Parents How to deal with "mean girl" teammates?

[GymMomXcel]

I think it's life skills that everyone can benefit from. Learning to interact with others that you are spending a lot of time with. Building the team mentality and morale so that it doesn't seem so individual even though that is how they are scored.

 

[gymdog]

Invite the girl over so they can get to know each other and bond outside the gym with you monitoring.

I am not sure I understand the issue with the springboard, or how it would cause your daughter to jam her foot. I would be careful not to let a couple experiences with this girl attribute malicious intent to all her actions.

 

[dynamicduo]

Invite the girl over so they can get to know each other and bond outside the gym with you monitoring.

I am not sure I understand the issue with the springboard, or how it would cause your daughter to jam her foot. I would be careful not to let a couple experiences with this girl attribute malicious intent to all her actions.

We've had her over for team sleepovers and quite a few playdates as well. Everything seems to go fine for about an hour, then she'll start pitting my girls against each other. She'll tell one DD that the other one is mad at her about something, but in reality that never happened. Then she'll only play with one DD and and not the other (they are twins) and if my other DD wants to play, she'll run away from her and say mean things.

This has been going on for months and it's come to the point where I am just flat out pissed and don't even want to look at this girl (or her mom) anymore!

As for the springboard, when the girl came off her vault, she went to the springboard and twisted it while HC wasn't looking. When my DD jumped on it, one foot was on, one was off, thus hurting herself. She started crying and came off the floor for ice. When this was happening, the "mean girl" watched, saw that it hurt my DD, and skipped away laughing. Then when her mom came, she came off the floor crying staying that she was the one that hurt herself! It caught me so off guard I was about to lose it!

I will talk to the HC on Tu. and see what form of action they will be taking and how they will discipline behaviors like this!

 

[gymdog]

As for the springboard, when the girl came off her vault, she went to the springboard and twisted it while HC wasn't looking. When my DD jumped on it, one foot was on, one was off, thus hurting herself. She started crying and came off the floor for ice. When this was happening, the "mean girl" watched, saw that it hurt my DD, and skipped away laughing. Then when her mom came, she came off the floor crying staying that she was the one that hurt herself! It caught me so off guard I was about to lose it!

What did the coach say or do about this incident? I am not sure it was the cause of the injury. Sometimes the kids just hurdle wrong. Even with springboard slightly crooked a correct hurdle shouldn't really result in missing the board. If it was completely twisted, why did the coach make your daughter go?

 

[Flossyduck]

Wow, if that is what happened that's quite intense behaviour for a ten year old and a gymnast (if only because they are normally pretty well clued up about safety in the gym and respect for that). I can't imagine any of our girls tampering with equipment like that and also can't imagine it going un-noticed if they did. They'd be devastated if someone got hurt because of something they did. It would be a massive deal and they'd be out, no doubt.

Our girls aren't angels. They get ratty and some of the stronger personalities can be a bit manipulative over turn taking and who gets which beam and what not. But deliberately harming another gymnast and then laughing - no, really??

Honestly I'm struggling to advise, but in your shoes I think the first thing I would do is fish around to see if any other mums are noticing or if their dd's have said anything to them.

 

[Flipflopz]

We had this situation, I talked to the coach, he handled it. But then I had to deal with the girl's father ignoring my family at meets for years, and making threatening faces at my daughter while she was on the competition floor. The apple didn't fall far from the tree.

 

[NewtoGym]

We also have been dealing with something similar for a few years. The child is smart and manipulative, the parents are similar. It will go ok for a few weeks or month and then wham! Something ugly will happen and it gets bad again. We have actually started to seriously think about switching gyms! Hope things get better for you and your dds! It is so unfortunate!

 

[dynamicduo]

Newtogym, was there anything that the coaches did to nip this kind of behavior?? It seems like the verbal abuse is just getting worse from this girl and I am ready to scream! Last week she told my DD that she is so sorry she has to live with her sister, and she called my other DD the "double F word" (which I am actually not entirely sure what that means, lol) and my DD got to demonstrate a double back walkover on the beam and the mean girl told everyone that she was showing off and trying to make everyone look bad! She is definitely trying to pit the team against my DD to make herself look better! The jealousy is off the charts!

This has transformed into FULL blown bulling and I've talked to all the coaches and parents and no one wants to stand up to her or her mom! Her mom even yelled at my DD to be nice to her DD! I was pretty much speechless that she would have the gall to do that! Apple does not fall far from the tree! UGH I really don't want to leave the gym because my girls have been there since they were 18mo and they love their coaches and teammates (besides the bad apple)! Such a tough situation!

 

[Seeker]

I'm afraid that unless the coaches take this seriously, this behavior will not change. They need to address it directly, with the bully (not a general 'be nice' message to all). If they don't, she will continue unfettered and nothing will change.

I'm assuming your DD was asked by the coaches to demonstrate the BWO-BWO. Did they not hear what this girl was saying afterwards?

 

[emorymom]

I concur, from personal experience, if the coaches are letting that she-yat fly on that team, it won't get better. They may mean well enough but lack motivation and/or kid skills. I just deleted a long paragraph about my own gym mom trauma in this regard. But get your daughters out of this situation one way or another and don't let it go on.

 

[txgymfan]

Please talk to the head coach/owner and explain the severity of the situation. Find whoever is higher up on the chain and be persistent.

 

[GymMomXcel]

Let them know the severity of it and how y'all are feeling. Perhaps they don't know y'all are to the point of switching gyms if things don't change. I'm sure they'd hate to lose your DD.

 

[NewtoGym]

Yes, unless the coaches have a zero tolerance on bullying or the child in question quits this situation will continue. I have tried to talk to the parent and it does not help. The coach does not see the behavior as a problem right now (and it isn't as bad as you are experiencing for sure!) but, that is why I am thinking of looking at a new gym after the season. I would 100% talk to hc and let them know that no more will be tolerated. If hc doesn't fix this issue unequivocally, I would look elsewhere. It is not fair for your dds to have to deal with this. Gym is dangerous enough!!!