Make sure that she knows that one bad meet doesn't mean she isn't good at gymnastics anymore.

This year at state championships, I had a fall on beam. I know that seems like just a minor trip up as so many people do it, but beam is my best event, I had a really big chance of getting atleast 3rd place. I cried. I was shattered. Then my coach came over to me and she hugged me. She said something that I hope I will never forget:
"You're not bad at beam because you fell off, you're incredibly strong at beam because you got back up and finished off the routine just as well as you started it".

Go along to her training and watch her. Look for signs that she is still thinking about that meet when she is training, or that she is really stressed at training.
After a bad meet, its hard not to get stressed out. You find yourself thinking, "if I can't do this skill today, then I will fail again at the next meet and I won't be good enough for this level anymore!"

Talk to her coach. I'm sure her coach knows about what happened, but you can ask if it is affecting her at gymnastics. Her coach may have tips for you.

Overall, its completely normal for this to happen, and it happens to the best of us. She may just need time. I'm sure that she can move on, and if that takes her a month, then THAT IS OK! The most important thing is for her to know that this one competition DOES NOT define who she is. She is amazing and she can do anything.
Good luck and merry christmas!

What an amazing reply. I truly appreciate it! We have 3 weeks before her next meet so hopefully she can mentally reset before that. I do think it was hard for her as she’s never had that experience before and once she was rattled she didn’t know how to settle her nerves back down. She was amazing at getting right back up and finishing each of the routines she fell on - without any hesitation! I was incredibly proud of that!

 

[DaiseyMasey]

Also, someone recently suggested these podcasts to me. They are great! You and her should have a listen to them!

Thank you! I will give them a listen

 

[DaiseyMasey]

With my son we use humor. When my son had a bad fall at state, we joked about him unlocking a new gymnastics achievement. I congratulated him on his recovery and told him that he was lucky because he never has to be afraid of having a hard meet ever again because now he has done it and it was no big deal. We high fived and laughed. We talked about how the best gymnasts in the world have difficult meets. If it can happen to Simone Biles at the Olympics, it can happen to anyone. Better to get some practice now when you are just starting out. It’s all part of the journey.

Fred Richard posted a video where he talked about the ups and downs of gymnastics as as being “all part of the journey” and we adopted that as our motto. We talk about it before the meets. My son also had an inspiring teammate who would smile and laugh no matter what went wrong and I always praised that kid and held him up as a role model for my son. He was pretty prepared mentally when disaster struck.

Thank you for your kind reply. This sport is such a roller coaster!