Parents How do you get your child to believe in themselves?

[iwannacoach]

I would say you have to get them to believe in the process not themselves. If the belief is "I am a successful gymnast," then they hit a wall with a skill or two, then they are in a mental mess.

If the belief is "I practice gymnastics over and over and that is how I learn," well, that's a belief that one can hold on to more easily good days and bad.

You just made two very good points.........In one post!!......With so few words!! I'm not sure if that sort of concise brevity is allowed when making two points. Oh well.......

I agree partialy with each point. The process is important, but I feel it's value is to get kids to the point where they are ready to use their self confidence to realize their ability to learn a particular move.

If the process for a double back on floor is to refine the round-off back handspring to the point of consistently providing the energy needed for height and rotation, coupled with specific strength exercises to prepare for impact loads, and plenty of tumbles into the pit etc.......a gymnast may feel a logical confidence such as you describe. Would it be fair call this "I do, therefore I am" confidence.

My problem with the "I do" confidence is that it has to be backed up by a "I am,therefore I do" sense of confidence. This sort of confidence is a combination of knowing what you want, what you've done to prepare, and a resolve to finish the skill as trained....with no second thoughts during the attempt. These confidence tools are best carried by the kid who considers the emotional and physical cost of paying for the double back, who then insist on receiving the goods they've paid for, as the gymnastics store has been known to drive a hard bargain.

So sure, there needs to be a "process component" in building confidence, and I've seen that one component work, but only in a limited way. Things get alot better when the process component is combined with the mental/emotional/esteem/resolve components. If you favor or a few while avoiding the others, you end up with an imbalance of sorts.

I don't know if a mental mess is a bad thing to go through. If your talking about inconsolable fear, that's a bad mess that should be avoided. If your talking about the abject dismay a child may have over not "getting" a skill, you're cheating the child out of their emotions, and depriving them of a learning moment that can provide the confidence you hore for your child to have.


Some kids are slow to understand their training, sacrifice, and desire are investments in themselves, and they will not be cheated out of their just reward. It takes some time to gather enough hard won successes, so I'd say let the kid get bummed, and when she does you can tell her that she is the one who has to get herself over the hump. If it's important enough to her, and she works with a competent, caring coach, she'll get herself there pretty much on her own. You can help by reminding her of the rewarding boost in satisfaction she's gotten from every past sucess, and that she was the primary contributor at every milestone she"s put in the rear view mirror.

 

[my4buffaloes]

You are right I wanna coach! They have to figure it out for themselves - it just doesn't make it any easier on the parents to let them do that.

In the beginning I would try to cheer her up when she was down. I slowly realized that it didn't really help her, as it only provided a temporary moment of happiness. Now I just try to encourage her that she will eventually get it and let her work through it on her own. Except it took me a year probably to get to that point.

She doesn't have any major fears, just frustrations. I however am developing some fears of her getting hurt learning her back handspring on beam. She can't get both hands on yet she keeps going for it - rarely asking for a spot. She is crashing right and left yet still gets back up there. I'm so glad we are in a carpool so I am not there to watch it all.

 

[Blessed4x]

My DD likes to watch the gymnasts bios on YouTube (like the "raising an Olympian" ones) and a lot of them talk about having doubts and fears, and how they handled it. Thankfully we haven't hit this issue yet...mine still thinks she can do anything, lol, but I know for all athletes at some level those days do come.

 

[iwannacoach]

In the beginning I would try to cheer her up when she was down. I slowly realized that it didn't really help her, as it only provided a temporary moment of happiness.

She doesn't have any major fears, just frustrations.

Frustration is the crucible of desire.....

It's always darkest before the dawn...

Nothing ventured, nothing gained......

The more bitter the medicine, the more complete the cure.......take that one with a grain of salt if your a Mary Poppins fan

Nobody seems to be attracted to, nor inspired by a well written book that starts happy, continues happy, followed by more happy, then ends happy. You'd quicky flip to the middle and ending chapters looking for the story's purpose if you started a book like that. Heroines and heros require challenges to be inspiring, and it seems, the same is true with life, as we some times need challenges to call us to action.

That's just the way I roll............